Chapter 4

The sunlight streaking through the blinds awoke me the following morning. When I sat up I realized that, in addition to my piss hardon, I had an incredible throbbing headache. It must have been the wine. Then I remembered what had happened last night. A sudden veil of dread washed over me and I fell back onto the pillow. I threw my hands to my face. What had I done? I thought. I might have destroyed the most important relationship in my life. I didn’t think I could live with that. How was I going to face my mother? I knew that I had really screwed up this time.

I looked at the clock and saw that it was after 9 a.m. I had gone to sleep at about 10 last night, so I had been asleep for almost 11 hours and yet I felt I could go back to sleep. I forced myself to get up and take a shower. When I was dressed I reluctantly went downstairs to face my mother. I knew I had to do it sooner or later. I had formulated this big apology, all about how I had drank too much wine, and how I would never do that again if she could forgive me.

When I walked into the kitchen I found my mom washing out her coffee cup at the sink. I didn’t say anything as I sat at the kitchen counter.

“Oh, you’re finally up, sleepyhead,” she said with a cheerful smile.

That surprising smile brightened my day enormously. “Yeah, and I have one heck of a headache. I guess I drank too much wine last night,” I said, laying the groundwork for my apology.

“Too much wine will do that. A good cup of coffee and a couple of Advil will help. Been there a few times myself.”

I sat there stunned as she prepared me a cup of hot coffee as if nothing had happened last night. Yet, I knew it had. I could see her swollen and wet pussy every time I closed my eyes. It would have been a pleasant image, but guilt forced me to try to banish it from my brain.

My mother walked over and sat the cup of coffee on the counter and laid a couple of Advil’s next to it.

“I’m going to go to the gym with Gail and then I have some shopping to do. After that I need to run to the cleaners,” she said. “What are you doing today?”

I hadn’t noticed that my mother had on her exercise clothes. I don’t know how I missed it, because she looked great. Her legs were tanned and looked incredible in the tight shorts. I must have been staring because she said, “Earth to Jerry.”

“Oh, sorry. As soon as this headache goes away I’m going to try and clean out the garage like I’ve been promising for a month. Then I’ll do a little studying.”

“Sounds good. We can put some hamburgers on the grill tonight if you want.”

“Great,” I said enthusiastically. My enthusiasm was more about my mother’s bubbly disposition then about the burgers. She seemed to have totally forgotten about last night. If she blamed me for any of it, it wasn’t apparent. Then she leaned over and kissed me on the lips. It was such a surprise that I didn’t respond immediately.

“Still can’t guess, huh?”

I looked at her quizzically. Then it dawned on me. “Oh, the lipstick.” She must have had the same flavor on as she did yesterday. “Cherry.”

“Finally, but now that you’ve guessed it I’ll have to try another flavor,” she said with a smile. “Well, got to cover up these exercise clothes or I might get arrested going into the gym.” I stared at her creamy thighs and ass in her tight shorts when she looked back at me.

She didn’t say anything, just smiled. Her smile lit up the entire room. I would have given a million dollars to know what she was thinking at that moment.

I smiled back and my heart started beating faster. God, how I loved her. It was so wrong, but there was nothing I could do about it. I don’t think we really have control over who we love, it just happens. I knew that it was not normal to love your mother like this. What I felt was the tingling, heart racing, butterflies in the stomach, kind of love.

Later that evening we sat close to one another on the back porch swing after eating, watching the sun go down. It was a beautiful sunset, but strangely it made me sad. The ever present thought that I would be going away to college after the summer vacation gnawed at my stomach. I was also thinking about what had happened last night. Neither of us had mentioned it and I was starting to wonder if it had just been a dream.

“What’s wrong?” my mother asked.

“Nothing.”

“You had a very sad look on your face.”

I didn’t look at her but said, “It’s just that I’ll be leaving in a couple of months.”

“You’ll only be five hundred miles away.”

“Right, ‘only’ five hundred miles,” I responded.

“I can come and visit on special weekends and you’ll come home on holidays.”

“Yeah, but ... but how are you going to get ... get along without me?” I asked, my eyes tearing and my voice cracking. A better question might have been; how was I going to get along without her?

My mother didn’t answer. But she reached over and took my hand, holding it gently without saying a word. I was pretty sure she was feeling the same as me.

“We’ll get along somehow,” she finally said without conviction. “Let’s take a walk down to the old barn before it gets dark.”

The “old barn” was a remnant of a previous owner who worked the property as a horse farm for years until his death. His children parceled the land and sold it in five-acre plots. The old barn was on our property so we often went to sit on bales of hay to watch the sun go down over the mountains. It was a special place for both of us and helped us both heal after Dad left.

My mother led me down the back steps toward a well-worn path that twisted through the woods to the barn. I loved the feeling of her warm hand in mine. There was a cool, gentle breeze rustling through the trees and the sky was crystal blue with a few clouds on the horizon to the west. I glanced over and saw that the breeze had made my mother’s nipples hard. I quickly looked away, chastising myself for the ever-present carnal thoughts about my own mother.

When we arrived at the barn, we sat down close to one another on bails of hay. The sun was close to slipping below the mountains and some dark clouds had begun to roll in. We could see what was left of the winter’s snow on the highest peaks. It was a gorgeous view and our special place where we could talk, or just sit and be together. I put my arm around her and pulled her close. She laid her head on my shoulder. Sometimes it wasn’t necessary to say a word.

After we had sat silently for some time I said, “Mom, are you sorry that you never found another man?”

“I have a man,” she said and squeezed my hand.

“You know what I mean. I’m not like a husband.”

“But you are my best friend.”

“And you’re mine, but that wasn’t my question.”