Chapter 4

It's another twenty-four hours before the doctor pulls me out in the hall. "We are now entering the stage where the tables are turning. She's not dilating any further and the longer she stays in labor, the more at risk the fetuses are. We need to either force dilation or stop the labor and we need to pick one now. Which is she more likely to agree to?"

I shrug helplessly, "Neither. Unless you can do it without anything but 'natural' methods."

He thinks fast. "We could force the dilation. It's painful and it may not work. But we could try."

"Do it. I'll tell her. No drugs, right? She sees a needle, we gonna have problems."

"She won't see a needle." Which isn't exactly the same thing but I don't question it. I just go tell her what's going on.

When the Doctor and a pair of nurses come in, we get Ame in the necessary position. I stand in front of her, blocking her view of anything other than me. The Doctor starts droning on about working as an assistant to a mid-wife and I lose the thread of the conversation real fast. All I can see is Ame in pain. For me. She didn't want kids - that was my request. I couldn't be the only McElroy without a son, oh no, not me and Ame gets to suffer for my arrogance.

There's a lot of movement behind me. I look around, "What?"

"Ok, Alex, Ame - I think we're ready to have a baby." The Doctor sounds cheerful. I feel exhausted but I smile at Ame anyway.

"Ok. You ready?"

"I don't want to do this." She terrified. I try to calm her and one of the other nurses takes her other hand and gives us a crash course in Lamaze.

At first, we can both concentrate on puffing and blowing but as soon as the pushing starts, she's just too tired. She wasn't built for this. My Ame is delicate. We're both crying and yelling and some of her insults are damn creative - she must have spent more time on the dock than I knew. It seems like forever hearing her scream in my ear. I vow that this will be the last time Ame feels pain of any kind.

"MOM! DAD!" The Doctor's voice cuts across us both and stops us both mid syllable. "We're done. Relax. Take deep slow breaths."

Ame collapses into the bed, a sweat-soaked mess. I look around, "Where is he? Her? Them? Whatever."

"NIC-ICU." The Doctor lifts a calming hand, "they're both very small and they were having trouble breathing." Ame moans; something in the room starts beeping and the Doctor and the nurses start moving around her fast. One of them starts to lead me out.

I fight for a minute until I realize that fooling with me is distracting them from her. I get the Doctor's attention one last time, "Whatever you need to do; she can argue with me later." I wander my way to the lobby. Damn near everyone in the family is still there.

There's a lot of gasping when they see me. I look down and realize why - I'm almost as wrecked as Ame is. There is blood spatter from the delivery on one side of me and from Ame's nails in my arm on the other. My Mom and Peter help me into the nearest chair. Then everyone looks at me and waits.

I don't know what to say. I was there and I don't know what the fuck happened.

Finally, Aunt Rachael says, "We know she went into delivery. Is ... is Ame ok?" I nod. "Good. Did she deliver?"

I nod again, "Two." I hear everyone sigh in relief and Uncle Julius gives a short prayer.

"Ok." Aunt Rachael announces, "Everything else can wait. You four - coats. We're going home." I can hear the universal groans of unhappy teens, "Come on, it's a school night. Cell phones work, they'll call if anything happens. Move."

I take a deep breath. "Yeah, Everybody. Take off. Ame's still in -" my voice catches and I try to clear my throat. "The - uh - kids up in the nick-u or whatever they call it and ain't no need fo' nobody ta hang 'round here. Go on home. I'll call if - if - whatever." I put my face in my hands and try not to sob - I cannot stop the tears, I've given up on that. I feel the movement around me and a sudden stillness - aside from me shaking at least.

Then Uncle Julius starts praying. Throughout my life, there has always been church and prayer. I wish it was Granddad; I always had the feeling Granddad's prayers ended with an unspoken 'or else'. Let them live God, or else. I'm walkin' outta here with uh wife an' two kids or Ima come up there an' you don't won' me comin' up there. Ame's not religious. I wish she could see this, feel this love. I wish she were here. God please.