Chapter 70

Sean was sitting on a mound of garbage looking depressed. The hot sun overhead was doing its bit to make the air truly foul smelling. Even the rats were avoiding the landfill that day. Sean was convinced that he’d start hallucinating if he spent another half hour out there. He was hoping that he’d find a nice big gold ring somewhere in the midst of that garbage heap.

There was a little disturbance in the mound of garbage. Sean leaned forward to see what was about to emerge. A pair of tweezers holding a half link of gold chain poked out from the trash. Sean picked up the little bit of gold. He couldn’t even feel it. Even worse, it wasn’t even made of gold, but was just gold plated.

Grumbling, he said, “That’s it? I’ve been waiting twenty minutes for this?”

He put the piece of gold in his pocket and pulled out his magic compass. “Where’s the nearest piece of unowned gold?”

The little pointer of the compass turned in circles. It never stopped turning. He asked again, “Where’s the nearest piece of unowned gold?”

He got the same result as before. He shook the compass and examined it. It looked okay.

“What’s the matter with this thing?”

“I think that it’s telling you that there are no pieces of unowned gold near here.”

Startled, Sean turned around to find George and Georgette standing there. The elves managed to look ethereal despite standing in the middle of a garbage dump.

“Hello, George and Georgette. I didn’t know you were here, otherwise I would have greeted you,” Sean said.

George said, “We were passing by and saw you sitting over here.”

“You looked so dejected that we thought to come over and cheer you up,” Georgette said.

“That was very nice of you,” Sean said.

Georgette asked, “Why are you so down?”

“Midsummer’s day is tomorrow and I don’t think I have enough gold to get my next gift of magic,” Sean said.

“How much do you have?” George asked.

“A nugget about the size of a lentil bean,” Sean said.

George said, “That doesn’t sound like much.”

“But it may be more than you think,” Georgette said.

Sean said, “I don’t understand it. There should have been more unowned gold here. People throw away boxes of junk not knowing what’s inside of it all of the time.”

“It’s the Leprechauns,” George said.

“Leprechauns?” Sean asked.

Georgette said, “They can’t walk past unowned gold without picking it up.”

George said, “By now, they’ve cleared out the whole area.”

“I should have realized that. I guess I could drive a couple hundred miles from here and try my luck there,” Sean said.

George said, “You don’t have time to do that.”

“I’ve got all day. Tomorrow is Midsummer’s day,” Sean said.

“Yes, but today is judgement day,” Georgette said with a smile.

“Judgement day?” Sean asked thinking of apocalyptic events of a Biblical nature.

“Yes, today is the day we judge you to make sure that you’re good enough to get the next gift of magic,” George said.

“No one said anything about that to me,” Sean said getting worried.

“Of course not. It’s against the rules,” Georgette said.

“Why?”

George said, “You can’t have a fair judgement if the person being judged can be on their best behavior.”

“Not everyone can handle having magic, you know.”

Sean said, “I guess that makes sense. When is this judgement taking place?”

“Now.”

“Here?”

“No way.” George raised a hand and snapped his fingers.

Sputtering, Sean floundered around in the water until he realized that the water wasn’t very deep. He stood up. He was standing in the middle of the creek with water to his knees. His clothes were soaking wet.

“What happened?” he screeched.

“Sorry about that,” George said.

Holding her nose in a very petite manner, Georgette added, “You smelled.”

“That’s to be expected. I was in the garbage dump,” Sean said.

“Hi Sean!”

On hearing the shout, Sean turned around to see who it was. It was Thur and he wasn’t alone. Every magic creature that had returned so far was standing in the meadow next to the stream. Sean hadn’t even met most of them. There were Brownies, Nymphs, Fairies, Elves, Dwarves, Imps, Gnomes, Trolls, Leprechauns, Will ‘o the Wisps, and a bunch of other species Sean didn’t recognize.

“You’re back,” Sean said to the Dwarf.

“Yes, I am,” Thur said. “I wouldn’t miss a judgement.”

Sean asked, “How does a judgement work?”

“It’s pretty simple, really. You stand there and we say bad things about you,” Chom said.

“I’ve got to stand in the middle of the stream?” Sean asked finding it was rather uncomfortable standing there with his shoes soaking wet. He could live with wet shoes, but his socks felt icky.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Maybe.”

“Why not?”

“He doesn’t have to stand, he can sit.”

“It would be better if he stood on his head.”

“In the water?”

“Yeah.”

“He’d drown.”

“Oh, yeah. I guess he would.”

“It would be fun to watch.”

“Maybe not.”

“So can he sit or stand?”

“Yes.”

“What’s that mean?”

“I think it means that he can sit or stand.”

“What do the rules say?”

“Does anyone remember the rules?”

“Who needs rules?”

“We can always make up some more.”

“He can get out of the water.”

“Okay.”

“Sure.”

Chom said, “It’s been decided. The rules say that you don’t have to stand in the water. You can sit or stand on dry land while we say bad things about you.”

“Thank you,” Sean said.

He climbed out of the stream. There was a weird feeling in his shirt that kind of tickled him. He reached inside his shirt and pulled out a fish. He put the fish back in the water.

“Was he supposed to do that?”

“What?”

“Put the fish back in the water.”

“Why should he?”

“Why shouldn’t he?”

“I’m hungry.”

“Did you tell him that?”

“No.”

“See.”

“See what?”

“There was no reason not to put the fish back.”

“Okay.”

“Good.”

“I’m still hungry.”

“The party is tonight. You can eat at the party.”

“Can we get this over and done with? I want to start the party early.”

“It’s got to start at Sunset.”

“Why?”

“That’s the rule.”

“What rule?”

“The rule that was made up ten thousand years ago about when the party starts.”

“Can we make up a new rule?”

“Not if it un-makes-up an old rule.”

“Why not?”

“Un-making-up an old rule is against the rules.”

“How do we get rid of a rule?”

“We forget it.”