Chapter 4

My brother and I were latch key kids before the term was coined. When we would get home from school, we would be alone for usually about two hours before Dad got home from work. While two hours might not seem like much, when you are 8 and 10, it's a lot longer than you might imagine. The available time for mischief was great, although, events would occur that would end up usually keeping me in the house to myself.

Well, before we were latchkey kids, we went to a day care. This was one of those things where a mother would watch kids at her house as her job, while her husband worked, and our parents worked. I was 6 years old and her daughter was 5 years old, and we would play doctor, among other things.

One day we were caught playing doctor and I got my ass beat with a plastic paddle for showing my willie to her daughter. I had never been beaten so badly in my life. At least ten stiff strikes on my ass with that paddle. I couldn't sit down, I couldn't breathe, the pain and humiliation made me cold inside. It was the first time I ever felt cold ... but not the last.

The only way I am going to get this out is by just doing a stream of conscience, below is what happened later that year one Saturday afternoon.

When I was 6 going on 7 ... that summer

Two brothers who lived across from my parent's house and a retarded kid who was their neighbor

they took me to this field with woods

said we were going "hiking"

they took me back into the woods and when we were a good mile in

they stopped

The oldest brother started to take down his pants

in front of the group

and stroke his penis

it was huge ... had to be 8 or 9 inches, I was 6 ... it was a baseball bat

he started jerking off

and his brother then took out his penis

and it too was huge

and he started jerking off

and they told me to take out my penis

I WAS 6

6

and told me how small it was

that women wanted a real cock

the oldest made me take is penis in his mouth

I threw up

he made me do it again

I threw up again

he kept making me do it

then his brother made me take his into my mouth

I kept gagging

getting sick

they wouldn't let me leave

my pants were down around my ankles and the retarded boy started to try to finger my asshole

while I was gagging

they wouldn't let me breath

breathe

there is no air

I am fighting them

I want to go home

I don't like this

the younger brother grabs my arms

and holds them behind my back

and tries to stick that bat into my ass

I start bleeding

they keep telling me how small my penis is

I will never please a woman

I should get used to sucking cock

I can't breathe

its cold

they won't stop and I am bleeding badly

all three take their turn

all of them

they tried to make me swallow their cum

but I couldn't breath

breathe

no air

I keep gagging

"you have a small dick ... look at it."

they cum on me

and leave me there

naked

crying

bleeding

covered in their junk

alone

I'm alone

there is no one to help me

no one to believe me

I can't breathe

its cold

the tears won't stop

my ass hurts to sit

I try to get dressed

it takes forever

I couldn't go home but I had to

I didn't want to look at my parents

or my brother

I went home and took a bath

to clean myself

and I hid my clothes

it was so cold

well

the abuse went on like that

for a while

and then one day it stopped

2 years later

and I could finally breathe again

but I was broken

badly

broken

From that, point on in my life things would get cold, very cold, and at times, I feel as though I cannot breathe, and they are there, controlling me, hurting me, and I am trying to learn how to control it. I am trying to grow past it ... but it is not as easy as it might seem, and perhaps I am not as strong as I wish I could be in this lifetime.

All I know ... right now, its cold, and I want the shivers to stop for once, please ... let it be warm.