Chapter 137: Mr. and Mrs. West; the Tricky Half

Wednesday, April 27, 2005 (Continued)

"Very well. A few months ago Ava started measuring guys according to your system, which led her to discover Mark. The more she studied him, the more impressed and attracted she was. Soon she was hooked, which is hardly surprising, given what we've already told you about him. Unfortunately for Ava, there were two aspects of Mark that Ava thought you would disapprove of, so she didn't discuss him with you. She feared that you would tell her to forget about him and to find someone more suitable. Nor did she approach Mark either, fearing your disapproval. Ava didn't know what to do, so she did nothing.

^-- "Time passed, during which all she achieved was to become increasingly attracted to Mark. No other boy had a hope of getting her interest, not given how incredible Mark is at everything. Ava was hooked, but unable to act. Then a month ago, Mark got himself a girlfriend. Ava watched the two of them have a wonderful, highly successful relationship together. I imagine that was a very rough time for Ava..."

"I'll say. But not anymore." Ava demonstrated her happiness by hugging me tighter and giving me a quick kiss. She was smart enough to do no more than quietly squeeze Julia's hand.

"No, not anymore," agreed Vanessa. "Mark's having a successful relationship with another girl became a third reason for Ava not to tell you about him. But she couldn't stop thinking about him, and she couldn't start being interested in any other boy. Another month went by, during which you started expressing concern about the time that was passing. Try to visualize the difficulty she was in: Mark was doubtless the most fantastic guy she had ever met, but she felt unable to move forward or move away. She was horribly stuck, and you were starting to worry about time.

^-- "Then a week and a half ago, Ava was standing by the finish line of the national-level 10k race that she was so interested in, when Mark appeared out of nowhere at the head of the pack. Remember that until that moment Ava had no idea that Mark ran at all. But he ran past her and finished in first place."

"I thought Ava's behavior was strange after that race, but she wouldn't tell me why," offered Mrs. West.

"The best guy she had ever seen just performed yet another incredible accomplishment right in front of her. By the following Monday, Ava had decided that she had to act. She asked Mark out, with - I'm sure - no hope of his accepting. Her expectation was that Mark would turn her down, and then she'd have to start looking for a second choice, who she knew would compare extremely unfavorably with Mark. To her considerable surprise, Mark called Ava, put his girlfriend on the phone, and his girlfriend started giving Ava good advice on how to get Mark to date her."

"What? Mark's girlfriend wanted Ava to date Mark?"

"Yes. I'm sure you could generate lots of questions and comments about that development, but I'm going to skip all of that. I'm simply going to say that Mark's girlfriend's advice worked, and in the last week Ava has spent some quality time with Mark."

Ava giggled, but - thank God! - didn't go into details.

"Earlier I said there were two reasons why Ava didn't tell you about Mark; that there were two problems with him that she thought you'd disapprove of. One of those was that, until about a week ago, Ava thought Mark was socially inept."

"But you said Mark was very social. You even said he blew the gauge, or scale, or whatever the expression was."

"Until a week ago Ava thought he was inept. About a week ago Mark's girlfriend got him to stop hiding his light under a bushel, and to start interacting socially in the way she knew he could. Mark has recently been doing a great deal more socializing than normal, so Ava has seen that many people enjoy his company, that he's nice, funny, attentive, and all the usual social skills. He has the skills in abundance, he just needs the confidence to use them. Mark's main fault is that he's too passive. It's not a good trait for him to have, as he's going to need to be a great deal more assertive in the future. Fortunately he's got a bossy girlfriend... ," Ava giggled again. I almost felt like giggling myself, that being safer than emphatically agreeing with Vanessa, but this was probably a very good time to do more of that passivity I'm accused of. " ... who has his best interests very much in mind, and who is pushing him into developing social confidence and assertiveness."

Mrs. West asked, "You keep talking about his girlfriend as if she still exists. I don't understand how we can be talking about him having a girlfriend while he's got his arms around Ava. Ava, why aren't you upset about Mark having a girlfriend?"

Vanessa beat Ava to answering, "Katie, we are ALMOST at the point where all the pieces will start coming together. Give me a couple more minutes please." Katie nodded.

^-- "Last evening Ava promised Mark that she would be his girlfriend for at least the next few years. In return Mark promised to help and support her until she's able to stand on her own two feet. Consequently our two families are rallying behind Mark to help him help Ava.

^-- "I'm sure you would've preferred to have Ava discuss her choice of boyfriend with you first, and for you to get to know him before she made any sort of commitment to him, but that didn't happen. Ava knew a good thing when she saw it, and she leaped for it. Ava is now Mark's girlfriend, and as you can see, she's very happy with that situation. Ava is now the committed girlfriend of Mark, an intellectual prodigy, an athletic virtuoso, socially skillful, and a very good person, as you'll find out for yourself as you get to know him. Not only does Ava have a boyfriend now, but she has two extra families full of people who will help and support her through your illnesses, and for some years thereafter. I'll remind you that we won't be touching Ava's money, and that we believe Mark will be rich himself, sooner rather than later.

^-- "As that stands, Ava has walked into a dream come true. There are two complicating issues I've deliberately held back until now. Both of which you'll initially see as disadvantages, but I believe are not: Mark is fifteen years old, and he does have another girlfriend, the girl sitting beside him, my daughter Julia."

#2: <And a half! Fifteen and a half.>

#4: <Oh boy, the Wests don't know what to get upset about first.>

It didn't take them long to start expressing their opinions, and the conversation was somewhat muddled for a while. I was surprised and happy to see that they were puzzled more than angry. That doesn't mean there wasn't some anger, just that there was more puzzlement. There was quite a lot of that.

Vanessa let them ask a couple of questions, but she didn't answer them until she was ready. Then she took control of the conversation again, "I'll explain Mark's age first, as that's the simpler of the two issues. Mark's a genius. Last year he skipped a grade, this year he's doing 10th and 11th grades as well as some college courses, and next year he'll do 12th grade and finish his Bachelor in Mathematics. You wondered where Ava met Mark. The answer couldn't be simpler: he's in some of her classes at school."

Vanessa let them talk again. It didn't take long for Mrs. West to say, "But we wanted Ava to get an older boyfriend."

Vanessa grabbed that, "WHY Katie? Did you want someone who'd be educationally more advanced than Ava? Mark has the head of OSU's Math Department excited about his educational prospects! Did you want someone more physically developed? You've seen Mark without his shirt on and know he could compete nationally at running and several other sports. Do you want someone who can support her financially even though she'll have her own money? You heard us say that Mark's going to be wealthy soon. With his abilities, he can earn as much money as he wants. Did you want someone older so he could support Ava emotionally? Mark's perfectly capable of supporting her that way as he's a great deal more caring and considerate than the undergraduates I deal with daily. Not to mention Mark is bringing two whole families of additional supporters with him. Ava will have more support than she'll know what to do with. So pray tell Katie, what would an older boyfriend provide for Ava better than Mark could?"

Katie floundered for an answer. Vanessa pressed her for one, and Mrs. West was forced to concede that her comment had been a poor one.

Whereupon Vanessa told her off, "I put a lot of time and effort into making you aware of Mark's uniqueness so you would understand that his being so unusual meant that the simple ways of thinking about this situation wouldn't work. Then, despite all my efforts, you complained that Mark doesn't abide by some simple-minded rule of thumb you have about boys' age. You didn't stop to think about what OUTCOMES are important! Ava's happiness is at stake here, so lazy thinking is NOT the way to go. Think before throwing complaints around." Vanessa paused, to see that the two Wests got the message.

#2: <Boy! Vanessa's throwing a lot of punches. She didn't have to repeat her accusations in so many different ways.>

#4: <I agree that she overdid it. Fortunately they don't look TOO upset. Only somewhat upset.>

Then Vanessa added, "I suppose the next thing you'll be complaining about is Mark having two girlfriends?"

Vanessa folded her arms and arched an eyebrow at the Wests. It was clearly a challenge. Of course the Wests were going to complain about that! They'd already started doing so, but Vanessa had ignored on it to address their "Too young" complaint first.

Before they could start, Vanessa added, "Let me point out one obvious fact: that one of his two girlfriends is Prof's and my daughter! Every thought and emotion that you're having has passed through our minds too, yet we clearly support this. Of course a boy having two girlfriends at the same time is unusual, and usually bad, but Mark is an EXTREMELY unusual boy. Don't make a rule-of-thumb mistake like you did about his age. Think of the outcomes you want for Ava. She seems very happy with the situation, so that should tell you that she's getting outcomes she's very happy with, and therefore something unusual is going on. I should mention that one of the reasons Ava, Mark and Julia get on so well together is because the two girls are lovers too. It's a three-way relationship."

Vanessa had succeeded at stopping the Wests worrying about my age.

After that the conversation got more free-flowing. That's a polite way of saying that the Wests wouldn't let Vanessa control the conversation, as they started demanding answers, especially of Ava. The three of us put our arms around each other, and presented an image of mutual happiness and support as she fielded her parents' questions: "Yes, Mom, I really am bisexual. I wasn't until a week ago, but I am now. I like it, especially with Julia and Mark."

Fortunately Ava's parents were too focused on the three of us to pick up on the implications of Ava saying "especially".

It didn't take long for Mr. West to make a derogatory comment about my motivation being sexual.

I'd been admiring the unnatural restraint Julia had shown leaving all the talking up to Vanessa, but it couldn't last forever. Julia politely responded, "Mark is a fantastic lover. Ava and I both get far more enjoyment from our sessions with him than he gets from us."

Ava enthusiastically agreed, "I'LL SAY! Mark is AWESOME! He's miles better than any other guy I've EVER had. Mom, he's INCREDIBLE! He's the most super lover you can imagine."

Ava's enthusiasm was embarrassing her parents, so you can imagine what Mrs. West thought of Vanessa asking, "I've always thought the number of orgasms the girl had was a good indication of the male's selflessness and generosity. Wouldn't you agree, Katie?"

"Ahh."

"Seriously, I think it's an excellent indicator. Prof and I had to soundproof Julia's bedroom when she and Mark first became lovers. Julia would be screaming in orgasm several times an hour, for hour after hour. Mark gives as many orgasms as the girl wants. Ten orgasms or more is the norm, unless there's not enough time for the girl to have that many. Mark will - literally - spend hours pleasuring his lover. He gives far, far more pleasure than he takes."

"Mom," said Ava, "remember last Saturday when I couldn't go to the club because my muscles were too sore. I said I'd strained myself by training too hard."

Mrs. West didn't like where this was going, but admitted, "I remember."

"{Giggle}. It wasn't exactly 'training' that'd strained my muscles. Not the training you thought. I spent the night with Mark and I thought I was fitter than him. Boy oh boy was that a mistake! Mark fu ... Sorry. Umm, Mark WORE me out. I've never had a boy wear me out before, but Mark sure did. I couldn't tell you how many orgasms I had. I got so many I could barely think, let alone count. He's incredible, Mom!"

Vanessa said, "I think that addresses whether he's using Julia and Ava for his selfish pleasure. I'll add another reason I'm sure he's not doing that. Mark's got plenty of other girls throwing themselves at him. He has no need to sit through a meeting like this, or adopt any sort of pretense at all, just to get sex. All he has to do is crook his little finger, and they'll come running in their droves."

"Oh dear."

"Why do you say that, Katie? Do you prefer Ava's boyfriend to be unattractive to other girls? I'm interested in hearing why you think a guy that every other girl rejects would be good for Ava?"

"That's not what I meant. We don't want Ava to be with a playboy..."

"I said there are dozens of girls throwing themselves at Mark. I didn't say he was catching them, and I certainly didn't say he was chasing them. You're making the mistake of using yet another rule of thumb: that when it comes to sex guys 'listen to their little head more than their big head.' Mark's a genius. Even among geniuses he'd be considered a genius. So let me put this colorfully: can you imagine the size of the little head Mark would have to have, for it to dominate his big head?"

Even I pictured that, and I already knew exactly what size my little head was. Ava giggled. I whispered to her, "Next time we're alone, you'd better check to see if it's got any bigger." She giggled some more, leaving her parents in no doubt as to the subject matter of my whisper. I'd figured it was okay, as Vanessa was being up-front - and then some! - about our having a sexual relationship.

Vanessa said, "There are two other things you've not realized. First, in most relationships there's only one boy and one girl. If another girl turns up, she must be in competition with the first girl, and the eventual loser will be left with nothing. That competition can get very nasty, as I'm sure you've seen many times. That's not the case here. Ava's not threatened by another girl. For a start, there's already another one and she helped Ava become friends with Mark. That doesn't sound like nasty competition, does it?

^-- "If yet another suitable girl turns up, they can work out for themselves how to handle that. It's their relationship, not ours, so I'm not going to stick my nose in. I don't have any experience being in a threesome, so I'm not qualified to do more than give general advice. I'm certainly not qualified to insist that my opinion should dominate over theirs. Maybe you or Carson have experience of living in a threesome relationship? Maybe accountants are wilder than your reputation would have us believe?"

Mr. West gave a small chuckle, then admitted, "When it comes to Katie and me, we reinforce accountants' boring reputation. We've led a quiet life."

"Just so long as it's been a happy one. What I'm about to say is the most important point I'll be making this evening. You already know that children have to be allowed some freedom in order to learn about life. When you're gone - which is going to be distressingly soon - Ava is going to be solely responsible for ALL of her decisions: big and small. If you keep her safely under your wing, then in a year's time she'll be thrown into the deep end of life, to sink or swim without you. It would be far better to find out whether Ava can swim while you're still around to rescue her.

^-- "Because of your timeframe, my advice to you is that from now on you let Ava do WHATEVER she thinks is best. Advise her, but very gently. The less you say the better, because you're preparing her for when you'll be unable to say anything. Let her make her own decisions, ESPECIALLY the big ones. From now on, your job is not to keep her dry, or even to prevent her getting into water that is too deep for her. You job is to watch her learn to swim even if she's struggling, and to step in ONLY if she starts to drown. Let her make mistakes now, rather than later. That means you do nothing now, because she's clearly not in distress so doesn't need rescuing. Even if you think she's doing something wrong, it's her mistake to make. When she realizes her mistake - if it turns out to be one - then you can help her learn the lesson, but don't deprive her of necessary lessons by stopping her mistakes from happening.

^-- "I'm sure you understand that point as well as I do; it's just that it's hard to get out of a 17-year habit of protecting your little girl. I'll leave you to think about that, and I'm sure we'll have more talks in the future. More equal ones, hopefully, where I'll be a less of a lecturer than I've been tonight.

^-- "Let me backtrack to when I was answering your concern about girls threatening Ava's relationship with Mark. I said there were two things you didn't realize. The first was that their relationship is not exclusive, so another girl - even beyond Julia - is not a threat. It's not a winner-take-all competition. The second point I want to make is about Ava. She has an enthusiastic attitude to sex. Did it occur to you that if another girl joins in, she'll quite possibly be brought in by your newly liberated - and therefore currently very enthusiastic - bisexual daughter?"

When that sunk in, "Oh."

Vanessa immediately added. "Did you notice that while we've been talking about girls threatening Ava's relationship with Mark, Ava's been sitting on Mark's lap with a happy smile on her face, showing not a trace of concern. Your girl is feeling VERY safe and secure with Mark and Julia. She's also in a very sexual relationship. With feelings of love, security and sexuality all around her, Ava will want to experiment sexually. The key word is 'experiment', as in 'learning'. I know it's emotionally difficult to watch your daughter jump into the deep end, but that's what you have to do. There's even a case for your pushing her in, although that won't be necessary when it comes to sex because Ava's got PLENTY of self-motivation in that area.

^-- "I don't know Ava well enough to know her strengths and weaknesses in terms of life-skills, but I do know that she feels unprepared to stand alone. When Ava was talking to me about her need to be with Mark, and when she and Mark were discussing their commitments to each other, there were only two things Ava wanted, and she mentioned them repeatedly: she wants to be supported during your illnesses, which she knows will be very hard on her; and she wants help with her life afterward, by which she meant parent-type help: how to look after a house, career guidance, and especially loving support so she doesn't feel so alone.

^-- "Judging by the way you got her to search for a new boyfriend, you are very methodical people. I'd like to suggest you use that skill to start remedying Ava's life-skill deficiencies. There are the obvious reasons, such as Ava needing to learn those skills anyway and to ease her anxiety about them, but I have another motive as well: I think it'd help remind you not to slip back into a 'protect Ava from the world' attitude. In fact, it'd encourage you to throw her into more deep ends, because in order to teach her some of those skills, you need to make her do them. If there are any handyman jobs around your house that could be done, put Ava in charge of them..."

From here on I'm going to be mostly summarizing the conversation, as it lasted a long time and the point I was most interested in - Ava's being given freedom to act as she wanted - has already been quoted. Although I cheated somewhat by moving it forward, as it actually occurred later in the evening, when the Wests were more relaxed and open.

To quote the evening's conversation in full would serve no useful purpose, so I will be omitting large sections of it and paraphrasing what little I do give. I will concentrate mostly on what Vanessa said, as she led the conversation. Be aware that Vanessa didn't dominate it nearly as much as she did earlier, or as the following would indicate. Mr. and Mrs. West wouldn't have relaxed and become more amenable had Vanessa continue to lecture at them.

There were several times when the conversation wandered down digressions for several minutes, often for purely social reasons. I'll leave those out, except for one wonderful digression by Robert, which I can't resist including below.

There were times where Vanessa needed to slowly and carefully prod the Wests into the 'right way' of thinking about something (i.e., Vanessa's way). Some issues took a great deal longer to resolve than presented below.

^

A topic Vanessa raised was, "Ava also repeatedly mentioned how eager she was to rent a place with Mark and Julia, to demonstrate to you that their relationship worked practically as well as emotionally."

The Wests were aware of the renting issue. They'd even discussed it with Ava a couple of months ago, as part of a non-specific plan for how her relationship with a new boyfriend could develop. They intended to pay her way, as the money would be hers shortly anyway.

We discussed renting from a variety of angles, one of the main ones being how much time Ava would spend away from her parents, which would be irreplaceably lost. It was generally felt that there were better ways for us to show we were good together than taking Ava away from her parents for so much time. If we had a house, maybe she could live sometimes with us, and sometimes with her parents. Alternate nights, every other week, or more likely whenever Ava felt the need to be in either place (I'd learned not to schedule girls).

Vanessa mentioned there was a possibility of Mark buying his own house, and "Is there any problem with them all living in that rather than a rental?"

The Wests thought there was none. There were several issues, but I particularly liked Mr. West saying, "MARK will buy a house? Will your business earn enough to meet the payments on a house, Mark?" He'd remembered an earlier comment of Vanessa's that I had a business idea that might be coming to fruition soon.

I answered, "The business hasn't started yet so I can't say for sure, but if it goes as we expect, we should be able to afford a house."

"What sort of business are you thinking of starting?"

Prof answered, "A VERY complicated one! I'm helping out with some of the mathematics, as I'm a professor of mathematics, but there's no way I could contemplate doing what Mark is planning. My work is just in a corner of it, as I can't comprehend the whole thing. It's financial, is about all I can say."

Another housing issue was Ava saying, "Oh, I thought we'd live in my house, after... , you know. If you had your own house too, where would we live?"

Prof answered that one, "That's a long time away Ava, and there's no need to decide in advance. Maybe you would choose whichever house the three of you liked the most, and rent out or sell the other. Or maybe you wouldn't live in either of them, because you'd choose to leave Corvallis."

Although I talk with the Williamses and my parents as if I thought I'd be leaving Corvallis at the end of the next school year, I have doubts about how likely that is, because I don't think there's much chance of me finishing my degree by then. I was therefore happy not to discuss the 'moving from Corvallis' issue with Ava. No one else followed that point up, which surprised me somewhat. If I'd been as confident of my graduating as I knew they were, I would have told Ava of the likelihood of our moving elsewhere.

^

We were discussing my having dinner with the Wests one evening soon, so they could get to know me (several times we had to remind them to say, "and Julia." They were having trouble getting that straight. I blamed it on their daughter, for not being 'straight', haha). Anyway, in the course of discussing what time we'd come, I mentioned that I'd be the one driving Julia and me to their home.

No one spotted it immediately, but several seconds later, Mr. West said, "Hang on. Mark, didn't you say you'd drive Julia and you over?"

"Sure."

"But you're too young to drive."

So Julia got to do her "Driver License Thing" again. She was a little cautious this time, saying nothing about the issuing date.

"Surely this is a fake?"

Dad said, "I was with Mark when the DMV very reluctantly issued it. The boss of the place was very unhappy about it, but he coughed up."

"But I was sure the legal minimum was sixteen, not fourteen. I'm sure it's not fourteen. The idea of having 14-year olds driving cars is terrifying!"

Prof said, "It was only issued a couple of weeks ago. We got the DMV to backdate the issue date a year because we wanted Mark to have an unrestricted license. It would've been inconvenient if he couldn't have driven Julia around." Prof was having a little fun at Mr. West's expense.

Mr. West wasn't sure which issue to tackle first, but he finally decided on, "You wanted your daughter to be driven around by a 15-year old boy?"

"Mark's a better driver than I am, Carson."

Prof pulled up his trouser leg to show his prosthetic and gave a very quick, "I lost my lower-leg in a car accident because a friend of mine was a bad driver. He and his girlfriend were killed. Vanessa and I were in the backseat and survived, but not intact. My family and I are EXTREMELY conscious of car safety, but I have no hesitation in letting Mark drive my family, even though he's only had two weeks experience. He's a world-class athlete with a genius IQ. He can drive better than anyone else here."

Mr. West couldn't argue with that, but he still had lots of questions about the DMV side of things.

Prof answer boiled down to, "The law allows for licenses to be issued to people younger than sixteen under exceptional circumstances. OSU's Dean convinced the Mayor that it would be good for the city to help Mark. The Dean and Mayor talked to the State DMV, and they ordered the local DMV to cooperate. It wasn't difficult."

An incredulous Mr. West checked, "The Dean AND the Mayor got the DMV to give Mark a license?" Prof nodded. Mr. West asked, "But WHY? Why on Earth would they care about a 15-year old boy getting his license?"

"For the good of Corvallis in the Mayor's case. For the good of OSU in the Dean's case," said Prof, helpfully.

Mr. West didn't get it, and said as much: "I don't get it."

Julia had done her "Driver License Thing", and now Prof got to do his "Einstein Thing". Little comments like, "Tens of billions of people for centuries are going to know who Mark Anderson is or was," were quite good attention getters. Helped by a few extras, such as, "Corvallis is going to become a major tourist destination for hundreds of thousands of people wanting to visit the key locations in Mark's early life."

The Wests' reactions could be summed up by Mrs. West's, "Oh my!"

Personally I thought Prof might have overdone it a tad, and I agreed with the Wests doubt when they asked, "Do you really think that'll happen?"

"We think so. The Math Department at OSU thinks so. The Dean and Mayor think so."

Vanessa said, "I told you Ava massively overachieved when you told her to go out and find a smart boy, haha."

After that things got a LOT easier with the Wests. I could even make a joke I plagiarized from some TV show or other, "Prof is exaggerating my intelligence wildly, Mr. West. I let my two girlfriends meet each other - how stupid is that!"

I made a mental note to work Julia's Driver License Thing into the conversations with future girlfriends' parents MUCH earlier. Don't think I'm joking either! Chloe's parents were on the top of that list. It wouldn't be nearly as effective without a lot of the stuff that had been said about me earlier, but we should be able to work out something that was much quicker and easier than tonight had been.

Vanessa enjoyed asking oh-so-innocently, "Katie, would you like to know which store I found Mark's large plate and bowl in?"

Katie recalled her previous response and blushed slightly in shame. But she saw the humor in it, and rallied to reply, "That would be kind of you."

Vanessa recited the name, bless her.

^

Not long after that, a concerned Katie (as she suggested I call her) asked, "Which girl will Mark marry?"