Chapter 43

I was leaving Northern Arizona University's stadium during mini-camp when I saw a familiar face waiting outside.

I recognized the red hair even from a distance and I was happy to see she was smiling when I approached.

I wished it were Suzette paying a visit, but I guess Mrs. Crawford would do. She was holding the hand of a little red-haired girl.

I gave her a quick hug.

"It's good to see you, Mrs. Crawford," I said — and I meant it. "I've thought a lot about you and your family over the last few years. I'm sorry we lost touch. I really don't know where I'd be without you all. How is Suzette doing?"

She told me Suzette was doing well.

"She's married and she lives in Sandusky, Ohio," she said. "She works in the marketing department at Cedar Point."

I told her I was happy for Suzette, but I was surprised when I heard she and Max had divorced.

"But at least you have someone to keep you busy," I said, motioning to the girl. "That must have been a surprise."

Mrs. Crawford glanced lovingly at the little girl.

"This is Lexi," she said. "But she's not my daughter. She's my granddaughter. She just turned 5 in June."

Wow, Suzette had a daughter. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It had been years since I'd even spoken to her.

Mrs. Crawford told me she moved to Arizona a couple of years before and that Suzette was visiting since the northern Ohio winters are so terrible.

She said she thought it was time for me to start calling her Marie, and if I could free up some time, she'd really like to take me to lunch.

What I had planned was nothing I couldn't cancel, so I took her up on the offer.

We went to a nice bistro near the campus for a sandwich and iced tea, then took a walk to a nearby playground.

"I was hoping I would be able to catch you today," she said. "Suzette planned to come over, but she chickened out at the last minute.

"I guess she's still mad about things," I said. "I still feel bad about the way things ended. I can't get over how much Lexi looks like you and Suzette. Her hair is the same beautiful shade. Her complexion is the same. Before long you three will be doing commercials about genetics."

Marie smiled.

"She does look a lot like Suzette at that age," she said. "But her eyes come from her father's side."

Suzette and her mom had striking green eyes. The little girl looked up at me and I saw her eyes were gray. The same color as my mother's and the same color as mine.

My eyes darted back to Marie, who was nodding sadly. She sent Lexi to play on some nearby swings.

I'm not sure what sort of look was on my face. I know I was angry and I felt betrayed again.

"Suzette doesn't want anything from you," Marie said. "She doesn't want child support; you're not even listed on the birth certificate. If she would have had her way, you'd have never known. She got married last summer.

"The reason she decided not to come today was because she's scared of how you'd react. She never told you because she didn't want you to think she was trying to trap you. You'd gone through a big loss when she got pregnant. By the time we found out, you'd already gone to UK. She forbade us from telling you.

"Suzette didn't want Lexi to be raised — and she didn't want your life and career — saddled with some of the things she'd done.

"Max insisted that you'd want to be a part of Lexi's life. Suzette was sure you'd hate her — and maybe even want her to abort. I got stuck in the middle, but I finally sided with Suzette. It was a mistake — and it cost me my marriage.

"Jay, the only reason I'm here is because Suzette's husband wants to adopt Lexi. I told her she owed it to you to let you know you had a daughter before she gave her away to someone else."

My mind shot back to the conversation I had with Amelie in Hawaii.

"Marie," I said. "Why didn't she tell me? How could she keep something this important from me? My God, I'd have been with her every step of the way. We wouldn't have gotten back together — I'm still not very good at giving second chances as often as I ask for them — but I would have been her friend and a good dad to Lexi. I know I would have."

Marie smiled.

"You still can," she said. "Suzette's husband treats her well and he adores Lexi. But don't forget — five years later or not — she's still as much your daughter as she is Suzette's. She was sure you wouldn't contest the adoption. I was equally sure you would. I guess I might know you better than she does."

I told Marie I wasn't sure I'd contest the adoption.

"Lexi knows Suzette's husband as her father," I said. "It might not be fair to her for me to jump into her life."

"Lexi knows Doug isn't her dad," Marie said.

"Honey, come here and tell Jay what your name means," she yelled to Lexi.

The little girl came over and I couldn't help but notice her eyes again.

"My name is Lexington Hartley Crawford," she said. "My daddy's name is Hartley and he was in Lexington, Kentucky, when I was born. Mommy says when I smile, I look just like him."

When Lexi smiled she didn't look like me. She looked like my mom's smile on Suzette's face. I wanted to pick her up and hug and tell her I was her daddy.

"Lexi, what color are Jay's eyes?" Marie asked.

I took off my sunglasses to show her and her mouth got wide.

"You got the same color eyes as me," she said. "My mom says my eyes are smoggy gray."

I asked if maybe her mom said "smoky gray" instead, and she said maybe, before she headed back to the swings.

"I think this is something I need to talk about with Suzette and her husband," I said. "It's all so new to me right now that I'm not thinking rationally."

Marie laughed and said daughters tend to do that to parents.

"At this moment," I said. "There is no way I can step back out her life knowing what I know. I am not eliminating the possibility of allowing the adoption without a fight. But I want to talk to Suzette before I make any rash decisions.

"If I think it's best for me to be known as a friend of the family until Lexi's older, I might be willing to go that route. I don't know right now and I won't know until I talk to them and see how Suzette has turned out for myself, and see what kind of guy she's married to."

Marie told me she doubted Suzette would be willing to talk to me.

"If she is unwilling, it will put me in an awkward spot," I said. "I would be forced to file for partial — or maybe even full — custody. As it is, I'm going to file for a DNA test and an amended birth certificate. Lexi, at some point, is going to know her father didn't desert her."

Marie looked startled.

"Oh, Jay," she said. "Don't do that just yet. If I'd have thought for a minute you'd try to take her away, I would never have brought her to see you."

I told Marie it wasn't a threat. It was reality.

"You told me a few minutes ago that Lexi is as much my daughter as Suzette's," I said. "The only reason I'm less of a parent to that little girl than Suzette is, is because your daughter insisted on keeping me in the dark. Jesus, how could she have done that?

"All I'm asking for is a sit down meeting where we can talk. They can bring an attorney if they like. It can be here, in Sandusky, or in Timbuktu. I'm willing to pay all expenses. But I'm going to file for an amended birth certificate as soon as we leave here for one simple reason. I don't trust your daughter. I wouldn't put it past her to rush through the adoption — if it isn't already started — and then I'm out of luck.

"Every time I get over something she's done, I find something else she's doing. Here is my cell phone number. I assume Suzette can be served papers at your house if you'd give me the address. Otherwise I'll have to have her served at work.

"The only reason I don't run over there right now and tell that little girl who I am is because of the position it would put you in. But if you or Suzette thinks the last time I'm ever going to see my daughter is when I leave here today, you're both crazier than I've always thought you were."

Marie spent a few more minutes trying to talk me out of my decisions.

I spent the time telling her I wasn't changing my mind.

"This doesn't dismiss the adoption," I assured her. "It just means it won't be done without my knowledge.

"Besides, Suzette probably will get a million in back child support."

I still had one semester of law school to finish — if the Cards had missed the playoffs this year, I'd already be done — but I was qualified to file a motion on my own behalf. I got the motion filed by 9 a.m. the next morning because I had no doubt that when Suzette didn't call, it was because she was plotting her next move.

I made sure the court clerk notified Erie County, Ohio, of the motion and I wasn't surprised a couple of days later when the clerk of courts in Sandusky left a message on my cell phone.

When I called her back, she was very cordial.

"Sir, I have an open file on an uncontested adoption for Lexington Crawford," she told me. "Her birth certificate shows she was born in Jefferson County, Ohio, on June 14, 200x, and there is no father listed. I have been contacted by the Maricopa County court there in Arizona about a request for an amended birth certificate for Lexington Crawford, same date of birth. You are not the name on the uncontested adoption. Are you wishing to file adoption papers, too?"

I told the woman I was seeking to establish parentage of Lexington Crawford.

"My name is not listed on the birth certificate, but I feel certain I am the birth father," I told her. "I only learned of the girl's existence last week and I moved as quickly as I could."

She told me it was good that I had, because the adoption would have been a done-deal in 10 days or less.

"I've asked for a DNA test here in Arizona," I said. "If it turns out Lexi is not my daughter, I will withdraw my motion. But as it is, you can consider the uncontested adoption officially contested."

The clerk said she would alert the family court judge and a hearing would be scheduled.

"You know, Mr. Hartley," she said. "This office receives about 100 requests a year for DNA to disprove parentage. It's very rare we receive one from a man trying to prove he's the father. I hope this works out in a way that's best for the little girl."

I told her I was only trying to get time to assess the situation to find out exactly that.

Marie called me a day later.

"Suzette and Lexi left for Ohio this morning," she said. "They were supposed to stay another week. She got word yesterday the adoption had been denied. I guess you were right about that part.

"Please don't make me wrong for bringing Lexi to see you."

I told her I'd do my best.

"Just so you know," I said. "When Sandusky called yesterday, I filed another motion to stop Suzette from moving her or the child outside of Erie County until parentage is decided. I've already given my DNA sample, and if Suzette doesn't know already, she'll know in a day that she has a week to provide a sample of Lexi's DNA.

"I have already drafted a motion for emergency custody of Lexi. I have no doubt I will be able to convince a judge in either state that I should be awarded at least visitation rights, if not outright custody.

"Please alert Suzette that if she fails to provide the DNA sample, she will leave me no option but to file the motion. And please let her know that if the motion is filed, anything she may have kept a secret will come out in the open.

"This will be very public and very messy. But all it takes is a phone call and a meeting to stop this. Try to convince her to be reasonable."

I hoped she would be reasonable because there were parts of my life that might not bear public scrutiny well, either.

Suzette provided the DNA sample — and six weeks later I was established as Lexi's father. It took another 12 weeks to get Suzette and her husband to agree to sit down for a meeting.

They insisted they didn't need a lawyer present, but I asked to have a mediator from a child-advocacy center present since I was more familiar with the law than the Wexfords were (Wexford was Suzette's new last name).

I flew to Sandusky in October during the Cardinals' bye week. Bailey skipped a tournament to come with me. Beth flew to her parents' house with the kids for a visit, but she said she'd be in Sandusky at a moment's notice if I needed her.

The mediator knew a little about me, but she seemed to have Bailey's career statistics memorized.

"I had heard rumors you two were dating," she said. "But no one seemed to know for sure."

Bailey told the woman she was my friend and here only to lend moral support. She wasn't a party to the proceedings and would wait outside if the Wexford's objected.

Suzette said she might have questions for Bailey, so there was no objection.

I tried to start the meeting off with a positive message.

"Suzette, Doug," I said. "I want it known that in no way am I trying to take Lexi from either of you. Suzette, I hope you know me well enough, and remember me fondly enough, to know I wouldn't do that except as a last resort.

"All I wanted was this meeting — so the three of us can sit down and discuss what's best for Lexi. If I had known about her before June, I might have a better idea of what that is. The only thing that's off the table is never telling her who her father is. Anything else — even if we decide it's best I have no part in her life — is on the table, but you're going to have to do an awful lot of convincing for me to agree to that."

Doug Wexford shot Suzette a questioning look, but she kept glaring at me.

"I admit this is a different tact than I expected," he said. "I was under the impression you decided, when Suzette was pregnant, that you didn't want to raise a child with her."

I informed him his impression was incorrect.

"If your source of information is Suzette," I said, "I think you may find you should take what she says with a grain of salt."

Doug's questioning look became a glare worthy of Suzette.

"In light of that, I think this meeting is a reasonable request," he said. "I apologize for taking so long to arrange it."