Chapter 5

Melissa and I walked hand in hand across campus from the fraternity to her dorm room. Since it was after midnight, she went inside and let me in the fire door at the side of the building. We hurried up the flight of steps to Melissa's room.

My beer soaked brain was on autopilot now. The steely little head in my pants was firmly in control. Melissa and I didn't waste any time when we got inside. Our sweatshirts were shed. Melissa pulled me to her bed. We sat together locked in an embrace on her bed, making out like only teens can. Our tongues tangled with each other, exploring each other's mouths.

Melissa pulled at my shirt tail to free it from my pants. I helped her pull it out. Melissa slipped her hands up along my bare back while we continued making out. My passion rose. I fumbled, trying to unbutton Melissa's blouse with one hand while I felt up her left breast with the other hand.

"Stop," Melissa said quietly. My heart sank. Melissa reached down and unbuttoned her blouse for me. She pulled it off. To my delight, she unhooked her bra and dropped it to the floor too. "This will be better."

I kissed her again. My hands went straight to her bare breasts. They were slightly bigger than I had expected. Melissa moaned and cooed into our locked together mouths while I stimulated her by caressing her breasts and teasing her nipples.

My conscious brain went along for the ride while my little head demanded Melissa and I keep going. I started kissing Melissa's neck and upper chest. She squirmed from the pleasure. I kissed my way down to her right breast. I kissed and licked it. Melissa held my head with her hands and pressed me against her breasts. I kissed and licked her right breast and then did her left one.

Melissa obviously enjoyed what I was doing. She moaned my name. Melissa ran her hands through my hair while I showed my appreciation for her gorgeous tits. My cock demanded that I try to include it in more of the action.

I slid one hand down Melissa's side while I suckled her breast. I rubbed her tummy causing her to giggle. I slowly slid my hand down over her panties and rubbed. I paused, waiting for her reaction. Melissa moaned, "Shit! Don't stop, Kyle." I rubbed a few times.

Melissa grabbed my hand. "We have too many clothes on, Kyle. Undress."

I stood up. Melissa went straight for the zipper of my pants. I pulled my shirt off while Melissa unzipped me. She pulled my pants down to my ankles but left my boxers up. I stepped out of my pants. I tentatively reached for her zipper, waiting for her reaction. Melissa nodded to me. I unzipped her pants and pulled them off. I started to climb back on her bed when Melissa pulled her panties down a little and lifted her backside up so I could remove them. I pulled her panties off and dropped them on the floor beside our other clothes.

Melissa trimmed her pubic hair. She was bare except for a small vertical patch of hair directly above her clitoris. Her labia were red, puffy and glistened in the light of her soft yellow desk lamp. They looked luscious.

I sat down on her bed again. Melissa laid back and pulled me down with her. We kissed for a minute or so. I went back to those lovely soft mammaries. I kissed one and teased the nipple of the other. Melissa moaned, "Jesus, Kyle. That's so good. Keep going!"

I slipped a hand down to her slit. Melissa was leaking lubrication profusely. I gently slipped a finger in her slit while I caressed her outer lips with my other fingers. Melissa moaned, "Yeah that's it, Kyle."

I concentrated on stimulating her pussy. I teased around her clit with one finger while I used another finger to probe her love hole. I slipped my finger into her. Melissa was fairly tight, but certainly not a virgin. Melissa moaned, "Ohhh ... Ohhh ... Yeah..."

I asked, "Have you ever done 69?"

"69?"

"I turn around," I explained. "You play with my cock and I play with your pussy,"

"I can do that," Melissa huffed.

I switched around so my mouth was at her pussy. I slid my finger in and out of her hole a few times before applying my tongue to her sex. I licked up and down along her outer lips for a minute.

I could feel Melissa reach into my boxers and extract my cock. I shuddered as she touched me there. It had been way, WAY too long since another person had touched me.

I pulled Melissa's outer lips apart and tongued her inner lips. She gently stroked my hard shaft. My balls pulled tight against my bottom too quickly. I ran my tongue up around her clit's hiding place. Melissa's mouth engulfed my mushroom shaped head.

I groaned, "oooooOOOHHhhhhh..." I fought the urge to cum – unsuccessfully. "I'MMmmmm cummmming..." I groaned. My cock blasted a big spurt as Melissa tried to spit out my cock. My cock continued spurting as Melissa stroked it slowly. My concentration was gone. I lay back and let my orgasm overtake me.

Melissa marveled, "That was a lot of cum, Kyle."

"I haven't had anyone touch me in months. I couldn't help it."

Melissa asked, "You can go again, right?"

"Sure. Give me a few minutes." I looked up. A strand of cum was dripping off Melissa's nose. More of it was running down her breasts onto her stomach. "Let me clean you up then I can give you some fun. I had a taste of your honey. I want some more."

Melissa handed me a wad of tissues. I wiped up the cum on her nose. I licked up some from her tits. I wiped the rest up. I tossed the tissues towards her waste basket. I kissed her again. I explained, "I'll do you now if you're ready." She returned the kiss.

I slid down her bed and got between legs. "Ready?" I teased. I dove in. I pulled her outer lips apart and went straight to licking her inner lips. Melissa cooed and squirmed as I licked. Her juices were flowing freely. I lapped them up and spread them around her clitoris. I used one finger to penetrate her hole. I gently finger fucked Melissa while I licked and teased around her clit.

Melissa's moans and sighs told me I was on the right track. I slipped a second finger into her with the first. Her clit was starting to poke out of its hiding place. I curled my fingers and probed deeper into Melissa's pussy. I licked around her clit. Melissa pressed my head against her pussy. My fingers found their target – the bundle of glands that formed her G-spot. I rubbed it. Melissa's engorged clit came out. I teased it a few seconds and then sucked it into my mouth.

Melissa bucked her hips up into my face. She pressed on the back of my head trying to increase the stimulation. I knew from her moans and squeals Melissa was nearly ready to come. I continued stimulating her. Melissa's breathing was ragged.

Melissa squealed, "Oh GOD, Kyle. Keep ... gasp ... DOING ... IT!" Two more licks right on the tip of her clit and another rub. Melissa fired off like a sky rocket. Her pussy clenched and squeezed my fingers. She shook from the intensity of her orgasm.

I was proud that I could get her off. Melissa moaned "Oh God ... Yes, Kyle!" I withdrew my fingers from her and watched her. Melissa's cries and squeals felt ... felt really familiar.

Melissa demanded, "Fuck me, Kyle. I need you!"

I realized why her cries were familiar. I recoiled as I realized Melissa sounded just like ... like Penny in the throes of orgasm.

PENNY!

What was I doing here? My hard cock screamed in my head, 'Fuck the girl! She wants it!' My consciousness regained enough control to allow me to realize what I was doing. I was cheating on the girl I professed to love. What in the hell was I thinking?

I backed away and climbed off the bed. "Kyle?" Melissa asked.

"I'm ... I'm sorry." I backed away little more. "I shouldn't be here." I picked up my pants and started to put them on.

"Kyle, don't leave now. I want you to fill me with that nice big cock of yours," Melissa begged.

"I'm SO sorry. I can't do this," I pleaded. "It's wrong." I zipped up my pants and put on my shirt.

"I need a good fucking," Melissa pleaded. "Please finish."

"I can't," I said quietly. "I just can't." Melissa stopped begging me to stay. She stared at me in shock as I grabbed my shoes and sweatshirt and retreated from her room. I finished dressing in the hallway. I beat a hasty retreat back to my dorm room.

I stripped and climbed in bed. My cock was still erect. It knew it should have been buried to the hilt in some sweet pussy tonight. Little would satisfy it except that. I beat off, heedless of noise. I needed to blow another load before I could get some sleep. It took a long time for my hand to stimulate me enough to coax a load of semen from my balls.

GOD DAMN IT! Why? Why did I go back to Melissa's room? I cursed myself for the fiftieth time. I swore I was in love with Penny Edwards. How dare I go back to another girl's room?

I was drunk. Should I be held responsible for what I did when I wasn't in my right mind? I kept going over the hideous conclusion to what had been a nice evening with a friend. What would I say to Penny Sunday evening when she called? How did I get myself into this dilemma? I eventually fell into an uneasy sleep.

Christian was gone when I got up. My normal hangover remedy was somewhat effective. My head wasn't pounding too badly when I returned from the showers. I found a note on my desk. It said: 'Put your laundry out for me this afternoon. It seems I will be doing it for you for a couple weeks. Christian'

I fired up my laptop. I found an e-mail from my brother Andy. It seems that our Wolverines had blown out Central last night 35-17. Andy had the best night of his career. He had caught three touchdowns and run for another on a reverse. Jake played superbly as usual. I was proud of my friends and former teammates. They really paid attention when Ed, Jeremy and I taught them in the spring.

I grabbed some breakfast and came back to my room. I pretended to study my playbook. I couldn't concentrate. My mind kept coming back to last night when I was with Melissa in her room. I was wracked with guilt. How could I cheat on Penny?

Christian came back later in the morning to do our laundry. He wasn't in a good mood. "Do you know what time you came in last night?"

"Not exactly. When?"

"Almost 1:30 in the morning. Your self abuse last night woke me up. I suppose you were drunk again." Christian always got upset when he caught me jerking off.

I explained, "I had a few drinks, but I wasn't really drunk." I didn't plan to, but I felt compelled to confess my indiscretion to Christian. "It's much worse than that."

"Worse?"

"A girl asked me to go back to her room last night." I hung my head.

"Her room? To ... to fornicate?" Christian was clearly shocked.

"She wanted to," I admitted.

"Did you ... uh ... have sex?"

I answered, "No. Well ... yes ... um, it depends on what you call sex." Christian blushed.

"You know ... you put your ... your ... uh..." Christian stammered.

"Cock in her pussy?" I asked. Christian nodded. "No. I didn't. What I did was bad enough."

Christian asked, "If you didn't lay with her, how bad could things be?"

"She gave me a blow job. I ate out her pussy."

Christian stared at me in disbelief. "You really did that? What about Penny?"

"I don't know what I'm going to do about Penny," I answered.

Christian shook his head at me sadly. He gathered up our laundry and headed downstairs to the washing machines.

I tried to rationalize that I hadn't cheated on Penny. I stopped before I had sex. I couldn't convince myself of it. Could I ever admit what I had done when I talked with Penny? I had no idea.

I tried to lose myself in working out and running. It helped – a little. I spent the rest of the weekend thinking about what I had done. I couldn't shake the feeling that I had failed. I failed Penny. I failed to live up to my ideals. I felt worthless.

I tried to call Melissa later on Saturday to apologize to her. She wasn't in. I pretended to be out on Sunday night when Penny called. I couldn't face talking to her. I'd either try to lie and pretend everything was fine. It wasn't. The other possibility was that I would admit to my mistake. I knew I would break Penny's heart that way. I couldn't bear to do that.

Monday morning Dr. Gowaravam said we would get our mid-term exams back on Thursday at our study sessions with our grad students. I wasn't looking forward to that. I didn't expect to get my usual A or B on the test.

Melissa sat at the opposite end of the big lecture hall for Math 110. I finally got to talk to Melissa after class was over. I said, "I'm sorry about Friday night. I tried to call you on Saturday to say I'm sorry."

"Why did you run off?" Melissa asked.

"I shouldn't have gone back to your room with you. I have a girlfriend at Penn. I was a little drunk and got carried away. You're really gorgeous and ... well, you know."

"You have a girlfriend?!?!? Don't you think you should have told me that earlier?" Melissa demanded.

"I should have. I'm sorry, I hope you can accept my apology."

"Apology accepted," Melissa said curtly. She turned and left me standing there in the hallway. I knew that didn't go well. I hoped I could still keep Melissa as a friend. I wasn't too sure that was going to happen.

The coaches went over our game plan for Iowa on Saturday. We were favored by 7 points over Iowa. They were not ranked in the national polls.

I was still in the doghouse on the football team. I didn't get any new plays to run with the first string. Christian and Tanner both worked with them. Grad assistant Ryan Reynolds continued working with me to make sure I knew the plays I was expected to run in the future. All my practice time was with the third string.

I received this e-mail from Penny on Monday night. It broke my heart.

Date: October 18th 20:12:57
From: pedwards312@upenn-edu
To: fastwr87@redroses-net
Subject: Where are you?

I missed talking with you tonight. I needed you. This has been the worst weekend of my life.

The Goth, aka my roommate Nicole, decided to throw a party with her friends last night. Basically she kicked me out of my own room to do it. She arranged for me to sleep down the hall with one of the other girls on our floor. Can you believe the nerve of her?

God knows what kind of drugs and perverted things she was doing in here – Maybe even on my bed! I can't stand to think about it. I have all the windows open and it's 48 degrees outside. I can't get the stench of the pot out of this room.

I don't know how much longer I can put up with this witch. I wish you were here to help me deal with this mess.

Kathy is at Notre Dame with Jeremy. They're happy. Tammy is with Hal at Rutgers. They're happy too. Why couldn't you have attended Penn with me? Our football team is 5-2 just like yours.

I need someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to work out. I miss you desperately. I'm at my wit's end.

I NEED YOU! Penny

I had no answer for Penny. Anyway, what possible good could an unfaithful idiot like me be for Penny? I grabbed my MP3 player and lay down to listen to music and think. I didn't have any solutions by bedtime.

I finally had a brainstorm on Tuesday afternoon in the middle of practice. I was supposed to be fielding a punt when it hit – the idea, not the ball. I missed the ball, but that's another story. Shawn Byrd was blocking the gunner when I realized – Shawn's friend David Hanson knew Penny. I should get David to provide Penny the comfort and sounding board she needed to help her with her problems. I knew David enough to know he was a good guy. I thought he'd be willing to help her out. I got David's e-mail address after practice. I sent off an e-mail explaining my dilemma and asking for his help. I also sent one to my brother Will. Maybe they could help Penny in the way I couldn't.

I still had my own moral dilemma. Should I tell Penny about my unfaithfulness? Was I capable of fulfilling my duties in a long distance relationship? I wasn't sure. Had I wrecked the best relationship I had ever had? Penny broke up with me the first time because she thought I had kissed another girl. How would she react if she found out Melissa gave me a blow job and I ate out her pussy?

Penny sounded better in Wednesday's e-mail. She said she had a long talk with David Hanson. It helped to have someone to talk with about her problems. She also told me that Will and Abby had invited her over for dinner on Thursday. I kept my reply e-mails brief. I didn't know what I was going to say or do. Penny deserved a better boyfriend than me.

I wasn't looking forward to Math class on Thursday. Bai Huo Wen was going to return our mid-terms and go over them with us that morning. I knew I hadn't gotten my usual A or B on the test. I raised my hand with more than a little trepidation when Bai announced "Mittah Mah-tin." He handed me the test.

I stared at the grade in disbelief. I had gotten a 48! 48 percent! I had flunked. I was numb. I had never flunked a test in my life! Bai babbled on in his pigden English the rest of the period, talking about the problems on the test. I didn't hear him. I wandered back to Pollock Dorms and had lunch.

How had all these problems happened? My math problem was heaped on top of my roommate problem. I had the football problem – I'd been demoted for poor performance. There was the girlfriend problem – Penny needed someone with her to help her through the rough times. I couldn't help her from 200 miles away. Worst was the infidelity problem. I'd cheated on the girl I said I loved.

I felt like the weight of the world was crushing me. I went over to the Lasch Building to do my daily workout. I wished I was back home where Mom and Dad could help me sort out the mess I'd made of my life.

I went through the motions at football practice. I didn't screw up anything, so I guess you could call it progress. I went for a long walk after dinner to try to sort things out.

Something in me reasserted itself. It wasn't my confidence – that was shattered. It was more like determination. I was eighteen. I couldn't run home to Mom and Dad. I needed to act like the adult I was supposed to be. I needed to tackle my problems. I tried to prioritize them as I walked.

My roommate problem – it wasn't that bad. Christian and I managed to stay friends mostly even though we annoyed each other. This one was low priority. It could wait until I figured out the other problems.

My football problem – I already was dealing with it. Keep studying the playbook. Ryan Reynold's help was paying off for me. I understood the plays much better with his tutelage. I thought my speed and talent would bring me back the playing time I wanted when the coaches realized I had learned what I needed to know.

That brought me to my girlfriend problems. These seemed to be the worst of my problems. Penny needed someone there to help her through her problems. I wasn't that guy. I briefly thought about transferring to Penn. Then I remembered – I'm flunking at Penn State. Academically elite Penn wouldn't want any part of me.

Anyway what good could a cheater like me do for Penny? She'd be better off on her own. If I wasn't in the picture with her, Penny could find someone better than a loser like me. Penny was great looking, smart, and funny. She'd have her pick of guys if I wasn't around. Hell, David Hanson already wanted to date her. She'd be much better off if I wasn't her boyfriend.

What should I do about my cheating? I tried to think about how a scout should act. Trustworthy – well too late for that one. Loyal – too late to. I went through the points of the Scout Law. I hadn't done well living up to my ideals. Most off all I needed to be honest. I owed that to Penny. I knew what I needed to do by the time I got back to my dorm room. I needed to confess what I had done and let Penny find a decent boyfriend who could take care of her.

Christian was out when I got back. Presumably he was with Bev again tonight. I sat down at my desk to compose an e-mail to Penny. I went through a lot of drafts before I settled on this:

Date: October 22nd 20:02:32
To: pedwards312@upenn-edu
From: fastwr87@redroses-net
Subject: Us

I'm glad talking with David Hanson helped. I wish I was there to help you too. I hope you enjoyed dinner with Abby and Will.

I desperately wish I didn't have to tell you what I'm going to tell you.

I went to a frat party last Friday night. I got drunk there. A girl I know from class asked me back to her room. I'll spare you the ugly details. You can figure them out.

I am so sorry I cheated on you. I wish I could take everything back. I can't. I know how you feel about infidelity.

I understand that you'll hate me for this. I hate myself for it too.

You will be better off without me. You can find a boyfriend that can take care of you properly. I guess I was fooling myself to think that we could stay a couple when we were separated by 200 miles for four years.

I'll always love you even if we aren't together. Kyle

I stared at the computer screen for awhile. This was the honorable, well the least dishonorable thing to do. It killed me to do it, but I pressed the send button. I lay down on my bed, clamped my headphones over my ears and cranked up my music. I hoped it would help cover the hurt. It didn't.

I woke up the next morning to the sound of my alarm. I hadn't set it. I realized I was still dressed. Someone, apparently Christian, had taken my shoes off and covered me with a blanket. I headed across the hallway to shower, shave and brush my teeth. I managed to get through the classes, but just barely. Melissa kept her distance from me, sitting at the opposite end of the room. I didn't blame her. I tried to take good notes. I needed to fix my problems in Math class too. Kelly managed to coax a smile from me in history class. EDPSY and Poly Sci went well.

I found a note taped to my locker when I got to the locker room to get ready for practice. It said Coach Paterno wanted to see me at 2:45 on Monday. At first that confused me but then I remembered. Coach Paterno was monitoring academics for us. This was going to be about my grades – certainly.

I managed to put my distractions and hurt aside for practice. I thought I had as a good a practice as I had since I got to Penn State. At least on the football field I wasn't a total screw-up.

Christian and I finally got to talk over dinner. Christian asked, "Did you have a bad night last night?"

"Yeah, thanks for covering me up."

"No problem. What was up?"

"I told Penny what happened last weekend. I had to be honest with her."

"Oh. That must have been hard," Christian said. "Are you and Penny through?"

"Yes." I managed to hold back tears. "We're through. Penny wouldn't stand for unfaithfulness."

"I'm sorry, man. That's rough."

"Thanks," I answered.

I spent the remainder of my evening after the team meeting studying film of Iowa. I hoped it would distract me from my misery. It only helped a little. I had this overwhelming feeling that I was a failure – at school, at football, and as a man.

I slept a little better on Friday night. Letting go of Penny hurt. It hurt terribly. I still had to live my life. My team was depending on me to return punts and kicks. I'd better do a good job at that or I'd lose that job too.

I threw myself into preparations for the football game when I got up on Saturday morning. I was glad it was a noon game. I didn't have as much time to think about all my problems.

When I went out for warm-ups I found Bev, Cindy, Kelly and Jen had their banner prominently displayed on the railing in the student section of the stadium. I stopped by to talk with the girls when I was done. Their cheeriness helped me settle myself.

Iowa won the coin toss and had first possession in the game. Our defense yielded one first down before stopping the Hawkeyes. They punted the ball towards the sideline, away from my position in the center of the field. I managed to get over to catch it, but didn't get a return on it. Zack and the offense proceeded to drive straight down the field and score a touchdown. Iowa contested the whole way, but were overpowered.

This was the story of the afternoon. Iowa was always coming from behind – a half step slow, a yard short. They battled us the whole 60 minutes but ended up losing 31-20. They never gave me a good ball to return on kick offs or returns. I ended up with 5 kickoff returns for 128 yards. I had 3 punt returns for another 32 yards. Tanner Riggs and Christian Hunsecker each got three plays on the field. Christian caught two passes for 19 yards. Tanner caught a long one – 27 yards.

The victory was workmanlike. We didn't celebrate a lot. We headed back to the locker room to shower and change.

I hung around after I showered so I could talk with Zack Hayes. I had to wait almost half an hour while Zack talked with the press. Zack's cell phone rang just as the last reporter was leaving. He answered it. "Hello?"

Zack's face brightened. "Will! It's good to hear from you. What's up?"

"Kyle? Yeah, I know where he is. He's right here beside me." Zack listened for a few minutes. His smile slowly disappeared as he talked with my brother. Zack concluded the conversation with this. "Yeah, I'll give Kyle the message. I'll make sure he calls you back this afternoon. See you later, Will."

Zack turned to me and asked, "What the hell were you thinking? Why would you break up with Penny?"

I blurted out, "I cheated on her last weekend." I struggled to control my emotions. I was nearly ready to cry. It hurt so much. I took a couple deep breaths. "I don't know ... I don't know if I can handle all of this. You know football, college, everything..."

"You and I need to have a talk, Kyle. Call Will when you get back to your room. He needs to hear from you. He's been leaving you messages to call since last night. Come over to my apartment when the two of you are done talking. We'll go down town for dinner."

"I don't know ... if I want to talk with Will. I knew he called. He just wants to yell at me about cheating on Penny," I whined.

"Call you brother! He wants to help. He said something about owing you for helping when he broke up with Abby. I didn't know he ever broke up with Abby."

"It was when they were freshmen," I explained.

"Call Will. All he wants to do is help you. Can you do that?" Zack asked.

I agreed. Christian and Bev had gone out so I had my dorm room to myself. I finally forced myself to dial Will's number after a couple false starts. I knew this wasn't going to be a fun conversation.

When the phone stopped ringing I heard my brother's voice. "Hello?"

"Will, it's Kyle."

"Jesus! It's about time you called. I've been trying to reach you since last night." Will's voice was rising. "What in the HELL were you thinking?" I overheard Abby in the background say "Will, calm down."

Will's voice dropped back to a more conversational tone. "What were you thinking, Kyle? Abby and I spent all of last night trying to console Penny."

"I ... I cheated on her last weekend. What else could I do?"

"You could have called and talked with her. You remember four years ago when you helped me work things out with Abby. Couples who care about each other talk things out. I came around and forgave Abby. Why didn't you give Penny that chance?"

"It's better this way, Will. I know Penny won't stand for infidelity. Anyway, we're both miserable the way things are. Penny needs someone to help her with her problems. I can't do that from here. She's better off without a screw-up like me."

"What? Why would you say that about yourself?" Will demanded.

The whole story spilled out – about how I ended up in bed with Melissa, how I messed up in the game against Ohio State, how I got demoted on the team, how Christian and I were relating and how I screwed up the Calculus mid-term.

Will asked, "That's it? What's the big deal? You act like you forget about me screwing up in Calculus when I started college. I thought I had to break up with Abby when she got drunk and did the same thing as you. I remember this kid who wouldn't take no for an answer. He lined up my friends to talk some sense into me. Do you remember?"

"Yes." I did remember getting Justin Baer and Jon Miller to come over four years ago to force Will to talk to Abby after their break-up.

"You need to follow your own advice, Kyle. You need to talk this over with Penny. You owe her that."

I hesitated for a couple seconds before I replied. "I'd be willing to talk with her, Will. I doubt she'll agree."

"Let Abby and me worry about convincing Penny. I'll let you know when we get her to agree to talk with you. What are you going to do about your other problems? Can you get a tutor to help you with Calculus?"

"Maybe. Coach Paterno is meeting with me on Monday. I think we're going to talk about my grades."

Chapter 6 »