Chapter 54: Swings and Misses

"Come in Walter," I called.

The door opened and Walter strode in dressed in his black leather outfit. He bowed politely to both of the girls and then dropped to one knee as he faced me, with his head down and eyes lowered.

"My Lord, I have failed in my quest. I fear what you seek is beyond my ability."

"Stand up Walter," I said, embarrassed at his display. "Pull up a chair or something and tell me what's happened."

"Thank you my Lord," he said, but instead of pulling up a chair he switched back to his canine shape and sat on his haunches. "My Lord, I fear that my prior success in finding fair Angela was indeed only because you were with her. I have found not the slightest trace of your missing agent. As a test I tried locating young Bobby, with whom of course I am most familiar. I could locate his dreams without effort. This did not surprise me as he has been in my charge these many months, but to locate him personally was beyond me."

"Then you didn't fail," Allison said. "For you to fail there would have to be at least some chance that you would succeed. Since apparently there was none then you haven't really failed, merely confirmed something we suspected before."

"Milady is too kind," he said, bowing his head in her direction.

"She's right, Walter," I said. "It was a long shot at best, but I have something else I want you to try, I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner." I brought up the scene of Kurtz's prison. "This one is trapped in a dream. It's a very unusual case. I can't always reach him, only for short periods of time, lately it seems to be when he wants to talk to me, or possibly, as was the case originally, when his alternate is distracted. I'm thinking that if you can find him then it may strengthen the connection and allow me to access him at will."

"Who is he?" Walter asked.

"He is the alter-ego, if you will, of the man who took Angela and now has Rebecca's partner."

Fire danced in Walter's dark eyes and his lip curled into a snarl. I could just see the hair on his shoulders begin to rise.

"I will begin at once," he said, rising and padding back towards the door.

"Good hunting, my friend, let me know as soon as you find something." I turned back to Allison and realized that aside from a stray comment or two, Lizzy hadn't had much of a part in the night's activities.

"Lizzy, I'm sorry if there isn't much for you to do, if you'd rather be someplace else..."

She perked up a little but something in her eyes didn't look right.

"Oh, way to go," Jamie said, sarcastically.

"What?"

"No, Jamie," Lizzy said with a smile. "He didn't hurt my feelings." I could feel Jamie blushing as Lizzy went on, "I could see your reaction and it didn't take much to figure out what you were thinking. You were afraid I would have the normal 'chick' reaction to what he said - that it was just a polite way of saying I was in the way and he wished I would go somewhere else, weren't you?"

Jamie didn't answer, she just nodded my head and Lizzy went on.

"A normal girl might have, but fortunately I could see the difference, and he was just concerned that I might be bored because what's going on doesn't really concern me. Don't worry about me, Jimmy, there is no place I would rather be than wherever you are, and if it concerns you, then it concerns me. I can see that a lot of this stuff is worrying you, and it worries me too. I think the best way to deal with it is to do just what you're doing, deal with it as best you can. As long as I'm not in the way, I'd rather be here just in case there is something I can do, even if it's just having one more perspective on the problems."

"And we're happy to have you," Allison said. The grin on her face when she said it suggested a double meaning.

Lizzy's blush confirmed it, but she covered it by moving on, "So why did you want Walter to find him anyway?"

"Because eventually I'm going to need him, but if I can't reach him when the time comes then it's going to be a problem," I answered.

"What do you mean, 'need him?'" She asked.

I had a feeling she was really looking for clarity on my part, rather than for the actual reason.

"Elizabeth, the man I'm after is a killer, and he's the best there is, or was up until he dropped out of sight. He's very smart and very capable. I think he would take death over capture without a second thought, and sneaking up on him would be like trying to sneak up on a cat sleeping on a water bed; It may be possible, but..." I gave that universal shrug and went on, "So I need a diversion. Something to occupy him so we have a chance to get in before he just pulls the plug and tries to take as many of us with him as he can. I want to free Kurtz right before we go in, hopefully he can keep the Sandman tied up until the cavalry arrives. But you already know that, we've talked about it several times, so just like the problem with Vegas PD, you're trying to make sure that I'm a hundred percent straight in my head about what I'm doing, aren't you?"

She nodded, averting her eyes.

I nodded back. "I know what I'm doing, or planning to do. I don't think Kurtz can take back control. In fact, that's something I've wanted to talk to Bob about."

"What do you mean?" Allison asked.

"Just wondering if maybe I've been wrong all along and it's really not the alternate in control? What if Kurtz is really the alternate and not the primary? We know he's been ... damaged ... his whole life. What if the lucid persona, the controlled one, is actually the part they had to bring out and teach more control?"

I could see her thinking about it, mulling it over.

"You're right, that sounds like a question for Bob. But even if you're right, while it might explain a few things, in the long run I don't see that it makes a difference as far as what you need to do. It does make it almost a certainty that you are right and Kurtz has no chance of winning. But winning isn't what you need, and certainly not something you would count on. All you're counting on is for him to cause enough of a disturbance to buy you a little time. But Jimmy, that time may be very short, especially if you're right here and Kurtz isn't the primary. You won't have much time, and once you do this you'll have tipped your hand, if you're not in by the time the fight is over, he'll know you're coming."

"I know, that makes the timing even more critical. I need to be certain that I can reach him when I'm ready to use him." I turned to face Lizzy again, "And that's what you're wanting to make sure of, isn't it? That I understand that I'm using him, and not just using him, but using him in the worst possible way you can use another human being. I'm using him like a bullet in a gun, totally expendable as long as he can get the job done. Not as a person, but as a weapon."

I could see a tear forming in one of her pretty eyes. I went to her and took her shoulders softly in my hands, looked into those eyes that I knew could not even see mine and said, "Elizabeth, I do understand, but more importantly, he understands. I promise you, I'm not using him in any way he doesn't understand and approve of. He wants to die, Lizzy. He doesn't trust anything or anyone to stop him any other way. Capture isn't enough because he knows who he is and what he can do, what he has done, even though it wasn't him doing it. He wants to die, Lizzy, but only if he can take his other side with him. It's the only reason he's still alive, the only hope that keeps him going. And he is going to die, Lizzy, one way or another, I'm just trying to give him the best chance to make it mean something."

She gave a shaking nod of her head and the tears broke free. "I know," she whispered.

Suddenly Jamie pressed forward and my arms went around Lizzy, pulling her into my chest as she wept and hugged herself to me. "We need to talk," Jamie said. I couldn't tell if she was upset at all the emotion or just plain angry.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Jimmy, I love you, but I swear sometimes you are such a boy. This is like the thing with Charles and Andrews, she knows it's necessary, she knows it has to be this way, and she also knows that just like with them, it's another turning point; another of those steps we can't take back. She's afraid of what it might do to you." She paused for a moment and I could feel her indecision. "Jimmy, you have to stop lying to yourself."

"What are you talking about? I know it's a big step, but it's a step that I have to take, there is no choice, at least not one that I can see."

"I'm not talking about that. Jimmy, Elizabeth is in love with you."

What happened next was the strangest thing I have ever experienced.

The scene around us froze and began to fade into darkness. As it faded there was a feeling of motion and before my eyes I saw an image of the scene move away and shrink to the size of a basketball. I could feel the wall of the bubble pass through me and the sensation was very similar to that first time I felt Jamie step out of me.

I was alone in the office and as I watched the bubble float away, Jamie stepped out and turned to face me.

"That was impressive," I said.

"This way she won't hear what we say or even know that we have left."

"Are you sure?"

She smiled, "Yeah, I'm sure. Jimmy, it's time you faced the truth about Elizabeth."

"Jamie, we've been over this. Elizabeth doesn't even believe that love is on the menu for her."

"That's true," she said, nodding her agreement. "Lizzy's convinced that you can't love her, that it's somehow not allowed for you to love her. She still hopes that maybe she's wrong, but she accepts that that's the way it is because that's the way it's always worked. Part of her fear is that the price of what you're about to do will make it true; that when it's over you won't be able to love her. But none of that stops her from loving you anyway. Jimmy, she's worried sick about what all this may be doing to you. Be careful with her Jimmy, I think she's more fragile than she lets on."

"Jamie, I know all that. She deserves to be loved, but I can't be the one..."

Suddenly Allison's voice came from out of nowhere, "Oh Bullshit!"

A ghostly image of Allison began fading in and I glanced at Jamie in confusion and she had what can only be described as a truly evil grin on her face. I didn't get to look long as Allison took on a more solid form and moved toward me.

"Jimmy, that's not it and you know it. Yes, Elizabeth loves you, and yes, she believes you can't love her; that nobody can, that it's not allowed. But it's not true. You said it yourself, God would never do that to her. She may not really believe that but you do; you know it's true..." by now she was right in my face and she punctuated the rest of the sentence by poking me in the chest several times as she finished, " ... because you are in love with her!"

"Allison, I..."

"Don't you dare try to deny it!" she demanded. Then her voice softened and she said, "Jimmy, I love you so much, and I know you better than anyone else ever could, even better than Jamie, and Jimmy, I can see it. It's in your body language when she is here, you cover it well, unconsciously probably, I think you do it just so she won't see it. But I do see it, because I see you outside and Jimmy, it's in your eyes and in your voice every time you talk about her." She hugged me before continuing and once again tears were falling on my chest.

"And I know why you're doing it, Jimmy, and you don't need to."

I realized that Jamie was gone and instantly knew she was back in the bubble with Lizzy. This was between me and Allison. Not that it mattered; I wouldn't have known what to say whether she was there or not.

"Jimmy, I love you, I've always loved you, I always will love you, and I know you will always love me. But Jimmy, what we have, as deep and as true as it is, doesn't even compare."

Finally I found my voice. "Allison, that's not true, I don't love her more than I love you. I don't love anyone more than I love you."

She kissed my cheek and pulled away. "I know, that's what makes this so complicated and hard to explain. Right now, you do love me more. But what you have for me has been growing for fourteen years. You've known Lizzy, what?"

I could almost see the wheels turning in her head.

"Hell, it hasn't even been a month," she said finally. "Oh, Jimmy, if you could only see what I see every time you look at her ... God, it just makes me feel so good to see you like that." Her voice got a little harsher. "And it kills me to every time to see you pull back, suck it up, and push it away the way you do. Jimmy, it's okay if you love her. I'm not hurt, or threatened, or anything you might think. I'm happy for you, or at least I will be if you ever get your head out of your ass and act on it. You've been close, you two, a couple times, and something always comes up. Maybe the timing wasn't right, maybe it still isn't, physically, but in here..." she put her hand on my chest, "Jimmy, it's time, and it's okay." She grinned. "She's a very lucky woman, I should know; and you're a very lucky man, because I know what you're getting. Hey, I love her too, but not the way you do, and nothing like how she feels about you. Now, it's time, no more hiding. Go tell her how you feel."

This time it was my own tears falling on my shirt, and I hadn't even realized I was crying.

Allison raised her voice slightly, "Jamie, we're finished here."

Instantly the bubble started to grow and as it reached us I was back in Lizzy's arms, my shirt soaking up the slowly falling tears, my own tears falling on her hair.

I hugged her tightly to me, kissed the top of her head, and whispered, "It's going to be okay, Lizzy."

Allison stepped up close, hugged us both and said, "I think you two need to talk," she kissed us both on the nearest cheek and said, "I'll see you, in the morning." Then she was gone.

Lizzy pulled back and looked at my face as if searching for something, "What did she mean?" Her look changed and she pulled back a little. "Where did Jamie go?"

I realized as she asked that Jamie was in fact gone, she hadn't returned when the bubble dissolved. I felt for her to see if she was with Allison and ran into that same wall that had blocked me from reaching Mikkelson.

Taking Lizzy's hand I stepped back and pulled her toward the leather couch. "Elizabeth, I think we need to talk."

She got a very worried look on her face and said, "Suddenly I understand why guys hate it when we say that. Jimmy, what's wrong? What happened?" She stopped suddenly and said, "You froze me, but how? I've always known when you've done that before; I could always hear you before."

"I know," I said, kissing her hand. "Please, come and sit with me." I pulled her toward the couch and as she sat down I slid to the floor, knelt before her and said, "Elizabeth Street, will you marry me?"

Okay, okay, I know what you're thinking, and you're right; it was a stupid thing to do. I figured that out when I found myself alone and kneeling in front of an empty couch. I'm sixteen damn it, what do you want?

For the first time in a very long time I felt totally and completely alone. It's a feeling I don't like, but then, I don't like crying in front of other people either.

I'm not sure how long it was before Jamie came back, I really wasn't paying attention. She didn't even ask what had happened, just relaxed into me and suggested that maybe it was a good time to catch up on our training.

And I thought learning in the dream with Wheels had been fast. This was all but instantaneous. In fact, I think it happened too fast; like I was on the end of a soaker hose hooked to a fire hydrant five miles away. Sure a lot came through, but I a lot got lost along the way, too.

Jamie felt the same way. "Wow, that was intense. And I thought I had fun. I mean, I did, but still, yours was like a day at Six Flags. I think we should practice some of this stuff."

"Jamie, if we drive like that on the street we'll get arrested."

"I didn't mean out there, I mean like, you know, a little one on one, you chase me, I chase you."

"Jamie, that's a nice idea but there is no way we can lose each other. Not to mention that if we're not concentrating we'll influence the environment and catch up anyway."

"Oh. Well, what if we took turns chasing Wheels around? Or letting him chase us? I'll block for you, and you block for me, so it's a fair chase."

"That's an idea," I said. "And whoever is blocking rides with him. I don't believe for a second that I got everything he had to offer in one trip. We could do the same thing with Malloy, take turns fighting with him, or as him, and see if there is more to pick up. And we still need to go see Reston and learn how to disappear."

My mind drifted immediately to an empty couch. Jamie didn't say anything. She's a smart girl, my sister.

Eventually the alarm went off and I started my morning routine.

I'm sure Allison could tell something was wrong, but she didn't ask. I finally broke down about half way to her school and said, "I asked Elizabeth to marry me."

She didn't answer, just turned and looked out the window.

"Allison?"

She shook her head slightly and looked back at me. I was expecting tears but the look on her face said she was trying hard not to laugh. "God, you are such a boy. We don't have time to get into it right now; we'll talk after school, or tonight."

I was relieved when a quick sweep of my truck turned up no new tracking equipment. I took the sweeper in and left it with Bob for the day. I certainly didn't want to try to explain it if anybody spotted it in my backpack. He knew what it was just by looking at it and didn't say anything, just put it in his desk.