Chapter 3

Gibbs walked around to the trunk and tapped it lightly, pulling out a mini evidence kit. He slipped on a pair of gloves and handed another to Trish. "Always wear gloves at a crime scene."

"I could never do your job. I spend a lot of money on my nails and I wouldn't want them covered up all the time." Trish pulled her gloves on, but had no intention of doing any kind of investigating. That was Jethro's job, not hers. "It's a good thing you're so good at your job, and all I'll have to do is follow behind you and ooh and aah."

"And I could never be a lawyer. I could never spend my career talking. I weigh every word in interrogations. Even that is hard for me. Older I get, less I talk. Outside of with you and my ... partner. You both drag it out of me." Gibbs replied.

"Your partner? The frat boy?" Her big brother had never been much of a talker, and yeah, Leroy Gibbs never would have made a good lawyer. The first client that disagreed with him would have ended up with a broken nose. "Me, you have to talk to because you know I won't stop until you answer me. But the fact that you have friends that talk is odd. I don't really know you at all, do I?"

He blinked twice, icy shock running through him. He wasn't ready to let his sister know he was bisexual. "What? Tony? My... ? Why would you think that? I've got three ex wives, Trish. I just told you Tony is my second in command..." He trailed off, aware that he was walking the line of protesting too much.

Trish stood there in shock. That wasn't at all what she meant. He'd said his partner got him talking. She'd just asked if he'd meant the frat boy, she hadn't meant to imply anything beyond that.

"You said your partner, I assumed that you meant Tony because you had said he was your second in command. I may not be a cop, but I know they have partners. If you weren't talking about him, just who were you talking about, Leroy?"

He scrubbed a hand over his face, trying to hide his expression of relief. "My partner, my romantic partner. Tony isn't ... I'm team leader, I don't have a specific partner." Though he supposed McGee would come close. Tony had been his partner once, before Kate, but since he'd shaken things up, never allowing the team to break down in the same ways all the time. It made things much more interesting.

"But Tony has been with me the longest of any agent. By over two years. I regularly scare 'em off after four or six months."

"My bad ass big brother. This Tony must be something if he's stuck with you longer than a couple of months. I wonder what he'd think if he heard that you used to catch me butterflies and bring home abandoned kittens and hide them in the stables." Lee had been great, until the accident. "I really want to meet your team. And this partner. When are you going to bring her around? I'd like to meet the person who has you so happy."

"That's me. Huge bark. Less dangerous bite. This Tony is ... incredible. He's a great investigator. Loyal, sharp, witty. Old friend says he reminds him of the way I used to be." He gave Trish a small smile. "See why I can never have my team here? My fierce reputation would be destroyed if you started talking about butterflies and kittens."

He gave Trish a long involved look, not speaking again until they'd just entered Rich's apartment. He couldn't lie to her like this, he couldn't continue to lie and have any respect for himself. "Tony is the partner, Trish. He ... is my partner. The partner" He sighed before looking at his sister, worried about what he might see in her eyes.

Trish stopped, giving herself a moment to digest the news. Why on earth had he denied it to so easily cave in? Did he think that she would care who he was bedding? She'd ignored the three airheads after Shannon, so the fact that her brother was happy and in a good relationship made her very happy.

"I repeat, when are you going to bring him around? I promise no kitten tales, although I've got a feeling he sees past the gruff to the real you. Don't care who you're sleeping with, as long as you're happy, Lee."

"I can't lie about him," he said, answering her unspoken question "I can't do it to him or us. Bad enough that I left him with mysteries and questions and those goddamn sad eyes he gives me, like he's a puppy I just kicked. Mother and Father would eat him alive if they knew and he's been so damaged by his own family. You ... you're different, Trish. I'll figure something out."

Patricia sighed. "You might be surprised, Lee. Mother and father, they aren't the people you remember. I won't defend them, they did some awful things to us kids. They still can do them, and probably not even blink at screwing one of us over. But they're so much older. You probably wouldn't even recognize them if you passed them on the street. That's my one pitch, you won't hear anything more out of me about them."

"Listen to what you're saying here, Trish. They can still do awful things and probably not blink at screwing us over. But they changed. Sounds like they're the same soulless people who gave birth to us. I'd recognize them. I've seen the pictures. Just as classy and cool as always."

His voice softened. "I know you have to do it for your own sake, Trish, but don't push."

"I won't push you. Just know, things aren't always what they seem, Leroy."

He opened his wallet and pulled out a small picture of the team, Duck and Abbs at the yearly Christmas dinner he sprang for. This last year he'd taken them to Morton's in Tyson's Corner. He pointed out the people, starting with the four in front. "Abby Sciuto, forensics. You wouldn't know it from that picture but she's a tattooed Goth. Dr. Donald Mallard, Ducky. Our M.E. and oldest friend. Tim McGee, computer whiz kid, and special agent. Ziva David, Mossad officer liaison."

Then he pointed to Tony and him, the only ones standing, body language carefully not revealing anything, Tony looking incredible in a black suit and muted tie. "Anthony DiNozzo. Tony. My Senior Agent ... and mine."

"Oh, he's a cutie! I can see why you would want to take him home." Trish admired the picture, glad to see that Lee had a team he could depend on. "You've got what looks like a good team that you can count on. That makes me happy, I never liked the idea of you being out there all by yourself. But you have people to take care of you. And a hottie to take home with you. Did I mention that he's cute? If I didn't, I meant to."

"Yeah he's ... he's pretty good looking." It was completely bizarre that he was discussing the looks of his partner with his sister ... and that she was approving. It made him wistful for what should have been between her and Shannon. They'd talked and been friendly but that bond hadn't been there. Trish was young and in school and Shan was just as young and adjusting to new motherhood. And Trish had been involved with medication ... it had taken time and energy for her to come back to the family.

"My team is completely loyal. They're good people, Trish. Came close to losing them recently. Made me realize how much they mean to me. And yeah, you mentioned that you think he's good looking. Your co-workers know that you use a term like 'hottie'? You ever use that in court?"

"No, they don't know that I even know the term 'hottie', and they don't need to. I have a good team in place, but not like you do." Trish couldn't help but be a little jealous. Lee had a great team and a hot lover. It was obvious he was loved, even if he couldn't let his guard down any. "You hold onto them; you don't get a team like that every day, and you need someone to take care of you, Lee. I'm glad you have them."

"I almost lost them," he admitted in a low voice. When she looked at him, all he could do was meet her eyes. "After the director died in the ... fire. The new director split up my team. Tony was at sea for over four months, Ziva was sent back to Mossad, McGee moved to cyber crimes. I got a new team ... one of 'em was a traitor who was killed. It all went to hell, Trish. Almost lost Tony for good. Losing it always made me see what I had."

"Just keep that in mind, Lee. You didn't lose them, but doing the job you do, it's always possible. You need to hold onto them, and make sure you don't keep things from them. Let them know the real you. You can't keep lying to them, I know you have a reputation to hold up, but you can do that and still let them into your life."

"I'll see," he allowed quietly. He was very uncomfortable talking about this, especially to his sister, someone who had known him since he was a little boy.

"Which means as soon as you can get away from me, you're going to forget we ever had this conversation." Trish challenged, knowing she was going to push her brother too far, but given a shot, he'd push away his team and in the end he'd lose them even though he didn't want to. "Take my advice for once in your life, Big Brother. I actually do know what I'm talking about."

"Yeah maybe I will forget, Trish," he retorted, rising to the challenge. "But it isn't any of your business. Tony's been with me seven years. Ducky's been my closest friend for almost fifteen. They're sticking around. Okay? Despite me, they're sticking around." He gave her a long look. "Credit me for knowing something about my friends and lovers."

"I have no doubt. I just don't think you know yourself well enough. You'll sacrifice your own happiness for someone else. Take this and run with it, Lee. It will go a long way in making me happy to see you happy."

He sighed, trying not to seem angry. "I'll do my best, Trish. Allow me to figure this out, okay? I know that you worry and care, but I know my people, Trish. The absence didn't weaken me and Tony. We're stronger than ever. We missed each other like you couldn't believe. Over a hundred days and everything we said when we did talk was in damn code."

He sighed. "I'm almost ready to come out, Trish. Even though it could destroy my career, I'm so tired of goddamn hiding. Of lying. Of the look in his eyes when we're forced to lie."

"You've got enough time in don't you, Lee? You don't have to work; you could walk away." Her brother had money, not only from their parents but from their grandparents and their aunt and uncle. He wouldn't use it, she wouldn't remind him but it was available if worse came to worse. "You have a family, or at least a sister who will support you. And who has a little experience in wrongful termination cases. They think about relieving you of your duties before you're ready to walk out of there. I might just have to come out to visit and take on your case."

"I could. Would rather have my twenty in, but I could walk away." He shrugged, uncomfortable. "But I don't want to. I happen to like what I'm doing. I happen to be good at what I'm doing. The bigger picture is more important than just me, Trish. Much more important. Bringing the dirt bags to justice is what matters."

Would NCIS really kick him out? He didn't know, but he couldn't take that chance with Tony's career. Tony was a damn good investigator and deserved the career he was attaining.

"Twenty years, and however long your partner decides to stay in law enforcement. You could be looking at an awfully long time." Trish wondered if her brother had considered that. Tony looked younger, and probably wasn't anywhere near having enough time in, even if he counted all his other jobs. "What matters is your happiness. Just for once, I wish you would acknowledge that."

"And if we come out, as long as he's in law for his ass to get kicked. This occupation isn't known for kindness to gays or bisexuals, Trish. It's just the way it is. He hasn't even hit forty yet but at least with one of us out of the career, we'd have a chance for peace. As it is now, he's virtually moved in with me and nobody knows."

He sighed. "Fine. My happiness matters. And that guy there, he's my happiness. Almost as much as..." He trailed off and swallowed hard. "Shannon was. He makes me feel things I wanted to stay dead after I lost her, Trish."

"Then do what you need to do to make sure you keep that together. I'd love to see you as happy as you were then. I would enjoy a niece or a nephew too." Trish enjoyed the shock on her brother's face. "Rich, he's in no rush to settle down and get married. I'm not sure he would know what to do with himself. But if you had a stable relationship. One that was full of love, like you had before. I think a baby would do you a world of good, Leroy."

"We're not family men, Trish. He had a bad childhood and well ... you know mine." He was stunned that she seemed to think he and Tony would make good fathers. "What could we give a kid? We work eighty to a hundred hour weeks, eat and drink on the run and sleep at work as much as we do at home. Who'd bring or let a kid into that, Trish? You'd be better off popping one out. You have to work less hours than we do."

He paused. "I do have a stable relationship. But we're not family men."

"But you won't always be that man. And the fact that neither of you had fairytale childhoods means you know what not to do." Maybe she shouldn't have said it, but it didn't mean that Trisha hadn't meant it. "You were great with Kelly, you did a great job with Rich and me too. You're a natural father, and I don't believe that you would be in a relationship with someone who wasn't the same caring man that you are. Children, they need that in their lives. Me, I'm too selfish. I spend as many nights at the office as you do. Just because I want a niece or nephew doesn't mean I want a son or daughter. I'm not hard wired to be maternal. You already know you can do it."

"And Anthony?" he asked, almost before he could stop himself. "I didn't do right by Anthony now, did I?" He closed his eyes. Broken marriages he could deal with but never having had another child cut so deep. "I'm selfish too in my own way. The boat, Tony, that is all I need. I couldn't be an effective father again. I'm too goddamn cynical."

Even he knew that wasn't true. When he'd dealt with the children on the job, it had warmed his heart. He was still in contact with Zach Tanner, whose father had disappeared when he was riding a carousel, and the little blind girl, Sandy Watson, and more recently Carson Taylor. He and Tony had talked about being Big Brothers together. They loved kids. Gibbs just wasn't sure he could allow himself to be a father again, when he knew what the pain of losing a child was.

"Jethro, not everything has to link back to our brother. You did the right thing, even if you don't think so. Anthony was old enough to swim back. You couldn't have known he wouldn't make it." Her brother had an incredible defense mechanism. If you got too close to the truth, he got defensive. He'd been like that as a child, and it hadn't gotten more refined with age.

"You're scared, not selfish. I don't believe you wouldn't be a good father. Actually I take that back. You wouldn't be a father. You're much more the daddy type. I can't see you having a child who was afraid of you when you did bother to show up for an event. You are very hands on, and I can't see you being a distant father."

"I don't know," he said quietly. "I was 'Daddy' to Kelly but losing her changed me as much as losing Anthony did. Two children died on my watch and they both define who I am. I can't help it, Trish. I can't help it!" His emotions were already raw and bleeding and this was just the beginning.

"Tony and me, we could die any day. Not fair to a kid, Trish." And he couldn't forget how Fornell's daughter had been targeted.

"Yeah, you could. Or you can both live to be eighty and would miss out on something special together. You may be right Lee, and I may never get the niece or nephew that I'd so enjoy. It was just an idea."

"You had one, Patricia. Kelly Remember her? You may have been a student at the time but she was here for over seven years. It wasn't my fault, or Shan's fault, or Kelly's fault that you weren't able to be an aunt to her. Not saying it was yours either, but that chance did exist. Don't say things that make me think you don't acknowledge her existence. Just ... don't."

Lee Jamison Gibbs hung up the phone in his study and got up from his desk chair, walking over to the window and looking out over the grounds. The family had owned this house for many years, since before the children had been born. And this view in particular always astounded him. He loved the peace of the water, the brilliant vibrancy of the grass fading away to the deep blue of the water. Once, a long time ago, his four children had run around and played on that grass. He'd sip his cognac and watch them. Lee usually keeping an eye on Anthony, the bundle of energy, Patricia ordering everyone around, and Richard just happy to be out of doors.