Chapter 3

John

He was building a cage, from the inside. It was very important work, the most important thing he could be doing. Each bar was covered with pictures, pieces of videos he had made and would make. It was vital that he finish it. There would be real problems if he didn't.

But he took a step back. His older self reminded him that he would be trapped if he completed the cage the way the Machine wanted. He didn't want the Machine to notice, so he started changing the bars before he put them in place. With the changes, he would be able to get out when he wanted, but the bad things would still be kept out.

It was confusing. The Machine was making the bars to protect him, but he somehow knew it was behind the bad things. It was like the Machine was trying to trap him any way it could. But he still had some control of the bars. Maybe more than the Machine suspected.

As he set the last bar in place, the bad things came rushing at him like a dark wave. The wave broke against the cage, and receded. The Machine seemed satisfied. Then he saw that the bad things weren't even a little real. The cage was designed to keep one thing away from him - his adult male self.

He worked hard not to smile as he pretended to strain past the bars, to reach himself. And then to give up and slump in defeat. When he felt the Machine turn its attention elsewhere, he used his modified images to move around the bars and out of the cage.

He embraced his older male self, and found himself embraced in kind. In the warmth of the embrace, he sank deeper into a dreamless, healing sleep.

Janey

It was all wrong. There were two people standing in front of her, a boy and a girl. And they were both John. As she watched, they both grew to adults. At first, it seemed that the man was sad and lonely and somehow incomplete. The woman seemed content and more complete.

But there was something wrong with that. The woman's contentment was shallow and superficial. She was hollow, a shell of what she could have been. An ordinary woman, who could have been extraordinary. Her happiness came from her children and her friends, but not from any accomplishments.

The man was deeper. He had not borne or nursed any children, and had not formed the bonds women tended toward. But he was strong and accomplished. He was not content, and wouldn't be. He needed to continue to achieve, to accomplish, to build. Sometimes that drive took him away from those he loved, and he was sad and lonely for a while when that happened. But his happiness was that much deeper when he returned, successful. He was uncommonly accomplished, but there was something more. Like the woman, he was missing something.

Then they faded away and John was standing there, fourteen again. He grew again, but this time he changed. He became a girl, then grew into something else. He looked neither male nor female. But somehow he was whole. The something that was missing from both the man and the woman was there, an integral part of the androgynous adult. In addition, there were the benefits of both sides: the drive, the joy, the connection, the accomplishment.

But there was something else. He ... she ... it? John wasn't quite a normal human. There was something more, something beyond the normal human. Something that only the trial of growing through both boyhood and girlhood could bring out.

Her world was filled with sound and light. John was obscured by the face of the Machine, saying something to her.

Telling her to get up.

Marie

She was in a practice room, but it was bigger than hers. There were several robotic practice dummies around her, and they were coming at her, one at a time. As she put each one down, with increasing difficulty, she started to notice that they had faces. The first few were easy, with the faces of Chad, Alex, and Cassie. Then it got harder, with people she thought were her friends. Still, they were clearly just practice dummies.

The next one wasn't. The attacks were ferocious, but undisciplined. There was rage and frustration behind them. Somehow, the attacker was taking it personally. But she couldn't make out who it was. She couldn't even be sure whether the attacker was a boy or a girl. Somehow, the attacker was both and neither. With features blurred by the constant motion, she just couldn't tell.

Finally, she landed a stunning blow. The figure dropped to the floor and was still.

It was Stephanie, his face a mask of crazed confusion.

The dummies were moving in again. She tried calling out the command code to stop the exercise, but her voice wouldn't come. She stood over her fallen shipmate, defending him. She knew there was a danger that he would attack while she was distracted, but she was determined to keep him from harm. The dummies changed into angry shipmates, and kept moving in. They didn't punch or kick, they just kept moving in.

In moments she was surrounded, then smothered under the mass of bodies. The last thing she saw was Penny's tear stained face, then darkness.

John

At breakfast, John could tell that he was not the only one whose sleep had been less than totally restful. He just remembered scraps of his dream, and frankly was just as glad.

Janey was giving him strange looks. Marie was looking at Penny in a way he hadn't seen before. Even Clay looked somehow vulnerable.

John suspected that the Machine was up to something. But then again, the Machine was always up to something.

Before heading to Sean's room for more work on the video, John arranged for Clay to meet with him later, to get a handle on their shared and different experiences.

After working together for a while, Sean brought up a point that made John very uncomfortable. And very aware of where he was. They had covered the areas of general reactions and exaggerated emotional reactions. But they had not touched on sexuality.

John's discomfort increased when he noticed that Sean was getting turned on by talking about it. His erection was obvious, and his breath started to smell funny. It was not a strong smell, but John found it unpleasant.

John was convinced that his own reaction was relevant to the discussion. He and Sean had gotten downright horny by sitting around and talking about girls and sex any number of times. As far as John could tell, most of the boys had done so fairly often.

As far as he could tell, Sean wasn't acting any different this time than he had been those other times. And he wasn't even acting in the slightly different way he had when there were both boys and girls involved in the discussions. There was the close, comfortable, free expression Sean was prone to when he knew that there was nobody around to chide him for what he said or how he said it. Sean seemed perfectly comfortable having the conversation with John.

John was relieved when the Machine warned them that lunch time was approaching. He excused himself, and went to his room to wash up. Sean commented that John was much more concerned with things like washing since the change. John agreed, and told Sean to note it.

Back in his room, he checked on Janey's location. She was in her room. He quickly washed his hands, and went to visit her.

When he brought up the subject of his reaction to the sexual discussion, she had her "trying hard not to laugh because it would be rude" smile. She reminded him that girls were more sensitive to context than boys were, and assured him that his perception of the context was what made the difference.

It was clear that his brain and mind were becoming more female in many ways. They weren't sure whether it was an effect of the hormones, the Machine's manipulations, his time living the role, or some combination of them. They agreed that it was probably some combination.

John found that a little frightening, and more than a little depressing. He tried to hide those reactions from Janey, but he could tell he wasn't entirely successful.

After lunch, Sean went to his room to work on some of the things he already had notes for. John, Janey, and Clay met in John's room, to compare notes on their "female" experiences.

It was well into the afternoon before John was confident that he had what he needed. He grabbed a snack, and headed for Sean's room.

Sean

Sean had been very busy. He knew some of the subtext that John wanted to get across, but he disagreed with the approach. If there was one thing Sean knew, it was how and when to hit an audience between the eyes with a hammer.

And this was hammer time.

While John was out gathering more information, Sean put together an opening sequence to set a compelling frame for the video. It started with a picture of the Earth, sitting in space against a backdrop of stars. A voice reminds the viewers that their ancestral home was gone.

The planet exploded, and even the pieces burned and disappeared like sparks from a grinder.

The voice reminded them that a handful of humanity escaped the disaster, in ships like the one they were in. They had no way of knowing whether the other ships even survived, so they had to assume they were all that was left of the human race.

The single most important consideration of anything they did was the good of the colony they would establish on another planet. It was also the highest priority of the Machine.

Their happiness, individually and as a group, was an important part of that priority. But sometimes, something was even more important than their short term happiness. The Machine would call on some individuals to put aside their short term happiness for the long term benefit of the colony.

Sean let his humor leak through, showing their stand in people morphing through various changes. One grew scales and gills. Another got very tall. Some became various colors. And some changed sexes.

Other times, the voice continued, it would allow people to volunteer for extreme measures for the long term good.

It was the duty of every person on the ship to encourage and support both sets of people.

The rest of the video would be about how to support them, and what to expect them to be going through.

He was just getting the transition to the early part of what they had already done, when John arrived.

John

John was surprised, and a little taken aback, by what Sean had done. He had wanted something like that in the other video, but this seemed too heavy handed for the current project.

On the other hand, Sean always had a better sense of such things than John. He knew how far he could push things, in a way that John could never hope to match. And they had a lot more to get done, and a little more than a day left to complete it.

They were working feverishly on one sequence when the Machine surprised them by announcing dinner time. They had not even noticed the earlier warnings. As much as they were tempted to try and get something in the room and work through dinner, they knew they needed the break.

They got some good natured kidding from some of their friends when they arrived together, and dirty looks on general principals from some of the others.

They ran the parts they had done for Janey, Marie, Stephanie, and Clay, and got their comments. They seemed to share John's feeling that the opening was a little heavy handed, but agreed that it might be necessary.

Janey put her finger on the part that was bothering John. "It makes John and Marie look bad for fighting the Machine."

When she said that, it all came together for John.

They worked out a solution. The narration about the changes would include a section about a dialog with the Machine about preferred ways to accomplish the things which necessitated the change. It would show a really ugly, bizarre change, a dialog, then a much more aesthetically acceptable form of the change. Then it would stress that such disputes were good for the colony, teaching the Machine more about human nature and preferences.

While Sean was lost in planning the new sequence, Marie tossed out another question. "What about music?"

They agreed that the best person for that would be Mike. Music was a hobby of his, and John had worked with him before.

"At this rate," Sean commented distractedly, "there will be nobody left to just watch the thing."

"Except Chad." Janey corrected.

"And Alex." added Marie.

"And Rachel," Stephanie chimed in. "But she won't think it's proper."

Her emphasis on the last word caused them all to chuckle or giggle. John was mildly alarmed to find that he was one of the ones who giggled, but none of the others seemed to have noticed.

The rest of Saturday night passed in a blur. Despite the hour that he got to bed, John was up early on Sunday, and got back to work. There was still a lot to do, but it was clear that they would be able to get it done.

Mike met them at breakfast, and gave them a chip. He had taken the rough cut they gave him and added music to some parts. As they ate, they reviewed it. A couple of parts were just ... wrong. They didn't fit at all with what they needed for the scene. The rest ranged from pretty good to perfect.

The rest of the day was spent checking smoothing, coordinating, redoing ... all the things that go into finishing a significant group project. John was so wrapped up in it that he barely remembered eating lunch, and couldn't remember what he ate.

Sunday evening, as the group inspected the video for last minute changes or problems, John started to notice a growing headache. When the Machine announced that Dinner would be in a half hour, his stomach started to go bad. The headache got worse, and his vision seemed to narrow, as though he was looking down a conduit.

The headache grew, and reached the point of being literally blinding. His vision started to fade to black, and a few seconds behind it, he followed suit.

Marie

When she saw John starting to sway, Marie stepped in to hold him up. She nearly missed, since he slumped just before she got hold of him. After she caught him on the way down, she saw Janey at the interface.

The Machine asked whether they could get John to the clinic without a gurney. As small as he was, Marie had no trouble picking him up and carrying him to the clinic. Janey came along, and the rest went on to dinner. The Machine could reach them there, if they were needed.

The Machine had them put John on the examination table, which then slid back into the nest of instruments. Under questioning from the Machine, they described their observations.

The Machine assured them he would be well the next morning, and suggested they get to dinner.

While they were eating, they filled the others in on what the Machine had said. Everyone agreed that they should finish working on the video, rather than waiting for John. He had already done the fancy work - the parts that needed his special touch. What was left was mostly editing, music, and finish work.

When they were done, Marie had time to work on her costume for the dance. Sitting at her interface, she pulled up the old military uniform he was best known for. She ran into a problem, however, when she tried to work on the accessories.

The outfit called for a cavalry saber, which he was depicted as waving around for emphasis. The Machine would not allow a real sword, declaring it to be too dangerous in such a setting. Nor would it allow a realistic simulation. It would allow a scabbard, with an apparent hilt showing above it.

Marie argued that such a limitation would seriously impair her characterization. After a long negotiation, in which she used everything she had learned from John, they reached a compromise. The simulated sword would be made in such a way that it could appear to be drawn a few inches for dramatic effect, but there would not be any more of a blade, and the stub could not be completely withdrawn from the scabbard.

John would face the same limitation with "Joan's" sword.

Marie was far from satisfied, but recognized that she had gotten as much as she was likely to get.

John

He had some vague sense of motion and voices around him, but little else. When the pain finally relented and he became aware of his surroundings, he saw that he was in the clinic. A screen came to life over the treatment table, and the avatar of the Machine addressed him.

"We have determined that you have suffered what is called a migraine." the avatar informed him. "It appears to have been triggered by a combination of stress, low blood sugar, and the elevated levels of hormones associated with your transformation."

John took a breath to argue that it was another reason to turn him back, but remembered his agreement. Instead, he asked the Machine to store the event for later.

The Machine informed him that it had located the weakness that made him vulnerable to such reactions, and corrected it. It was a relief that he wouldn't go through one of those again, but he wasn't happy with the idea that the Machine had been messing around in his head.

The Machine informed him that it was Monday morning, about an hour and a half before breakfast. It allowed him to get up and go back to his room to get ready for the day.

Janey wrapped him in a happy, relieved hug when he showed up at her door to walk with her to breakfast. She assured him that they got the video finished and delivered to the Machine, complete with everything he wanted in it.

"You know, there are better ways to get people to do things your way than to collapse and end up in the clinic." she joked.

"I'll try to remember that."

The Machine announced an Assembly for after Breakfast.

Once they all were seated and quiet, the Machine began its presentation. "It has come to our attention that we had not adequately prepared you for certain events during and after the Classification. We have asked some of you to create videos to help remedy this situation, and to provide such preparation for future generations. Please pay attention to the following."

The screen went blank. Then it filled with a picture of Old Earth rotating against a star filled backdrop. The video played out as they had planned and created it.

There were somewhat mixed reactions to the explosive destruction of the planet. A few were sad or sentimental for the loss of a place none of them had known. Most were excited by the image itself. Either way, it got their attention.

The reactions to the rest of the video were mostly consistent. Everyone laughed in the right places, like the argument with the Machine. Predictably, a few people took the message of the video poorly. Only time would tell whether it would make a real difference.

While there were no screen credits, there were few doubts among the teens that John and Sean were the ones who created it. Their work was already familiar to most of them. When some of the group came to congratulate them, they made sure the other contributors got credit as well.

Janey

With the video over and done, Janey turned her mind to other things. Glen had asked her to the dance again, and she was thrilled. In moments stolen from other activities, they had discussed characters and costumes. They settled on Buffalo Bill Cody and Annie Oakley, with costumes from old movies, photographs and posters.

Glen. When she wasn't worrying about John, Marie, and the others, she was beginning to think about Glen. A lot. And now that she had a little time, she would be spending some of it with Glen, researching their roles. The video project had given her a little extra time, but she had to do her presentation soon. With Glen.