Chapter 26

Brock’s trip to Montana didn’t produce the results he desired, either. He visited a couple of small towns and looked at property on the outskirts--places he could live in relative anonymity.

Even the thought of that didn’t make him happier. In fact, a part of him dreaded the loss of the companionship he had found in Corbly.

The thought of losing anyone else close to him kept his mind whirling during his entire drive back. At one point, he pulled off the road to call Leslie with the express intention of finding out where Jen and Mel were situated and paying them a visit.

But he demurred before hitting the send button. The past months had produced a multitude of emotion within Brock. But he finally settled on anger.

He was angry at Merie for running away. He was angry at Jen for hurting him after he let her get close. He was angry at Leslie for butting into his life. He was angry at Tara for deserting him. He was angry at Susan for putting her happiness ahead of his safety. He was mad at Mel for trying to manipulate him into letting her live at his house. He was angry with the Van Landinghams for putting Merie into danger. And he was angry at himself for letting things get this far outside of his control.

In short, he was angry at everyone.

But the drive home was almost cathartic for him. He realized that he wasn’t the center of the universe--as much as it seemed sometimes he was. No one was responsible for his happiness but him.

Merie left because she couldn’t live with the memory of her sister’s attack, not because she couldn’t live with Brock. Jen did what she did because of her need to belong, not because of anything Brock did. Leslie was into everyone’s business, not just Brock’s. Mel was trying to establish herself as an independent person and Brock was just a means to an end.

Tara was 14 years old and she made a mistake. Susan was only 13 and she was scared to death. Neither of them could be faulted for putting their own interests ahead of Brock’s. The Van Landinghams were devastated by Leah’s escape and they didn’t consider that she would attack her younger sister. Who would have? Hell, Brock was as suspicious as any person in the world and he didn’t consider it.

Brock finally decided if he wanted to be treated like an adult he needed to act like one. He needed to stop sulking and start living. His anger had abated by the time he pulled into his driveway to see the familiar form of Leslie Miles sitting on his porch.

Leslie misread the smile on Brock’s face. She instantly worried that he’d found what was looking for in the remoteness of Montana. She was startled when Brock gave her a warm embrace as soon as he came onto the porch. The past few months had brought out a darker side of Brock that she knew existed but hadn’t seen before. The hug caught her off guard.

“I trust you had a pleasant trip,” she said sadly.

“Actually, it was pretty crappy,” Brock said. “Right up to the last few hours.”

Leslie looked at him with interest.

“Come on inside,” he said. “I’m going to fix a glass of iced tea and I’ll tell you all about it. I almost called you this afternoon. I wish I would have now. Of course, it might not have worked out if I had.”

Leslie was intrigued. Brock’s voice no longer held the toneless quality it had possessed since February. In fact, he seemed almost happy to see her. Well, at least he probably would wait to tell everyone goodbye now, she thought.

They sat in the living room and Brock took a deep breath.

“So, when are you moving?” Leslie asked unable to contain the question longer.

Brock shook his head.

“Oh, it looks like you’re stuck with me for at least another year,” he said and Leslie looked surprised.

“You didn’t like Montana?” she asked. “I thought by the way you bounced out of the car that you had already bought a place and were just coming home to pack.”

Brock smiled. It was the first genuine smile Leslie had seen on his face in months.

“Montana was fine,” he said. “In fact, it was no different than here. Well, a lot more mountains and cooler temperatures, but that’s about all.”

Leslie looked at him questioningly.

“That’s the whole point,” he said. “It was just like here. Except I would have no friends and no one I could visit with or talk to. There would be no neighbor who would watch for me to come home and no neighbor’s mother who would make sure I didn’t starve.

“I realized that I would miss those things if I left.”

Leslie smiled back at Brock.

“I’d even miss it if you stopped trying to make your agenda mine,” he said with a laugh. “Not that I’m going to give in on your plans but I’d miss it if you stopped trying.

“I had a lot of time to think on the way home. I don’t like what I’ve become any more than you guys do. I’m sorry for being such a bastard the last few months. I hope you know that none of you did anything to deserve the way I’ve treated you.”

Leslie realized that she would finally get to say what she had come over to say in the first place.

“Please don’t think I’m trying to interfere,” she said. “I probably am, but I don’t want you to think that.”

Brock chuckled at her attempt at humor.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about you in the last few weeks,” Leslie continued. “All of us have. A little while ago, I realized something, too. That’s why I was sitting on your porch waiting for you. I want you to know that I didn’t plan to try to talk you out of any decision you might have made but I wanted to make sure you knew something before you made a final decision.

“They took so much more from you than even you realize, I think. They weren’t content to steal your mother and two years of your life. They also stole your childhood.

“You were 14 years old, Brock. From 14 to 16 is the time you learn so much about life. Some of them are small things: how to drive a car; how to tie a tie. Those you can pick up later if you need to. But some of them are huge things that you’ll need for the rest of your life.

“You grew up. That’s for sure. You had to. But you missed so many of life’s lessons. Your first loss was a crushing loss--your mother. I hate to say this, but you’ll never get over losing your mother. It’ll get easier but there will always be times that you miss her.”

Brock nodded. He was still waiting for it to get easier but he understood what Leslie was saying.

“The second part of that lesson is dealing with loss. Most kids’ first heartbreak is from a girlfriend or boyfriend. It’s a fairly insignificant loss in the grand scheme of things and they learn to put it behind them and move on.

“Because of what you lost, you never learned that. I think you believe that every loss you suffer will be exactly like the pain you feel at the loss of your mother. You didn’t get to learn how to handle pain and disappointment and to watch them ease with time because life dealt you a type of pain that never goes away.

“I’m not saying that Merie was insignificant. Please don’t think that I am. I’m not saying that Jen was insignificant. They’re not. But in the grand scheme of your life, they are less important than you’re giving them credit for.

“I want to tell you a story about my life. I doubt even Jen or Mel knows all of it, but I think you should because it might help you put things into perspective.”

Brock nodded his head but didn’t speak. Leslie’s words were racing through his head.