Chapter 25

It was an overcast day in late February when Brock returned from baseball practice to find Sam’s SUV parked in his driveway. Even from a distance Brock could see the huge man was racked with sobs.

Brock didn’t want to interrupt Sam’s outpouring of emotion so he waited for him on the front porch. Presently Merie’s dad joined him.

“She’s gone,” he said as he handed Brock an envelope.

Brock feared the worst.

“You don’t mean,” he said, leaving his thought unfinished.

“No,” Sam said. “Not that. She just up and left. She wanted me to bring that to you.”

Brock unsealed the envelope with shaking hands and read what Merie had written.

Brock (it read),

_I’m sorry but this is what I need to do. The last months have been terrible. Not just for me but for you, too. It hurts me to know that I’m causing you pain.

I’ve told you about the nightmares but what I haven’t told you is that they carry over into the day. I haven’t slept for more than an hour at a time for two months. I’m too scared to leave the house but I’m terrified at being here, too. I can’t live that way.

I can’t stop reliving that day.

I finally understand how betrayed you felt when the people you cared about let you down. I want to apologize for trivializing your feelings about Susan and Tara. I finally understand your reluctance to have anything to do with them.

Please note that I’m not apologizing for pushing you to forgive them. I still think I was right about that part. But I’m sorry for thinking your feelings were unjustified.

Leah cleared that up for me. That’s for sure.

But just like you told me once, my feelings aren’t necessarily rational but it doesn’t change them.

I feel betrayed by my sister. But I also feel betrayed by my parents for not stopping her. And sadly, my love, I feel betrayed by you too for not protecting me.

But I know these thoughts aren’t rational so I’m going away for a while to fix things. I need to be able to close my eyes without seeing that day. I need to be able to see you without reliving the last time you held me in your arms.

I want you to know that I’m not deserting you. I swear I’m not. I don’t know when but someday I’ll find you, if only to give you a better explanation. As soon as I can be the person that I need to be for me and the person I need to be for you.

I hope you’ll give me time to find what I need and I hope you’ll respect my need for privacy. It’s not that I don’t want to see you. I just can’t put my life back together properly when all I want to do is get back to the girl you care about so much.

Please know that the only reason I made it this far is because of you. I really, truly meant what I told you in the car on the way to the hospital. It was a horrible way to tell you that I love you for the first time. And this is a worse way still. But I do.

Take care of Mom and Dad for me. I don’t know how they’ll react to this. But I finally understand just how strong you really are. You lived through so much worse. I promise to do my best to come through this too.

I love you,

Merie_

Brock read and re-read the letter as Sam sat across from him. Finally he shook his head.

“Did she give you any idea of when she’ll be back?” he asked Sam. But Sam shook his head sadly.

“She checked herself into a hospital,” Sam said. “Please don’t ask which one. She asked in her letter for me not to tell you. But if you ask me, I probably will.”

Brock held up his hand.

“You know Leah called me Christmas Eve,” Brock said and Sam’s eyes got wide. “She warned me to stay away from Merie. I’ll tell you the same thing I told her. If Merie asks me to leave her alone, I will. She obviously has asked me to do that, so I won’t put you in that situation. But if you talk to you, tell her I wish her the best and that I feel the same way she does.”

“She doesn’t want to talk to me or her mother either,” Sam said in a dejected tone. “She just completely closed herself off.”

It was exactly what Merie had done.

As the winter turned to spring, Brock focused his entire attention on schoolwork and baseball. Melanie was mad when he refused to rent her a room in his house but she got over it.

She found an apartment behind the Wyatts’ new house three blocks away. All four girls would find their way to Brock’s house at least twice a week and Brock would find a way to be doing something else whenever they showed up.

Merie was never far from his thoughts and he was glad the baseball team had a game almost every night. The shortstop from last season wasn’t as benevolent as the quarterback in the fall had been when Brock took his position. The boy quit the team and the coach rebuffed Brock’s offer to move to second base to replace the now-departed Wes Mansfield.

Baseball was by far Brock’s best sport but he found little joy in being on the diamond. In fact, he had found little joy in anything since shortly after Christmas.

By May everyone but Mel, Jen, Susan and Tara had learned to leave Brock alone. He seemed to show no emotion at all which worried the hell out of everyone.