Chapter 22

Brock got up the next morning to return Suzy to Wilkins--or at least halfway there. He was surprised when the Miles girls didn’t join them in the car.

“You three fighting?” Brock asked when they had hit the highway.

Suzy shrugged and then shook her head.

“I asked them not to come,” she replied. “I wanted to have a little time alone with you--even if it did mean that you would have to drive home alone.”

“What made you think we wouldn’t be picking up Merie?” he asked.

Suzy gave him a knowing look.

“Please, she called as soon as she got home last night,” she said with a giggle. “I know more about her mother’s meltdown than you do.”

Brock shot her a glance.

“Really?” he asked.

“Uh-huh,” she said. “It got worse when she got home. Her mom tried to ground her. I guess there’s some sort of deal between her mom and her dad. If one doesn’t agree with a punishment, he gets to set the terms. Anyway, Mr. Van Landingham ended up grounding Merie for like 22 minutes or something.

Brock sighed.

“You know,” he said tiredly. “My original plan when, well, I got out of prison, was to move to a new state, maybe clear across the country, and live a quiet life for a couple of years until college started. I was just going to avoid all people and all commitments and just be by myself for a while.”

Suzy looked confused.

“And?” she asked. “Why didn’t you? Not that I’m not glad you’re here.”

“I was going to have to spend so much time in Wilkins over the next few months that moving a thousand miles away didn’t work,” he replied. “Plus other states have differing laws about emancipation and all that crap, so I stayed here where my attorney could advise me and be in Lewis County when I needed to be. I just sort of picked Corbly off a map.

“I’d never been there. Hell, I hadn’t even really heard of it. I figured I could be the aloof asshole that I’d planned to be there as well as anywhere. It didn’t quite work out how I planned. It’s times like this I wish it had. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed the people I met there and the things I’ve done. But I’ve also created a lot of problems for people around me.”

Suzy laughed out loud--not with Brock but rather at him.

“You give yourself way too much credit,” she said not unkindly. “The problems would be there with or without you. Maybe you’re making them better than they would be otherwise. Jen and Meredith are ready to explore a part of their life that their parents are uncomfortable with. That has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with human nature.

“Some boy was going to be in the middle of this. I happen to think that you’re better equipped to handle this situation than anyone.”

Brock eyed his passenger strangely.

“How do you figure that?” he asked. “I might have the least people skills of anyone you know.”

“True,” Suzy answered, perhaps too quickly. “But you have a good sense of right and wrong--of fair play. It’s one of the things I like best about you. You rarely stand around and wait for someone else to make a decision. I mean, on important things you take your time, but on small matters, you just jump right in. And if you see someone getting bullied or being treated unfairly, you don’t hesitate. I’m living proof of that.”

Brock smiled ruefully.

“I wish I could have gotten there sooner,” he said softly. “I know that you went through a terrible ordeal. I’m also pretty pissed at myself for the way I treated you earlier. I should have known that you wouldn’t do something on purpose to hurt me.”

“You’re wrong about that,” she said. “In fact, I might do something right now that will hurt you.”

Brock shot a quick look at Suzy but she continued to stare out the passenger window.

“Like what?” he asked. “You’re not planning a titty-twister or something, are you?”

Suzy turned to him and smiled.

“Well, not yet,” she said. “But I am going to say some things you might not like.”

Brock’s mind raced.

“Do you remember when I encouraged you to go out with Tara?” Suzy asked. “I had a plan. It didn’t work out so well, but I had a plan nonetheless. I knew Tara was most likely going to hurt you. It’s who she is--well, who she was. She was a self-absorbed, self-centered pain in the butt.”

Brock gaped.

“I thought she was your best friend?” he asked and Suzy nodded.

“Oh, she was,” she replied. “She still is, as a matter of fact. But she treats her friends a heck of a lot better than she treats her boyfriends. You see, I set you up with Tara so she would break your heart and I could fix it. I knew she would, eventually, treat you like crap and then I could be there to show you how a nice girl treats a guy she’s crazy about.

“It all seems pretty juvenile now, in light of things. But it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“You know I had no idea how you felt,” Brock said. “We were always, I don’t know, buds. I felt a need to protect you, like I was your older brother. I just didn’t look at you the way you wanted me to. I’m sorry, but I still don’t.”

Suzy sighed.

“That’s because you have no idea who I really am,” she said huffily. “You are still caught up on me being 13 years old. Well I’m not, any more. Do you realize that no one--absolutely no one--calls me Suzy but you? While you spent your time closing yourself off--out of necessity, I know--I spent my time opening myself up. For almost two years I was free of all the bullshit that I hated.

“My Mom and Dad weren’t always riding my ass about stupid shit. The kids at school didn’t look at me as some freckle-faced geek. The kids at St. Bernard’s liked me, JD. They liked me for me. They didn’t put up with me because my buddy would whip their ass if they picked on me. Not that I minded when you did that for me. They laughed at my jokes because they were funny, not because they felt sorry for me. I grew up, Brock. I grew up and left Suzy behind just like you left Jordan behind. But when I’m around you I still feel like I’m 13 fuckin’ years old. Mostly because you treat me that way.

“I’m going to be your neighbor in a few weeks. Over the past month, I’ve tried hard to look at the person Jordan DeVoe evolved into. Some of it I like. Truthfully, some of it I could do without. It’s like every ounce of fun has been sucked out your life.”

Brock bit his lip but he couldn’t help from firing back.

“Losing your Mom and spending 18 months in prison for something you didn’t do tends to have that effect,” he said harshly. “I didn’t get to go to some fluffy fuckin’ prep school in France where people liked me for me.

“No, I grew up, too. I grew up in a maximum security prison where people fuckin’ hated me for being convicted of trying to rape you! I grew up guarding my belongings and hoarding my food and hoping to God some asshole with a daughter or little sister somewhere didn’t stab me in my sleep or in the shower. You’ll pardon me if I found my passage to adulthood to be somewhat less wonderful than yours. And you’ll have to pardon me if I’m shitty to you from time to time because you remind me so fucking much of why I was there every God damned time I look at you. In fact, I resent the hell out of you most of the time and you telling me what a great fucking life you had at my expense certainly doesn’t help.”

Susan was almost in tears but she held her composure.

“That’s what I mean, Brock,” she replied evenly. “I didn’t do any of this on purpose. I know what I could have done. I know what I should have done. I think about it every day. But I just wanted to forget about everything. I wanted to forget the look on their faces as they held me down and tore my clothes off. And I wanted to forget the look on your face when you bashed then with that club. You scared the hell out of me, Jordan. I was already terrified and you managed to scare me even more.

“I saw your face! I know you enjoyed what you were doing!”

Susan was practically screaming by the end. The calm she had managed to keep for so long was shattered and tears were rolling down her cheeks. But this needed to be said.

“You’re right,” Brock screamed right back. “I enjoyed the hell out of. And you know something else? I’m glad I hurt them so badly. I only wish I’d have killed them all. Every last motherfucking one of them deserved to die for what they did to you. How many others did they do that to? Have you asked yourself that? How many more would they have done it to after they were finished with you? Well I can tell you how many they managed after I was done with them. Not another girl had to face what you did. I took out the garbage. So, fuck yeah! I enjoyed it and I’d do it again.”

Susan was agog.

“But not for you,” Brock continued. “I’d do it again for someone who wouldn’t run away and leave me in the breeze. Since you’re being so grown up and truthful, you need to know this. Every single fuckin’ day of my life there are times I wished I’d have left you there and just walked away. Then I’d have my life back. I’d have my Mom back. Sure, your life would have been ruined--if they didn’t kill you, that is. But mine wouldn’t have been.

“Except every time I think that way I know I could never live with myself if I’d have walked away. So, even though you and your family did whatever you could to put it all aside and left me to rot, I’m still proud of what I did to help you that day. But don’t ever count on me being the one to save you again. Because you just might pick the wrong time to be in danger and I might be in one of my ‘to hell with Suzy’ moods. And you’re still the one who ran away and did nothing to help a friend who needed you.

“Don’t you ever fucking forget that!”

Brock’s last words were said with pure venom dripping from them.

“I can’t forget that, Brock,” Susan replied softly. “I can’t forget it and I can’t seem to live with it, either.”

The pair rode in silence for almost an hour before Susan spoke again.

“That day,” she said slowly. “I was on my way to visit you when they saw me. The plan with Tara wasn’t working out. You weren’t supposed to fall in love with her. You weren’t supposed to make love to her.

“I was coming over to tell you a lie about her. I was going to tell you that she was going to go out with another boy. You would have believed me. I know you would have.”

Brock’s face was set in a frown but he nodded.

“I’m sure I would have,” he said. “By the way, never once did I have sex with Tara Wyatt. One hand on the boob was as far as I went. I tried to go farther, but she always found a reason to pull back.”

Susan looked at Brock critically.

“That is not the way I heard it,” she said finally. “In fact, to hear Tara talk about things it was almost like Jen’s story. She kept trying to get you to do things and you wouldn’t. I had my doubts until Jen told me almost the exact same story.”

Brock simply shook his head.

“I was the one who was there,” he said. “She would have a headache or she would be worried that her Mom was coming home or my Mom was coming home. Hell, maybe your Mom was coming home. I finally figured out she wanted to slow down when she felt her third period in five weeks coming on.”

Susan laughed.

“Interesting,” she said. “So I’ve slept with you but she hasn’t. No wonder she was so mad.”

Susan sat looking out the window for a moment.

“Brock,” she said. “That also might explain the way she reacted. You know how the world revolves around her. She might have thought she was the one who caused you to do what they said you did. Put yourself in her shoes for a minute.”

“I’d rather not,” he said. “Although God knows she has enough of them that I could probably find a pair that fits.”

“Brock,” Susan said seriously. “Think of the guilt. In her mind she was the reason that her boyfriend forced her best friend to have sex. Then I just disappeared. I didn’t contact her, either. I just left the whole world behind.”

Brock looked thoughtful for a few minutes.

“Suze,” he said finally. “I’m sure everyone has some way to justify what happened. Some reasons might be more valid than others. But to be too self-centered to look at others’ points of view probably isn’t a real good one.”

His passenger crossed her arms and looked at him.

“You’re probably right,” she said. “But being too scared and too happy at being away from there isn’t a very good one either.”

“I didn’t say it was,” Brock replied simply. “Do you know how many letters I wrote to you from jail? Probably a dozen. Somewhere in that box is a restraining order. I was threatened with intimidation of a witness charges. They would have filed them, too, except for the fact that there was nothing intimidating in the letters.

“For the first week, I was worried about you. No one could find you. I worried that you had gotten lost in the woods--or worse, wandered into another group of bastards, since you were, uh, naked. Then Mom told me your whole family had disappeared. Then my attorney showed me your statement. Suzy, that’s the one thing I have trouble reconciling. Your initials appear on the bottom of the first page and you signed the second page. I saw enough of your handwriting in those notes you’d leave for me than I recognized it instantly. I know there has to be a reason and I truly do believe that you didn’t say those things.

“But at the same time, it’s hard to put two and two together. Sometimes it just equals four.”