Chapter 64

Sean entered the biology class room. This was the first time he had visited the high school since getting released from the hospital. He had missed one whole day of school. His nose was taped, his ribs still hurt, and his black eye had started to turn ugly. All in all, he thought he looked pretty good.

He had a minor headache that he was sure was going to get worse upon checking up on his lobsters. He wondered if there would be any lobsters and if there were, what genders they would have. His lab book had to contain the screwiest data ever taken on a science experiment.

No matter how many times he went in the biology classroom, walking past all of the skeletons that decorated the room gave him the willies. There were skeletons of fish, a dog, a cat, a bat, and a human being. Deciding that today was the day to face his unease, he paused by the skeleton of a human being.

Looking it over, he said, “I’ve heard of anorexia, but this is a little ridiculous. You really need to start eating more.”

He used his magic to move the jaw of the skeleton. In a high pitched voice, he sang, “I so pretty, so very very pretty.”

“No you’re not,” he said in his regular voice.

“Yes, I am. I have a very sexy rib cage,” he said in the high pitched voice. He used his magic to lift the right hand of the skeleton to point to its rib cage. “All the boys want to date me.”

“You have no breasts,” Sean said in his normal voice.

“You beast! All you boys talk about are breasts,” he said in a high pitched voice.

He used his magic on the small wire parts that connected the plastic bones together to get the skeleton to cross its arms. He discovered something pretty odd. It was hard to express emotions when all you had to work with was a skeleton.

“With a good reason. Breasts are great,” Sean said.

“You’re ignoring the inner me,” Sean said in a high pitched voice.

Speaking normally, Sean said, “I can’t see anything except for the inner you and it is kind of creepy.”

“You are a very mean person,” Sean said in the high pitched voice.

Sean said, “You’ve been standing here. Did you happen to see who is stealing my lobsters?”

“Do I look like I have eyes?”

“No,” Sean said.

“So why did you ask such a stupid question?” Sean said in the high pitched voice.

Getting angry, Sean asked, “Who are you calling stupid?”

“You,” he said in the high pitched voice.

“How dare you say that?” Sean asked giving vent to his ire.

“I can say that because you’re the one who is talking to himself using me as a prop,” Sean said in a high pitched voice.

“Oh, yeah,” Sean said feeling rather stupid. “Don’t forget, I’m the one here with a brain.”

“Rub it in.”

Sean looked over at the skeleton of a dog. In a cartoon voice, he said, “Woof woof. What are you doing looking at me?”

“I wasn’t doing anything,” Sean replied.

The dog’s head turned to look at the human skeleton. In a cartoon voice, Sean said, “Is this fleshy monster bothering you?”

“He keeps undressing me with his eyes,” Sean answered in a high pitched feminine voice.

“Pervert,” Sean said in the cartoon voice.

Sean said, “I really wanted to be in the chemistry class mixing random assortments of chemicals together in the hope of finding the perfect ink remover. Instead, I’m stuck in a room full of smart ass skeletons and plastic body parts.”

Knowing that arguing with the skeletons was a losing proposition, Sean made his way towards the lobster habitat. He passed a box that held some dirt which was home for a bunch of earthworms. Next to it was an aquarium with a hermit crab in it.

There was a jar filled with sea monkeys. Sean wondered where the student had found them. He had heard that one could buy them from advertisements in the back of comic books years ago, but he couldn’t recall seeing anything like that recently.

There was another aquarium with a piece of coral in it. He was thinking that watching coral grow was about as interesting as watching paint dry.

Ms. Bird entered the room and walked over to where Sean was staring at the piece of coral. She was used to him coming into the classroom early in the morning to check on his lobsters. He claimed that he wasn’t a morning person and was tortured into waking up early by his sinister sister and evil mother.

She looked over at Sean and remarked, “I read the article in the newspaper. You look terrible.”

“Thank you,” Sean said. “I’ve always appreciated honesty, particularly when it comes to my appearance. You have no idea how much it lifts the spirit to hear that you look terrible.”

“Actually, I do know,” Ms. Bird replied with a smile.

Sean headed over to his lobster habitat. Once there he looked into it expecting to find either two lobsters or none.

She asked, “How are your lobsters?”

“They are duplicating. I now have four of them,” Sean said.

“Four?” Ms. Bird said leaning forward to study the habitat. She smiled and said, “How nice. I’m having company tonight.”

“Company?” Sean asked looking at her suspiciously.

“Never mind,” Ms. Bird replied while looking up at the ceiling.

Sean frowned. He asked, “What kind of company?”

“Not that it is any of your business, but it is the kind of company that keeps you from being alone,” Ms. Bird answered. She leaned over to look at the lobsters in the tank.

“Sorry,” Sean said.

“I have no idea how I’m going to grade your science experiment,” Ms. Bird said with a frown.