Chapter 76: Starting to Plan My Coming Out

Tuesday, April 19, 2005 (Continued)

Dinner was a great success. How could it not be? Carol was beaming with pride at having cooked it so successfully, and I lavished her with praise when my mouth wasn't full. Either situation made her happy, and me too.

Carol said, "I think I can cook this by myself now, especially if I get Julia or Donna to help me." I wasn't going to criticize that comment at all. Carol's chicken cooking ability put her above petty concerns such as logic.

I regaled them with stories of the Examiner from Hell.

Carol regaled us stories about her lesbian put-downs. They hadn't been anything subtle or sophisticated. Carol's main mistake in handling obnoxious boys in the past had been to object too quietly. Julia had gotten her to turn the volume WAY up, ideally so not only could every kid in her class hear, but also the kids in the classrooms to either side.

Carol said, "I gave him a chance to brush past me because I was SO looking forward doing this. He couldn't resist and when he did so I yelled out REALLY loudly, 'NO! I will not let you rub my breasts. Stop begging me to. No wonder I'm a lesbian, with boys as pathetic as you.' He turned bright red and cringed."

#3: <Have you noticed that the word "pathetic" often gets associated with boys. We even did that ourselves in our great speech today. Why is that?>

The rest of us assumed it was a pathetically rhetorical question.

Carol continued, "He denied it and I yelled, 'How many times do I have to tell you I'm a lesbian? I wouldn't let you touch me even if I was straight. You're gross.' Or something like that. The whole class was laughing. Miss Rodriguez had to yell for everyone to be quiet and she demanded an explanation. Paul said he wasn't doing anything, just walking to his chair. I said, 'He's always rubbing himself up against me, pulling my hair, making rude suggestions and things like that. Ask any of the girls around here, I'm sure they've seen him do it lots of times all year.' Lots of girls said they had. He kept saying, 'I never said anything', but Miss Rodriguez didn't care. She made him swap seats with a girl on the far side of the room, so that he only had boys near him. My teacher told me that I should have spoken up earlier and I said, 'I was too shy. It was my girlfriend who told me I should speak up. She's sixteen, and very pretty and smart.'"

Julia interrupted. "That was very clever, Carol. And thank you too." To the rest of us, Julia explained, "We rehearsed some things, but not for how Carol would respond to her teachers. Carol made that up on the spot."

Carol said, "I didn't make it up. Every word is true. You are my girlfriend, you did tell me to speak up, and you are sixteen, very pretty and smart."

Julia countered, "I won't argue with any of that, modesty not being my best virtue, but you were still smart picking out a truth that fitted your plan so well."

"OUR plan. It was easy to mention you because I'm proud that you're my girlfriend. Speaking of you, lots of girls in my class want to meet you now. Girls in my other classes too because I talked about you other times too."

Julia laughed, "That's funny because lots of girls in my classes want to meet you. I think we're going to be busy the next few lunchtimes. Why don't you come up to our lunch area tomorrow and I'll have some of my friends there, and the day after tomorrow Mark and I will come down to your area and you can have some of your friends with you. We might need to go back and forth a few times."

Carol happily agreed with that idea.

I suggested, "I don't think I should join you. This is a girl thing, so I should make myself scarce."

Julia shook her head from side to side, "Mark, this is ALL for you. The idea is to introduce these girls to you, not to Carol or me. I'd bet that's what most of the girls want anyway."

Carol said, "That's for sure. The girl who the teacher moved behind me asked whether Egg was my brother. When I said 'Yes', she said she'd like to be my friend. It was easy to tell what she wants."

I asked, "How do you know she's not attracted to you and was just making conversation? You told the class you were a lesbian, and then she wants to be your friend, so she might want you rather than me."

Julia laughed, saying, "Mark, you are far too logical. It doesn't work like that."

#4: <Well, first, there is no such thing as "far too logical." That'd be like saying "far too correct." It's as silly as saying "That miniskirt is too short" or "that top's too revealing" - those things aren't possible. Second, why doesn't it work like that? Why can't she want Carol rather than us? Carol's gorgeous so that's entirely believable for any girl that leaned that way.>

I expressed myself succinctly, "Huh?"

"Girls are more complex than a simple yes/no choice in who they're attracted to. Or for anything else, come to that. There will be girls who are very attracted to females who would love to be with you, especially after they get to know you. And there'll be straight girls who could become attracted to Carol because they find out how lovely she is - ME, for example. Girls aren't black and white that way."

#3: <There IS such a thing as "far too logical". I suggest that ANY logic is "far too much" when applied to a girl.>

#2: <Regardless, we're not going to argue that we understand girls better than Julia, are we?>

#4: <Good point. Killer point, really.>

"I will bow to your infinite wisdom on this matter, Julia. Infinite when compared to how much I know about girls."

After everyone had their little chuckle at my expense, Carol resumed, "That was the best fun I had making my announcement, especially because I was able to make it very loud so everyone heard. In my other classes I sometimes had to be quieter, but quite a few of my classmates know that I'm a lesbian now. In a few days everyone's going to know.

^-- "I didn't have ANYTHING like the problems that Julia did because of our lunchroom fun. I had one girl come up to me after lunch and tell me she'd been having lunch with her sister and had seen Julia and me. She asked if Julia was my girlfriend and I said, 'Yes. She's wonderful.' The girl just said, 'Cool' and walked off. I realized afterward that I should've said I was a lesbian as she might think I'm bi, but it was only one girl so it didn't really matter. Judging by no one else talking about my lunchtime fun she can't be a good gossip, so telling her wouldn't have helped us much anyway."

Julia said, "Don't worry too much about spreading the news, sweetie. Just have fun with it. In a couple of days Mark and I will come down to your area. Between the gossip that will already have started and our kissing each other when I visit you, everyone in your classes will know in a few days."

Vanessa mentioned my previous night's dinner table statement about the girls' coming out being "their responsibility." She congratulated me again for that.

"I can't take much credit because it took me hours to think of it. For a long time I was against Carol's idea. Not strongly against it, but I still didn't like it. If I'd thought of the ethics of it earlier, I would've saved myself a lot of worry."

Vanessa replied, "I'm guessing, therefore, that your concerns were out of your desire to protect the girls? From the difficulties that Julia had today, for example."

"Yes. That was almost my entire concern. But I realized the girls had the right to choose, and that they had thought it through, so I relaxed. It has turned out to be a lot more trouble that I thought, though. I had to give that speech and will have to repeat it tomorrow, several times by the sounds of things. It would have been better if Julia didn't have to put up with that."

Julia exclaimed, "Are you KIDDING! It was wonderful. Your speech, if it gets known widely enough, will make Carol's plan work far better than we thought it would. People are going to see the three of us together and think, 'Isn't that nice', rather than be suspicious of you and Carol."

I agreed, "That's what I was intending by the speech, as well as reducing the amount of infantile hassling. You mentioned yesterday something about it giving you easy means to get more girls, or something like that. I couldn't see that because I thought I made it clear that I was ultra-loyal to you and Carol. You said you'd explain later and now seems a good time."

Julia explained, "Your speech made lots of girls know what a wonderful person you are. An incredible person, really." Vanessa and Carol were nodding, so it was pointless me trying to argue with that. "The majority of them are so impressed that they'll respect your love and loyalty, so they won't try anything. They envy me like crazy, by the way. You should have seen the end of that class! The girls went CRAZY over how lucky I was to have you. Anyway, as of today, it'd damage your reputation badly if you allowed a girl to pick you up, so don't do anything like that for a while, which I know you wouldn't. When your court case is over I'll make it okay for other girls to have you. As a result of that speech they've got enormous desire for you but they don't have the opportunity. I'll open the door and invite them in. There'll be a stampede. It'll be such fun."

I said, "While I remember to mention them, a couple of points. First, about the court case. Mom talked to the police today. They're hoping to get plea bargains, but nothing definite yet. In other words: no news. Second, picking up girls. Remember that girl was going to drop her photo into my locker. I'd forgotten about it, but there was nothing in my locker right after lunch. Maybe she forgot or got cold feet or something, but if she does put it in what should I do? Does the speech change anything?"

Julia said, "She won't have forgotten; that's impossible. She might have gotten cold feet, or maybe she's getting a photo duplicated. If she talks with you again, tell her to ask you again in two weeks. If you get her photo show it to me and we'll decide then, depending on what she's written. Okay?"

"Yes. That's fine. Apart from your saying 'that's impossible'. I forgot about her photo, so she could have too."

"{Raspberry}." | "{Raspberry}." From both my girls. That's why I have two of them, so I can get stereo raspberries.

Rather than getting into it, I said, "Let's drop it, she's not important."

The girls agreed not to expand on their succinctly stated opinions. I returned to my main question, "Digressions about the court case and the forgetful photograph girl aside, what I'm most puzzled by is how you'll 'open the door' to let other girls be with me. Could you explain that please?"

"I could, but it'd be more fun to just announce it at the time."

"Would that be 'more fun' for you or for me?"

"Definitely for me, haha. But doing it this way will make your reaction look more honest and convincing."

"And it's just a coincidence that you'll enjoy it more?"

"Heavens no, that's the main reason. I'll enjoy it so much, PLEASE?"

Guys are pathetic: I caved. "Okay. At least you didn't pretend that it was important I not know."

"I didn't need to as I knew you'd agree without it. You're SO good to me! Besides, I should save that reason for when it really matters."

"{Sigh}. At least tell me that I'll enjoy it at the end."

"Have you forgotten what we're doing? Getting you girls! If you can't enjoy yourself with a bunch of desperate-to-please, 16-year old girls then there's not much I can do to help you."

"I'm willing to help," offered Andrew

Robert said, "As if Sophia would let you do that."

"Yeah. She's not QUITE as permissive as Julia, haha. To get back to reality, I'd like to invite Sophia around one night to meet Mark and Carol, but it'll have to be a night when we have normal conversations, and I've never seen that happen with you lot yet. God knows what she'd think if she heard half the stuff you talk about."

Julia said, "I'm sure we could restrain ourselves enough to be normal for one night. Why don't you both invite both Sophia and Ashley around one night, preferably before the court case finishes because Mark's social life is going to get a little hectic after that."

Andrew laughed, "By the way Julia talks, 'hectic' is going to be a considerable understatement. You must be incredibly secure in your relationship to be doing this, Julia?"

Carol jumped in with a proud, "Me too!"

Julia said, "Sweetie, there isn't a word to express how safe your relationship with Mark is. I guess you could say mine's on ice, but it's certainly not thin ice. Mile thick ice, I hope."

I agreed, "Let's make it ten-mile thick, permafrost ice, before global warming." [[Which reminds me that I'd better give some thought to global warming. Humanity's going extinct wouldn't be ideal, even though it would be deserved.]]

The phone rang then, and Vanessa said, "It's probably for you, Julia."

Julia said, "I'll use the kitchen phone. Excuse me."

Andrew asked, "So, Mark, what night should we make the dinner for you and Carol to meet our girlfriends?"

"Umm. I don't know. You should ask Julia when she gets back."

Vanessa said, "But I thought you were the 'Lord'. Doesn't that mean you get to be the boss?"

"Well, theoretically, but I find it's best to leave these things to Julia. She's usually got so many schemes on the go that I never know what's really going on anyway."

Vanessa said, "Go on, make a decision. If Julia has a plan she can change it. It'll do you good to start making some decisions."

"Umm, okay. What do you think, Carol?"

Vanessa laughed. "Haha. YOU make a decision, Mark."

"Can't I decide to delegate? Julia tells me I should do that more."

"Not nearly as often as I bet she tells you to be commanding or make decisions."

"You might be right about that. Umm. Umm. I don't know where to start thinking about it. I've never planned a dinner party before."

"So just imagine you're going to invite a bunch of your friends over. When would be a good night for that?"

"Umm. It should be soon, before things get 'hectic' after the court case ends. I guess this Friday or Saturday. I guess Friday would be better in case people have more important plans for Saturday. Is that right?"

Vanessa said, "Is what right?"

"Friday. Is that a good night?"

"It's a night. That's all we wanted. Friday night it is then. Can you ask your girlfriends, Andrew and Robert?"

Both The Boys agreed they would, and that Friday was fine with them too.

Vanessa said, "If either of the girls can't make it we'll reschedule, so ask them as soon as you can please."

"We'll call them right after dinner."

Vanessa said, "Relax, Mark. Friday night was a good choice. Your logic was correct."

Phew. I celebrated with my fourth helping of chicken, which made Carol happy. She asked me yet again, "Is it really good?"

"It's great. You're going to make some lucky guy a great wife one day. Wait! You already are. That must be me then, haha."

Julia had re-entered the room and walked behind Carol. She put her hands on Carol's shoulders now, saying, "Make some lucky girl a great wife too. Which would be me."

Andrew said, "That's the sort of comment you should try not to make in front of our girlfriends."

Julia said, "Actually, I don't think my comment is bad. Obviously Mark's comment was, Carol being his sister, but Carol and I have already come out as being together."

"I thought your coming out was just for school?"

Julia corrected him, "It has to be everywhere. It'd be impossible to separate them and keep everyone consistent. We've come out all the way, not just in school."

"You're right. I didn't think about it, but it obviously has to be everywhere. I picked a bad example for something you shouldn't say. But please don't tell our girlfriends that you're going to get Mark dozens of girls to play with. That wouldn't be good."

I worried why Andrew thought it was bad, so I asked, "Why not?"

"Because it'd make Sophia and Ashley worry about our family allowing guys to have lots of girlfriends. We don't need them to have jealousy worries. Jealousy can be very hard to dispel."

"Umm. I guess so. I don't have any experience with jealousy."

"That's right, rub it in!"

I'd been waiting for a chance to check my Friday decision with Julia, but Vanessa beat me to the punch, "Mark decided to have dinner with boys' girlfriends this Friday."

Julia said, "Okay."

I, of course, checked, "Is that okay, honey?"

"Sure. I'll have to jiggle a plan I was thinking about, but that's okay."

I, also of course, offered, "We could do the dinner on another night, if that's better?"

Vanessa said, "It's hard to get him to be decisive isn't it?"

Julia agreed, "Yes. He'll get there one day, but he's not in a hurry.

^-- "Darling, I like it when you make decisions. Regardless what the decisions are, I'd like you to make more. If there's some terrible clash I'll let you know, but nearly always I'll be able to adapt. Friday is no problem. My plan for Friday was no more than a vague intention anyway."

I knew Julia's plans were pretty damned good, so I wondered what an early stage 'vague intention' would be like, so I asked her, "What was your intention for Friday?"

"Oh, nothing much. Your speech went over awesomely well with the girls in class. After the period ended they were all over me with questions about my relationships with you and Carol. There were more questions the rest of the afternoon too, if the girls could get through all the idiot boys. Several girls have called me since school let out too. A lot of them are interested in you, so I was thinking of arranging an activity for Friday evening that a group of girls could turn up at. Just make it a casual event, but somewhere where you could impress them somehow. Other than in a restaurant, where you could impress them with your eating, haha. The only idea I had was 8-ball, but I don't want to bring them all here at once, and public 8-ball places aren't good places for teenage girls to visit."

Robert and Andrew laughed at that. "No, you don't want to be doing that on a Friday night."

Julia said, "So I don't have any idea of where yet. You can see that having the dinner on Friday is no problem, as I haven't talked to anyone about the vague idea yet."

"Okay. Have you really had several girls call, just because of my speech?"

Julia, Carol and Vanessa all said something to confirm that. Julia's being, "Oh yes. Not necessarily JUST because of your speech as they've seen you in class all year, but your speech made a very large impact. I know you saw how many girls had tears in their eyes."

"That doesn't mean much. Girls cry very easily."

I got a few laughs for that, which hadn't been my intention. Prof said, "I heard you dramatically produced a handkerchief in class too. Well done for that."

"Thanks. I enjoyed doing that. It was a perfect opportunity."

Julia said, "Back to your 'girls cry very easily' comment. We cry when something gets to us emotionally. How many boys can tug on the heartstrings of a class full of girls? The only way most boys can make a girl cry is in anger or annoyance. That you got most of the girls in the room to cry by talking about love and commitment is a considerable accomplishment. Their opinions of you hit the roof. It is NOT easy to make girls cry that way. Andrew, Robert, how often do you make your girlfriends cry like that?"

Between the two of them, once, several months ago.

Julia continued, "Mark has made Carol and me cry many times. Happy tears, like the girls in the class today. Not because he got us angry or annoyed, and CERTAINLY not because we were sexually frustrated, haha."

Carol agreed strongly, "That's for sure!"

Julia concluded, "There are a lot of girls from that class who are very interested in you. If you repeat that speech a few more times tomorrow there'll be a heck of a lot more. That should work so well we won't have to do the sit-up competition."

"In that case I'm DEFINITELY going to make that speech as often as I can tomorrow. I would MUCH rather stand up and saying loving things about you and Carol than strip down to too-small underwear and make a public exhibition of myself. That's for DAMNED sure! Sorry about the language."

Vanessa said, "I believe we've survived worse. What's this stripping exhibition idea?"

Julia answered, "Just an idea I had to get Mark to impress the girls. Tugging their heartstrings is a far better approach. I think we'll put the sit-ups competition on hold until we see how the speech approach works out. Judging by today's response, it'll work far better."

That was a weight off my mind!

Carol said, "Aww. Can't we do it anyway? Donna will be disappointed if we don't."

I firmly said, "I would definitely rather not. It would be very embarrassing and I don't want to do it if it's unnecessary."

Julia said, "I agree. It's on hold. I prefer not the run the risk, in case Mark got sick on the day, or something else like that happened..."

#1: <I'm not too happy with the use of the phrase "on hold". I would've preferred, "The plan has been ripped to shreds, burned and scattered to the four winds, never to be thought of again, except maybe to laugh at what a silly idea it was.">

" ... We still need to do something to keep the girls coming along though. Nice speeches today and tomorrow are great, but how do we keep them excited until your trial ends. I was intending to have a fun night out with Linda some time soon too. Mom, you remember my friend Linda?" Vanessa did. "I introduced her to Mark formally a couple of days ago. They share English, but that's all and I don't think they've ever talked before." I indicated Julia had that right. "Now I've got so many girls interested in Mark I need to arrange a group event. Other than 8-ball I don't know of anything else you can usefully do in public. Running and soccer aren't suitable as you can't socialize with the girls at the same time. Do you have any ideas, Mark?"

"I do have one, but I'm not sure about it. When you mentioned 8-ball you reminded me of when Robert took Donna bowling. I think I'd be pretty good at that. I'm not sure, but I think so."

"How good?"

"Umm. I think I could probably get 300."

"What does that mean?" asked Julia.

Robert answered, "It's the best possible score. EXTREMELY hard to get and very, very impressive."

Julia asked, "Like playing a round of golf at par?"

"More like nine under par."

"Oh, that's VERY good. We'll do that. Oh, I just thought, will the other girls realize it's a good score? What if they know as much about bowling as I do?"

Robert said, "They'll know it's impressive. The whole building will be going crazy."

Julia checked, "There will be a big excited crowd, with the girls and Mark in the center of it?"

Robert nodded.

"That's perfect! The excitement will really get to them. Not to mention their seeing Mark do so well. We'll DEFINITELY do that. How do I arrange that, Robert? Do we just turn up, or do we have to arrive at a fixed time, or what?"

Robert said, "You have to book lanes in advance. Some nights are busier than others. Sometimes you can walk in off the street and get a game, but it's best to book a few hours or even a day or two ahead. Especially if you want several lanes because you've got several players. Why don't you ask around at school tomorrow to get a feel for how many would want to play. You could do it on Thursday night, not Friday because of our dinner, or anytime on Saturday or Sunday."

I said, "Not Thursday. I have Aikido then. I've got a soccer game at 2pm on Saturday too."

Julia added, "Yes. And some serious shopping Saturday morning too."

"I wouldn't mind postponing the clothes shopping a year or two."

"Ha! NOT likely," disagreed Julia, while Carol just laughed at me.

Robert said, "I suggest Sunday about noon then. Play for about an hour then you can all go somewhere to eat and socialize. Ask around at school and get an idea of the number that want to play. Spectators don't count and as many of them can come as want to. When you come home let me know and I'll help you do the bookings. I might come along myself because I've never seen a 300 game."

Julia said, "You've never seen one?" Robert shook his head. "That's great. Mark will blow everyone away."

I spoke up. "I've got two worries. I only THINK I can bowl 300. I have an idea about how I would do it, but I haven't tested my idea. I'd really like to test it first, before I'm in front of all these girls."

I was about to go on with my second problem, when Julia went, "{Raspberry}. Mark. You're so modest that your thinking you might be able to do it is the same as anyone else's boasting after they've done it. I'm happy to arrange this as is."

I was about to argue more, when Prof said, "Mark, how long would it take for you to check out whether your idea worked or not?"

"Umm. I'd probably only have to bowl three or four balls. That should do it. Maybe a few more if I have trouble, but I shouldn't think so."

Prof said, "That's what I thought. I think I know how you're going to do it." That got my attention, then I realized that Prof did know enough about TK to work it out for himself. "So I suggest that you and Robert have one game sometime tonight. Call up after dinner and see when the next free lane is. You could find out whether your idea works for certain and relieve your nervousness, all inside of thirty minutes or so. Julia, that's a better way. Always check the easily checked assumptions in any plan."

"Yes, Dad. Sorry. I got carried away again."

"Yes you did. One day your getting carried away is going to lead to a plan failing when it didn't need to. I hope it won't be an important one."

"Yes. Sorry, Dad. I'll try to remember."

"You should think about part of Mark's difficulty in being decisive is because you're overly pushy. He tried to speak up but you overrode him because you'd gotten excited. The first rule of planning is: 'If you've got time, use it.' There was no need to push Mark forward so fast in this case. As I understand it, you won't need to book the lanes on Sunday until Friday, so you've got several days' slack. I think helping Mark learn to be assertive is more important than this plan's affect on getting him girls, since it sounds like there are already enough girls interested. I think your priorities are backward. I suspect you mostly just want to show him off, which is more about your ego than his needs."

Julia's face had been falling all the way through Prof's little lecture to her. At the end she overreacted, I thought, by sobbing, "Oh no! I've been a bad wife! {Sob}, {blubber}." A crying Julia jumped into my lap, begging for my forgiveness. I offered her a hanky, it being too hard to flourish with her sitting on me.

Carol and I hugged her. When she calmed down a bit Prof said, "You hadn't actually DONE anything, Julia. We've just been talking about it for a few minutes. At most you cut Mark off once or twice. None of this deserves so much drama."

"I don't want to be a bad wife!"

"A good attitude, and had you behaved this way for several months then you'd have some apologizing to do, but I think we can call five minutes a tiny bump in the road rather than your being 'A Bad Wife'. Just remember to stay aware of your priorities, use time when you have it, check your assumptions, and please let Mark make a few decisions. Give him a day that's all his to plan, or give him a plan to see through to completion, or some exercise like that. He won't learn without doing it himself sometimes."

"Yes Dad. I'll think about that. I am too pushy."

"It's not your fault that Mark's too easily pushed. You've only known him for a few weeks and that trait of his precedes you by a long way, but you're not helping him as well as you could. Remember to think about your priorities.

^-- "To change the subject briefly. I need about thirty minutes of your time sometime tonight, Mark, to run over issues for our business. Let's schedule that after you find out what time your bowling lane is available. I suggest The Boys call their girlfriends now to confirm Friday's dinner, Robert calls the bowling alley to book the first available lane at least an hour from now, then we reconvene for dessert and coffees. Vanessa and I will get those, leaving Carol and Julia to kiss Mark often enough to bribe him into accepting Julia's apology, overly dramatic as it was."

The various people headed off to carry out their appointed tasks. My job was to be the recipient of lots of kisses. I like the way Prof thinks.

Vanessa picked up the remnants of the chicken. There wasn't much left, but I hated to see it go. Seeing my look, Vanessa laughed and said, "I'll package it up so you can take it home and snack on it tonight." I like the way Vanessa thinks too.