Chapter 25

Everyone seemed to be in an upbeat mood as we walked home. We were joking around and playfully throwing handfuls of snow at each other. I thought everyone had experienced a good time, and I silently congratulated myself for thinking of inviting them. As we were ambling down Bradley, a shit-green car pulled up beside us. I recognized it. It was just my most favoritest person in the whole wide world, even more favoriter than Carol.

The window rolled down. "What are youse doing out so late?" It was Mrs. Pullik. She lived across the street from the Prestors and my family. Dewey Drive was more-or-less L-shaped. The Prestors and my family had the outside-corner lots. The Pulliks had the inside corner. They had a daughter in the same grade as Mary, but Mary did her best to avoid her.

"We were out behind the elementary school playing doctor with Mary," Danny said.

"We were not!" Mary said.

"We were Christmas caroling," I said.

"Don't you smart off to me, Danny Lukowski," Mrs. Pullik said.

Danny muttered softly, "Then mind your own business, you stupid bitch."

"What did you say?"

"I said, it's cold out here, and if it's all right with you, we need to keep moving."

"That's not what it sounded like to me."

"What can I say?" Danny started herding the group of us forward.

"I'm going to tell your mother what a smartass little punk you are."

"My mom knows all about my bad qualities, but knock yourself out."

"I'm not kidding, you foul-mouthed little creep."

"I didn't think you were." Danny still resented her for getting him in trouble several months before over his wandering around the neighborhood at night. It had cost him the privilege of sleeping in his family's tent-trailer over the summer.

Mrs. Pullik moved her car forward to keep up with us. "Artie, what are you doing out so late with this hooligan?"

I didn't mind it when my friends or family called me Artie. "Call me, Arthur, please."

"Arthur, then, damn it."

"Thank you."

"Well?"

"Well, what, Mrs. Pullik?" I started us moving forward again.

She moved forward with us. "Answer my damn question."

"I require clarification, Mrs. Pullik."

Why are you riling this nosy bitch? thought Ursus.

I hate her guts.

"Don't you get smart with me. I'll tell your mother." My mother, normally full of good sense, actually liked the woman.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Pullik. What is it you wanted?" I shouted this last back over my shoulder.

She pulled her car forward. "Stand still when I'm talking to you."

I quit moving. "It's really starting to get cold out here. Perhaps we could have this conversation at another time?"

"It's not that goddamned cold!"

"I'm sorry to differ with you, but I can hear your car heater running from here."

"You're getting as bad as that damn Danny, and I'm going to have a word with your mother about it."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm sure you'll do as you see fit."

"You're goddamned right I will." She rolled up her window, and her car started moving forward. I started walking again, which put me in front of our little group. Just then, I heard the sound of a snowball hitting a car. Due to my position, I hadn't seen the culprit.

She stopped her car again and got out this time. "Which one of you little bastards threw that?"

Everyone started shrugging. "Threw what?" Mike asked.

"I didn't see anyone throw anything," Mary said. Because she was right behind me, I was pretty sure she really hadn't seen anyone. Besides, Mary wasn't the type to bait someone like Mrs. Pullik.

"You know goddamned well what someone threw." She was glaring at Mike. "Was it you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I know one of you damn punks just hit my car with a snowball."

"It wasn't me," Mike said.

"Me neither," Terry said. Danny just laughed.

"Are you going to tell me who did it, Artie?"

"Call me Arthur, please."

"Jesus Christ! I'll call you whatever I goddamn well please. Now, who threw the goddamn snowball?"

"There is no need to get verbally abusive, Mrs. Pullik." I said it in a totally flat tone of voice.

"It's not up to a little shit like you to correct me. If you were my kid, I'd slap the smart-mouthed hell right out of you."

I felt Mary grab my arm. "I've been nothing but respectful to you." I knew it was Ursus's influence that allowed me to keep a perfectly even tone during our whole exchange. Since waking up from my long nap, I had rapidly learned the value of staying calm when those in a dispute with me became upset. I was now learning that such calmness annoyed a certain type of person.

"Like hell you have."

"I've been completely polite."

"You can take your disrespectful tone and your superior air and shove them up your ass. We'll see what your parents have to say about this."

My tone wasn't disrespectful; it merely wasn't groveling. "Ma'am, I have nothing more to say to you until my parents are present." Oooo, nice jujutsu move, thought Ursus.

I tried to get our group moving forward again. We'd have to walk by the belligerent harridan, but there was a snow bank between us, and with a little luck, I had given her brain lock for long enough to allow us to effect our escape.

Unfortunately, Danny wasn't ready to go. "You know what, you silly old bitch, why don't you just go bite the big one?" I suppose he figured that if he was doomed to get in trouble with his mother, he might as well make it worth it.

The snow was reflecting enough of the illumination from the streetlights that I could see Mrs. Pullik's face. She's gonna blow, thought Ursus. Mrs. Pullik started heading for a driveway so that she could get up onto the sidewalk.

"Run, Mary," I said, loud enough for Mary to hear, but not yelling. I gave her a gentle push to get her moving. I followed along behind her. Mike and Terry must have thought it a good idea, because they came with us. Danny, however, had other plans. He stood there laughing at her.

After the rest of us had jogged perhaps twenty yards, we stopped to watch the show. Mrs. Pullik, cursing all the while, stalked toward Danny. Laughing at her, he backpedaled to stay just out of reach. After they had played that game for about ten yards, she started kicking at him.

"The law says I can't lay a hand on a child, but I can still kick the living shit out of you." Danny just laughed some more.

"That's not what the law says, is it?" Terry asked.

"No," I said, "but she has many strange ideas." This I knew from conversations I'd overheard between her and my mother.

Finally, the predictable happened. Mrs. Pullik tried to kick at Danny while her support foot was on a slick spot. She slipped and tumbled into one of the snow banks that lined both sides of the walk. It was deep enough, and she had enough momentum from her fall, that except for her legs, she disappeared into the snow.

Danny stood there in near hysterics for several seconds before jogging over to the rest of us. We were all pretty far gone ourselves. "This is one of the best nights of my life," Danny gasped. "It ranks up there with my first handful of warm teat." We started walking fairly briskly, but not running. Heavy breathing in cold air hurts. We heard a stream of foul language coming from behind us.

Ursus warned me, so I warned everyone else, "If you see her car coming, make sure you're not in a driveway. The crazy moron might try running us over."

We were almost to the intersection of Topiary and Bradley when a pair of headlights came up behind us. It was Mrs. Pullik. "I'm going to be talking to all of your parents." She was clearly furious.

"Go ahead," Dan yelled.

She rolled her window back up and took off.

"What are we going to say?" Mike asked.

"We'll just say she saw us out at night and started flipping out," said Danny.

"That won't be enough," I said.

We're going to be in trouble, Arthur thought.

No we're not. We did nothing wrong, I thought.

"Why not? It's what happened."