Chapter 38

I got out to the hot tub just in time for the fireworks.

"I'll just tell you," Sophie screamed. "The only times I've had sex it was terrible. I was raped by my uncles from the time I was 8 until I was 13. One had an STD and I caught it. It was treated and went away and it's never come back. It was how I got the nerve to tell on them. I found out I could probably never have babies. Outside of those bastards, the only other person I've had sex with since then was Catalina. There, everybody happy? Sophie was the family fuck toy and she started molesting her little sister when Catalina turned six."

She jumped out of the water and ran into the house with Catalina close on her heels.

We all sat in silence for few moments and I started to get up to go talk to them.

Amelie took my hand.

"Let me go," she said. "Before I go, I think it's safe for me to tell her that no one here blames her, no?"

We all nodded quickly in agreement.

"And it's safe to tell her everyone here will do anything to help her, no?" We all nodded in agreement.

"And it's safe to tell her that everyone here cares about her and wants her to remain with us, no?" Again, all heads were bobbing.

"I wanted to be sure I didn't speak for anyone else," she said.

Bailey and Sara went inside, leaving me alone with Jill in the water.

"What the hell set that off?" I asked as she slid beside me and snuggled on my shoulder.

"Amelie make a joke about Sophie's disappearing acts at tournaments," she said. "Catalina started to interrupt but before she could, Sophie unloaded. She feels happy here and I think she needed to tell us what she did for her sake. She feels a lot of self-loathing because of her transference of her abuse onto her sister. She wanted us to know and needs to know we'd still accept her. Catalina obviously has forgiven her or perhaps she didn't consider it abuse at all. It certainly seems as if their sexual relationship has carried over past the age when Catalina could have stopped it.

"I'm sure she was physically bigger than Sophie by her early adolescence. You and I have both seen that she's not afraid of her — physically or emotionally. She tells Sophie what's on her mind just like she tells anyone else.

"There's also the damage done physically to Sophie. Like it or not, the ability to have children is inherent to a young girl's, and especially a young woman's, self worth. To have that ability literally stripped from you at such a young age accounts for Sophie's over-sexual nature now. Essentially she's trying to prove — to herself, mostly, I'd guess — that she's still a woman men will want, even if she can't bear children. She flirts outrageously with an attractive man until his interest is obvious to her, then she disappears. It fulfills her desire to be desired but it alleviates the need for physical intimacy with a man. I wouldn't be surprised if she and Catalina had quite a time on spring break last year after her dalliance with you in Hawaii."

I turned to face Jill with an incredulous look on my face.

"What?" she asked. "You don't think I was always a caddy, do you? I was a psychologist before Amelie and I met. I specialized in abuse cases."

I asked why she wasn't upstairs talking with Sophie.

"It's not that simple," she said. "If I talk professionally with Sophie, we'd be unable to continue any other sort of relationship — even a marginal friendship. I wouldn't feel comfortable being a friend to you if you had sought me out for professional advice.

"Amelie is just as capable of assuaging Sophie's fears as I am, and she doesn't have those pesky ethics to deal with. I'm still fully licensed although I haven't practiced in three years.

"I will tell you that you should feel honored that Sophie feels close enough to you to share physical intimacy. I wouldn't be surprised if you're not among a very select few she's kissed or hugged. I'm certain she's never been willing to share as much contact with other men as she has with you. Not that I've had any qualms about what's going on, but if I did, the revelation tonight, coupled with her actions this week, would certainly have assuaged them."

Jill told me she was concerned about whether she, Amelie and Tanner would be allowed to stay if Bailey became a permanent fixture in my life.

"I consider you family," I replied. "You both are my friends. But I also consider you my sisters — or sisters-in-law or whatever. Your home is here so long as you want it to be."

"I guess you should know a family secret," she said. "The reason Amelie is just as equipped as I am to console Sophie, is because she went through a similar experience. It wasn't a family member and it was only once, but it was just as traumatic for her. Amelie hated to be around men for a long time. She still doesn't like many. About the only two I've known her to be outright friends with are you and Mike Phipps.

"That day in the woods when you asked her for help and admitted she could handle the situation better than you could, you made a friend for life. Actually, you made two, and now three with Tanner. She realized you saw a worth in her that had nothing to do with her gender. When you continued the conversation on other topics and didn't try to impress her with money or fame it helped her — and us — tremendously.

"I had decided I wouldn't be able to raise a child with her. I love her, make no mistake about that. But I feared for the emotional health of our child if he was a boy. I was searching for a way to tell her because I knew it would mean the end of our relationship. It's why I stayed in Hawaii instead of coming here. But when she called me that evening she was happy. She was talking about this nice man and how much fun she had that day. I reconsidered my decision to end the relationship, but I told her I wanted to wait to have children.

"Then you asked to be paired with her again at a different tournament. You sought her out not to play golf with her, but just to spend time with her because you liked her as a person — not as a lesbian or a woman — but just as a person.

"When I spent time with you after the round, I could tell immediately she wanted to spend the night with you. She didn't care about making a baby. She just wanted to have you hold her. She didn't care if I came or not. She wanted to come to your room immediately. She asked me to join her, but she would have been there whether I came or not.

"I didn't know you well enough to be sure you wouldn't take advantage of the situation. So I turned the discussion toward having a baby. After I saw her with you, I was convinced she'd be a good mother to a son. She was excited at the prospect of getting pregnant and she practically drooled at the prospect of getting pregnant by you. The reasons you gave when you said no made her even more convinced you should father our child.

"By the time you left Hawaii, she and I reconsidered the prospect of having you involved in our child's life. When we stayed here last year, she convinced herself that she could seduce you, and if she could, she was going to ask you again to be the baby's father — in every sense.

"Although I know you were tempted, you actually raised yourself in her eyes by being able to control yourself. The first night we made love beside you, we both knew you were awake. Hell, if you hadn't been she'd have awakened you. But you just laid there. You didn't even turn over to watch — although I bet you wanted to.

"But the funny thing is, our perceptions of you changed that evening. You went from being someone we considered bringing into our relationship to someone we trusted and valued for your friendship. Our relationship is stronger because you had the scruples to stay apart from it. I'm embarrassed by our actions and I know Amelie is, too. It would have been terribly awkward for the three of us to have gotten as close as we have if we would have done anything sexual. I'm glad you were smart enough to recognize that.

"If the artificial insemination hadn't worked we were going to approach you again without the seduction part. When we got here this time and saw what you'd done for the baby and for us, we were more convinced of a decision we'd made months before.

"We'd decided it was perfectly fine for our child to have two mothers, but he or she also needed a father. We were going to ask you this week to be Tanner's father and to let us consider this our home. You beat us to the punch on the second one by offering before we could ask. You never leave the house without giving him a kiss. You never go to bed without checking on him and as soon as he makes a noise you're the first one up. We also listened in on the intercom while you were talking to him, singing to him, and putting him to sleep. So you beat us to the punch on the first one, too. You were already going to be a father-figure for him without us even asking.

"Amelie and I want you to be a part of our family. Our families haven't had much to do with us since they found out about our sexuality. Now it looks like, and I sincerely hope, that we'll have a bigger and better family than we could ever have wanted."

"I couldn't agree more," Amelie said from behind me. I was definitely going to have to stop sitting with my back to the door.

I saw Sophie and Catalina sharing hugs with Sara and Bailey in the living room.

"How far have you gotten," Amelie said.

"I told him all of it," Jill said. "I should have waited for you, but once I started to talk it all came out. Everything, Amelie." "So he knows of my plan to get him drunk and have my way with him, then?" she asked. "I'm ashamed of myself for that."

I laughed.

"Here I was trying to get you drunk and take advantage of you," I said with a smile, as I held my hand out to help her back to her perch where Jill and I joined her. "If either of you would have so much as touched my arm that night you could have collected my sperm from the bedspread."

"So you're not mad about it?" she asked.

I told her I wasn't mad, but maybe a little disappointed.

"If you had told me you were willing to let me be in the child's life I would have gladly participated," I said. "That said, I don't think I could love Tanner any more if he were mine, so it's a moot point and Jill is right about the awkward turn our lives would have taken. But I hope you know you can approach me honestly and I'll respond in kind. I know that when you made the decisions you made, you didn't know me very well. But I hope you know me well enough now."

The both said they did.

It seemed our Sunday night plans had changed, but I thought it was just as well.

I hadn't even had time to consider the revelation that Bailey hadn't had a partner since we broke up four years before. I was sitting alone — for once — on the deck when the person occupying my mind approached.