Chapter 10

Jenny didn't have any answers to his question, but Gibbs didn't expect her to. This was something he had to figure out himself. After getting well into his forties as a completely hetero guy, it looked like the impossible had happened. And he didn't know how the hell to deal with it.

He shook his head, stuffing the confusion aside. "Get some rest, Jen. You, Duck, Abby, I don't want to see any of you for at least five hours."

"What about you?" Jen asked, concern in her tone.

"Depends on how Tony is. If he's okay, I'll get some shuteye and a shower when you get back. But for now go, Jen. They'll listen to you and I'm so damn tired of fighting. Get me a sitrep later."

He drew in a deep breath, trying to focus. "If Tony is stable, I'll let him be questioned when you get back."

"He probably won't remember anything," she warned gently.

"Better if he doesn't," Gibbs said, his jaw tense. "You didn't see him, Jen. It was..." Gibbs was aware he was gulping in air. "I've seen a hell of a lot. I've seen men tortured. This is the worst crime scene with a still-living victim. And he was conscious for a lot of it. When I called him ... his screams ... Damned miracle he's made it this far."

She squeezed his hand, eyes brimming with sympathy and glittering with tears. He'd missed this side of Jen ... had figured it was lost in her vendetta against The Frog. "It's not too late, Jethro. He has a long road but Ducky seems encouraged."

"He has a hell of a will to live," Gibbs pointed out. "Think even I would have given up. No idea how long he was lying there. A couple hours, Jen ... It was a hundred mile drive and even with Ziva speeding we didn't shave off as much time as we should have. God knows what went through his head while it was happening." This was the first time Gibbs had given voice to the events of the night, and he didn't seem to be able to stop himself.

"Didn't call me, called Abby, Ziva, Ducky. Somehow managed to call, even though his hands..." he closed his eyes and shook his head. Gibbs knew he'd never get the image of Tony's agony out of his head. "I was drunk, Jen. No good to him. Couldn't even drive. He didn't feel safe calling me. Why? Because I was the reason he went to Richmond anyway."

He gulped in air now, trying to clean his mind of the images, both real and imagined. "He said goodbye to them, Jen. He was preparing to die out there. And then when I talked to him ... they tortured him with us on the phone there. Never gonna forget those screams." He shook his head again, trying like hell to breathe normally.

Her arms came around him, squeezing him tight, the warmth of her head on his chest slowing his heartbeat.

"Jen, I don't know how we make him whole again."

"You take care of him, Jethro. You let him know all he has to live for. You give him whatever hope he needs right now. I know you're shaken up by all of this. I can see it in your eyes. But you're a good man and you'll find the way. Give him the truth but not false hopes." She patted his back gently. "Now go in there and do what you have to do for both of you."

Gibbs pulled away slightly, staring at her. They'd had a complex relationship that hadn't gotten any easier when she'd become director at NCIS, but it was nice that they could communicate as friends now. She'd really been there for him throughout this and he knew how lucky he was to have that support. On an official and unofficial basis.

"Thanks, Jen." He had so much more to say but he lacked the words. All he could do was pull away and try to convey the depth of his appreciation with his eyes.

Jen rested a gentle hand on his cheek. "I know, Jethro. Go sit with him. It's where you need to be."

"It is," he agreed, nodding. He waited until she was in the elevator, leading a sleepy Abby, before he turned his attention to Tony's room. "What the hell have you done to me, DiNozzo?"

Tony was a little unsettled when Gibbs came back into the room. His legs were twitching, his face tense. "Settle down, DiNozzo," Gibbs whispered, stroking the collarbone spot. "I'm here. I was longer than I expected, but I'm back."