Chapter 12

"Looking back now, many things in my life could have been done differently. Yet I regret nothing I have done nor the choices I have made. If I could go back and change anything, I would not. I would not have become who I am today.

A critical point in my life arose about three weeks after I left the hospital. Hope and I were walking through a local state park on one of the hiking trails. I felt an emotion I had never felt before. I came to the conclusion that the emotion was not human but animal. I felt the shear power of wolves mating in the forest not far away. I don't know how to explain it but I believe those wolves also felt our emotions. Almost without word or pause, Hope and I were drawn to each other, kissing passionately almost feverishly as our bodies intertwined and we made out. As quickly as the emotions came upon us they subsided. We eventually broke our kiss to find a male and a female white wolf standing by our side. Immediately we feared for our lives but just as quickly became very calm.

Certain indigenous Native American tribes believe in spirit guides and that these guides take the form of animals. This is the closest representation I can think of to explain how these wild wolves were acting around us. The female wolf was grayish with salt and pepper fir and the male wolf was almost pure white with black boots. Their 'auras' glowed golden and we instinctively knew we would not be harmed. We completed our hike with the wolves not far behind, as if they were there to protect us. Years later we would find that to be true. Somehow, we knew the wolves would not follow us home but they would never be far away, awaiting our call.

When we got home we looked at each other, Hope was the first to speak, "wow that was so awesome! I hope we don't get pets every time we kiss like that, we may have to open a zoo!" I just burst out laughing, Hope's sense of humor and sarcasm always melted my worries away. We know we have much to learn. Even now looking back, I don't think we could have ever learned all that our gift would bring.

Not everything was perfect though. My father was diagnosed with lung cancer and was being treated. He wasn't his usual self so time at home was sometimes the worst thing in the world, or so I thought at the then. Don't get me wrong, I loved my dad dearly, I just didn't like the way he was always irritable after his treatments. Feeling his emotions and pain didn't help one bit either. My grades started to slide and my depression started. This time at least I had reason to be depressed. Being my own decision and after discussing it at length with my mother, I had her commit me to another psychiatric hospital to receive help with my depression. It turned out to be a bad choice but I thought it necessary at the time.