Chapter 41

Of course the kids were fine, leaving with me absolutely no reason to stay away from everyone. I didn't want Bailey to think I was angry at her for this situation. The simple fact was I was starting to feel like a second-class citizen in this benevolent oligarchy. I wasn't unhappy by any stretch of the imagination, but I thought I was being singled out in ways others weren't. At the same time, I wondered if maybe I was just overreacting and that everyone had been lifted by the short hairs a time or two over the week.

I was in the recliner, eyes closed, lost in my thoughts when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and Bailey was in front of me.

"I swear to Christ, every woman in this house is going to be required to wear a bell on her wrist," I said with a smile. "One of these days you're going to catch me with my hand in my pants if you all keep sneaking up on me."

I patted my lap for Bailey to sit down.

"I guess I deserved that," she said. "It seemed like harmless fun at the time. But you're right; it was designed entirely for us to have fun at your expense. I wouldn't have done something like that to anyone else here, and I know no one else here would have done something like that to me."

"It's not just that," I said. "I know it was harmless fun. What I did was harmless, too, but you didn't like that one bit. I know a lot of things are said and done in jest. I do them, too. But when I saw how entertained you all were at my discomfort, I figured I'd leave you in some discomfort, too.

"If we would have made it to the upstairs, I would have taken a great deal of time to show her how the faucets work, how much the toilets cost, and every detail I knew about the furnishings and the window panes.

"She'd have eaten it up — or at least pretended to. Then 15 or 20 minutes later we would have sashayed down the steps. Then all hell would have broken loose. Don't give me that look, you know it would have. But I didn't think that part through until much later. I do dumb things like that without considering the consequences.

"Let me ask you this. Were you hoping I'd hurt Patricia's feelings? Because, like it or not, you included an innocent bystander in your games. Please know I am using the term 'you' to include every female in residence."

Bailey said Patricia wasn't all that innocent.

"She'd have eaten you alive," she laughed.

Her laughter quieted when I told her someone said the same thing to me about Sophie.

"I'm not saying you can't make fun of me," I said. "God knows I'll be giving you prime opportunity for that on a daily basis. I'm just saying don't be all mad when your joke blows up in your face."

"So you're done being mad at me?" she asked.

I told her I wasn't the one who looked poised for physical violence.

"Are you done being mad at me?" I asked her right back. She kissed me, so I guessed she was.

There seemed to be a spirited discussion under way when I reached the living room. Immediately all eyes turned to me.

"What?" I asked, wondering if my fly was down or I had a booger hanging out.

"We're just discussing some things," Jill said. "You know, about possible living arrangements — longer term than the next week or so."

"Don't look at me," I said. "I'm just a pawn in this chess game."

There was genial laughter, but Amelie spoke up.

"As you pointed out so thoughtfully yesterday, the deed is still in your name," she said.

"I have made the offer — at varying times — to each of you," I began. "I will make it now to all of you. If, for short term or long term, you wish to make this your residence, consider yourselves welcome."

Sophie and Catalina glanced at one another.

"I hope you understand but we aren't interested in anything long term," Sophie said.

"I understand completely," I replied. "But if it is convenient for you to stay here at any point, please consider yourselves welcome."

The Montoyas smiled at me.

"Thank you," Cat said. "Um, if the tone of this meeting is similar to what was just being discussed, maybe Soph and I will just wander off."

They didn't wait for an answer before they departed and I wondered what was up.

"R.J., I like it here," Bailey said somewhat bashfully. "I'm still not sure how things will work for us as a couple. But I hope they can work for us as friends regardless."

I was more confused than ever but I replied that I hoped the same thing.

"The thing is, I think the ones of us still sitting here want to stay here," Beth cut in. "I know that I would like to."

"Here as in here or here as in Phoenix?" I asked.

"Well, here as in here," Sara said.

"OK," I answered.

"OK as in OK or OK as in I understand?" Bailey said with smile.

"OK as is OK," I replied. "OK as in if that is what you want, it is fine by me."

"With no discussion?" Jill wondered.

"If it becomes unworkable, we'll talk again," I said. I didn't see the need for all the drama.

"Are you going to be OK with me bringing dates over?" Sara asked.

"No," I said.

I smiled at the look of shock on her face.

"But I wouldn't be OK with it at your dorm room either, so it is a moot point," I said. "You're my little sister. You're not allowed to date until you're married."

Sara threw a napkin at me.

"How about me, Robbie?" Beth asked.

"Likewise — only you're my big sister," I said.

"I've already been married so I can date then," Beth said with a laugh.

"Doesn't count," I said. "He is an asshole. Yes, I will be fine if you bring dates over. I will probably be uncomfortable the first time you bring one down to breakfast but I will deal with it."

"How about my dates?" Bailey asked with a smirk.

"Beth, you wanna handle this one?" I said.

"Uh, probably not a good idea, Bailes," Beth said. "R.J. has a way of getting even — as you might have noticed this evening."

Bailey blushed.

"Bailey, I don't want to rush into things," I said and that seemed to be all the needed to be said between she and I at that point. "So how does this work?"

"Like a farm family," Sara said gleefully. "You be the Pa and we be the gals. Seriously, though. It's just a bunch of friends who share a space. I think it will be fine. I think R.J. considers us all family. I know I've enjoyed talking and plotting with Amelie and Jill over the last few months. I know that I enjoyed the time I spent with Bailey a few years ago. I know that I adore Beth and I'm already crazy about the kids. I think each of us thinks that way. We just sort of do things the way we have been doing them. Each person puts the others' happiness on equal footing with his or her own."

It looked like a bobblehead convention around my table before Jill spoke.

"I think that is a worthwhile goal and one we've achieved so far," she said. "But I think we should consider how we plan to do that, and how we make decisions as a group, whether they are mundane or important? Does anyone have any thoughts on that?"

"I have a thought," Bailey said and I stifled a comment that I found humorous but I doubted anyone else would. "I think that since we are all adults here — and Sara, I classify you as an adult because you are far more mature than some of us sitting here."

Again, all eyes shifted to me. I responded with a rude gesture. That would show them.

"I think each of us should have an equal say in things," Bailey continued undeterred. "Almost like a limited veto. We share the responsibilities and we share benefits."

"And we share the guy, right?" Sara asked with a smile.

"Uh, no," Bailey replied. "Well, I don't think so. I guess that is up to R.J."

"No," I said. Sara and Beth laughed and snapped their fingers.

"Sorry," Bailey said and blushed. "I didn't think so but I, uh, anyway. I think the veto should be for major items. If Beth doesn't want to do the dishes, she can't veto it. But if R.J. wants to start hording weapons of mass destruction, she can."

"Hell, Beth is my contact for that stuff," I said. "I would suggest that what we decide tonight is one of the cases that deserves the right of veto."

Amelie disagreed.

"What we are deciding tonight can't be vetoed," she said. "What we are deciding tonight is if we want to do this at all."

I told her I was pretty sure almost everybody had already made that decision.

"I disagree," she said, "what if we decide tonight all decisions regarding the children must be put to a vote. I won't agree to that, and I won't participate if that's the consensus. I agree that some decisions regarding the children — at least our child — should be discussed. But we will decide when to potty train him and when to wean him. We'll ask suggestions, but that decision rests with us. I think that, as he grows older, no punishment be doled out without asking his parents first as well."

"But that's defeating the purpose of a unified family," Beth said. "Granted, I'd be pissed if anybody hit my kids but that's the case wherever I am. I just don't believe in it. But if Timothy called you a bitch and you put in him timeout, I'd have no problem with it. From just today, I would trust you to know the difference between an appropriate punishment and a harsh one.

"I don't think you'd punish him if he, say, dropped his food by accident. But if he were malicious and I trusted you enough to leave him in your care, I'd trust you enough to decide if he needed to be punished."

Jesus this was getting complicated.

"I see your point," Amelie said. "Tanner is as helpless now as he'll ever be. And I've left him in each of your care at various times over the last few days. Perhaps I should think more about this and revise my decision. Can we table the children part? I don't think it's pertinent at this point."

I said I think it's extremely pertinent.

"I think Beth had a point and you do too, Amelie," I told them. "We have to understand we each have differing views on things. No one way is right. We need to figure out how to deal with them. I know for a fact that if Timothy, as much as I love him, were to come up to me and call me a nasty word, I'm sure I'd try to explain why he shouldn't say it. But if he did it again, my first instinct would be to crack him on the behind.

"There's no other reason I can come up with other than that's what my Mom did. I don't believe in beating children, and I don't believe in hitting anywhere but the behind, but my Mom used to tell me, 'the only reason God gave you an ass was for me to hit.'"