Chapter 5

"Everything is okay, baby," Heidi whispered to her son, "Time to go back to bed." She lifted him up into her arms and kissed his head.

"Where's Ben?" Fitz asked, eyeing the strange man as his mother carried him into his room.

"He went home. Try to go back to sleep sweetheart," Heidi laid him back down and pulled up the covers.

"I'm not tired," the little boy protested.

"Then just lay there and close your eyes, okay? I'll come in and check on you in a couple of minutes."

Fitz closed his eyes. Heidi stared down at her son with all the love in her heart. She had ruined everything, if only she had told Jake the truth from the beginning.

"I'm not sleeping," Fitz reminded her when she turned of his light and quietly shut the door behind her.

In the living room, Jake was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands. "He's mine," he said when he heard her come back into the room. It wasn't a question.

"Yes," Heidi said weakly.

Jake looked up at her. "And who was that guy?"

"My neighbor, he was babysitting."

Jake stood up and cautiously approached her. In just a few seconds, a multitude of emotions played across his face, from disbelief, to anger, to pleading. Then abruptly, his face turned stony, not revealing anything of what he was feeling. He looked so calm, that Heidi wasn't sure if she had imagined what she had just seen on his face.

Jake was staring at her like he had never seen her before, "Were you ever going to tell me?"

"Yes," Heidi pleaded, "I was going to tell you, I was just scared."

"What's his name?"

"Fitzroy. Fitzroy James."

"Fitzroy," Jake tested the name out, and shook his head slightly. "When's his birthday?"

"March 7."

Jake paused for a moment. "Who—where does he think his father is?"

"He hasn't asked about his father yet. I haven't told him anything."

Jake sat down on the couch again, staring at the blank screen of the little T.V.

"We'll get married."

"What?" Heidi almost fell over with shock. The statement was so abrupt; she hadn't been expecting anything like that at all. "What-what do you mean?"

"I mean exactly what I say. In three weeks time, no more, we will get married. You and Fitzroy will come to live with me."

"B-but, I can't!" Heidi protested, mostly out of shock than anything else. You couldn't just decide to get married, just like that.

"Why not?" Jake demanded, "I have enough money to take care of you and our son comfortably. He needs a father, and I'll be damned if I let any other man be that to him."

He didn't mention anything about love. He wasn't even asking her, he was telling her. Heidi wondered if he really meant what he said earlier that night, if he really loved her. With a sinking heart, she knew that if he reassured her of his feelings, and promised to love her and their son, she would gladly throw herself into his arms and marry him in a second. As it was, it was just his pride that was talking, not his heart. He wanted to prove that he owned her.

Heidi shook her head, "I can't." Tell me again, she was screaming silently, tell me you love me.

There was a long pause. "Heidi," Jake said calmly but sternly, "I'm getting my son one way or another. You've deprived me of the first four years of his life, but you won't take away the rest from me. Now I'm giving you the chance to come with him, take it or leave it."

Heidi shook her head desperately, "You can't!" she almost shouted, horrified, "You can't take my son away from me!"

"I don't want to, but I will if I have to, and don't think that I won't." Heidi was almost in tears again, and Jake added more gently. "Do it for our son. You'll be giving him a good home, with two loving parents--even if they don't love each other."

So that was it. He didn't love her anymore. He wasn't giving her a choice, really. He knew she couldn't leave her son, or take a risk of losing him. "Yes," she answered him quietly. "I'll marry you."

What normally should have made her ecstatically happy put a deep gulf of worry in the pit of her stomach.

Heidi stood nervously by the door. Normal for a bride to be nervous, she thought, but then there wasn't anything normal about this wedding, really. All it needed was a shotgun, the thought.

Just as Jake had promised, it had been three weeks, and they were getting married. During that time, he had treated her, for the most part, as any fiancé would. He took her and Fitz out places all the time, was polite and courteous. They hadn't slept together again, hadn't even kissed, except for the chaste, formal kisses goodbye and hello.

Fitz did seem pleased to have a father figure around, at least. When Heidi had sat him down and told him Jake was his father, it didn't seem to faze him at all. He took it like a little champ, probably because he was still so young. He seemed a bit wary of Jake, considering what happened the first time he met him, but due to Jake's careful attention, Fitz warmed up to him pretty quickly. Indeed, Jake seemed fascinated with his son, doting on him at every turn.

"Time to go, sweetie," Jennifer, the wedding planner, opened the door and gently spoke to her. Heidi gave a brave smile and stood up. She didn't have anyone to walk her down the aisle, but that didn't really matter.

Fran was her only bridesmaid, and was already standing at the front of the church, beaming at Heidi as she walked into the room. She didn't know anything about the situation, she thought they were the most perfectly happy couple. Everyone else was staring at her, too, but Heidi tried to avoid their faces. Most of them were Jake's guests anyhow.

Little Fitz was standing up there proudly with his father. Because Heidi had nowhere else to look, she glanced at Jake's face. He was staring at her, his expression unreadable. She quickly looked away.

For the past three weeks, it hadn't really hit her that she was actually going to marry him. Not when he took her out and bought her an engagement ring, not when he introduced her to his family.

Finally she was standing beside him, and he grasped her hand. For Heidi, the whole ceremony felt like it took a matter of moments, she just couldn't seem to keep her mind focused on what was really happening. She was startled when the minister spoke her name, and spat out the perfunctory "I do" when asked for it. Jake slipped the ring onto her finger.

At the reception, Jake made sure that no one could guess that they weren't the happiest, most in love couple to ever take their vows.

Everyone seemed surprised that they weren't going on a honeymoon. When Jake asked her about it, Heidi had instantly spoken against it. She didn't think she would be able to spend all that time alone with him, not when every time they were together, Heidi thought she would burst from the level of stress in the room.

But even without the formal honeymoon, there was still their wedding night, which couldn't be avoided. Heidi flitted nervously about her new room, avoiding the ominous presence of the king sized bed. She had already checked on Fitz, settled snuggly in his new bed. Jake had gone out of his way to make Fitz's new room everything a little boy could dream of.

"Don't look so scared," Jake demanded harshly from where he sat on the bed.

"I'm not scared," Heidi said defensively, but the slight tremor in her voice gave her away.

Jake suddenly stood up from the bed and walked over to her. "It doesn't have to be like this," he said gently, wrapping his arms around her waist, "You were happy with me, before. I can make you happy again." He tugged her gently over to the bed.

Heidi let his stronger body control hers, letting him gently push her back down onto the bed.

"W-wait," Heidi said when he started to kiss her neck.

"Stop thinking so much," he said gently, stroking her hair. "Just relax."

He was being gentle, but still Heidi couldn't get her anxiety to pass. Her body wanted him to make love to her, but she couldn't get her head to stop screaming "no!"

"Stop it," Heidi said, pushing him away from her and sitting up.

"I don't get it, Heidi. What's changed? You enjoyed this before." Jake growled angrily, sitting inches from her. Heidi couldn't take his close proximity, and stood up.

"What's changed?" she said angrily, "You forced me to marry you! That's what's changed."

Jake also popped to his feet. "You kept my son from me!" He accused right back. Then he seemed to calm down, getting himself back under a tenuous control.

"Can't we just forgive each other? Start anew?" He asked gently.

Heidi looked at him, incredulous. "Start over again? We can't just keep pretending like the past never happened. I can't forget that easily."