Chapter 259: A Girl Accuses Me of Using Her for Sex (Oh, the Injustice!)

Monday, June 20, 2005 (Continued)

I'd called Mom before Aikido to tell her, "I'll be staying the night at the Williams' as I want to show Julia something first thing in the morning." I headed to Julia's after Aikido. As I walked toward the front door, I was amused to see a multitude of female heads through the kitchen window. Julia met me at the door, laughingly telling me the explanation. Soon after I'd left for Aikido, Vanessa had called my mom to say they had too much food, and they needed help to eat it. So my family had come over for dinner. Gina and Leanna had checked with their parents then stayed for dinner too. Last and not least - in terms of girth and importance - Gina's Mom had come over about an hour ago. She'd intended just to collect Gina and Leanna, but she was still holding forth in Vanessa's kitchen, waving a large spoon around and giving more cooking lessons to a very appreciative audience.

I was introduced to Majella as Julia's very hungry and ravenous boyfriend. Which was an EXCELLENT introduction, because Majella appeared to consider it a personal challenge. I rushed upstairs to get changed into something suitable for eating in. Clearly a great deal of eating was coming my way, as I'd noticed that the stove was covered with steaming pots, which was a WONDERFUL thing to see and smell!

On my return to Heaven, I quickly let Majella know that her previous audience hadn't come close to showing her what "appreciative" really meant. My joining the men - wherever they were - never occurred to even one of my minds. In truth, much of my enjoyment came from the mood. The women were laughing, joking and having a good time. As the only male in the room, I was singled out for special treatment, and was 'forced' to taste everything. Sometimes repeatedly, when I cunningly said I wasn't sure what I thought.

Mostly they were cooking sauces, so Vanessa and Mom could divide them up and keep them in their fridges or freezers until needed. There was some bulky food though, what Gina had been making when I'd left, so that was mostly what I ate.

It didn't take Majella long to notice that Leanna's attitude to me was not what it should have been toward someone else's boyfriend. Leanna was doing her best to hide it, but not nearly well enough (I'm pretty sure all mothers go to advanced secret classes to learn how to spot things like that). The best thing was to explain right away. Not with the truth, obviously, but with a cover story explained loudly so everyone would know how to act. I said, "Ahh, I see you're just like my mother Majella; not much gets past you. Leanna and I used to be in 8th grade together, and there was some chemistry between us back then..."

#4: <As in the chemistry of inert gases.>

" ... We were both at the Aquatic Center this afternoon. Unfortunately Julia makes me wear the most ridiculous pair of bright yellow Speedos, and I think the glare off them has temporarily addled Leanna..."

To my surprise, Vanessa interrupted with, "Felicity, when was the last time you had a good look at Mark's body?"

Mom answered, "Umm. I guess a couple of months ago when he was doing sit-ups for Julia in our living room. He was only wearing a pair of underwear then."

#1: <Other than to embarrass us totally, does anyone know where Vanessa is going with this?>

#7: <No, although I'm confident that your first prediction will come true.>

#5: <The good news is that we can rely on Vanessa. The bad news is that one of the things we can rely on her for, is to embarrass us.>

Vanessa said, "Strip down to your underwear please, Mark." Julia giggled first, which gave everyone else permission to do likewise. A permission I ignored. Even my previous favorite mother, Majella, was laughing at my reaction.

When I got a chance, I asked, "Ahh. Why Vanessa? Not that I don't thank you for the opportunity to strip in front of a room full of women."

"So we can see your body. Especially your mother. Julia tells me your physique has improved noticeably recently."

"I could show Mom in another room."

#3: <What do you figure the chances of Vanessa agreeing to that are?>

#4: <I'll admit I was desperate to find a way out. Can anyone think of a better reason not to strip?>

#8 : <We're smelly after our training.>

#4: <I'll try that.>

I added, "Besides, I've been training for the last three hours, so I'm very smelly. That'd be a bad thing to unleash in a kitchen."

"I know you don't sweat much when you exercise." Addressing the room, Vanessa asked, "Who does NOT think Mark should strip down to his underwear?"

#4: <Do giggles count as votes?>

Julia helped (her mother, not me), by pointing out, "You've been parading around in front of hundreds of people in your Speedos all afternoon. This is no different. Come on."

#5: <First, we have NOT been parading around. Second, they're not OUR Speedos; they're Julia's. Our wearing them is a mere technicality.>

#1: <Third, we're not going to get out of this. We might as well grin and bare it.>

"Can't I at least leave my pants on?"

#5: <I think it's the giggling that I find the most annoying. They're giggling AT us, without the slightest sign of shame or sympathy.>

Julia answered my plea with the expected amount of shame and sympathy, "Of course not! They're covering the best area, {giggle}."

"{Sigh}. I wonder how old you have to be to sign up to be a monk. I like the idea of living in a building with high walls to keep females out."

Julia reached up and started pulling down the zip of my tracksuit jacket. Accepting the inevitable, I did as 'requested' (using the word facetiously and forlornly). I pulled my T-shirt off, Julia helpfully took it from me (i.e., snatched it from my hands), and Majella exclaimed, "Mamma Mia!"

It was such a cliché that I laughed. I realized it was also a good way of stalling, so I asked her, "Do Italians really say that? I thought it was mostly a joke."

Julia added, "You haven't seen anything yet, Majella. Wait until you see him in just his underwear. Come on Mark." Julia held out her hand impatiently.

It wasn't worth trying to resist. It never had been, right from when I'd first tried to resist. Females can be literally merciless. I pulled down my tracksuit pants very carefully, making sure that my underwear didn't budge.

#8: <THANK GOD they're decent underwear. Not the "pull forward and lift" type from Rocky's.>

Even Mom was impressed by my physique.

Vanessa got me to do sit-ups in the middle of the kitchen floor, while the females gathered around and leered at me, making comments I'd rather not have heard, including Majella exclaiming, "Gina! Stop looking at him there!"

"YOU stop looking there too. I saw you!"

Julia defended her new acquaintance - she hadn't defended anyone recently so she had defensiveness to spare - "Mark's been wearing a swimsuit smaller than those underwear all afternoon, Majella. Hundreds of girls have been staring at him 'there' for hours. Looking doesn't do any harm, and Mark's not the type of guy to act on their interest. You can see how modest he is."

"How can he be modest with a body like that?"

Then Vanessa got me to turn over and do push-ups. They were better, because I didn't have to look at anyone. I thought 'there' would be safely out of sight, but they simply changed the body part under discussion, and started commenting on my ass.

They went back to discussing my body. A minute into the discussion, Julia agreed, "Yes, he's VERY strong. In the pools, he was throwing us higher into the air than any other guys could to their girlfriends, and some of those guys were big, strong, college guys."

Majella asked, "Did he throw you too, Gina?"

Gina answered loudly, "Did he ever! He sent me flying. And before you ask, I'm STILL a virgin! There's nothing wrong with having fun in the pools."

"With a boy looking like THAT there is!" declared Majella forcefully.

"Get real!" exclaimed Gina. "There'd be five hundred girls ahead of me in the line..."

"GINA! Your father would be..."

"I'd have four babies of my own before I got to the head of Mark's line. Why would he waste time on me when he can have any girl he wants. Get real!" It was actually quite funny, as there was lots of noise but no heat.

I couldn't work out a safe way of joking about Gina's cooking being what I fancied the most, as I could either offend Gina or worry Majella, so I tried a different approach. A few exchanges later, I managed to inject, "I don't want to cause family trouble. I should get dressed."

To my surprise, Vanessa agreed. I didn't argue with her this time, grabbing clothes and getting dressed as fast as I could.

Soon after I was dressed, my brain started working properly and I thought of a good line. I said, "Majella, I'm not going to 'ruin' the daughter of the BEST COOK IN CORVALLIS!" (She'd recently told Gina off for "ruining herself.") "I need you to teach my and Julia's mothers all of your wonderful recipes so I've got the energy to ruin every OTHER mother's daughter!"

Ruining other daughters was apparently perfectly okay with Majella, who must've forgotten about Leanna, as she called me "Sweet." Or maybe that was because I'd complimented her cooking.

Mom changed the subject even more effectively, by saying, "While I remember to mention it, Mark, we fly home to see my family on July 7 for three weeks."

"That's sooner than I thought. We'll have Carol's birthday in England then, and maybe Donna's too?" (Donna's is on August 1.)

"Not quite for Donna's. We get back on the 27th..." Mom spent a couple of minutes detailing boring stuff about the trip. Where we'd go, who'd we see, etc.

One word caught Julia's attention (she was coming with us). She very carefully checked that she'd heard correctly, "Paris?"

Mom answered, "I thought it made sense to spend a few days in France while we were in the area."

"VERY good sense," agreed Julia.

"Try this, Mark," offered Majella, making me nearly as happy as Julia.

Cooking became the main focus again. Majella explained what needed to be done to finish each of the remaining works in progress; Carol faithfully writing everything down.

I reluctantly distracted myself from the important activities going on around me to send Carina a text message about my trip dates, apologizing for having to cancel the dinner with her parents. I added that I'd call her tomorrow. [Which I did, at an opportune moment. Just to apologize again. She understood, especially when I mentioned Paris.]

I got a chance to ask Vanessa, "Won't our going to England delay the house purchase?"

"No. We'll get a limited power of attorney done before you go, so Prof and I can sign the contracts on behalf of you and your parents. Your absence won't be a problem. I'll even use it to our advantage. I'll tell the agents when you're leaving the country, and that you'll be doing the inspections a couple of days before. If they don't have their client's best offers on paper by then, they'll miss out. I doubt the deal will be done before you leave, so I'll use your lack of availability as additional leverage."

[The powers of attorney were done before we left, enabling Prof and Vanessa to sign the property contracts for us, and to make three payments out of my bank account: for the house deposit, and to send two $500,000 transfers to two emergency fund accounts that my family would set up while we were overseas, one in England and one in Switzerland. Julia would set up two similar accounts for her family, with me as signatory for them as well. The money to fund those was already in Prof and Vanessa's account, so they could send it under their own control.]