Chapter 56: What to do?

It was going to be a long night. I had so many things I needed to do I just didn't know where to start. The afternoon's events had helped me to forget my fear and anxiety over last night's apparently disastrous proposal to Lizzy. See, there it is, that's how badly I screwed up, I wasn't even thinking of her as Elizabeth, and if ever there was a time, it should be now, just like it was last night when I stuck my foot in my mouth. As soon as I started worrying about it again, Jamie faded so far back I thought she'd made herself a bubble to hide in. Allison hadn't brought it up either and that's really not like her. Clearly, Lizzy was my problem to deal with. So now where do I go? I could go to my mom, but she was having a hard enough time dealing with my dating Britney and trying to figure out how Allison and I could maintain our relationship in the face of all this, if I told her I was in love with someone else she would immediately assume it was Britney and tell me it was too soon to be talking about love. I didn't even want to think about how she would respond to Lizzy. As far as I could tell, that left Bob. Relationship advice from the perennial bachelor? Of course he had fallen for Rebecca in a major way. Maybe he could help.

"I asked Lizzy to marry me last night."

We were in his office and he was sitting behind his desk, blank faced, staring at me like I'd just proclaimed myself Pope.

"Bob?"

He shook his head as if he was trying to clear it and asked, "What did you just say?"

"I said, I asked Elizabeth Street to marry me."

"Yep, that's what I thought I heard all right, I just couldn't believe it. I'm sorry; I wasn't really prepared for this, not yet, anyway."

"What do you mean you weren't prepared for this yet? Does that mean you were planning to prepare for it?"

"Not so much planning as thinking I better start planning for it," he said.

"Excuse me, Bob, but that sounds like you were expecting it."

"Well, yeah, I guess I was. I mean, I figured it would happen eventually, I just wasn't expecting it to be this soon. What prompted this? Did something happen that I don't know about?"

"No," I said. "Not that I know of. Bob, how could you have been expecting this?

He leaned back in his chair and I'm pretty sure I saw him roll his eyes before his hands covered his face, you know that thing some people do to try and compose themselves when they don't know whether they can actually say something without laughing in your face. They bury their face in both hands and then sort of drag them downward like they're trying to wipe the proverbial grin off their face. It's frequently followed by inane sentences starting with things like, "Well, it's like this..." or "I really don't know how to say this, but..." The other motion you sometimes see is just the opposite, instead of 'wiping the grin off, ' they run their hands up and through their hair like they were trying to find a coherent, sensible answer hiding up there somewhere.

"Oh, Lord, where to begin ... Would you mind if I called Allison, or could you call her for me? That is, if you don't mind my bringing her into this conversation."

"No, I told her already."

"Really? And what, may I ask, was her reaction?"

I thought about it for a moment, trying to remember those moments in my truck as I was dropping her off at school.

"I'm not sure actually; we were on the way to school when I told her, and she got real quiet and stared out the window for a while. I thought maybe she was upset..."

"Understandable, all things considered," Bob said, interrupting.

"Yeah, but when I finally got her to look at me she looked like she was trying hard not to laugh at me. She made some comment about me being 'such a boy' and then said we didn't have time to discuss it and we'd talk later." I guess I've gotten better because I didn't have to struggle not to blush as I said, "We were busy after school and we never got the chance, so now here I am."

"Ah, I see," he said, nodding his head. It looked to me like he was having a hard time not grinning as he said it. "And did you happen to tell her what led up to this?"

I shook my head, "It wasn't any one thing, we were talking about what I'm planning when we find the Sandman and well, things came up in the conversation and next thing I know, Jamie wants to talk privately, which is really hard around Lizzy because she can hear me even when I freeze her..."

"She can?"

"Yeah," I said. "She can answer too. It's a neat trick but that's not the point. The point is it makes it really hard to talk privately. Well, Jamie found a way."

"I'm not surprised," he said. "Go on."

"Anyway, Jamie wanted to talk so she did the privacy thing only it was a bit of a set up because while she had frozen the scene as far as Lizzy was concerned, she had actually brought Allison along with us and was hiding her invisibly so she could listen. And then at one point she turned the conversation over to Allison and then left. Then they both went away so I could talk to Lizzy, only I didn't have any idea what to say, or at least not how to say it. So I just cut right to the chase. Next thing I knew I was alone again feeling like an idiot. So Allison was there at the beginning and knows what happened."

"Well then, I think I'd still like her here if you don't mind." He picked up the phone and gave me a look. He didn't even try to dial a number just waited for her to answer.

I concentrated for a second and knew she was in her glade; I also knew she was waiting for something. I was starting to get the impression they all found this to be amusing in some way and it was frankly starting to piss me off. I glared at Bob and sent Allison a phone to answer with Bob identified in the caller ID window. Okay, maybe it was childish but I listened in on the conversation.

"Hi, Bob. So he came to see you first?"

"Yes," Bob answered, glancing at me. "He's here now and I was wondering if you could join us?"

"Sure, no problem, I'll be there in a second. I love you, Jimmy." In my mind I could see her blowing me a kiss.

Bob just shook his head and chuckled. "Listening in on private phone calls, Jimmy? That's so unlike you. Something must really be bothering you; I can't imagine what that might be."

"Bothering me!" I all but exploded, just as Allison was walking in the door. "Bothering me? Yeah, I'll tell you what's bothering me, I made a complete ass of myself last night and everyone I try to talk to about it seems to think it's funny. I was worried that I'd traumatized Elizabeth last night. She was already upset and, silly me, I thought maybe I'd hurt her feelings and that's why she disappeared on me, but now I'm starting to wonder if she just didn't want to laugh in front of me!"

By now Bob was practically falling out of his chair. By the look on his face I could see he was dealing with a serious internal conflict. On the other hand, Allison, when I looked at her, just had this big beaming smile on her face as she walked up and sat in my lap. She then put her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek.

"Oh, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, you are so funny, and I just love you so much." She gave me another kiss on the cheek and leaned her head on my chest.

I almost dumped her on the floor as I stood up but she managed to get her feet down in time. "What is so damned funny?" I demanded.

Suddenly the floor disappeared and we were all falling into the warm water of the lagoon. Apparently Bob wasn't expecting it either as he was sputtering almost as much as I was when he surfaced. He glanced at me and then followed my gaze to Allison.

"Thank you, Allison, I think I needed that. Jimmy, I'm sorry but it's not often that I get to see you this shaken up and I'm afraid it's been something of a treat for me, probably for Allison too. I know it's not fair to you, but you are usually so damn confident when it comes to interpersonal relationships — with good reason, I will admit; you seem to have this intuitive gift for it, and to actually see you confused like this ... well, enough of this. Yes, I've suspected this was coming," he glanced at Allison. "Obviously Allison has too, and I suspect that if she were alive, Shannon probably would have as well. Of the people close to you, I would say the only ones that didn't expect it were those that don't spend time with you here and have never seen the two of you together. Jimmy, from the moment you two met, there has been a change in you. It's that certain something that poets and authors have been trying to put into words ever since language was invented."

Suddenly we were standing in the cabana and his hands were on my shoulders.

"Jimmy, in all my years as a therapist I have never met two people more perfect for each other, or more in love, than you and Easy. And if you ask me to tell you why I say that I'll tell you I have absolutely no idea, but in my heart-- and after all these years working with every kind of dysfunctional asshole under the sun you can imagine how hard my heart is on such things, I have never seen two people more in love..." he shook his head, "nor have I ever seen two people so absolutely clueless or in downright denial about it as the two of you."

He let go of me and poked a finger in my chest, shaking his head.

"And that, my young friend, is what is so funny. Now, what makes you think you traumatized Lizzy?"

"Don't bother Jimmy, it's not important," Allison said. "You probably did traumatize her but not in the way you think, or even for any reason you could imagine. Right now I think the best thing you can do is to just send me to talk to her -- nothing personal, Bob, but you two are sooo not qualified for this."

"Hey, don't apologize to me! I'd be the last one to argue for this one. Go, by all means; she could probably use someone to talk to. I expect she's probably been feeling the same thing as the boy wonder here all day."

Allison started to say something but then her eyes got big and she said, "Oh my God!"

Bob glanced at me but I just shook my head in confusion so he turned back to her. "What?"

"It just hit me. Bob, do you think that may actually be true?"

"Do I think what may actually be true?"

"That she may actually have been feeling what he has been feeling?" She paused to let that sink in. "Not just today, but maybe other times as well?" She turned to me. "The other night when you and Jamie did the King and Country thing with Walter, didn't you mention that Lizzy knew you had upset Jamie?" She didn't wait for me to answer but turned back to Bob.

Bob was sitting very still and looking very, very, thoughtful, finally nodding his head and answering, "Yes, now that you mention it, I think that is a distinct possibility, but not all the time. There have been several instances, including that one, which support your theory, but if she were sensing his feelings all the time she wouldn't be convinced that he can't love her. Looking at it in hindsight I would have to say that it's sporadic at best, probably limited to times of extreme stress in either him or Jamie."

"But then how could she possibly doubt that he loves her?" Allison asked.

I just love it when they talk like I'm not here.

"That's easy; denial, pure and simple. Actually, if you want to be technical, it's denial born out of avoidance. She's afraid of the pain that she is convinced will come later, so she refuses to believe the evidence before her. I wouldn't be surprised if she actually blinds herself to it, subconsciously anyway, which may be easier than it sounds in her case. They have only ever interacted in dreams and she has told us how he overwhelms her special sight many times, so she's probably used to just glossing over the whole thing, and now she's just using that to blend it in a little so she can pretend it's not real. Besides, he's been denying it too, so maybe he's been masking it."

Allison had been nodding along as Bob spoke, by the time he was finished she had one of 'those' smiles. You know the one I mean, the one that said she was holding something back. Apparently Bob caught it too.

"That grin worries me, young lady, I've seen its like before. What are you thinking?"

"Just that you're probably right, but that I think you may be overlooking something."

"And what might that be?" Bob asked.

Allison just shook her head and said, "Can't tell you, but I'll let you know if I'm right. If I am then I plan to use it as a bargaining point, we'll see. Jimmy, do you want to announce me..." she cocked her head and stared into my eyes, " ... or is she expecting me?"

"Why would she be expect..." I let the question die and focused on Lizzy. She was lying on her bed in her pajamas. Right away I knew something was wrong, Lizzy doesn't wear pajamas, at least, not that I'd ever seen.

"She's hiding," Jamie said. "Don't push, just send ... never mind, I'll do it."

I glanced at Allison and she disappeared from in front of me. In my head I saw her suddenly appear spooned up against Lizzy's back, then the scene went dark and I could feel Jamie putting up a wall.

"No peeking," Jamie said. "Just let her do her thing."

"I wasn't going to peek," I protested.

"I know, but this way you won't be tempted. Say thank you to Bob and tell him we'll be back later, we've got stuff to do and it will help take your mind off of what Allison is saying to Lizzy."

"Thanks for coming Bob, Jamie seems to think I need to be distracted until Allison is done talking to Elizabeth."

"Smart girl, that sister of yours," he said. "Both of them actually, just call if you need me again later, and try not to stress yourself over it, okay? I'm going to go out on a limb here and offer my congratulations now rather than wait. Normally, with someone your age, I would be doing my absolute best to talk you out of this, but in your case..." he shook his head, " ... like I said, I don't know what it is about you two, but I think this is the best thing that could ever happen for either of you. And if... , when, you eventually announce it, I will be happy to argue my point of view to anyone who questions your decision, including your mother, although for her I want to argue it here where she can't actually hurt me."

Just another of many things that I hadn't thought about before I stuck my foot in my mouth, how was I ever going to explain this to my parents?

"Stop thinking and let's go," Jamie said impatiently.

I shook Bob's hand and took us to the beach.

"You seem kind of anxious, so where do you want to go first?"

"Malloy."

"How did I know?" I asked. "Are you okay? I mean, is this training or is it just a way to blow off all the stress and anxiety you've been sucking up from me today?"

Silence.

"So it's a really good thing I didn't turn you loose on the three stooges this morning?"

There was a big sigh and then she answered, "Yeah, probably so. Lizzy was right, that stuff is like candy, but if you let it build up..."

I was impressed. "Jamie, I'm very proud of you. I know how much you enjoy the mayhem and it's nice to see you learning to control it. You're growing up."

"No, Jimmy," she said with a chuckle. "You don't know. You think you do, but you don't, you couldn't, and you don't want to. As far as the growing up part, maybe. I don't know if you'd really call it that, but I don't really want you to know either." The chuckle was gone by the time she finished and I didn't need to ask why. She was afraid; afraid that she might someday do something that I truly couldn't forgive her for.

Something occurred to me that I hadn't tried before and this seemed like the perfect time to try it out.

"Jamie," I said softly, and then I stepped away from her. The sensation was exactly the same as when she stepped out of me and when I turned around she was standing there looking a little shocked.

"Jamie, I trust you, and this is exactly why I trust you, because you're looking for ways to make sure you don't lose it." I took her by the shoulders and held her eyes as I said, "Jamie, don't be afraid of who you are, I'm not. Who you are has saved my life twice already. Who you are is not a bad person." I pulled her in close, hugged her, and said, "Now let's go kick some ass. And remember, I'm refereeing so you're on your own here, no funny stuff."

I was glad it was her getting hit and not me, and I was really glad that it was just a dream. Malloy is everything Rod had said he was, sometimes he moved like he had no bones, but when he hit you there was no doubt. Jamie lost, which told me that it was a really good idea to come back and do follow up work with these guys.

Fortunately most car chases don't involve physical contact so I did better following Wheels than she did going one on one with Malloy. Right up until he showed me that sometimes physical contact is not only necessary, but that properly employed, it can make the difference. Half way through a high speed corner he actually slammed on the brakes and spun out in front of me. His timing was perfect, as was his judgment of my response. By the time I realized I'd been suckered it was too late; his car was in reverse, rubber was burning, and I was being shoved hard into a guard rail, his rear bumper against my right front wheel, crushing the suspension and disabling my car with minimal damage to his.