Chapter 37: Life goes on

It had been a somber sort of night for the whole family. My mother had spent so much time on the phone at work that her boss had finally told her to just take the rest of the week off. Mom's the corporate secretary for a large independent auditing company. The title is a little confusing; she doesn't do much that you could actually call secretarial work. She's worked for the same company for seventeen years, working her way up as the company grew from a four man operation to now employing over two hundred people in four states. Of the original four, one had retired after another had died of a heart attack, and the remaining two partners, plus my parents, had bought him out of the company. Mom's title was corporate secretary but in truth she was a silent partner holding a thirty percent interest in the company. She had been on the phone all day working on funeral arrangements, plus helping with travel arrangements for the family members that were flying in. Still looming on the horizon were the legal issues. Because Shannon had survived the accident, she inherited. The fact that she never regained consciousness made it a gray area.

After my parents had almost died last year, both families had arranged legally for the other to become guardians of the kids in the event the parents should die. Shannon had virtually become my step-sister when her parents died. Based on the Living Trust that her parents had set up, all of the Davises' life insurance, property, the house, everything fell to Shannon, and now, since she died without a will, to us. If Shannon had died in the accident things would have been different but as it was, well, it was going to be a while before we really knew what was going to happen. I didn't know all the details either way. In the mean time, we had to try and do our best to take care of things until decisions could be made. The funeral was on Saturday, and on Sunday, my parents were going to be sitting down with the family members who attended to try and get a grip on what came next. A representative of the law firm that had drawn up the original paperwork would be coming as well to answer questions. They had made it clear that unless someone felt like spending a lot of time and money fighting a lengthy court battle it was ultimately up to my parents.

The terms of the original agreements were very clear. Everything went into joint trust for the surviving children, to be managed by whichever set of parents survived. This was so the family taking in the orphaned children would not be burdened by the needs of the children, such as medical care. Since their parents were dead, the children would no longer be covered by their employer's health plans, but most of the insurance companies didn't allow them to be added to the guardian's plans either. If, as was the plan, they were legally adopted into the surviving family, then maybe it would be possible. Until then, medical care would be on a pay as you go basis.

Then there was college to consider. As it turned out, they had listed our family as contingent beneficiaries of everything anyway, life insurance, property, the works. I had always felt a little bad about receiving the reward money for the girls that had been killed, especially Angela, since she hadn't really been killed. That was nothing compared to how I felt about inheriting money from people I loved. I'd rather be broke.

For now, there was work to be done. Tomorrow after school, Allison and I would be going over to work on the house. I would do the yard work and clean the pool. Allison would be working on the inside, including cleaning out the refrigerator, and doing any laundry that needed to be done. Roxy had volunteered to help her. Friday morning, a team would arrive from Mom's office to inventory the entire house. Everything would be counted, tagged, and in the case of some items listed for appraisal by a team to come later. On Sunday, family members attending the funeral would be allowed to enter, with an escort, and list anything they may desire in the way of keepsakes, starting with both of the grandmothers, who would identify any items that Tom or Karen may have indicated they wanted a particular family member, brother, sister, niece, or nephew to have, as well as those items that they may have specified they would rather see given to a homeless shelter in Siberia before so-and-so laid a hand on it. Hey, it happens. Some long standing family feud over great grandmother's favorite soup tureen, or something silly like that. Go ahead, lie to me, tell me your family isn't weird.

But for tonight...

Allison and I woke up together in the cabana, still in each others arms. The afternoon's lovemaking had been wonderful and we both wanted to start over again when we finally crawled into bed. It had been a real struggle not to, but Jamie had behaved herself so far, and I felt it might be dangerous to push her too far. Allison wasn't used to me saying no but I had managed to convince her it was important to wait.

"Allison, this is so complicated I can't even begin to explain it. Last night, things ... happened. Things I can't even begin to explain or understand. This is one of them. It's a 'see it to believe it' kind of thing, and you can't see it here."

Inside I was having a completely different conversation, "Jamie? Are you going to behave yourself?"

"What do you mean?" Something in the way she asked it made me nervous. She had that same angelic tone Allison used when she was being just the opposite.

Once again I could almost feel her chuckle. "I'll behave ... well, I'll try to behave, and I'll try not to embarrass you in front of Mr. Shelby, I promise. Now, quit wasting time; shut up and go to sleep."

I focused my attention back on Allison and said, "Whiskers on kittens."

When we arrived at the cabana, Allison stretched and rolled over in my arms, "Okay, we're here, so are you going to tell me now."

I kissed her nose, stretched, and then rolled to my feet and got up, "Yes, but I don't want to explain this six times so give me a second." I concentrated and Lizzy was in her room studying, "Elizabeth?"

Her head came up from the book she was reading, she picked up a pen from the table and closed the book on it, then settled herself. I watched her lips move and then she relaxed back into the chair. There was a soft knock, the door opened and she walked in.

"I hope I didn't interrupt anything important, I didn't think to call."

"Oh please, I was working on my economics." She dove onto the bed, rolled Allison over on top of her and then rolled them both back over so she was on top, pinning Allison's hands over her head she then kissed her very thoroughly. "Hi," she said when she finally came back up for air. "Miss me?"

"Yes," Allison said, reaching up with her head for another kiss.

"If they keep that up, all bets are off."

I don't think she actually heard it but just then Lizzy looked over at me, then gave Allison one more kiss before pulling away and letting her up. "We better stop for now; I think Jimmy has some things he needs to talk about. Are we waiting for Bob?"

"Yeah, I was going to call him next."

"What about Rebecca and Amber?" She asked.

"I don't need Rebecca for this, and I'll talk to Amber later."

She nodded and climbed off the bed, then reached to help Allison off as well, "Are we rearranging the furniture or moving to the office? I vote for here."

"You know what this is about!" Allison accused her. "That is so not fair."

"What? You don't like surprises? Better hurry up then, Jimmy, before she pops from the anticipation."

I concentrated on Bob, and he was watching television while grading papers. I didn't think he'd mind. Instead of calling him I sent a dream image of us sitting around the cabana, waiting for him. It took a second and then, just as with Lizzy, his head came up and then he was clearing things away to get comfortable. When I looked back at the girls I was surprised to see the room had taken on the appearance of the image I had sent Bob.

"Experimenting?" Allison asked.

"Yeah, a little. I sent him an image of us waiting for him, this was the image." The cabana was now furnished as a comfortable sitting room, the bed was gone and the transparent cover was now on the seating area in the floor. Bob knocked while I was still looking around -- he would never risk walking in on us, so Allison went to let him in.

"Hello everyone," he said. "That was certainly different, Jimmy."

"Thought I'd give it a try. If everyone will have a seat I'd like to get started right away. I need to talk to you all about last night."

"I was hoping you would," Bob said. "In fact, if you hadn't brought it up by the weekend I was going to. What exactly happened there?"

"He set her free," Lizzy said softly. "He let her go."

"What do you mean, 'he let her go'?"

I didn't give her time to elaborate, but jumped in with my own explanation. "You know that whole problem I was having with Mikkelson and Parry, with something apparently using my abilities? We talked about the idea of second personalities and things?"

"Yes, I know you were worried about the similarities between you and the killer and wondering if somehow you might be headed for a similar problem."

"I'm not worried any more, and I hope to have Mikkelson solved soon. Tonight, if there is time and nothing else comes up, the weekend at the latest. We were right about some of what was happening and also about how it happened. You know how Rebecca taught us about compartmentalizing and ever since then I've been shoving all of my emotional overflow, the anger and pain and stuff, into this little box somewhere? Well, there was something living in the box, and it was sort of feeding on all the base emotions. When I think of what it must have been like to only have all the intense stuff dumped on you it kind of makes me shiver. It was young, a baby I guess you could call it, and it responded to some of what it was getting by lashing out. In very basic ways. Take Brad and his goons for example; very basic response to danger; not the Id you suggested, but a similar emotion-based, black and white solution. Apparently it learned quickly where the bad stuff was coming from, started learning to control more of its environment, this environment, learned it didn't have to stay in the box, and eventually, if Lizzy is right, it started learning to push my buttons a little to get me to feed it more of the emotion it wanted. As a part of me it also shared other things, all emotion based of course, such as my love for Allison; when Parry almost hit us in the truck and I went to punish him, it decided that I wasn't doing enough and, just as it had with Mikkelson, whom I blamed for what had happened to Angela, it escalated the punishment."

"How much longer do I have to be an it?"

"Soon, I promise, just be patient." I answered as I continued talking to the group. "It also felt my love for Shannon. The doctors all said that Shannon should have died in the accident. They couldn't understand what was keeping her alive. Well, I was keeping her alive, sort of. You know how I was having those dizzy spells?"

"Yes," Bob answered. "You commented on them. Are they related somehow?"

"You could say that. As usual, Allison caught on to it first. The thing in the box was trying to save Shannon, it loved her, needed her, couldn't bear to lose her. So it was doing everything it could to keep her alive; actually taking energy from me and somehow feeding it to Shannon to try and keep her going. Not understanding that in doing so it was slowly killing itself and me with it. Last night, with the help of a friend..." I glanced at Lizzy. She didn't get it but I noticed Allison caught the motion. " ... I found them. I almost blew it and killed us all, but at the last moment that same friend stopped me, and showed me the truth. The truth about what was really happening, what I had been dealing with all along, and I realized that this was not something I could defeat, or stop, or even fight. That to do so would never work, this was a part of myself that I had stuffed into a box and then force-fed all the things that I didn't want to face. When I finally saw the truth, I understood what I had done and that it was my responsibility to make it right.

"It's so hard to describe what it was like, but fighting it was not the solution, it was me, this child shape was something that I had made ... So I sat down and talked to it, apologized for hurting it, promised it that I wouldn't hurt it any more, and explained what was happening and why we needed to let Shannon go. It hurt, but then so did I, to think of losing her, but I explained that it's not forever and that it's what she wanted. We cried together and shared an incredible moment, and when that moment was over it was changed. No longer a formless child shape, in that moment of sharing it grew up, this other part of me ... changed." I stood up and walked to the mirror in the corner, carried it over in front of them and set it down, then stepped in front of it so that my reflection would appear; only it wasn't me, but they couldn't see that yet.

"For one thing, it's not an 'It' any more." I looked at Allison, "Allison, if you've ever wondered what it would have been like to have a big sister, here's your chance to find out. Everybody... ," I stepped aside so they could see the reflection wasn't me, " ... I'd like you to meet Jamie."

I reached a hand into the mirror and took her/my hand and pulled her out. It was such a weird sensation; I actually felt her leaving my body as she stepped out of the glass. I wasn't really sure what kind of reactions to expect. Bob's jaw dropped like it was going to come off. Allison's eyes got positively huge and her hands went to her mouth like she was in shock and either afraid to speak, or couldn't.

The most dramatic reaction was Lizzy. She actually fell to her knees and wept openly. She recovered quickly though, wiping her eyes and saying, "I'm sorry. It's just ... oh God, I can't even describe it." She held her arms out to Jamie, "Hug me." Jamie looked just as confused as I felt but she knelt and hugged the crying girl. "You're so beautiful," Lizzy said, brushing her fingers over Jamie's hair, "and I'm so happy to meet you."

Soon Jamie was crying right along with her, and then of course Allison had to join in for a group hug and it was a full blown tear-fest. By now Bob was shaking his head and looking completely lost. I motioned for him to come over by me.

"What?" I asked him.

He shook his head again, "I don't even know where to begin. Just when I think this can't possibly get any weirder, you do something else. So this other ... person, is what was causing all the problems, and then when Shannon got hurt, it was so desperate to save her that it was actually taking energy from you and somehow passing it on to Shannon, trying to somehow give her the strength that she needed to heal? So, the times you were suddenly weak and dizzy..."

"Shannon was trying to die. Allison called the hospital right after one of them and confirmed that the two events had happened at the same time. We called Lizzy, who had apparently already figured it out, because, she said she was waiting for us to call. Anyway, she came and confirmed what we already knew. I was the reason Shannon was suffering, and the only way to stop it was ... I had to kill the woman I loved. At least that's what I thought, but she explained it so that we understood that Shannon was already dead, and that all we really had to do was release her from the pain of this life. I don't remember much about the rest of the evening. I have a vague recollection of my parents coming home and my mom trying to talk to me, walking to my room, and then ... Bob, it was the longest, best, worst, happiest, saddest, night of my life. I lost someone that meant so much to me... ," I could feel tears trying to well up, " ... but in the end, I haven't really lost her at all, and now there's Jamie to deal with. You can't imagine how weird that is. I have a whole new respect for people who say they hear voices."

Bob chuckled, "I can imagine." Then he stopped and shook his head, "No, no actually I can't. Jimmy, this is so extraordinary I just don't know where to begin. You have manifested an alternate personality in a way the just defies every attempt I could possibly make to even begin to describe it. And she was the one living in that box you shoved all your dark emotions into?"

"No, no not really; I mean partly, but not completely. The ... being I guess, was just ... Jamie is what grew out of it when we met. After I accepted it as part of myself, and decided that it was wrong to go on locking it in a box and shoving all my darkness in there for it to deal with.

"In the dream ... I held it in my arms, and talked to it about our love for Shannon. I held it while it wept, and then we cried together at letting her go, I kissed it and when I did it was like we were glued together, I couldn't break the kiss, and it was like it was sucking something out of me, and as it did it started to grow and change, and then it wasn't an 'it' anymore, it was a she, and she was me. Not me me, but a different me. She was afraid at first, afraid that I would put her back into that dark place again, but I promised her that I would never do that again. Bob, she's a part of me, a part I denied and because of that I almost destroyed us both, I..."

He cut me off, "Jimmy, you can't begin to image what you have done. You have done something here ... something that is so ... unprecedented. Something only ever talked about in legends and whispered about by wise men in lonely places. You have met yourself, accepted who you are, embraced who you are. You are a complete person, at sixteen no less. Jimmy, this is the kind of thing old men dream about doing before they die. I can't even begin to imagine what this is going to mean for you."

"Well for one thing, I can now be in two places doing completely different things and have no knowledge of it at all. Last night I had a chat with Angela. There is a change in that whole situation by the way. Angela and Amber are no longer going to be as separate as they were. I arranged a little reward for Amber because of the progress she's made, but it was Angela I sent to collect it. Bob, she has already accepted who she is, and I think she's almost ready to move on with her life. Not quite yet, but real soon. She has embraced all of this, and accepted, not just as Amber but as Angela, me as her master. She is counting on me to guide her, support her, keep her safe, everything. On the one hand it's kind of overwhelming. I'm almost afraid of what's coming. I know I'm not ready for this, but at the same time, I know I have to be. I just hope I can find a way to make it work for her. Anyway, while I was talking to Angela, Jamie was setting things up with Jasmine..."

"Who's Jasmine?" He asked.

"Sorry, I guess we never got around to talking about that, Jasmine is the owner of a place called the House of Seven Willows, and Amber's teacher. She's been helping her learn who she is. Anyway, Jamie was setting things up with Jasmine and May, Amber and May were kind of a gift to each other as a reward for all their hard work. Sorry, May is Jasmine's number one, and has been responsible for most of Amber's training, under Jasmine's direction of course."