Chapter 1

Fern stared numbly at the photograph she clutched in her hand. She waited for the tears to come, as they always had, but this time they didn't. Perhaps she had no more left to shed.

She wasn't alone in the photograph she held so tightly, she was with Ron, her husband of five years, who had told her he wanted a divorce.

Still looking at the photograph she recalled how it had been.

It had been like any other Sunday morning, she getting breakfast ready and he reading the morning newspaper at the kitchen table. Suddenly, he lowered his paper and uttered the words that were to break her heart.

"Fern," he said, looking at her uneasily, "I don't know how to tell you this ... hell, there is no way I can break it to you gently. There's someone else in my life Fern, I love her and I want a divorce."

Fern had stood, momentarily numbed, her back to him, scarcely able to comprehend the words he had spoken.

Unbelieving she asked, "What ... what did you say?"

"I want a divorce," he repeated, this time more firmly.

The words cut into her like a dagger; she had turned and looked at him, struggling to find a response. Finally, she asked dully, "Who is she?"

"It's Mandy."

Mandy! Mandy was Fern's closest friend; they had been almost like loving sisters since their high school days. They had even gone to college together. Mandy was the one who had introduced Fern to Ron and she had been the matron of honor in their wedding. How could Mandy do this to her?

Fern felt her world unraveling, it was spinning and the floor was heaving up and down, she felt bile rising in her throat.

"Why--why-why?" beat in her head.

The darkness descended bringing merciful oblivion.

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away

When Fern came to, she was on her bed, Ron hovering close by, sponging her face.

She sat up slowly with Ron's help. All that had happened gradually came flooding back to her. The tears flowed. Ron was anxiously fussing over her, but as the mists in her head cleared she pushed him away, saying faintly, "Go away Ron," and then more emphatically, "Just leave me alone for a while, please."

Ron retreated. There was so much pain in her voice that he felt it best to leave her alone to sort through her feelings.

He felt a bastard for breaking this to her in such a crude way, but what other way was there to say something like that?

Ron sighed. He had done the right thing. It wasn't fair to Fern not to tell her, he cursed himself when he heard sobbing coming from behind the closed bedroom door; heart wrenching sobs that spoke of Fern's pain.

Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Come and kiss that pain away

Fern had moved out a week later, not able to bear the thought of living with Ron anymore. Divorce papers had arrived a while later, and she signed them without even giving them a second glance.

The fact that Mandy was her best friend made the pain of her betrayal even more poignant.

She remembered the times Ron and Mandy had gone out together with her consent: To movies, mini golf courses, musicals; things that Fern couldn't attend because of her work. So Ron had gone with Mandy and she had slowly taken her place in Ron's life as partner and lover.

She really couldn't blame Ron or Mandy. She had been a fool; careless of the relationship she should have been building, she had left it open for someone else to step in.