Chapter 5

We brushed snow off each other in the big mud room off the kitchen. As I hung my overcoat on one of the familiar wooden pegs I could already smell the wonderful smells coming from inside the house.

Jessica took off her hat and fluffed her blonde hair with her fingers. She moved into my arms. I felt that she belonged there and I was home.

"Ready?"

I nodded and smiled.

She smiled back and kissed me. It was quick but it held a lot of promise. Up to this point our emotions had been running so high that passion had been pushed to the back, except those wonderful moments while we were kissing in the car.

I followed Jessica into the kitchen. It was a big place brightly lighted, with large windows that faced the back yard. There was a granite-topped island in the middle, and nearby a large wooden kitchen table. They were both covered with every kind of holiday feast food imaginable.

Suddenly that scene from "A Christmas Carol" flashed through my mind.

Ebenezer meets the Ghost of Christmas Present, who is surrounded by the bounty of Christmas — some would say the excess. His was a cautionary tale though - I had already looked under his expansive robe and met the children of Christmas Present, Ignorance and Want, in Iraq and Afghanistan. War is as terrible thing but it is particularly hard on children.

I shook off those thoughts as I looked around. The kitchen was very crowded with black and white clothed catering staff. Suddenly I was hungry. The delicious smells reminded me it had been several hours since I had eaten.

"Senor Matt!"

Maria Vasquez, who ran the household threw herself at me and hugged me tightly. The Hawthorne's kept a staff of about five and Maria ruled that staff. She was small with a very sexy body, always kept in great shape and about forty, a widow, and very pretty. She had always treated me like one of her sons, except for the teasing.

She would often say,

"If Senorita Jessica ever gets tired of you ... I will be very happy to take the job."

She said it with a gleam in her dark eyes that made me wonder if she might not be serious.

"I'm so happy to see you! When Senora Hawthorne said you were coming tonight ... I was so happy."

So I Jessica must have called ahead and alerted her family. I would have loved to have heard that conversation.

Maria hugged me very tightly, trying to hide the tears that were forming.

Slowly she pulled back looking me over, but now holding my hands. She gently touched the scars on my face.

"I heard you were hurt ... I prayed every day for you ... now a miracle ... a Christmas miracle ... you are here."

I was a bit confused. How had she known I was wounded? Guess I'd have to ask Jessica later.

I smiled at her taking in her sexy body in a tight red sweater and short black skirt and matching high heels."

"Maria ... you are more beautiful than ever ... as is Senorita Hawthorne ... must be something about this house..."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jessica smile.

"You are so skinny ... didn't you eat while you were gone?" Maria said with mock indignity.

"No I was saving up for your delicious meals ... I didn't want to spoil my appetite!"

She smiled and hugged me again and this time she kissed me on the scar on my jaw ... as a mother would - as if to make it better. I could tell she was reluctant to let me go. I was pretty happy myself with her breasts pushing hard against me.

As Maria released me, Jessica said, "Maria, where's mother?'' except she said it in Spanish. Where had she learned that?

"Senora Hawthorne is in the living room."

Maria gave me another look which was hard to fathom and squeezed my hand as she kissed me on the side of my face and whispered "Feliz Navidad".

She smiled at me and then turned to intercept one of the caterers.

Jessica reclaimed my arm and we walked down the hallway to the living room. I always thought of the living room as "The Great Hall." It ran the length of the front of the house and must have been seventy feet long but also included the formal dining room at the end. In the center against the outside wall was a huge brick fireplace, the large oil painting over it replaced by a large lighted wreath. Carolyn laughingly had once described the room as "Baronial." She said she could picture Indiana Jones asking to see the "tapestries."

There was a cheery fire in the fire place and the furniture was set up in groups around the room. Garlands with silver and gold ribbons were draped around the room and the whole place smelled of evergreen. A huge brown leather sofa was directly in front of the fireplace as always. I smiled as I saw it. I had sat there many times - in happier times.

A giant evergreen dominated the far corner near the side windows and in front of it was Carolyn, her back to us.

I watched her as she finally found the perfect place for the gift she was holding and bent over to place it. She seemed more beautiful and sexy than the last time I saw her. Her golden hair shimmered in the light from the tree and the beaded top of her black cocktail dress reflected the light. Her photos never did her justice. She was incredibly beautiful. My heart raced as we moved closer.

What could I say to her? My attachment to her had never waned. Certainly the old Jessica never noticed ... would he new more perceptive Jessica see the truth of our relationship?

Hearing our footsteps on the parquet floor Carolyn turned.

Her smile eclipsed the hundreds of lights on the tree as it was directed toward me. She didn't hesitate and almost ran to me and threw her arms around my neck and hugged me, much like Jessica had done, her head on my shoulder. I returned her fierce hug almost lifting her from the floor. We stood like that for what seemed a long time. She felt and smelled so good. We finally released each other.

Wiping tears with her hand she said softly,

"Welcome home Matt."

As we stepped back I caught sight of Jessica in my peripheral vision. She looked slightly puzzled. Certainly she knew her mother cared about me, but this display of overt affection was something else altogether. I wondered if Jessica would ask me about it. I wondered if she would ask Carolyn.

"Jessica ... Thank you for bringing Matt home ... and Matt thank you for joining us. Tom will be so happy to see you."

She finally let go of my arms and stepped back. Jessica handed her mother a tissue. I noticed her eyes glistened too.

"Where's Tom? I'll bet he's hiding in his study in his tux ... trying to stay out of the way until the festivities begin ... right? Or as he would say ... waiting in his "monkey suit" while waiting for the women to parade around in their finery!"

Oh oh, I thought. Neither Jessica nor Carolyn are smiling.

I looked from one to the other.

"What's wrong?"

Carolyn dabbed at her eyes again.

"Tom's been sick ... again ... his ... leukemia ... its back..."

Jessica was tearing up too. I put my arm around their narrow waists and pulled them to me letting them each cry on my shoulder. I felt miserable at the news.

"Carolyn ... Jess ... I'm so sorry ... Whatever I can do to help ... just let me know ... I'll be here for you."

Carolyn stepped back first and looked at me with such love I wondered how Jessica could miss it.

"Thank you Matt ... Tom says he's doing fine ... but he refuses to let me talk to his doctor, and he's so thin now. Jessica and I are really worried..."

"Where is he?"

Carolyn tried to smile.

"You were absolutely right ... he's hiding in his study ... in his monkey suit ... trying to stay out of the way. He's probably also sneaking a cigar."

Jessica handed her mother another tissue. She dabbed at her nose.

"Is it okay if I go and see him ... hide out together?"

They both smiled at me.

"I think he would enjoy seeing you Matt ... but first let's get you situated."

She turned to Jessica.

"Jessica ... all your things are laid out in my room. You go get ready and I'll take Mat up to his room."

Jessica seemed about to mention she could show me to my room, or that I knew perfectly well where it was, but she backed off after seeing the determined look on her mother's face. Jessica shrugged slightly and gave me a brief kiss but there was no mistake she was making her territory. I just figured Carolyn wanted a chance to talk to me in private.

I watched Jessica go, admiring her beautiful backside and legs as she walked across the large room toward the stairs at the front of the house.

Carolyn watched me watch her daughter, as if trying to gauge my intentions. Finally she took my hand and led me to a hidden door set in the paneling in the wall near the Christmas tree. Her hand felt so good in mine.

Behind the door was a set of narrow wood stairs that lead to the upper floors and the back of the house. These were servant stairs from when the house was built many years ago. I enjoyed watching Carolyn's beautiful legs as I followed her up the stairs. I wondered if she had worn the seamed hose because she knew I was going to be here tonight. She knew my predilection for women in hose and very high heels. I smiled at the memory of how she found out.

She took my hand again as we reached the hallway at the top of the stairs and walked toward the back of the house. Carolyn finally stopped in the middle of the hall and turned to face me. We were outside two rooms. One was the guestroom where I had always stayed, and across the hall from it was Jessica's room. I could envision the guestroom. It was on the second floor and overlooked the Koi pond and the large back lawn. In winter there was always a nice fire in the fireplace and the room was big and comfortable, with its own bath. There was also a large comfortable sofa in front of the fire. I hoped nothing had been changed.

Matt ... I'm ... I'm so happy you're back ... back and safe. I just need a few moments with you alone ... to talk."

Her blue eyes showed uncertainty as she took my hands in hers.

"Matt ... I need to know why you're here ... it's been so long..."

I wanted to respond with some flip comment about never turning down an invitation from a beautiful woman, but her serious look made me reconsider.

"Carolyn ... I'm here because I met a woman named Jessica tonight. She says she loves me ... I'm here because I want to know her better ... because I may love her too. I'm also here because of you ... you know that don't you?"

Without a word she moved into my arms and hugged me tightly.

We stood together like that for a long time. Finally she looked up and said,

"I'm so happy to see you. I've missed you."

Carolyn finally stepped back. "I need to talk to you about Jessica."

"Okay."

"Matt, I know she loves you ... always has. But please don't hurt her again ... I couldn't bear it."

"Hurt her ... again?"

I was incredulous.

"Carolyn, I think you have things a bit turned around ... unless she never told you about how we parted."

"Matt ... she finally told me in much greater detail than I cared to hear about. She sat with me downstairs on the big sofa. It was July ... almost a month after ... well after she ... broke up with you ... I was appalled. She told me she had panicked and was so afraid of missing out on life by getting married she just couldn't go through with it."

"I couldn't believe she had been so stupid. I was disappointed but not surprised since she had been having these conversations with me for the previous couple of months ... she was apprehensive about getting married at twenty-one and she asked me questions about ... well ... about marriage and ... since I married Tom at 19 ... didn't it get tiresome being married to the same man for so many years and did I ever think about other men?"