Chapter 42

It was a wonderful week, but it was over too soon. We packed Sara off on a plane with hugs and kisses from everyone. She promised to call every day if she could. I missed her before she was even off the ground and the house seemed to be missing something right from the start.

But there was nothing we could do about it. The following Monday Beth went with Bailey, Sophie, and Catalina to play the next LPGA course. She was as giddy as a school girl about testing her skills against the pros. Jill had driven Amelie to a gynecology appointment, and I was left at the house with Tanner, Melissa and Timothy.

It was an experience, let me tell you. It was the first time I'd been completely alone with any kid, let alone three of them. I was scared to death but all four of us came through unscathed.

Bailey and I started to date again. It was wonderful. We went to dinner and the theater. We played mini golf and ate hot fudge sundaes. But mostly we talked.

We discussed where we had been and where we wanted to go. The future was the easy part. Putting the past behind was harder. At least it was for me.

A part of me always wondered if Bailey was really in my life to stay. But Bailey knew it wouldn't be easy for me to let go of what happened before.

"I know it is too soon," she said one evening as we held hands in the back yard. "But I'm going to say it anyway. I love you now more than I loved you then. I loved me more than I loved you then. Please don't confuse the woman next to you with the selfish, spoiled child you knew in Lexington. I'm different."

My head knew she wasn't the same person. Just as I was a different person than I was. But my heart had a hard time reconciling the facts.

It became easier when I watched her board a plane when the Tour left Arizona.

I had missed Bailey for years. But the ache in my heart in watching her go was more profound than it was when she left the first time.

I loved her — more than I had loved anything in my life.

The first major fight at the house hit just as I was getting ready to head out the door for voluntary workouts in early May. It didn't have anything to do with the family, per se, but it still involved Jill and Amelie. Amelie was fiercely protective of Tanner — overly protective if you ask me. He was kid, not a china doll. The odds on breaking him were pretty slim unless you tried to. Amelie had been cleared to return to LPGA play, but she'd steadfastly refused. Jill and Beth, who had become extremely close to the duo, encouraged her to play a few events. Beth was going to take Melissa and Timothy and go with Jill to help with Tanner. Still Amelie wouldn't give in. To make matters worse Amelie almost refused to leave Tanner alone with anyone but me.

Finally Jill had enough and called Amelie on her actions. I'd stayed out of things. I got to spend time with Tanner and Amelie didn't say a word to me if I took him for a walk. I'd even bathed him and took him into the shower with me a time or two when he'd pooped all over himself.

It didn't affect me so I figured I'd let them figure it out. I figured wrongly, of course. I admit when the fracas started, I made a run for it. I had some place to be that wasn't here, and I was bound and determined not to be here during this.

I missed my opportunity.

Before I could hit the door, first Amelie, then Jill accosted me.

"You just don't understand," Amelie told Jill. "Wait until you're a mother then see how quickly you want to be away."

Jill turned scarlet.

"I'm a mother already," she spat. "Tanner is my son, too. Don't you forget that, you bitch."

Amelie's face turned the color of blood.

"That's not what I meant," she hissed.

"That's exactly what you meant," Jill said. "You hold him and take him places, but I can't. Hell, I spend more time along with Beth's kids that I do ours."

The screaming brought the aforementioned Beth and children into the house.

"Tell her Beth," Jill said. "Tell her how good I am with your kids."

Beth looked horribly uncomfortable. I knew the feeling.

Amelie turned to me.

"Tell her how different it is," Amelie said. "You know how it is. You feel the same bond I feel with Tanner. I know you do."

I told her I did feel a bond with Tanner.

"But that's probably because I spend so much quality time with him," I said. "I appreciate the way you feel, Amelie. I really do. But you and Jill entered into this together, so I appreciate the way Jill believes, too. You can't develop a bond if you're never alone with someone. Surely you recognize that.

"I don't want to tell you what to do. In fact, I won't. I won't, I can't, be the final arbiter of every dispute. Like it or not, Jill, her name is the only one on the birth certificate. There's nothing anyone can do."

Amelie looked at Beth.

"You have children," she implored. "What do you think?"

"Well, I am like you, Amelie," Beth said. "When my children were just born I could never let them go. I would literally become physically ill if I was away from them. I appreciate what you're going through. Jill, you are extremely good with Lissa and Timothy. But it really is different when you go through the birth, when you breastfeed your child. The bond is indescribable."

Jill took a deep breath.

"I could understand if she wouldn't let anyone near him," Jill said. "But R.J. seems to have taken my place as Tanner's other parent."

Ah, the crux of the matter.

"So this is less about getting Amelie back on tour and giving you time with Tanner, than it is about base jealousy," I said.

I should have known would happen eventually, but it didn't make me any happier.

"I rarely have any other places to go, but today I do," I said. "Work this out however you work it out. I'll be back later."

I gave a kiss to Beth and the kids and Jill, but Amelie turned her back and stalked away when I approached her.

It didn't help that I was getting pressure from the Sara and Bailey, too. They seemed to be convinced that I could just up and follow them to wherever the Tour landed that week.

It had been almost six weeks since I had seen Bailey and she had hinted for a couple of weeks that she would like me to visit.

I would like us to visit, too. But I was in the middle of renegotiating my contract, trying to secure a new endorsement deal and fulfilling a host of other commitments that come with my job. I simply couldn't travel to and from locations across the eastern United States, as much as I might want to.

Sara seemed to think I could just leave whatever I had going on and fly to Florida for a day or two. It just wasn't feasible. The worst part came when I suggested they could fly here as easily as I could fly there. That brought accusations that I didn't take their jobs or their education seriously.

Maybe I should request a trade to Cleveland. No one would want to follow me to Cleveland.

The jealousy issue seemed to be resolved when I got back. Beth, Jill and Amelie were taking the kids and following the tour for a couple of weeks. I had voluntary mini-camp for another three days, and I was supposed to do some appearances the following week, so I couldn't go.

I doubted anyone would understand, so I didn't explain.

Bailey was quite happy that everyone was coming to visit. She was less enthused when she found out it wasn't quite everyone. The next event was in Georgia, so Sara was even coming up for a weekend.

But, with my contract situation, the media would be down my back in no time if I skipped voluntary mini-camp. I had tried to explain before that I really didn't want the media paying too much attention to me. But I'm not sure she fully understood. Our nightly phone calls became somewhat tense.

The next time the whole crew found time to get together was for Sara's graduation during the first week in June.

It was a surprise for Sara since we had each convinced her that we simply couldn't fly halfway across the country when we'd be seeing her in a couple of weeks.

I had been on my own for three weeks and I had hated every minute of it. The quiet only reminded me of how much fun had been there only a few weeks before. The kids' empty beds taunted me. And I abandoned my empty bed and moved into a guest room. I went ahead and signed the short-term deal the Cardinals offered — but only after I'd made sure to get the opinion of everyone. The opinion was unanimous — do whatever I want.

But Sara's graduation was a glorious event. I had been contacted in mid-January to be the keynote speaker. The administration knew the relationship I had with Sara and I agreed. They agreed to keep it is as silent as possible. I hadn't even told the rest of the group. They thought I just hadn't bothered to show up, I think.