Chapter 351: Saturday's Aftermath to the Resurrection

Saturday, June 2, 2007 (Continued)

The news-crews had exacerbated the initial riot and I'd been very tempted to have the Guardian Angel punish them in the same way I had everyone else, or perhaps just by stripping them naked and burning their clothes, but I didn't want to antagonize the media - which is probably why the media gets away with so much (literally) irresponsible behavior.

I converted the sight blob watching the scene outside our gates into a radio blob. I hadn't wanted any weird color distractions when I was bashing people with the clubs, but I wasn't doing any precise work now, merely watching. I didn't pick up anything significant [other than, from time to time, I sensed the UAV's communication beam. Our radar and telescope operators were keeping us informed of its behavior anyway].

The police and Army had caught up to the mob while it was stalled by the Guardian Angel. They took command unopposed now, as there was no fight left in the ex-mob. The mob's cause had originally been glorious, right and even fun (they'd thought), but DEFINITELY wasn't now. Most of the still-clothed ex-mob members left, although quite a few of them stayed to render emergency aid. Especially for who most needed it: the poor, naked, bashed people. They had to be covered up as a matter of urgency, because who knew what terrible damage the sight of them could do to impressionable, young minds. "Think of the children!" was normally such an empowering call to arms, and there were sparks of righteous indignation trying to get started, but seeing the five skinheads' bodies splatter had clearly been too traumatic for the mob.

When the police got closer and were in control, I flew all the confiscated weapons down to them, depositing them on the ground in front of the cops, who quickly took care of them. Every ambulance in Corvallis was already busy shuttling the mob's casualties to the hospital, starting with those that had been injured swarming over the main barricade. All of that group's most injured people had already been hospitalized, so the ambulances were redirected to our gates.

First aid was soon being rendered to the non-splattered victims. There was a great deal of first aid needed because many of the clubbed people had bleeding skulls that needed to be looked at. The radiology department at the local hospital had no hope of doing the number of cranial X-rays that would be required, so those people were going to be sent in all directions. More ambulances were called for.

There were a thousand naked people with no money, no keys, no ID, and very little intelligence. Plus they were stunned at what had happened to them. It'd been a perfectly good riot, and then EVERYTHING had gone wrong! Most of them were too traumatized to be much use to themselves (insert your own anti-Christian joke here).

Tristan said, "Paul wants half of us to hit the sack while we have a lull. You okay to get back inside by yourself?"

"I'd like you to drive us into the tunnel please. I'll take over from there." I didn't want to show myself to the UAV, because I didn't want the Government to see that I had to be within five hundred feet of all of the Guardian Angel's effects. Being my bodyguard, it had a very good excuse for keeping close to me, but it should be able to operate remotely on occasion. None of which I explained to Tristan, but it'd take less time for him to do what I asked than argue about it, even if he'd been so inclined. He got out of the SUV, walked around to the driver's door, got in, then drove us down the slope and onto the driveway. A few yards farther on we were in the tunnel and I took over from him.

I enjoyed watching, via a sight blob, the look on the staff's faces when the first of them walked down to their bedroom level. I had a feeling that the angel had just bought itself some instant acceptance and support, and it hadn't cost me a dime. All I had to do now was get Mom's acceptance for what I'd done. I had a feeling that giving her $3,500 wouldn't cut it.

I waved to the two returning staffs' wives as I more traditionally motored past them in the tunnel.

I was saved from having trouble with Mom because:

• She was inhibited by the presence of our guards. Paul was still worried about small-scale intrusions, so we were in much the same mode as we had been earlier in the morning, safer because there were more police and many more soldiers inside and outside our property now, but less safe because half our staff had been ordered to rest so they'd be able to work tonight.

• It was quickly obvious that pretty much everyone else had already been on Mom's case. I walked in the door and I was pointedly told, "Wasn't it wonderful how the angel got rid of those thugs?" (from Julia), "Who knows how many people they would've killed if they'd gotten in" (from Prof), and "Serve the assholes right" (from a very certain-of-himself Dad). Everyone was nodding happily, except for Mom, who looked like she'd prefer to be righteous but she'd been badly outvoted. I got lots of cuddles and congratulations, "Because your Guardian Angel is so wonderful." Not exactly a profound argument, but it helped Mom keep quiet.

We settled down to watch TV. The events of the last few hours had gone out live, and the networks were beside themselves with glee. It'd been REALLY Good TV. You know it's going to be really good when not only is there a talking-head who says, "The following segment contains scenes which might disturb some viewers," but while he's saying it, he's too excited to sit still.

The networks had films with LOTS of naked people. It was on a public street and therefore privacy laws didn't apply, and there was even a good reason to screen it: because it was legitimate NEWS! It wasn't often that the networks actually had a good excuse for showing naked bodies, so they seized it with both hands.

Although, sadly, when they looked closely at the film they discovered that they were very limited in their choice of what to broadcast, because of a VERY important sensitivity. Producers had to cut out all the shots with ugly people in them, which was the vast majority. Viewers instantly change channels whenever they see naked, ugly people, which is something advertisers have a great sensitivity to. Nonetheless, the networks could show hundreds of naked bodies in wide-angle shots, then CAREFULLY selected zoom shots. VERY carefully selected, with just the right amount of "this is serious news" attitude while pushing the envelope of sexual titillation. Almost entirely "TIT-illation" of course, NEVER any male frontal shots from closer than one mile. To let even one of those get in the shot would be a disaster of mammoth proportions.

Not only did it have sex, it also had violence, religion, magic, and even caring for the children. Plus there was SO MUCH the commentators could say. There were legal issues (there were many of those), psychological issues (from crowd psychology to "think of the children!"), physics (the clubbings, the bright light, flying bodies), theology (expert opinions about the nature and morality of the Guardian Angel), and more than anything else, a very lively debate about Good versus Evil. The Guardian Angel had KILLED five people and deliberately wounded four, but it'd also been very careful to care for the children. The previous angels had warned everyone that the Guardian Angel would guard Mark Anderson remarkably effectively and that everyone should be extremely cautious of it, which had been proved to be exactly the case when a dangerous mob had threatened to storm the property. There was a wonderful amount of ammunition for that debate, especially that the angel had stripped so many people. That last point had to be mentioned over and over again, as it gave the networks a reason to repeatedly screen shots of large numbers of naked people. It was WONDERFUL TV.

I was particularly interested in the legal issues, so listened to those carefully. I learned that legally it'd be helpful for me if Guardian Angels could be considered as a cat rather than a dog. If your dog runs across the street and causes a traffic accident, you're liable because dogs are deemed to be trainable. But if your cat does the same thing, you're not liable because cats aren't trainable in the eyes of the law. The law is silent about the responsibility of an 'owner' to train his angel, leaving legal liability up in the air.

Complicating the issue is something that I'd deliberately tried to create. As a lawyer said in one interview, "Archangel Michael's verbal comments and the email on the day of the alleged resurrection from Archangel Michael's unnamed replacement clearly state that the Guardian Angel is appointed by God and is following God's orders. If anyone is responsible for the actions of the Guardian Angel, it would seem to be the Guardian Angel itself or God, rather than the young man it has been ordered to protect."

There was an amusing discussion on what "Act of God" means when there is a specific agent performing specific acts for God. The phrase "Act of God" is mostly applicable to contract rather than criminal law, so it wasn't a giant loophole my Guardian Angel could use to do whatever it wanted. It didn't apply in the current circumstances at all, except possibly for the medical insurers for the many injured people. The expert's opinion was that the insurers would likely refuse to pay out. Not only had the injuries been caused by an Act of God - presuming the insurance companies believed the Guardian Angel was from God - but the injured people had chosen to participate in a riot and had attacked a property they'd been warned would likely be defended in a way to cause them injury, so they'd brought the injuries upon themselves, invalidating their medical insurance policies.

There was also some jurisdictional discussion. Did our courts have the authority to rule that anything an angel or God did was illegal, and what would it mean to find God guilty of a human crime? It gets even sillier because forcibly stripping someone against his or her will can be considered the crime of "Sexual Assault" even if no sex is committed. How can a bodiless, semi-transparent sphere of light have sex? Can God be accused of Sexual Assault? As every Christian can tell you, God is adamantly opposed to even the existence of sex outside of marriage, and the angel certainly hadn't married the thousand victims, half of who had to be of the wrong gender regardless of what gender the ball of light was. Then there was the problem that there was no proof that the angel had done the stripping as that had all been done invisibly while the angel hovered nearby. It was obviously an utterly ridiculous aspect, which the TV networks debated at length and many times because it gave them the ideal excuse to show more footage of the possible crimes being committed against the better-looking victims.

Ignoring that silly issue, there was also the question of whether I'd be culpable in any way. I learned that it was a fundamental legal principle that to be guilty of a crime, the person had to both intend to commit that crime and to perform the act. Clearly I had done neither directly. However, maybe I was guilty of inciting the Guardian Angel to commit violence. The issue was therefore whether I'd asked my Guardian Angel to do any of the illegal things it'd done. I was willing to swear on a stack of Bibles that I'd never said a single word on the subject.

There were the usual, and apparently obligatory, preachers screaming, "This PROVES it's the DEVIL!" They had no doubt whatsoever, as the act of taking people's clothes off was SO EVIL it had to be diabolic!

#31: <I thought Archangel Michael was the Devil. No wonder the Devil's so hard to drive out, there are so many of him. I wish we had the trick of being in more than one place at a time.>

#23: <I'd be overjoyed with being able to use another sight blob or getting sound blobs to work. Don't you think you're being a bit ambitious?>

The 'sensible' churches were noncommittally vacillating all over the place, saying things like, "We believe firmly in the sanctity of life," and then refusing to be drawn about what conclusions or even judgments flowed from their statement.

One interviewer asked with apparent and defendable innocence, "If that was a true Guardian Angel from God, then your belief must be wrong?"

That interviewee's dithering cranked up to a whole new level. He managed to avoid answering a single question after that.

The mainstream churches were very unhappy. Doubly so because they couldn't actually admit to being unhappy about an angel being on Earth. All over the world, churches were enjoying record attendances; unfortunately with congregations who wanted the priests to preach about current events, and the senior members of the churches were going to take decades to decide on their official position. Fortunately for the large numbers of the people who felt the urgent need to be told what to think, there were many non-mainstream churches which were only too happy to fill both of those vacuums.

A large number of science fiction movies had portrayed aliens as balls of light, probably because it's an easy special effect, so there were many short clips aired as part of the "It's an ALIEN!" segment of each network's show. A physics expert appeared on one to explain why spherical was the most energy-efficient shape, and he became my favorite expert when he added, "There's a problem with your alien theory though, because the Guardian Angel was introduced by Archangel Michael, and he wasn't a ball of light. He had two balls, but they looked to be very human."

To cover the unforgivable breach of human decency - that expert would NEVER be invited back! - the interviewer quickly asked, "But Archangel Michael said that he took over a human's body?"

"Not 'took over'; he said it was voluntary. I don't believe an alien energy sphere could 'take over' a human's electrochemical brain because the systems are too different. Although even cooperation seems highly problematic to me."

I also enjoyed seeing my NP explained by, "The alien has invisible noodly tentacles five hundred feet long!" That was by a bunch of "Pastafarians" - as they called themselves - who were having a great time laughing it up. Finally, a religion where people have fun! What an amazing concept.

There was a tone of respect that ran though some of the comments that I liked. To paraphrase one guy in a man-in-the-street interview, "The other angels repeatedly warned us that the Guardian Angel would be deadly. Five heavily armed guys tried to force their way onto the property and they discovered that the Guardian Angel is deadly. To me it sounds like the earlier angels did everything right by warning us, and the Guardian Angel did its protection job right too. It didn't torment the five guys or let them suffer; it just did its job. I have to respect the angels for their honesty."

The reporter asked, "But the five men didn't even get onto the property. Why should they be killed when they hadn't done anything?"

"Maybe the Guardian Angel knew they would've done it. If it knew that, it'd have no reason to wait. Much better to take care of them before they caused any damage. Our legal system makes mistakes, but maybe God's doesn't. Remember how good Archangel Michael was at finding law enforcement agents who were trying to blend in with the reporters. I think angels can see into our souls, and know who and what we are. That would explain a great deal."

I liked his thinking, as it could be very useful for me and there was no hint of accusation in it. His logic was terrible - hypotheses have to be tested against different facts from those they're developed from - but that sort of fundamental mistake is ALWAYS being made by the people who're paid to bring us the news and their analysis of it.

[More details of the neo-nazis emerged a few hours later. They were multiply convicted violent scum who had 'friends' only too willing to go on TV to describe how the dead guys had hated Ron Fisher for being a nigger; having a pretty, white girlfriend; being rich; and getting so much good press after his giving his body to Mark. They'd driven to Corvallis after boasting, "We're gonna teach that nigger a lesson." A few days later their families filed a $500 million dollar lawsuit against everyone from the Guardian Angel to the City of Corvallis. It was a source of late-night talkshow comedy, and eventually of zero value.]

All things considered, it was a wonderfully confusing, but highly effective introduction for the Guardian Angel.

Paul joined us after dinner to discuss a few things. The first issue raised was the $3,500 payments. My families hadn't heard about those, so the news caused a fair amount of laughter. I had to pretend ignorance and laugh along, and then deflect all the compliments for my angel that were addressed to me. Paul asked for my opinion of the situation.

Once I'd had the situation described to me well enough - which also told me that they'd worked out that every one of our staff was to get the same amount - I said, "The Guardian Angel doesn't appear to be too concerned about human laws, which is hardly surprising. It chose not to burn the cash, and I'll guess that it appreciates the work you guys are doing protecting us. But regardless of the reason, it looks like a no-strings-attached gift to me."

"I'm concerned that it might be considered theft, and that we should give it back. It's hard to imagine God agreeing with theft."

"It's even harder to imagine Him agreeing with murder. I suspect that humans don't imagine God very accurately."

"Good point. Some of the guys suggested the money could be a test of our honesty? The Bible is full of..."

"Irrelevant crap and tricks to manipulate people. Look at how the angels have behaved the last few months: they're BIG on being straightforward. The angel made it clear it wants everyone to have that money, so that's what it means. Anyone would be silly to give it back, especially because the IRS has no idea about it. Shove it in your pockets and whistle innocently."

"I'm sure they'll be happy to hear that. We found hundreds of keys in one of the trash bins, obviously from the people today. We're not sure what to do with them?"

"Unless there's good reason to think otherwise - like twenty-foot high, flaming letters giving you instructions - I'd just leave them there. It sounds like the angel threw them in the trash, so treat them like trash.

^-- "Depending on what happens, your guys might meet the angel repeatedly from now on and I think it'd be a good idea for you to tell your staff to be straightforward with it, so they don't get themselves tangled in impossibly circular worry. The bible and churches are full of tangled logic because they're frantically trying to disguise that just about everything they say is nonsense, whereas the angels and God themselves are obviously very real. Just treat them as real. I'm sure the angel will be straightforward with your staff too. Did Tristan tell you about his experience?"