Chapter 17: Saturday Morning Lessons

Saturday, April 2, 2005

The sound of a door slamming and feet running along the hallway outside my bedroom door woke me far too early on Saturday morning. A few seconds later, the running feet returned, and the same door was opened and then slammed again. It was my sisters' bedroom door.

A radio came on and was turned up very loudly, and I got the message that it was time for me to get up and be debriefed. God knows how I would describe my date to Carol.

I got dressed, then still sleepily opened my bedroom door.

Carol's door flew open about two and a half nanoseconds later (they have an ESP for this sort of thing), and Carol ran to grab my arm and drag me to the kitchen, "Come on, Sleepyhead! I want to know EVERYTHING. Walk faster. Start talking. Here, sit down and talk. I'll get your breakfast; you just talk."

"What would you like to know?"

"I already said that: EVERYTHING."

"You'll need to be more specific, CAROL, as I can't think clearly yet, CAROL, because someone woke me too early, CAROL."

"What did you talk about?"

I smiled as I said, "Mostly about how lucky she is not to have any sisters."

"Argh. You meanie!"

"Okay, okay, I'll spill the beans. We started talking about family. I learned that she's got two much older brothers, who're twins that are going to OSU. She learned that I think I have two lovely sisters."

"You say the nicest things."

I thought so too, in two respects. I have gotten better at saying nice things over the last year or so. And over that same time period my sisters have become much nicer. I knew those two events were connected. By treating my sisters nicer, including complimenting them at the right times, they are naturally treating me nicer. It's hardly rocket science, which makes me wonder why I'd wasted so many years ignoring them, except to fight with.

Although they're not perfect sisters, as I had to ask, "If I keep saying nice things will I get some breakfast? I get hungry you know."

Carol resumed putting my breakfast together, "Sorry, it's coming."

"Then we spent some time talking about our hobbies, what subjects we like at school, that sort of thing. We'd not been in the same classes before this year, so we hardly knew anything about each other. We spent quite a lot of time talking about this stuff because we want to get to know each other much better."

"Did you kiss her?"

"I'm not going to answer that unless you bring me my breakfast."

"Sorry, here it comes." And, happily for me, it finally arrived.

I had a few mouthfuls while I thought. Carol was moving from foot to foot impatiently, waiting for me to answer this important question.

"Carol, a gentleman shouldn't 'kiss and tell', and I like to think that I am a gentleman." I could see Carol was about to argue with me. Not about that I was a gentleman, I hoped, but because she thought I was refusing to divulge this critical piece of information. I quickly continued, "but I will answer you." Now she was smiling.

^-- "Julia will be visiting this house sometimes. Today, she said, although I don't know when because it'd be rude to wake her up this early to ask her. I'm sure you'll see us kissing lots of times, so I'll tell you that, yes, I did kiss her last night. And she kissed me too. It was very nice."

"Wow, that's so cool. She's very beautiful isn't she? Did you see her in that dress last night?"

"Yes, I did see her in that dress last night, and yes, she is very beautiful. Especially last night."

"Umm, did you do more? Than kiss I mean. Did you do more than kiss?" Carol was blushing cutely.

"Yes we did." Carol's eyes flew open. I added, "We held hands too."

"Argh, you meanie. You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do. And you also know that I wouldn't answer that question."

"She wants you to, you know? I've heard some of the things she's said to you, about getting lucky and stuff like that. She thinks you're hot."

"She's never said that to me."

"She told me."

"When?"

"When you were off school just after you got your arm broken. We talked about you. She gave me her phone number too."

"Yes, I remember that."

"So did you show her how hot you are?"

"You'll have to ask her that."

"I can ask her?"

"Sure, you can ASK her. Whether she answers is up to her. Now no more questions about how hot I am."

"When is she coming here?"

"I don't know, she just said she would come some time today."

"You two are so lucky."

"I agree we are. I'm certainly lucky to have a girlfriend as beautiful and wonderful as Julia. And I agree that she's lucky too, to have such of a wonderful dream of a boyfriend."

My tease fell flat when Carol said, "I agree. You'd be a wonderful boyfriend."

"Thank you. Where're the others?"

"Mom and Donna have gone to the library. Mom said they wouldn't be long. Dad's in the garage fixing the lawnmower." You'd think that Dad's working in a factory that made lawnmowers would mean he got enough of them during the week, but he likes playing around with ours. Carol added, "Dad said for you to go and see him when you were up."

"Thanks. So if you are the only one in the house, why were you running around earlier?"

"To wake you up, silly. It was time you got up to answer my questions."

"Why didn't you just knock on my door to wake me?"

"Mom told me to leave you alone until you came out of your room yourself."

"Oh, silly me."

Carol smiled as she answered, "That's what I said."

I rinsed my dishes, put them away, and then went to see Dad.

^

"Ah, hi Mark, I see Carol got you up already."

"Yes, she was very impatient. I would've preferred some more sleep though."

"You were late last night, so I guess you had a good time?"

"I'm not sure 'good' is the right word for it. Good parts for sure, but 'confusing' would be a better description."

"You wouldn't be the first guy in the world to find a female confusing. Which of the many ways they've got to confuse us did you suffer from you last night?"

"Pretty much all of them, I think. It's not just last night either. I'll try to be chronological. First, I'm confused by girls liking me. They never used to, but in the last week I've been getting chased. Why did Annette Neumeyer care so much about my opinion of her that she had to come back the second time dressed so sexy and kiss me?

^-- "A few days ago, another girl I barely knew slipped her phone number into my pocket and told me to call her. Then I was in the lunchroom Friday with Julia beside me and another girl who I didn't know at all asked me to go for a nature walk with her today, even though Julia was right next to me. When I said Julia was my girlfriend, she just said that she was twice the girl Julia is. And lastly, Julia. She likes me a LOT. How can I be un-likable two weeks ago and so likable now?"

Dad answered, "Fame. Many girls will chase a guy just because he's famous in the small world of school. I had plenty of that during my school years, and it can go to your head, but it's fake and meaningless. You don't know them and they don't know you, so it's nothing to do with your being likable. With Julia on the scene, don't even think about it. One caring girlfriend is worth more than any number of one-night stands, which is all a fame-groupie will ever be, no matter how many nights they last, how sincere they seem or what sweet words they whisper in your ear. The moment your fame goes, so will they.

^-- "I had lots of girls chase me when I was the football captain. Some of them chased me very hard, but they were all attracted to fame and were into ego, like the groupies that chase after rock or movie stars. None of them would've stayed with me after two years in a lawnmower factory, let alone twenty. Instead I married your mother, and you know how happy I am with that decision. Follow my example, Mark."

"Okay, no groupies. I got that."

"Annette was just a crazy, mixed up, bitch. She was concerned about her status, enjoyed being cruel, and God knows what else was going through her head. It was nothing to do with liking you, that's for sure. Forget about her. Don't waste breath talking about her.

^-- "The unknown girls who come on to you aren't the free fun they seem to be offering. They want the reflected glory of being with you, which means that has to become widely known. Don't think for a second that you'll be able to play with any of them behind Julia's back. If you give any of them the time of day you're killing your relationship with Julia, and damaging your reputation with the nice girls at school too. That just leaves Julia..."

"Back up a little and tell me what to do about the fame-groupies. The girl who gave me her number: do I call her to say 'No', do I refuse her in school, ignore her, or what? And what about other girls?"

"You throw the paper away and pretend she never gave it to you. Avoid her if you can, to discourage her from trying again. Do NOT call her. That's the worst thing you can do as it'd encourage her and piss Julia off badly. If any girls come on to you at school, loudly and firmly tell them you're not interested. If they give you a paper with their phone number on it, give it back without looking at it. Or if you want to be cute, give it to Julia and tell her to get rid of it for you. When any girl comes onto you, the only opinion you worry about is Julia's.

^-- "You can't cheat on girls because they're unbelievably good at spotting that. If you want to break up with Julia, then break up honestly and THEN look for another girlfriend. You'll get much better ones that way, as any girl who'd go out with you while you had another girlfriend won't think twice of playing around behind your back either."

"Okay. I wasn't intending to play around; I just didn't know how to reject the others. I'll take my cue from how firm your opinion is."

"Good. There's only one girl in your list that could work out to be a good girlfriend, and you're already going out with her. None of the other girls like you for you, so congratulations on picking the right one. From what I've seen and heard, Julia likes you very much."

"I'll say! That's the thing that worries me the most actually. I'm worried she likes me too much."

"You're a hard guy to please. You want a girl to like you, but not too much, and not too little either I guess. What about if you got busy and didn't have so much time for her for a week or two? Would you prefer her to automatically like you less until you were more available? People's emotions don't match your needs, Mark. Your Mom and I love you the same day after day, regardless of what you need that day. Your sisters love you and you them, yet none of you need each other. It's not about your needs or wants. Julia chooses how much she likes or loves you. Your choice is how you behave toward her. If you like her, you'll act nicely toward her, and she'll choose how much to like you as a result. From what I've heard, Julia thinks almost everything you do is wonderful?"

"Yes, she's blown away by me. I've never had that before."

"You must be treating her right then. Don't let it go to your head though, and don't take advantage of her for being so enthusiastic for you. Good relationships have give and take in them, even if the feelings aren't equal on both sides, like with you and Julia now. Do you get what I mean?"

"I think so. So far I haven't had a chance to take advantage of her, as she's been the one to choose what we do. She's very organized and she knows what she wants."

"Sounds like you've got a tiger by the tail then. A very pretty tiger."

"I'll say. You should've seen her last night."

"Carol told me a time or six. Well that's it then: makes sure the give and take goes in both directions, and let her choose how much to like you as a result. Okay?"

"Yes Dad. That reassures me a bit. It's not easy though."

"Welcome to a man's life, son."

"Yeah, I'm beginning to see that it's much more complicated than I expected."

"It certainly is. One last question: Did you wear a rubber?"

"Umm, yes. Julia was even more prepared than I was about that."

"Hang on to that tiger, son. Good. Go and have a shower before Fely gets home."

"That's all? You don't have any more questions about last night?"

"Do you want me to ask any more questions?"

"Going for my shower now, Dad. Bye! Oh, and while I remember, thanks for the money you gave me for the dinner. I'll put the change on your bed."

"I'm sure there's not much left, so keep it. You're about to find out that having a girlfriend is expensive. You'll need all the money you've got."

"Thanks Dad, bye."

#1: <Did that talk help?>

#3: <We already knew to avoid "fame groupies", as Dad called them. They would've been exciting if we weren't with Julia, but now they're a worry we have to treat as a nuisance to be ignored. Julia is the one that confuses me. I don't think that talk helped us with her.>

#4: <I get the idea that girls will be confusing us for the rest of our life, so we might as well start getting used to it.>

#1: <It'd be nice to know how to deal with Julia though, She's so certain and intense it scares me.>

#2: <We're not abusing her by getting her to do things for us like Dad was worried about. If anything, we'd have to ask her to STOP doing things for us.>

#3: <And we are enjoying having her as our girlfriend, aren't we?>

#1: <We certainly are!>

#3: <Let's keep her then.>

#4: <Was there ever any doubt?>

^

By the time I'd showered and re-dressed, Mom and Donna were home. Mom was in the kitchen when I went there looking for a snack.

"Good morning, sleepyhead. How are you this morning?"

"I'm good thanks, Mom. A bit tired, but good. Oh, and sorry for making you wait up late for me last night."

"That's okay; it wasn't too bad. We'd guessed you'd be late. In the future we'll be a bit stricter, but we thought this was a special night and Julia is older and her parents trust her a great deal. We thought you'd be safe with her. Well, safe in some ways anyway, haha."

"You know one of the first things I've learned from having a girlfriend?"

"No, what?"

"That I get teased and embarrassed a LOT more."

"We do it to stop you getting a big head from going out with such a beautiful girl."

"She is beautiful, isn't she?"

"She certainly is."

"Last night Julia said she'd come over here sometime today. Is that okay with you, please?"

"Sure. I imagine we'll be seeing quite a lot of her from now on. Just so long as you get your chores done and don't let your schoolwork suffer, that's fine with us. Fine with Carol too I'm guessing. She's really proud of you and quite excited by Julia. I expect Carol will start begging us to let her date soon."

"Julia told me that I'm invited to dinner at her house on Wednesday to meet her family. Is that still okay with you too?"

"Yes, it's fine. Your father will drive you over and they'll drive you back."

"Wow, you guys are planning ahead."

"I've had several conversations with Vanessa. You don't think we'd let you go out on the sort of date last night obviously was without doing a lot of checking first, do you? The same for Vanessa wanting to check on you."

"Um, I never thought of it."

"That's what parents do, dear. We didn't expect to be doing it quite so soon, but that seems to be a common complaint of parents everywhere. We didn't think Julia was going to let us wait; she seems to have set her sights on you."

"I'll say! It's amazing that she has, but it's also quite scary too."

"Yes, relationships can be. Here's something to think about: from what I know about Julia, she's dated very little for such an attractive girl. Barely more than you have," Mom smiled at me, as we both knew how much that was, "and she's made no secret about how deeply hooked on you she is, so think about how scary this is for her."

"Umm, yes. I can see what you mean. Except that she seems so organized and confident."

"Sometimes people can act confident even though underneath they're very nervous. Sometimes they even overdo their confident act precisely because they are so scared. I wouldn't be surprised if Julia was doing that."

I remembered how she suddenly burst into tears over getting my jacket wet. "I think you might be right. Last night everything was going great and we were both very happy, and then one little thing went wrong and she burst into tears saying that she'd ruined the whole date. It was a huge overreaction. That sounds like what you're talking about, doesn't it?"

"Yes it does. She sounds very worried about failing with you. Vanessa has told me that Julia is trying very hard to be the best she can for you. And if she's trying that hard, there must be a considerable amount of fear underneath it all."

"I think you're right."

"Which means it's even more important that you treat her right. How did you handle the thing she was crying about last night?"

I didn't want to tell Mom about my jacket being soaked by our mess, so I had to be deliberately vague on the details, "Umm, I didn't really fix the problem, as such, but I complimented her to make her stop being upset about it. I think she was even happier than she'd been before the problem happened."

"That's perfect then. I'll tell you something worth remembering about females that most men don't really get, even if they think they know it. When their partner has a problem, most men like to grab hold of the problem with their hands and fix it. Your father does that because he's such a hands-on type of guy. Men concentrate on the problem, not the girl, assuming that when the problem has been dealt with the girl will be happy again. But very often reassuring the girl is more important. It sounds like the problem last night was just like that, and that you did exactly the right thing."

#1: <We did good, didn't we? We didn't even try to fix the problem, mainly because we didn't have a clue how to get that sort of mess out of our jacket. But we reassured her so well that she was bursting with happiness. It was really schmaltzy, but it was exactly the right thing to do.>

Laughter from Mom, "Haha, Mark. I can see your chest swelling with pride. This from a boy who has a grand total of ONE date under his belt. You're not quite an expert yet, you know. You're going to make lots of mistakes yet."

"I'll try hard not to. I don't want to hurt Julia."

"That's good. Trying will help, but you WILL make mistakes. Even after twenty years of marriage and knowing each other as well as we do, your father and I still make mistakes with each other. Start practicing how to apologize, you'll be doing it sooner rather than later. Very soon, in fact; I guarantee it."

"I don't think so. Everything is great at the moment."

"Do you want to make a bet with me that you won't be apologizing to Julia within five minutes?" This got my attention MUCH stronger than you'd expect because Mom is very anti-betting.

"Uh oh. What have I done?"

"Haven't done, in this case. Julia will have been up for an hour by now, if not two, waiting for you to call her to reassure her that you still love her. She'll be sitting there, looking at the clock ticking minute after minute, wondering if you're going to call. How do you think she feels?"

"But... , but she said she'd come over sometime today. I'm waiting for her."

"You may think you're waiting for her, but believe me, she's waiting for you a great deal harder. With increasing anxiety and panic."

"But why? I mean, when I said goodnight to her last night, everything was great. I don't understand what could've happened while I was sleeping."

"That's not it. Guys often lose interest in a girl once they've scored with her. Julia will be worried sick that she's opened her heart and body to a guy who'll lose interest in her after getting what he wants. And as scary as that is for any women, it is far more so when she's given her virginity as well as her heart. Believe me, 'anxious' doesn't come close to how Julia's feeling now."

"Mom, how can you POSSIBLY know that we had, um, sex? And how did you know she was a virgin? I didn't even know that until we were doing it. And then I was amazed because she'd been so confident and everything."

"Haha. Poor Mark, you really don't know how mothers operate do you? For the last week Julia's been desperately trying to find out how to be the best possible girlfriend she can for you, how to offer herself to you, and how to make sure you wanted to accept her. She's been asking her whole family endless questions, especially about sex. Not that she was anything other than open about it, but how hard do you think it was for her mother to figure out what Julia had planned?"

"Ahh, probably not that hard."

"No, not hard at all. And once Julia's intention was clear, imagine what her mother worries about next: is the boy good enough for her daughter's offer? So what does Vanessa do next?"

"I have no idea."

"She calls the boy's mother to discuss it with her..."

#3: <{Groan}.>

" ... Vanessa and I had a lunch on Thursday to discuss your and Julia's relationship. We could see how thrilled you two are to be together. I convinced Vanessa that you weren't the schoolyard Casanova," Mom smiled at me, "and that you are mature enough to treat Julia with respect. So we agreed to let Julia proceed with her plan."

"I had NO idea that any of that sort of stuff went on. There's a lot of tricky stuff involved in being a mom, isn't there?"

"There certainly is. It wasn't hard though, Mrs. Williams has a very high opinion of you. Almost as high as Julia's. I should let her pay your grocery bills. That'd bring her down to Earth in a hurry."

I looked suitably sheepish, although it did remind me that I wouldn't mind another snack. The breakfast Carol had made hadn't been large enough.

Mom continued, "So I knew what the plan was for last night. The only question was whether the plan was carried out or not. It was easy to see that it was."

"How could you tell?"

"You doubt the ability of mothers to know what their children are up to?"

"NEVER again, Mom, I promise."

"Good. But I'm not going to tell you how I knew. I've given away enough secrets for one day. It'll do you good not to know all my tricks."

"Thanks VERY much! I'll go call Julia right this second and apologize to her. You were right about that. I'm glad I didn't take your offer of a bet."

"Two quick things before you get on the phone."

"Yes."

"Vanessa and I, and the fathers too, have put a lot of faith in you. That you'll treat Julia kindly, with respect, and in ways to make us proud of our decision to support you. Don't let us down!"

#3: <Oh boy.>

"No, Mom. I definitely will do my best."

"No one knows how far the relationship will go, that's between you and her. We only require that you treat her well."

"I will."

"We've also put our faith in Julia too, not to hurt or mistreat our wonderful son. Relationships go both ways, so she's equally responsible for it. But she offered you something she held very precious: her virginity. You probably couldn't get rid of yours fast enough, but her giving hers to you was a very big step for her, so please show us all that you're up to the honor that's been given you."

"You know, I was scared about messing up before this talk, and I was hoping you could make me feel easier. Instead you've made me even more scared about stuff I didn't even know I had to be scared about. But somehow it's doesn't feel so bad."

"That's because you're starting to understand why. If you understand what you're doing it's easier to stand up to scary things."

"Yes, that's exactly right. I am more scared, but I know I can do it."

"Don't get overconfident. There are plenty of ways you can mess up yet. I'll tell you one. For the last few days, Julia has been getting increasingly worried about the girls that are approaching you at school. She also overhears other girls talking about how hot you are," Mom smiled at her "hot" son, "and how much they'd like to date you. She's been getting frantic about it.

^-- "She nearly canceled her date with you at the last minute because she didn't believe you'd stay with her when you can have your pick from many other girls at school, but her mother talked her into going ahead. Vanessa did that knowing Julia would most likely give her virginity to you. As I said, her mother REALLY likes you. My point is that Julia was extremely nervous and scared before your date, and is doubtless even more worried now about her future with you, so imagine how she'd feel if you paid ANY attention to any other girl at school."

"Oh my God! That's terrible. I could easily have done that accidentally. Not date one obviously, but I could have talked to one too much. That would've been horrible. Why didn't you warn me about that earlier?"

"Because there are no end of things that can go wrong. I could tell you that one, then what about the next one, and the next one? There are too many of them. I only told you that one because you were getting cocky. You thought you understood what was going on. Believe me, you do NOT understand everything, and you WILL make mistakes. Being scared of messing up is your best defense. It's like your nearly failing to help Julia with her coat last night. You nearly made a mistake, and getting so close to making one scared you. You had no trouble remembering to open the car door for her because you were scared and on your toes. Staying scared and on your toes is a good idea."

"Thanks for this conversation. You've really opened my eyes."

"Good, keep them open and learn, and you'll become a good boyfriend. One last thing before you call Julia. On Thursday night, when we were planning your date, we agreed you'd take a small 'Thank You' gift to Mrs. Williams when you have dinner with them this coming Wednesday. Remember?"

"Yes."

"Think back on the conversation we just had. Do you see just how much you owe Vanessa? She put a lot of trust in you, and effectively gave you her only daughter. She took a large personal risk on Friday when she talked Julia out of canceling. Can you imagine how bad Vanessa would feel if you discarded her daughter now? So when you give your gift to her, mean it! Meanwhile, you've got TWO very anxious and worried females sitting by the phone at the Williams' house. I'll leave you to give them a call."

"Thanks Mom!"

I rushed to the phone to call Julia.

"Julia? It's Mark. I am SO SORRY I didn't call earlier. I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY. Please forgive me. I should have called ages ago. Please tell your mother that I'm very sorry to her too. I'll never do it again, I promise."

#2: <There's sure to be a reason we don't know yet for why we could be in trouble with Mr. Williams, so... >

"Please tell your dad I'm sorry too. I never want to hurt you. I'm so sorry ... What's that? 'When can you come over?' Come right now, I want to apologize to you in person ... Good, see you soon. And I'm so sorry. Make sure you tell your mother please ... Oh, she's sitting next to you. In that case please also tell her, 'Thank you very, very much from Mark' ... Why are you laughing? You're happy? Oh that's good, see you soon then ... And I am too..." {Click}.

#4: <That certainly showed her who the boss of this relationship is.>

#1: <Did you ever have any doubts?>

#4: <Now that you mention it, no.>

#3: <We don't know anything, do we? Even after what Mom just told us, we're still going to do something wrong, or not do something, or do it at the wrong time, or God knows what! It's all far too big and serious and hurtful. We're going to fuck up big time.>

#2: <Yeah, I agree. I can't believe how complicated and difficult dating is. I thought you just found a nice girl, went somewhere, and hopefully did some kissing and maybe more. Instead it takes about a dozen people several meetings and several hours just to plan our first date, then it looks like I'm going to spend the rest of my life worried sick about hurting Julia, her mother, her father, my mother, my father. Even Carol is wound up about Julia and me, which doubtless means we could hurt her in some way that I have absolutely no clue about. To think that Dad was worried about our trying to date TWO girls! We'd have to be INSANE to try to handle two at a time!>

^

I walked into the living room where Mom and Donna were watching TV. Mom asked, "How did it go?"

"I made it very clear to her who's the boss of this relationship!"

"WHAT!"

"I repeatedly apologized, groveled and begged for forgiveness. She should be in absolutely no doubt now!"