Reconstructing Tony
Copyright© 2008 by Taylor Gibbs
Chapter 4
Tony watched Kate fade away and slid into the seat across from the director. He knew he couldn't be seen, heard or felt but he wanted so desperately to be close to them—especially Gibbs.
"Dessert! Gibbs, you have to eat dessert." Abby was speaking, staring into their boss' eyes and Tony followed her gaze. Gibbs was playing with a pickle spear on his plate, moving it around, staring down at the plate.
"I don't have to do anything, Abbs. I have to ... I need to ... and you're keeping me here." He waved the spear around, punctuating his words.
"Jethro, you need a break." Jenny put her hand on his arm and Tony was jealous, both of what they possibly had and the potential for what they could in the future.
He yanked his arm away. "I need to be back there in case Tony wakes up. What if he wakes up and I'm not there?" He paused and Tony could hear him swallowing audibly. "What if he dies and I'm not there?" He lifted his head up and Tony could see the tears swimming in Gibbs' eyes. Knowing it would be a useless gesture, Tony still extended a shaking hand toward the man he loved.
"Don't you understand, Jenny? He's there because of me. He's there because I drove him to this. The least I can do is be there for him while he fights for life instead of deciding what pie to eat!"
"Apple, whipped cream," Jenny said softly.
"What?" Gibbs looked at her, confused.
"What pie you're eating. And you will eat, Jethro. None of us can deal with the emotion of losing our leader, and make no mistake about it, you lead these men and women." She touched Gibbs again and protectiveness and jealousy threatened to strangle Tony. "You don't get a choice. You lead them and you do it well. And they need you more than ever. Tony will need you for a long time to come. McGee ... you're his mentor, Abby's lost without you. Agent Lee is coming into her own as an agent, but she's still green. And Ziva trusts nobody more."
She arched an eyebrow at him.
"Just waiting for how I've impacted you and Ducky," he replied, his voice raspy with what Tony imagined being unshed tears.
"You know," Jen replied and Tony saw a softness in her expression that she rarely showed anyone to witness.
"Guess I do," Gibbs replied. He stayed silent as Jen ordered the pie but as it was delivered, he spoke again.
"Who else knew how he felt, Abbs? That he was taking these chances?"
"Because of you." Tony winced at the accusatory tone in Abby's voice.
"Yeah, because of me. Because of me!" Jen rested a hand on Gibbs' forearm but he shook it off, continuing to speak in an agitated voice. "Who else knew? Who else could have stopped him? Who else had the knowledge to stop him from getting into that situation, Abby?"
Tears overflowed, little rivers of mascara staining her cheeks and Tony fought the urge to hold her tight. Why was Gibbs being such a bastard? Tony knew he was worried but he didn't have to push Abby like he was.
Abby shook her head, soft sobs filling the silence and then finally spoke in halting bursts of sound. "Nobody else. He wouldn't have told anyone. Maybe Ducky suspected, but nobody else knew, Gibbs. Not like I knew..."
"Why didn't ya stop him, Abbs? Why didn't ya tell him to come to me?"
Abby's eyes widened then and a hint of outrage crept into her features. "You, Gibbs? What was he supposed to say? How would you have reacted if he told you he was in love with you? Huh? I don't think you'd have grabbed him and rammed your tongue down his throat, now would you? You're a Marine, you're as hetero and vanilla as they come. You would have kicked his ass or fired him or both and he couldn't risk that."
Tony was impressed with how Abby was standing firm with Gibbs.
"I might have surprised ya, Abbs but we'll never know now. And Tony..." He shook his head and Tony saw genuine regret in his boss' eyes. Gibbs started to say more but his cell phone rang and Tony could just sit there watching until he faded away back into his own body.
Saved by the ring, Gibbs thought before his heart started racing. What if it was about Tony? What if he'd taken a turn? "Yeah, Gibbs," he said into the phone, reaching across and squeezing Abby's hand.
"Boss? It's McGee. Any news?" McGee sounded an interesting blend of vulnerable and authoritative, something Gibbs had never seen blended in McGee before. He was coming into his own as not only an agent but a man.
"Not yet, McGee. He's sedated, still not out of danger. Any news on the investigation?"
Gibbs listened as McGee explained that they had a potential eyewitness, that Richmond vice was cooperating and were sending someone undercover. He could have gotten the information from Jen but McGee was part of the team and he wanted it from his own agent.
"How's Lee fitting in?" he finally asked when McGee slowed down. "Do you need anyone else? You and Ziva doing okay?"
"I ... yes." There was the stammer again. Gibbs hadn't missed McGee's uncertainty. Tony was the heart of the team and Gibbs was being a fool to pretend otherwise.
"McGee, get Lee and Ziva and go on speaker phone."
He looked down, noticing that a piece of pie mounded in whipped cream had appeared and he speared a bite, chewing but not tasting it, appeasing Jenny. He didn't have the strength to fight this war on multiple fronts.
"Got 'em, Boss." McGee's voice over the speakerphone was a little tinny.
"Ziva, Lee, McGee, the best thing you can do for Tony right now is nail these dirtbags. He's fighting, he's got more strength than anyone would have imagined. But he needs us now. He needs us to find the answers for him. It doesn't get any more personal than this. I know it's hard but you need to focus. For him. Can I depend on you?"
"Yes, Gibbs," Ziva spoke first, her tone softer than he'd ever heard it. "Please give him our prayers. And let him know that the dirtbags will be dealt with." Ah, there was the steel in her voice again.
"Lee?" He barely knew this agent, couldn't even remember her first name. Mandy? Martha? Melissa? But she'd worked under Tony when he was away and even though she'd transferred to Legal, Gibbs knew she wanted to become a permanent field agent. This would be good training as long as she didn't screw anything up.
"I'll do my best, Special Agent Gibbs."
"Good. Good work, Lee. McGee? Take me off speakerphone." What he had to say to McGee was for his ears only. When he heard the click, he spoke again. "You and me, we've been here before, but we're not repeating it. Don't get lost in the past, Tim." He swallowed hard. "Tony and I are counting on you to lead this team, McGee. I know you can do it."
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