Chapter 9

There was a little more delay while the spider officials were prepped with still photos and then live action shots of Doug moving around to give them a chance to acclimate themselves to the stomach-churning motions of a being with only four limbs. One of the problems caused by Doug standing on two legs was that the spiders kept waiting for him to fall over! They really didn't understand it, but they finally accepted the argument that he had special sensors which allowed him to remain upright.

The second problem they had was forcing themselves to take a male seriously as anything but a lover and a housekeeper. The spiders were very strong on gender stereotypes, so they really had to take themselves in hand to accept the proper attitude of equality of emotion and intellect. Doug was aware of the problem and had promised himself to be easy to get along with and accepting of alien attitudes. Yeah? Well, he'd try!

Finally, the spider officials filed into the room and stared at Doug in absolute disbelief! The photos and TV had helped some, but it was still a problem way down in the gut to take such a weird looking being seriously. Doug waited a few seconds for somebody to say something, but none of the spiders seemed to know what to say to such an alien being. Therefore, he took it upon himself to open the conversation. "Good day to you all. I am pleased to meet so many of you at one time. My conversations with Scragilitzonaptxxilongrafti, who permits me to call her Scrag, have been very interesting and educational.

"I have traveled here to open discussions about trade. I understand that you are running short on cobalt and douglium, which we have in abundant supply and are willing to trade. I am sure that you have many silicon and chlorine-based compounds that we would find interesting and useful, so trade could be mutually profitable.

"Do you have any questions that I might try to answer?"

There was a babble of voices at this, and two questions were foremost: "How can you speak our language?" and "How can you stand on only two legs?"

Doug said, "I notice that there are two questions that I need to answer first. One, I cannot speak your language. Instead, I have a small machine attached to my belt which enables my brain to contact your brain's speech center where my words are directly translated into thoughts that you can understand and vice versa. And, no, let me assure you that this device does not let me read your minds. It does not work that way. However, it has an interesting side effect in that it is impossible to lie through this machine. Let me illustrate. 'I really have six legs, but you can only see two of them.' You only heard some sort of random noise when I uttered a lie. That is what the universal translator does when a person knowingly utters a lie.

"The second question you are asking is how am I able to stand on only two legs. The answer is simple, though it takes several years to learn to accomplish the art easily. I have sensors in my head which tell my brain that I am falling over. My brain interprets those signals and sends commands to my legs and feet to make minute corrections which keep me upright. Those corrections are sent automatically, and I have no conscious feeling that they are being sent. When people of my species are very young or very old, the brain does not send these signals so well, and we have trouble with standing.

"I hope that I have answered your two main questions. Now, is there anything else that you would like to know about me?"

One of the spiders said, "You may call me Omnen. I am Chairwoman of the Main Ruling Council. Do I understand correctly that males are the dominant gender among your people?"

"Good day, Omnen. That is not an easy question to answer. My particular species, which we identify as human, is one of many species in my galaxy. Other species have different customs, but, among humans, we try to keep the two genders as equal a possible. Males and females have equal rights, but, in groups, the usual leader is male. However, if there is a more competent female, we hope that she will be the leader.

"Other species are like yours, and have a more distinct separation of life style between the genders. In some, the females are dominant, in others, the males are dominant. There are even species which have more than two sexes, and their relationships get very complicated. In a few species, only one gender is sentient and the other gender is there only for procreation. So you see, I cannot give you a simple yes-no answer."

Even with his inexperience, Doug could see that several of the spiders looked confused, so he thought it would be a good idea to go on to another topic. "Does anyone have any more general questions?"

Another spider said, "Good day, Doug. You may call me Ispo. My job is Minister of Employment and Coordination. I wonder why you were sent to us, rather than someone else?"

"That question has a simple answer, Ipso. I happen to be the oldest living being in our galaxy. I am over 4,000 years old and may well be immortal. I am unique among the people of my galaxy. As far as we know, nobody else is immortal. My body also seems to be indestructible, though I would appreciate it if you would not test that characteristic." That statement brought some laughter to the group, something Doug was happy to see.

"Does that mean that we could not kill you if we tried?" asked an unidentified voice.

"I honestly don't know the answer to that. I have been involved in several major accidents and none have ever caused me the least harm, but I really don't want to test to destruction, as it were." Puns were apparently received by the spiders about the same way that they were received at home—this statement produced some groans.

Another spider spoke up, "I am Inten. I run the Ministry of Trade. I think that I will be the one you talk to the most. You are correct about our need for cobalt and douglium. When would you like to begin our discussions?"

"I am ready when you are, Inten. My only limitation is that I need to sleep eight hours out of each 24. I don't know what your cycle is, so please set the meetings to fit your convenience. Also, remember that I cannot breath your atmosphere, so some concessions will have to be made along those lines. As a third item, I would like to have Scrag sit in on the meetings so that she can warn me if I start to digress into matters that your people find socially uncomfortable."

"I see no problem with any of that. I'll get back to you within a few hours with a suggested schedule. I look forward to a productive meeting."

The rest of the spiders introduced themselves, including a certain Hanglointherlastimmenos, the Minister of Information and Communication. Notably, she was the only one of the group who did not offer a shortened form of her name for Doug's convenience.

Doug had not yet told anyone, including Scrag, that the people of his galaxy now operated in a surplus economy where all manufacturing was done by small specialty shops and laboratories that made one-of-a-kind items which were then replicated at central points all over the galaxy. Once he got to know them better, Doug planned to give the replicator to the spiders so that they could make anything they wanted, including additional replicators.

He wanted to establish a rapport with the spiders and gently pry from them the reasoning behind the destruction of people and planets in the Milky Way galaxy. It just made no sense to him that it could be a government policy, based on what he had been able to learn, so far. Well, Doug would just have to go along and see what happened.

Less than an hour after the delegation of Ministers of This and That had their show and tell, furniture and what might be computers began to arrive in Doug's room outside of his cell. Some spiders came in and busied themselves arranging things and making sure the displays displayed what they were supposed to. About 20 minutes later, Inten came back in with half a dozen other spiders who looked like they were sitting down at work stations ready to begin work.

"Hello, Doug. I hope it does not bother you that I have included a number of secretaries who will record all of our statement for future reference. A printout will be provided to you, though I have no idea what good that could do you."