James' Tale
Copyright© 2008 by The Jester
Prologue
What to do when emptiness grips you in the throws of everyday life?
What road does one take when the demons creep out of the closet and ride high in the light of their mischief?
Sometimes I don't understand. I have every reason to be happy and yet I tumble along aimlessly feeling worthless and inadequate. You hear stories about the guy who can go to a party and never talk to a living person. About people who creep so far into themselves that they do not want to even go into public. What about the guy who carries those fears and stands head first into everyday.
What about that guy? What about me? What about sorrow for no reason and rainy days when the sun is shining?
I stumble along sometimes, fighting myself, fighting the demon that is telling me to see the worst. I realize its happening and try to understand why I would feel this way. I swear it makes no sense, none at all. Feeling alone for no reason, it's manic, and it is no fun.
Take today, beautiful fall day, leaves are still hanging in the NE trees, although many shades of colors. Driving to work is like living a well-done oil painting, and yet, I sit there and think about how I might have made a mistake with a friend. I get these feelings that something I said, or something I reacted to, was wrong.
Out of the blue, this manic sadness will creep across the flesh, deep chills travel up and down my limbs and I tell myself to stop it. I think of all of the good in my life, I think of all the good in my friendships. Sometimes it works, sometimes I feel better and the demon goes back to sleep wherever he is hiding. Sometimes it doesn't, and I spend the day trying to figure out why I feel so bad.