Chapter 18: I Said It's Too Late to Apologize, It's Too Late

"Hi ... it's Lauren," I said when he answered. "Can we talk?"

Fifteen minutes later, we were sitting in my kitchen. The bag of pretzels was sitting on the island. He perked up when he spotted the bag.

I poured my guts out to him, and he ate pretzels. Man that kid had one huge addiction to pretzels. He always ate them the same way too, just like I did. First the round parts, and then the crisscross.

I finished, and watched him eat pretzels. He absorbed it all as he crunched on pretzel after pretzel. He finally looked up, and slid the bag across the counter to me. I dropped a handful onto the counter in front of me. I stared at them.

I broke them instead of biting them. I broke off the round parts, letting them fall to the counter. I only ate the crisscross.

We didn't speak for a while. I could hear the partying going on outside. Then I heard voices.

Hillary came into the kitchen, and was shocked. "Oh, hey. Um ... I'm just getting another bottle of soda."

I nodded.

"Hi Luke," she said as she passed him.

"Hey," he muttered as he ate another crisscross.

We waited. She hurried.

I could feel myself getting more and more upset as I ate and broke the pretzels. My eyes started itching, and I kept sniffling. My eyes started tearing. I knew what it was, I was about to start sobbing.

I knew it was true when a big drop landed on the counter in front of me. I sniffled quickly, and tried to wipe my eyes. It didn't work though, my eyes quickly refilled, and two drops rolled down my cheeks.

He stood up, and came over, slowly wrapping his arms around me. The only thing I could do was wrap my arms around his neck, and cry.

I loved the feeling of being in his arms again. I quickly found my nook, the little space between his neck and shoulder where I fit perfectly. I cried into my nook.

"Who do you turn to when the only one who can dry your tears is the one who made you cry?" they ask.

Good question.

"Shh..." his arms were still around me, and one hand was rubbing my hair. His other hand was half rubbing my back.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be..." I tried to pull away, but he tightened his arms.

"No Lauren. Stay. Cry. It's okay. Do whatever you need to."

So I stayed in his arms, and cried.

Eventually, my tears dried up. I had been reduced to nothing but smudged makeup, red eyes, and a runny nose. He could have easily put me in my place, and hurt me like none other.

But he was above that. He took the opportunity to comfort me, instead of knocking me down.

"Shh ... Lauren, don't worry. You don't deserve that. You deserve so much better..."

He rubbed my hair, and picked up the bag.

"Pretzel?"

I had to laugh. "Sure."

I took one out of the bag, and took a bite.

"Can we talk now?" he asked.

I half laughed. "We've already been talking."

"Yeah. But really, can we? There's some stuff I want to say."

I nodded, "Yeah, but me first."

"No, please. Let me. I've been waiting for this for a while," he smiled.

I had to smile back, "I know, and I want to talk to you about that..."

"Remember? Me first?" he slid his stool closer to mine, and sat down.

I nodded, "Right."

"Now, about what happened ... like a month ago..."

He grabbed my hands, taking one in each of his. I had to look him in the eyes.

"It was stupid, I know. And I also know that there is no justification for what I did. I've tried to come up with something, anything to say, but everything sounds stupid and made up. So keep in mind that this is really just me babbling, because I don't know what I can say to get your forgiveness."

I nodded, waiting.

"When I first saw you, you know, back on the first day of freshman year, you seemed amazing. When I first met you, you became fascinating to me. When I asked you out and you said yes, I was shocked. I couldn't believe that a girl like you would actually go out with a guy like me. Since when did that happen? You could have had your pick of the litter, you were amazing. Every guy wanted you, and tons tried..."

I remembered that. A lot of guys had asked me out, it was kind of like a very odd and messed up competition. I'm not trying to brag, he just brought up a fact.