Chapter 6: Doomed, Doomed I say

I awoke to the rustling and light scraping of pans being quietly moved about. Kira was up before dawn making breakfast again. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I uncomfortably tried to reduce my morning stiffness. After grabbing my flannel shirt I headed towards the door with the shirt blocking my boxers and I headed to the outhouse for my morning ablutions.

I could see the false dawn ending with hope of the sun having to fight to clear the forested mountains of the horizon. I really have never been an early riser so seeing the sunrise was novel for me. I always tried to make sure that I didn't ever have a class before ten if I could help it. The days that I didn't have a morning class, I would work out but I still didn't start until after nine thirty.

I went to the well and pulled fresh water from it to rinse off the night sweat. The cold water helped reduce my stiffness and I felt that I could reenter the house without feeling like I was making a fool of myself. I put on the flannel while I walked to the house for breakfast. Just as I was about to put the second sleeve on she opened the door to come out. She was still wearing her nightshirt. I never noticed just how threadbare it was until just then when she stopped and stared at me; blushing furiously. She said that breakfast was ready as she hurriedly turned and ran back in.

Wondering what set her off, I started walking again.

Damn. I didn't want to deal with an infatuated teenager.

Straightening myself up, I walked back in and sat down. I have been trying not to really look at her for these last few days, at least not too closely. This morning I looked, or stared; whichever.

Wow, she's beautiful.

I could see through her threadbare shirt and see the imprints that her breasts made in the fabric while she was standing sideways to me. She grabbed a potholder and took the skillet off of the potbellied stove and set it on the table, all the while trying not to look at me.

I ate trying to think of what to do about her, alas that was to no avail. After a quiet meal she got up hurriedly and grabbed the skillet to clean; that was when I noticed that her underwear was showing. Looking closely, I could see that it too was threadbare. I reminded myself that she was too young and that I should be getting ready for today's journey.

I noticed that I was having problems of my own and was trying to figure out how to stand up without her noticing my current excited state. I figured that the safest was to wait for her to turn around completely before I did and then I would try to ease my way to my cot and dress. The denim in my jeans should, uncomfortably, mask my condition.

It didn't work. As soon as I was half way up she turned around to get my plate. I was standing at attention while she stared captivatingly at it. She kept walking to me as I stood.

Placing her hand on my chest, she looked up into my eyes "You do want me."

Slowly stroking my chest. "Why are you trying to dump me off at Gamma's then?" I was stiff as a board and trapped. I reflexively looked down and saw the rise of her breasts under her shirt.

Shit I shouldn't have done that.

"You are a good man. Kind, gentle, strong, caring, beautiful" deeper blush, "You would never hurt me would you." She made that a statement, not a question.

Caught, I replied "No, never."

Those soft strokes were driving me mad with lust as she bore into my soul through my eyes. "You keep your commitments, all of them. Don't you." Again, another statement.

"I try to." I whispered.

She stepped into me and pressed her hand into my chest. Kira, never once looked away from my face.

"Kiss me please." she whispered.

I cursed myself for an idiot and gathered all of my willpower, I had to refuse her. She was too young and I didn't know what it would lead to if I gave in. Or I did know and knew that kissing her would just be the beginning. I was having trouble thinking straight and I knew that I needed an out.

"Lets get dressed, we have a long day ahead of us." I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead, turned and got dressed with her watching. She had a happy smile.

I'm screwed.

While she was getting food for us to travel with, I went to saddle the horses and put bridals on the others that I was going to take, I figured that horses would be excellent currency for wherever I ended up going.

I wondered what the consequences of my... our? actions this morning. The horses were pretty docile and cooperative which made it easy for me. Remembering the step by step procedures that I was shown the other day I repeated them on each horse.

Kira was standing in the entrance of the barn with a couple of large saddlebags that looked full. I figured that she might be planning on staying at her grandma's for a little while they figured out the disposition of her father's farmstead. I helped her secure both sets of saddlebags; she said that she would be right back. I walked out to the well with a few waterskins. I filled them up and by the time that I got back to the barn she had two medium sized packs on one of the horses. After I asked if she needed assistance, which she declined, I led her father's plow horse to the pasture and let it wander.

She strung the extra horses together and led them out of the barn, waiting for me to return from the pasture. I mounted the one that I was practicing on earlier, looked at her and asked.

"Ready to go?"

Her smile was a little unsure as she nodded. It looked like she tied the train of horses to her saddle, which was a good thing since I was still an unsteady seat. I moved my horse close to hers and asked if she had everything that she needed?

She just nodded; and I could see the tears starting to form again. I didn't think that she could articulate how she felt about leaving. I was sure that she wasn't coming back to stay unless she found a husband to help her run the farm. That was definitely not going to be me, unless I really fucked up. I was going to deposit her at her grandma's farm and see if I could find civilization.

"Good, let's go then." She had earlier told me that her grandma's farm was north of the lake and that getting there should be pretty straightforward.

It was a beautiful spring day, the sun was shining, the clouds were light and the wind was lightly blowing from my left. We had about two gallons of water, plenty of food for a lengthy journey and a destination that was about four hours away. It was slowly dawning on me that she was planning on a much longer trip than I was. Maybe, just maybe I would not be able to leave her at her grandma's farm. Not because her grandma wouldn't take her, but because she wouldn't stay.