Chapter 10: Alex

School's out for a week at Thanksgiving and Peter decided that this year we'd spend part of it helping at the Fishery. Three days spent doing the maintenance stuff that usually gets done like once a year. It sucks. But Peter said we're doin' it, so we're here.

It's kinda funny 'cause over the last month, nothing has changed and yet everything has changed. We still go to school, an' hang out with the same people. We date the same girls. We still take 'em ta the river, too - although not as often 'cause it's getting' cold. We do all the stuff we used to do before, well, before The Event.

But some things ... Like Peter told me to quit smokin' so I quit. It pissed me off, but I quit. An' this maintenance thing; if Ida had my pick, Ida been on the boat fishing with Uncle Edward 'steda on the dock scrapin' six month worth of barnacles offa heavy chain. Peter told me to do it, so I'm doin' it.

We made this agreement. He plays the master thing an' I play the servant an' we see what that does if anything. Nothin' sexual, no pain, just control stuff which sounded like bullshit at first but I can kinda see it. Peter 'owns' me at least in this kinda game so I do what he says. Sometime I even get a kind of chill knowin' I'm doin' something because he wants me to - not because I want to. It's weird 'cause anytime I think I'm gonna do something Peter won't like I stop. He doesn't even have to say anything any more. Well, usually. Sometimes I'm kinda in a zone - like after a game - an' he has to pull me back but it's not like it was. Not all the time.

Not that he's fuckin' Mr. Perfect. He has his asshole days. Like today. I don't know what his damn problem is but I'm hoping he gets it in check - we're supposed to take Sarah and Taylor to the movies after we finish on the docks tonight. We get to our respective homes with barely enough time to shower and dress and pick up the girls at their houses. Taylor is another one of these heavy set black girls that Peter has a thing for; Sarah has the biggest tits on the cheering squad. If there is anything else ta know about either one of 'em, I don't know it.

We go see some bad movie. I'm not here for the picture anyway so I don't care what the fuck is playing so long as it's dark enough for me ta make out with Sarah. We kiss for a bit an' by the end of the movie, I've gotten my hands inside her bra. When the lights come up, the girls hit the restroom and Peter an' I wait in the lobby. They take forever. When they finally do re-appear, Sarah announces that she needs to go home.

"Aw, come on!" I put my arm around her, "We just getting' started. We know a nice quiet, private view uh the rivah..."

"Alex!" Peter snaps, "They want to go home, we take the ladies home."

I try to play it off, like her changing her mind like this or Peter snapping at me don't bug me but inside, I'm seething. I mean, I know he's the fuckin' Dominant or whatever, but he pisses me off when he snaps like that an' he knows it pisses me off.

The trip to Sarah's house is all but silent. I walk her to the door, wish her a happy holiday, kiss her cheek politely and wait til she's safely in the house.

Halfway to Taylor's house, she finally spills it, "Sarah started."

"Started what?" I ask not really caring.

"Her monthly. It started during the movie."

"She ok?" Peter asks.

"Yeah, just embarrassed."

Peter nods and continues to drive in silence. I watch Peter escort Taylor to her door and perform the virtually identical goodbye.

He doesn't say anything when he gets back in the car. He looks at me then just starts driving. It doesn't take long to figure out that he's going to the river or that he's pretty pissed off about something but what I haven't a fuckin' clue. I wish I had a cigarette. I get a little fidgety when I start craving nicotine.

"Sit still." He growls.

"Fuck off. I need a cigarette."

He's silent for another mile or so. "Alex. Sit still." It's kinda a command form for him - my name followed by a direct order. Whatever appeal it ever had is wearing off. Being ordered around all the time is beginning ta piss me off.

Peter stops at the intersection and clotheslines me across the chest. Fast enough to catch me off guard; hard enough to actually hurt a bit. Instantly, my nerves are on fire and I can't breath right.

"I said sit still, Alex." Despite the tension in his arm, his voice is calm.

I swallow hard and try to control my breathing. I also concentrate on sittin' still.

He makes the turn and I realize that I'm half hard from just that. Peter is really pissed at me - mad enough to hurt me. The memory of his last - first, only - punishment washes through me and my pants are suddenly way too tight.

Don't get me wrong, I still get hard with girls. I was ready to do Sarah earlier tonight. But thinking of Peter beatin' my ass get me harder, faster than anything else.

I am a sick, twisted fuck.

And Peter owns me. It's weird but he does.

We park at the river and he gets out. I sit on the hood of the car.

"What the rule?" he asks; his tone has no humor.

"No running, no jumping, no swimming." He owns me and I owe him. I owe him everything. "Dude, I'm sorry."

He tilts his head, "For what?"

I shrug and shake my head, "I don't know. I just know I did something to piss you off an' I'm sorry."

He points to me, "That."

"What?"

"That. That insincere bullshit you do."

"What?"

"You apologized." I nod, "For what?"

"Dude, I have no fuckin' idea. You've been pissed all day."

"And since my life revolves around you, you must have done something, right?"

I don't say anything. There is something seriously wrong here but I don't see what.

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "Never mind. Forget it; sorry I said anything."

"Bullshit."

He looks at me, "Excuse me?"

"Hey, dude, I'm not totally stupid. You're pissed and you're pissed at me, or with me, or about me. I don't know which an' I don't really care just tell me what ta do ta fix it."

He stares for another minute then a smile breaks through and he laughs. "You are such a dick." But there's no real force the way he says it. He sits next to me an' stares at the water and the stars. Looking for Uncle Edward's destiny, probably. I reach for my smokes, remember they're not there and force myself to sit still.

"I feel like your parent, sometimes." I can understand that; sometimes I feel like his kid. "But what's getting scary is the some other people are seeing it too. I say it, you do it, people notice. It's creepy."

He's silent again. Then he clears his throat and I'm struck for a moment by how many habits he's picked up from his Dad and Uncle Julius. "I don't know if-n I can do this, Alex."

That kinda echoes in my head and I don't catch all of what he says next. But the bottom line is that I've completely fucked his life.

"It's cool, dude." I completely cut over what ever he's saying. "I got it under control now. If I girl say 'no', I take her home. If she say 'ow', I quit bittin'. See? It's all cool. You worry too much. We musta gotten switched at birth 'cause you are way too much like my Dad."

"Alex. You're not listening again." His voice is quiet and too calm. "Shut up and pay attention."

I shut up except for the voice in the back of my head that can't stop saying 'oh shit' over and over.

"You will last exactly until your overactive testosterone gland goes off. Then, your shithead reflex takes over and you become Alex-the-fucking-hazard. And I can't sleep, I can't eat, shit, I can't jack off 'cause I'm worried about what you're doin' 24/7."

"I'll do better, Peter." I swallow hard, "I don't want you worried about shit."

He looks at me then looks away. "I know you will. I'm just having a bad day. I'll be over it tomorrow." He's a bad liar but I don't tell him that.

Then I get it. He's not pissed, he's frustrated. Emotionally, physically, sexually frustrated.

This whole Dom/sub thing is supposed to be sexual in the first place. He's my Dominant, right? And he's my best fuckin' friend and my cousin and for once - for once - he needs something I can do.

"Dude," I hesitate. Thinking it is one thing but saying it is way harder, "I got an idea."

"Don't worry. I got this."

I smile, "Actually, I got this one. You need ta get laid."

He smirks, "Been there, tried that, failed, did not buy the t-shirt."

I take a deep breath and slide my hand over his thigh, "Try again."

Neither of us moves. I try to think of what a girl could do to change my mind if I said no - like I have ever said no - slide my hand down his thigh and between his legs. His whole body shivers. Then he goes stiff and grabs my wrist. "Stop."