Chapter 11

The weeks following the tournament were eventful indeed.

One evening as the two women lay in each others arms after an especially romantic round of lovemaking, Coleen looked to her lover.

"Even though you broached the subject at the tournament, I want very much to marry you, Sienna."

"Coleen, I do love you but -- I think you know why I said what I did at the tournament."

"Yes, you got us out of a very sticky predicament. But you also said you meant it."

"I did, but not until..."

Coleen placed her finger against Sienna's mouth to gently silence her, then reached to the night table and handed Sienna a newspaper clipping.

If was an excerpt from the legal section of the city paper where she, Larry and Rose had lived, announcing legal actions including marriages and divorces. Sienna read, then reread the highlighted area. Her heart rose into her throat She gasped for breath.

Dissolution of marriage Lawrence W. Cameron vs. Tamara V. Cameron.

The date was almost a year ago.

"I'm sorry, my dear. I received this yesterday from a private detective I hired recently. I know this may seem crass of me, but in addition to my own selfish reasons, I knew you would want to know -- that as painful as it may be, you no longer have to live with the uncertainty."

"I ... I guess I couldn't expect him to keep hunting forever, especially with the note and all, still..."

"It has been almost four years."

"I know," was all she could manage. "It seems a lifetime."

"Has it been that bad?"

"No, I didn't mean it that way. It just seems like that life -- the one I had then was so long ago -- so far away."

"We'll talk when you're ready," soothed Coleen, holding the woman in her arms lovingly.

For the next few days Sienna was quiet and pensive, coming to grips with reality that the life she had once had still existed. She might no longer wear a collar, but her life was inextricably woven around Coleen. It wasn't pain that prevented her from leaving, but doubt as to whether she could ever return to the life she and Larry had made. What could she say? How could she explain?

How much of her feelings were attributable to the love she felt for Coleen and how much her drug altered brain activity would never be known. All she knew was that there were two worlds pulling at her and her heart was breaking.

"I release you." said Coleen as they walked in the garden.

"Release me?"

"Yes, I've been watching you the last few days, ever since I showed you the newspaper article. You are miserable. I want your happiness even more than I want you with me."

"You mean... ?"

"Yes. I want you to go back, see your husband and child. Then I want you to decide where YOU want to be. Stay with them or return to me, I want you to know I love you. You are the one true love of my life." They kissed tenderly. "Now, be off with you. You've got some packing to do."

The rain that had soaked the city continued to come down in sheets. Larry Cameron had worked late and was anxiously returning to the same apartment he and Tammy had once shared with Rose. The street lights cast reflections from the rain soaked streets in every direction as he started up the steps to the apartment house.

"Larry..." came an eerily familiar voice from out of the shadows.

Turning, he saw the raincoat and umbrella covered figure approach. Thinking his hearing must be playing tricks on him he peered to get a better look.

"Do I know you?"

"You used to," said Sienna, raising the umbrella a bit so he could, despite the darkness, once again feast upon the beautiful woman he had once called his wife.

"Tammy? My God!" he breathed, the rain continuing to pelt onto and off of both umbrellas.

"Larry. I ... there's so much to tell you."

"You could start by telling me why you deserted Rose and me!"

"I didn't ... that is ... I know the letter sounded like..." She knew she wasn't explaining it well at all. Her thoughts and feelings were intertwined and jumbled. "Could we ... go inside. I'd like to explain..."

"I don't think that would be such a good idea," he said continuing to stand on the steps instead of retreating to the warmth and dryness of the apartment.

"Could I see Rose? It's been so long. I bet she's really grown."

"I don't think that would be such a good idea."

"But why?"

"You deserted us, Tammy. You ran off with someone and left us high and dry."

"It wasn't like that!"

"It was exactly like that! Your note make it quite plain what you wanted. The police showed me the tape of your elevator ride with him and of the two of you with your arms around each other as you walked out the door."

"But..."

"You said in your note I should move on. I have!"

"I know about the divorce. I understand but..."

"Divorce? Then you don't know do you?"

"Know what?"

"I'm remarried, Tammy. Cindy is a wonderful wife and mother to Rose. We were married a little less than a year ago." Sienna's heart stopped. She felt the tears well as he continued. "I waited for you Tammy -- for three years I waited. Nothing! No call, no letter, no e-mail, nothing! Rose and I both were miserable. Not that she remembers you, but she needed a mother. So I took your advice. I filed for divorce and then I met Cindy. She's the wonderful mother you weren't."

Sienna's heart felt as if it would break. How could she explain? And now what difference would it make?

"If you really have any feelings left for Rose or for me, you'll disappear back into those shadows and never see us again. We have a life now. You screwed up the first one, don't mess up this one as well."

Larry was right. Trying to reenter their lives was a mistake, perhaps not for her, but certainly for them. Larry now had a wife and Rose a mother. Sienna entering the mix could do nothing but reopen old wounds and create even more grief for the two people whose lives she had nearly ruined.

"Go, Tammy -- please!"

She turned, a heaviness upon her she did not know could exist.

"But..." she started, turning back, but Larry was already inside, the front door closing. She watched as it shut her away from them, physically and psychologically. She was forever out of their lives now. Nothing could change that. Hailing a cab she knew where her life now lay.

"I'm so sorry," said Coleen. "I have to admit I had hoped you would return, but I never wanted to see such sadness in those beautiful eyes."

"You're all I have left," said Sienna. snuggling against her. "And I know how that sounds. What I mean is that you are my life now. My only life."

"Can I be enough for you?"

"Love me Coleen. Love me with that great big wonderful heart of yours and I'll forget -- maybe not tomorrow -- maybe not next month -- but with you to love and be loved by, I know I can find what I'm looking for."