Chapter 4

I woke up at first light again and practically bounded out of bed. Last night had been incredible. I kept expecting to wake up at any moment. Only after we got dressed and headed back up the hill did it really sink in. I was in love with Mia, and I was on my way with Shay. I'm not sure how long it takes to fall in love with someone, but I'd definitely enjoyed being around her this weekend. The sex just made it all the better. Could what Mom had said be true? Could it really be the right type of person, and not just one specific person? Seemed that way for Mia. Might be that way for Shay and me. The thought of spending my life with both of them was very appealing. I'd never thought about marriage or anything before. I was just living my life like every normal sophomore, I thought. This weekend really made me think. I needed to start focusing on my future. Where did I want to go to college? What did I want to study? Time to take a serious look at that.

I took a quick shower, and then quietly stashed my stuff back in the cabin. When I came out, Mia was walking across the green space towards my cabin. We had planned to take a nice walk down to the lake and spend some quiet time together. I thought Shay was coming, too, but she was nowhere to be seen.

I stood quietly and watched my lover cross the grass. She hadn't seen me yet, and was walking slowly, stopping from time to time to bend down and pick a wildflower or two. By the time she noticed me, she had gathered a bunch in her little fist. Her face lit up when she saw me and a warmth flooded my body. We embraced and met with a kiss, a gentle but passionate token of our feelings. Arm in arm, we headed down the path. Neither of us spoke. A whirlwind of emotions was churning inside me. It was only a matter of a few hours and we'd part company, possibly for a year. We'd already promised to e-mail and IM, and sometimes even call, but that wasn't nearly the same.

Instead of going to the dock, we decided to just sit on a bench and watch the mist rise off the lake. I finally spoke.

"I love watching the world wake up. That's one reason I run in the mornings."

"I love it, too," Mia said. "Shay, not so much. I tried to wake her, but she just called me a fat cow and went back to sleep."

I laughed. That was far from how I would describe Mia, even if I was mad at her. I was straddling the bench, and Mia was leaning back against me. I had my arms wrapped around her and my chin resting lightly on the top of her head.

"I'm going to miss you, Mia," I whispered. She cooed and snuggled into my embrace, but said nothing. "This weekend has been incredible, easily the best of my life. You've changed me."

She was caressing my arms leisurely. "Me, too, Brody. I really love you, you know."

"I know. And I love you."

She sighed and hugged my arms tighter to her. "Then I think we need to talk about a few things. I don't want there to be any secrets between us. I want to share everything with you, and I want you to do the same for me. I want to know your hobbies and your interests, the things that scare you or make you nervous or sad or mad. I want to know everything."

"OK. Ask away."

"Well, first off, I can tell you'd been with other girls before. How many?"

"One."

She tilted her head to look back at me, her eyebrow raised. "No way. You are too experienced for that. How many times did you have sex with her?"

"Twice. The first time I felt like an idiot, and I vowed I'd never feel that way again when I made love. I did all kinds of research on the web and at a local bookstore. We did it again a few weeks later and she told me I was pretty good."

"Is that what she said? 'Pretty good.'"

"Uh, no, not really. She said I was incredible or something."

"Well, she was right about that." I blushed.

"OK. Now you ask me."

I knew what I wanted to ask more than anything, but I was nervous. It was very personal. I tried to think of a different question, but my mind was blank. So I went for it.

"You said before that you went through some tough times, and that Shay really helped you through them. What did you mean?"

"OK. I wasn't expecting that question. I figured you were going ask me about how Shay and I started having sex or something."

"I'm sorry. You don't have to answer it. I can ask something else."

"No. I meant it when I said I wanted to share everything. I was just surprised. I had planned to talk about it, but I figured it would be a little later." She looked up at me again, her expression warm and soft. "It shouldn't surprise me that your first question would be something about my well being. You will always look out for me, won't you?"

I just nodded. She turned to look back at the lake while she continued. "I guess I'll just start with the biggest thing, then go from there. When I was 10..." She hesitated, then seemed to steel herself. "I was molested, Brody. By a teacher."

I gasped. "Mia! I ... I never knew ... Baby, I'm so sorry." I hugged her tighter.

"It's OK. It's not something I talk about much." She paused a second. "You can loosen your grip, Big Papi. I can't breathe."

I did. "Sorry..." She took a deep breath.

"It's OK, sweetie. Anyway, he only did it the one time, got me in his classroom after school. Said I'd cheated and that he would need to turn me in. I hadn't cheated, and I knew it, so I told him so. He said he had papers to prove it, but I knew I hadn't. He said no one else had to know about it, if I wanted, said if I just went along with him, it would be our secret. I was getting scared, so scared. He was between me and the closed door, so I knew I couldn't run. I tried to shrink into the desk chair. He stood over me and I was so scared, Brody." She was starting to tremble. I wondered if I should just tell her to stop, but she seemed intent on this. "He started telling me I was beautiful and stuff, then he started to touch me. First my back, then my boobs. They weren't much then, but he seemed really fascinated with them. He hugged me while he groped me and then he tried to kiss me. I started to cry and tried to push him away. He tried to shush me and then started again, but I only cried harder. Then he threatened me again, but by that point I was inconsolable. I think it scared him, because he stood up and smiled down at me like nothing had happened. He said he was just trying to show me that he wasn't upset about the cheating and that he would let it slide this time. He told me that we shouldn't say anything at all about the cheating and what he was doing, and then he let me go. I ran out of the classroom. Left my backpack and everything."

Mia took a big breath and wiped at her eyes. I just held her as tight as I could without hurting her.

"I told Mom everything, of course. She told Dad. They talked to a lawyer and then the school. Mr. Jones had a history as a model teacher or something. He was very popular in the community, and it was basically his word against mine. I guess his word meant a lot more. Suddenly we became outcasts in our town. Nobody wanted anything to do with us. The kids at school called me awful names. People would whisper when we were out in public as a family. It got so bad Mom and Dad decided to move. Luckily Dad didn't work in our town, so we just moved to Tempe, which is on the other side of where Dad worked."

I was shaking now, my teeth grinding, my mind seething. Someone had hurt my little Mia. I couldn't stand for that. "That must have been awful. If I could get my hands on him..." Mia just chuckled.

"Please, don't think about. Put your hands on me instead." I placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head, and swallowed my anger. She continued. "Anyway, I didn't handle it well at all. I started to become a loner. I'd lost all my friends and I thought I was to blame, that I was some horrible, worthless person. When we moved I didn't even try to make new friends. I just pulled deeper and deeper inside myself. My grades went in the toilet. I quit doing all the things I used to love to do. I'd just sit in my room and wallow in my misery. I wondered why I was even alive, figured my being gone would just make it easier on everyone else.

"This is where Shay comes in. I don't even want to think of what would have happened to me. My parents tried, but I just had a wall that they couldn't get past. One day, Mom told me to walk the three or four blocks to the store to get something. I didn't want to go, but she made me, said the fresh air would do me some good. On the way there I passed this house where a girl had just come out of the door. She just trotted up to me and started talking. Introduced herself and walked with me to the store, saying she needed to pick up something for her mom. I just wished she'd go away, but she didn't. Shay's persistent to say the least. Anyway, we both got whatever we needed at the store and walked home. By the time we got to her house, she'd already absorbed me into her life and we exchanged addresses and phone numbers. She made me promise to come over the next day. Of course, I didn't plan to. I was back in my own miserable world the next day, so I didn't go over. I guess she called or something, because before I knew it, Mom let her in my room and she flopped down on the bed, talking to me like we'd known each other all our lives. Little by little she tore down my walls and I came out of my shell. I could tell her things I'd never told anyone, including my parents. She quickly became my best friend. We went to school together, even had some classes together. We'd study, have sleepovers, even went out once with brothers. She's the one who convinced me to start seeing a counselor, and she's the one who stays after me to take my medication."