Chapter 161: My Idea of Window Shopping

Sunday, May 1, 2005 (Continued)

Emily and her apparently sexually inadequate boyfriend had turned right, so I thought it'd be a good idea for me to turn left. I found a good place to window-shop. Coincidentally they served good food, and it would have been rude to stare out of their window without buying something, so I placed an order. I ate slowly, figuring I probably had the best part of an hour to kill.

From time to time someone from school would recognize me through the window. Sometimes they and whoever they were with came in to talk to me. Most of my visitors came and went fairly quickly, but a group did build up, ordered their own lunches, and thereafter I was in an expanding crowd. My seat by the window ensured that, which I thought was a weird sign of how strange my life had become since Julia started "packaging and promoting" me.

Nothing individually important happened, but the aggregate was interesting. Many more people than I would've thought would want to, were genuinely happy to have the chance to spend some time with me. I enjoyed the girls' company the most (because girls are better company, to talk with or just to look at), but even the guys were reasonable today. The guys I see most of at school, my classmates, recently fall into one of two camps: hostile because I've "unfairly taken too many girls," or are quiet and uninvolved. Because the latter group doesn't interact with me, nearly all my masculine interactions at school are negative, but today's guys were much better. Most of them were from other grades, but even the couple of them that were in one or more of my classes were better behaved. The pissed-off guys must have chosen not to come in, as statistically speaking there should've been a few of those.

A few things amused me:

• The place I'd chosen to have my lunch at ended up getting a significant amount of extra business, just because I'd sat in it.

• Virtually all the girls from my school asked, "Where's Julia?", demonstrating that they were all very well aware of Julia's role in my life. I answered, "Buying clothes. I'm hiding in here," or variations thereon.

• Several of the people that were led in by their friends didn't know me, usually because they went to different schools. It was amusing and often embarrassing to hear how I was described to these strangers. Guys tended to describe my success with girls and sporting prowess. Girls mentioned how popular I was, how nice, how well I dressed, and sometimes even my genius.

• Not so much amusing, but I still thought it interesting, was that late-coming girls often asked, "I didn't know you were friends with these people, Mark?" whereas guys hardly ever asked that. Social networks are much more important to girls than guys.

A group of 9th grade girls joined us for a while, on their way to a movie. I knew several of them, from having been in their classes last school year. Some of them looked rather attractive, and I started regretting that we hadn't done anything about recruiting a 9th grade Liaison yet. Once they were settled in, one of the prettier ones called out across the tables, "Where's Julia, Mark? Have you broken up with her?"

I'd answered those questions a few times already, but never with this many pretty girls listening to the second question's answer, which made a difference. Rather than again answering with the usual, "We're still together. She's shopping; I'm hiding," I instead said, "I get asked that very often; several times today and quite often at school." I was exaggerating, so this pretty girl didn't get embarrassed when I added, "I don't know why you asked Felicity, but usually it's because the girl wants to know if I'm available..." (she's called Felicity, the same name as my mom, which is COMPLETELY irrelevant to my thinking that she [the younger Felicity] is pretty).

"Oh no. That's not why I'm asking. I'm just..."

"Don't worry about it. I'll answer anyway, because some of the other girls might be interested, and hopefully word might get around so I won't get asked about it so often. Whether or not I've broken up with Julia doesn't have any effect on my availability. Julia WANTS me to have another girlfriend. To have several, until I find the one that I like the most. For example, not half an hour ago Julia helped me chat-up one of the girls in the store with us, and I have her phone number in my pocket now. It'd be fair to say that with Julia's help, I'm even MORE available than I was before." Actually, I was 100% available before, it's just that now I'm noticeably more successful at getting myself availed of (i.e., >0%).

"Julia could be trying to trick you. To see if you're faithful."

To keep my story simple I'd previously decided not to mention Ava, but now seemed a good time to reverse that decision. I had in mind what I wanted to say, but it wasn't suitable for yelling out across the table because half the room would hear it. I got up and walked around to Felicity. Because she was a latecomer, she was sitting at the far end of the group of tables from where I'd been, so when I stood by her I was facing all the rest of my 'visitors' and had my back to most of the other patrons in the place. I could safely talk loud enough for the people on my tables to hear me. Felicity's group weren't the only girls here, and I wanted them all to hear this.

"Tell me what you think of this then, Felicity, and the rest of you too. Last Tuesday an 11th grade girl called Ava became my second 'official' girlfriend. On Wednesday evening Julia's parents put on a dinner party for Ava's and my parents, so Ava's parents could meet her new boyfriend (that's me), his other girlfriend (that's Julia), and the rest of Julia's and my families. Since then Julia, Ava and I have slept together several times, and the girls have given each other heaps of orgasms. They're shopping together for a bikini for Ava right now, because..."

The rest of my intended words were drowned out by the guys at my tables being unable to hold back their excitement. For the next few minutes I was the center of excited, unintelligent, entirely predictable conversation, although I was more "shouted at" than "conversed with". I frantically hushed them, to stop their causing a scene in the café as some of the things they were yelling were very NOT appropriate in public. I, of course, acted maturely, as if I couldn't understand why these silly boys were so childish. Mature men - like me - accept threesomes as a perfectly natural part of our lives, barely worthy of comment - other than my raising the subject in the first place, haha.

When I'd managed to calm the boys down sufficiently for me to talk with Felicity again, I told her and the other girls, "As I was saying, I'm sure Julia's not trying to trick me. This is how we live. Most guys find their preferred girlfriend by trying one after the other, but Julia prefers me to try as many as I can simultaneously, that way I can get to know more girls, so I have a much better chance of finding one that suits me very well."

"Why isn't she jealous?" asked one of the other 9th graders.

"Julia's bisexual. A nuance I think most of the guys here quickly discerned from my earlier comments. Julia and my slightly younger sister Carol are an item too. Julia spends half her time with Carol, and she doesn't think it's fair for me not to have a full-time girlfriend so she's encouraging me to find one. Also, Julia's going to be in my life for a long time, because she's going to be in Carol's for a long time, so she's not worried about being pushed out of her relationship with me by a new girl. The new girl has to at least tolerate Julia being around some of the time, otherwise the new girl won't work out. Obviously Ava far more than tolerates it though. Ava's mainly my girlfriend, but she and Julia get on extremely well together, in bed and out of it. So there's no jealousy between Julia and Ava at all, only friendship."

One of the guys eagerly started asking, "What about..."

"No!" I interrupted.

"But you don't know what I was asking."

"Usually when I'm explaining Julia's and my relationships, as soon as I mention Carol some pathetically moronic walking bag of male hormones will ask me about Carol and me getting together, ideally in a threesome with Julia. So what was your question?"

"Umm." After a slight pause he either decided to be courageous, or couldn't think of an alternative, or couldn't let go of the sexual image he'd thought of (my money was on the last possibility). Whatever the reason, he asked, "It's a good question. What about you and her? If you and Julia can sleep with Ava, why not with Carol?"

"Gee, maybe because she's my SISTER! When you get home, I STRONGLY recommend you stick your head in the toilet and keep flushing it until you've washed the crap out, okay?..."

#2: <Elegantly put.>

#3: <I thought so. I'll add a few other little points, while I'm on the subject.>

" ... Not to mention small practical difficulties such as my parents killing me for raping my 13-year old sister, and then having my worthless carcass thrown in jail for at least a hundred years! Good grief! Have you got ANY concept of how that would screw-up my family and screw-up my life? You do actually have a brain cell in that head, don't you? Or is it full of testosterone and crap?"

"That's not fair! I didn't mean rape her. I meant both of you doing it for FUN."

"First, the reason Carol likes Julia is because Carol's a lesbian, so it would have to be rape, wouldn't it?"

"Oh. I didn't know. That's different." He was happy to escape out of this loophole.

"That makes no difference whatsoever! It wouldn't matter if she was 100% hetero and on her hands and knees in front of me begging for it. She's my SISTER for God's sake! There is no way in the world I am going to screw-up everything that's important in my life for something as meaningless as physical sex. Nor would she, obviously, because people in my family do have brain cells. I love my sister already, and I'm perfectly happy to show it in the traditional way, by giving her a clothing voucher on her birthday." Thus making me appear to be the perfect brother to my female audience, which was who I was playing to. I added, "Do you have a sister?"

He really didn't want to answer that. He hesitated long enough for one of his 'friends' to supply, "Yeah, two. One older, one younger."

I said, "In that case, when you get home, still flush the crap out of your head the way I said. That's URGENT, so make that the very first thing you do. After that, go to your sisters and give them my SINCERE sympathies for having you as a brother. Then when you're at your dinner table tonight, say, 'Mom and Dad, I was telling a guy from school today, in front of a couple of dozen witnesses, that he should have sex with his sister. That's a perfectly reasonable thing for me to publicly insist on and defend, isn't it?' Send me a postcard to let me know how the next several years of intensive therapy goes for you!"

When the laughter died down, I said, "I really shouldn't be too hard on Crap-For-Brains here, because - as I said - EVERY time I talk about Julia, Carol and me, some sex-addled moron of a male asks that question. And the reason one of them always asks, is because pretty much ALL males are sex-addled morons. Every other guy was thinking it; he was just the first one to open his mouth about it.

^-- "To all the guys here: You should ALL go home and flush your heads, and if you still think it's a good idea after that, then have a talk with your parents about it. I'm not saying that as a joke. It's FAR better you get yelled at for a while than you actually believe that crap."

I knew none of the guys would talk to their parents, because in reality they did understand that it was wrong. But that didn't stop them instantly hoping other guys were doing it, because the other end of the double standard seemed sexy. I didn't want to give them ANY possibility of thinking that about me though, so I'd come down hard on the idea of Carol and me doing anything so terrible. I wanted them all to know that I was adamantly opposed to brothers having sex with their sisters. I was certainly opposed to any of THEM doing it, because that'd reduce the number of girls available for me!

After giving the boys a couple of seconds to be embarrassed by all the female laughter, I continued, "To all the girls here: How is it even REMOTELY possible that any of you think guys are attractive? I know in Biology we were told that males have brains, but as soon as sex comes up, every guy's brains seem to TOTALLY disappear. Given how often guys think about sex, having their brains totally disappear for 99% of the time is a SERIOUS problem! I can't understand why every girl on the planet isn't a lesbian. Not that I'm encouraging you to - heaven forbid! - but I'm even thinking of becoming one myself! Males are... , I guess the right word is 'disappointing'. I don't know how you girls can keep persevering with us, but thank God you do!"

The girls had a great many of humorous comments to make, so I lost control of the conversation for a while. Not that it was really a conversation. It was the first time I'd "held court" as the center of attention of a decent-sized group. Julia and my other helpers weren't here, and I was not only managing all by myself, but was able to hold their attention amazingly well. Not only that, but I was also succeeding in getting some of the girls interested in me. That had to be almost entirely due to the reputation that Julia had created for me around school, but it was still a very ego-boosting experience for me. It was a buzz.

I thought the thread of conversation had been lost, but after a few minutes of noisy conversation, one of the girls asked, "Hey Mark, were you telling us about Julia not being jealous?"

I'd been waiting for an opportunity to get the conversation back on to the track that led to being able to find a good 9th grade Liaison, so I said, "Was I? Oh yeah, I was. I thought I'd mostly answered that. Julia isn't jealous because she thinks I deserve a full-time girlfriend and Julia's also hoping to share her with me anyway. There's certainly no jealousy involved..."

I was worrying about how to move ahead from there, but another girl solved that problem for me by interrupting to ask, "Would another girl have to... , you know? With Julia and Ava?"

I answered, "The way you've worded the question, of course she wouldn't 'HAVE TO'. I don't want to think about what 'have to' could entail! But I know that's not what you meant. You meant, 'Could a girl be my girlfriend without doing that?' Right?" The original questioner nodded.

^-- Loosely based on a real person, Chloe in this case, I answered, "Funnily enough you're not the first girl to ask that, haha. Julia has a friend who isn't that way inclined, and Julia thinks the girl and I would be good for each other. Especially me for her, not that it matters much," just enough for me to look good by mentioning it. "Julia has been trying hard to get that girl and me together. There are a couple of complicating issues which I won't go into now, so it's taking a lot of effort from Julia. It wasn't one of her issues, but that girl also recently asked the same question, and Julia's answer was the same as I'd give: I'm looking for a girlfriend for ME, so it'd be REALLY good if she was attracted to guys! Anything beyond that is a bonus; something good, but not essential. Just like being a good cook would be a bonus, or not dragging me out on too many clothes shopping trips. Does that answer your question?"