Chapter 25

The first party of the year, and I was going with a plan. I was going to stick to my list.

That weekend, I grabbed Adrienne and my credit card, and headed out. We were going shopping.

I was ready to get over stupid Beverly Hills as soon as possible. The closest I was ever going to get to going back would be going to college in America or something like that.

I was taking action.

I bought myself some new clothes, some new experimental makeup, and was ready.

The girls decided that we were all going to be spending the night at Jackie's house after the party. When Kaitlin came to pick me up in her car a couple days before, we were all talking excitedly about it. The cheerleading tryouts had happened yesterday, and we were all sure we would get on the squad, and all the guys would get on football. Just like popular kids were supposed to.

"So, are you excited about being re-introduced to the world of French popularity or what?" Kaitlin asked as she pulled up in front of Amy's house and honked her horn.

Jackie cut in, "She's been part of it all her life genius."

We laughed, "Yeah, but I feel like things are totally different now."

"A little bit, but most things are the way they were when you left. Except for the four."

"What four?"

"Amanda, Chris, Amy, and Ben," Kaitlin informed me, as if it was obvious.

"What do you mean?"

"Since you left, things in that four have changed. You used to be part of the four, and Amy took your place. You and Ben used to be together, and then Amy replaced you and took him. Chris used to be obsessed with you, and hardly noticed Amanda, until you left. He finally caught on to her obsession with him, and finally asked her out. And then of course Ben still talks about you constantly, and Amanda is always talking about how much she misses you." Jackie informed me. "Everything in that four has changed since you left."

I nodded. Amy came hurrying down the walk. She jumped in beside me, "Sorry guys, the parents were being annoying."

We nodded, and then drove to pick up Amanda before we headed to school.

We met the guys there, and headed in together. Craig looked good as usual. I thought about our relationship. I had known him since I was in lower school, just like we all had known each other then. We had all stayed together in the same schools for our whole lives. As we headed to homeroom, everyone was busy talking about the party. I just slid into my seat as usual between Jackie and Craig. We always sat together in a little circle. I know it sounds stupid, but we did and it was.

Suddenly, as I looked down and noticed Craig's muscular arm, I started to cry.

"Oh my gosh, what's wrong?" Jackie turned to me.

"I have no idea," I half laughed. But Ben knew.

"Come on," he said, and we left the room, while Ben mumbled some lame excuse to our advisor.

We walked over towards our lockers, and I literally collapsed down in front of mine. Tears were streaming down my face, and I could hardly speak.

I leaned against the locker and cried. What on earth was wrong with me? I was just sitting there balling my eyes out. Ben just sat down next to me, and wrapped his arms around me. I immediately tensed. I had no idea why either. It was like I was blocking myself from the possibility of loving him again. He rubbed my arm, "Shh, it's ok," trying to comfort me like people usually try to comfort others when they are crying. For some reason, it wasn't working for me. I was so tired, of restraining myself, and not opening up to my life long friends. I was not allowing myself to be swept back up into a place where I had been previously hurt. I leaned my head against his shoulder and was literally shaking with the sobs that were racking my body.

He rubbed my hair. "Shh, it's okay. Don't worry. Shh."

I sat up straight, and wiped my eyes. I sniffled, and rubbed my temples. I suddenly had a headache. My tears were over. I had stopped crying after about ten minutes.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently.

I looked over at him, and could hardly image what I could say to him.

I just shook my head, and pulled my knees to my chest. I glanced at my watch, it was time for first period, and we of course all had a free. "It's time for class."