Chapter 8

The day after the gang initiation I stayed home from school. Physically I was just too sore to consider going so I told my dad that I was sick. I was so emotionally drained by the previous day's events that when I asked I sounded as meek and miserable as I felt. My dad called me in without any objection.

On Friday I felt better. Physically, the wounds I sustained during the court-in on Wednesday had been mostly superficial and were already healed. The soreness from fucking all those gang members was also mostly gone and I could actually walk and sit without wincing. On the outside I knew I looked like my normal pretty, timid self and that made me feel better inside. What made me feel even better than that was a plan I'd come up with on Thursday while laying in my bed and feeling miserable.

The plan was simple: I was going to just pretend nothing depraved or perverted or sexual had ever happened to me. None of it. Nothing about the gang, nothing about Amy, and especially nothing about my time as a sex slave to Daniel. All of those recent experiences, while sexually exhilarating, were wicked and wrong and made me feel terribly dirty inside. The answer was to just pretend that none of them had occurred, that I had never stopped being the innocent girl I had once been. From now on, I promised myself, I would stay away from dirty movies and magazines. I wouldn't flirt with strangers and I wouldn't fantasize about doing anything with them. If for some reason I got too horny to restrain myself I would just masturbate in the shower. That was all I would do. I wouldn't even masturbate in bed anymore. I would return to being shy about my vagina, rubbing it only in the privacy of the bathroom and biting my lip to hide my cries and moans. It would be my only form of sexual pleasure until my wedding night someday. Until then I would be a good Catholic girl again-- I'd dress appropriately at all times, say my prayers, read my bible, and study hard in my classes. Most of all I would think pure thoughts and forget all about the past couple of months and all my depraved and dirty experiences.

This strategy of denial helped me get to sleep Thursday night and made me feel great the next day at school. I studied hard in class and even chatted with Melissa a little bit between the classes we shared. It felt good to return to my old ways of behaving-- I was even wearing panties for the first time in weeks-- and I decided that after doing my homework when I got home I would get rid of the Book of Sins and any other evidence of my former, wicked ways. I would burn them, I decided, the book and everything else. It would be like purging my soul of all its wicked sins.

First, though, I had to do a load of laundry. When I got home I raced to do just that, bringing down my hamper from my bedroom to the basement. As the washing machine filled with soapy water I dropped in my light colored clothing, one piece at a time, examining each to make sure it would fit with my newly restored life of innocence. Some of the tops would have to be thrown out, articles of clothing that Daniel had either really liked or had personally purchased for me. Others simply brought back bad memories. I decided I would wash them first then donate them to the Salvation Army.

Everything was going great until I came across a pair of panties. I almost dropped them into the machine without thinking but before they slipped out of my hand I froze. I brought the garment closer to my eyes to inspect them as a feeling of dread ensnared my heart. I held the underwear out and looked closely at the light gray silk material with the little bow in the middle of the back waistband. Something was wrong. After a pause I knew what it was, too.

They shouldn't have been there. I hadn't been wearing underwear, in accordance with Daniel's orders, for weeks. So why was it in my hamper? It didn't make any sense. I turned the underwear around and examined the front and that's where I saw the stain, a light milky color right where the fabric would cover my pussy. It was a stain I was familiar with, after weeks of being Daniel's sex slave, a stain I'd had to scrub out of many an outfit after Daniel fucked me as he sometimes had while I was still wearing my school uniform. It was a semen stain, it was obvious, and I gasped out loud at the realization.

My mind clouded over as the implications of this hit me. The underwear slipped out of my fingers, which had gone limp, and fell into the churning washing machine below. I stared in confusion as the sudsy water swallowed my panties up and finally hid them from my view. I went onto tip-toes, unconsciously trying to catch a glimpse of my underwear again, but it was impossible. I felt numb all over as I returned to my hamper. My hands shook as I picked through the remainder of my soiled clothes, dropping the light colored garments into the machine again as I had before, terrified that I would stumble across another pair of panties. I didn't.

I closed the machine and walked back upstairs on numb legs. I didn't stop walking until I was up the next flight of stairs and safely in my bedroom. I forgot all about my homework as I fell onto my bed and thought about the gray silk panties with the semen stain being cleaned out of them in the basement. How had they gotten into my hamper? How had the stain gotten on them? What the heck was going on?

I fought against the truth for a long while. I tried to convince myself that maybe, maybe Daniel had told me to wear panties one day. Or perhaps I had brought them with me to his place and he'd used them to clean off his prick after fucking me. Maybe I'd just forgotten about it. After all the last few weeks had been crazy. The part of me that wanted to lead a new life of innocence and purity wanted to believe there was a good explanation for the panties and the stain.

It was no use. Deep down I knew that had I worn any panties since Daniel had ordered me not to, I would have remembered. I sure as heck remembered the one time I had defied him and pulled on a pair before my dad spanked me a couple of weeks earlier. Except for the "special" pair he'd made me wear to church as punishment, that had been the last time I'd worn any. I also remembered washing them that week during my normal load of laundry. All of my underwear, then, should be clean and folded in the top drawer of my dresser.

But they weren't. There was one pair, in the basement, tumbling around inside the washing machine. They had a semen stain on them, too. That could mean only one thing: someone had stolen the panties from my drawer, gotten semen on them, then hid them in my hamper thinking that I'd never notice. I wouldn't have, either, except for the fact I hadn't been wearing underwear the last few weeks. Whoever had done it hadn't known that. Also, whoever had done it had access to my bedroom.

A chill ran down the back of my spine as I squeezed my thighs together. The feeling of the panties I was currently wearing suddenly felt suffocating. I pulled up my pleated skirt and without a thought pushed my underwear down my slender legs and kicked them off my bed. I left my skirt pulled up around my waist and squeezed my legs together again, feeling better now that there was no underwear there. My mind raced with images of one of my brothers, or even my dad, sneaking into my bedroom and stealing the gray panties. I imagined them, each member of my family in turn, holding the silk fabric to their nostrils and inhaling the faint scent of my pussy. In my head I pictured them wrapping the small piece of underwear around their cocks, jerking themselves with it, groaning as they came. I wondered if they'd been thinking of me while they did and knew that they must have. I felt a shameful, perverse pleasure at the idea and realized I was wet between my thighs.

Forgetting everything about my plan to be nothing but innocent, pure and chaste, I reached down and began to rub myself. The touch of my finger made my whole body shudder and with my free hand I began to squeeze one of my small breasts through my shirt. I slipped my finger between my slender labia and found my clit and pressed there and groaned. All thoughts of innocence, of even wanting to be innocent, disappeared as I pictured my brothers, my own flesh and blood, jerking off with my panties. It was so wrong and twisted that it stirred all the carnal and depraved wantings in my soul. It didn't take long for me to cum and when I did I screeched out with perverse delight.

Time went by slowly following the orgasm. I laid in my bed, my legs naked save for my white socks. My thighs were still splayed wide with my hand between them for what seemed like hours before I pushed them together again and pressed back down my skirt. I licked my lips with my eyes closed as the lingering images of my brothers and father faded away. Shame and desire and satisfaction wrapped around me like a blanket. A thick, comforting blanket I had missed for less than a day but miss it I had.

Never had a self-induced orgasm felt so important. I didn't want to suppress my feelings anymore. Something had clicked inside me and it felt good. Even the perversity of one of my own family members masturbating with my most private clothing felt good. Maybe it was just the feeling of finally accepting what I was, but it was real. My feelings were real and I just had to embrace them. I enjoyed sex too much to just stop having it, to wait for a wedding night someday. I enjoyed masturbating too much to do it only while thinking "safe thoughts" while cuddled up in the corner of the shower. No, I had to be what I was.

But what if, I wondered, my yearnings and perverse desires got me into trouble again someday? Well, I would just have to get my pleasure in the safest, least harmful way possible. I sat up in bed and sighed. Tears had been trickling down my face, I was surprised to find. I wiped them away with my dry hand and made up my mind about what I was going to do.

After dialing Lee's number on my cell phone I began to have second thoughts. What kept me from hanging up before he answered was the realization that I needed him. It wasn't just for the sex I so desperately needed. It was more than that. I needed him to keep me safe from my own perverse, carnal desires. I had just masturbated while thinking about my brothers. What had been a fake confession to Father DeGrazia almost a week ago was now reality. There was no way I'd ever be able to be pure or innocent, not with a mind like mine. If I didn't find someone to fuck, someone safe, eventually I'd go back to doing crazy and fucked up things. It was how I was wired. There would be another Daniel, or something similar, if there wasn't a strong and safe hand in my life to both pleasure me and guide me. I needed Lee to be that hand.

"Lee here."

I spoke quietly with him on the phone, my voice breathless and lustful and childlike all at the same time. He seemed to understand what I was calling about without me ever having to come out and say it. He kept saying, "Uh huh," to things even I didn't understand. I went on and on, talking sort of erratically, and leaving out specific details or requests. But by the time I was done blathering he seemed to get it.

"Girl, like I said the other night, you more than welcome at my crib anytime."

I could hear him smiling through the phone and I felt wonderful. Unfortunately, before I could say anything else he told me that he was out of town on business and couldn't see me that night. It was like being told my best friend had died, for a moment, but then he said, "How 'bout tomorrow, girl? I can pick ya up around noon, have you home for bedtime. How's that?"

My heart, which had been breaking, now swelled with joy. I said, "Yes, that's ... great. Thank you ... thank you so much!"

He chuckled. "We'll have a good time, hang out and smoke some and who knows what else."

"That's perfect," I whispered with a stupid grin on my face. I agreed to call him back the next day to arrange being picked up before ending the call. When it was over I fell back into my bed again with a sigh as I imagined Lee's huge penis. He would be my salvation, I thought. I couldn't be pure but at least I could refrain from doing anything stupid so long as I had him to satisfy my horny urges. I was convinced that he would.

Dinner that night was pizza, as was our Friday tradition.

It was my first Friday evening home since being Daniel's slave and my father wondered why I wasn't out with friends. I told him that none of my friends could hang out that evening and thankfully he believed me. As normal I had difficulty lying to my dad, but tonight was even worse.

I was always meek and shy around my family, especially when my father was around. What made things worse that night was that I kept feeling everyone's eyes on me. My brothers', my father's, all of them. While setting out the plates and napkins for dinner I kept wondering which one of them had jerked off with my underwear. I kept wondering if the culprit in the room was picturing me naked right now. It made me regret the old yellow t-shirt I had on since I was positive at least the outline of my black bra was showing through. It's all in your head, I repeatedly told myself, but it didn't help. The thought of my brothers and dad hiding erections while eating their pizza made me feel both embarrassed and aroused. I don't think I ever stopped blushing.

Tyler, my eldest brother, arrived late to the meal. He'd had to work late that night and made his apologizes while grabbing a beer from the fridge. He was the only one my dad let drink other than himself. He said, "That prick Todd made me service one last truck before letting me off."

"Language at the table," my dad said in a stern voice, interrupting him.

Tyler's eyes glanced over at me. I was the reason for the no-profanity rule, I knew. I was sure my dad and brothers cussed all the time when I wasn't around. "Sorry, sis," he mumbled. Looking back at my dad he said, "Anyway, good news is I won't have to work that shift tomorrow after all. So I can make it."

My dad smiled, his mouth full of food. He waited until he had swallowed then said, "That's great. That's f- ... just great."

Something was going on. My dad looked around the table with that broad smile on his face. Jason and Ron looked as confused as I was. Our father said, "I have some good news, guys. I decided one last trip to the lake would be a lot of fun this weekend. Getting a might chilly out there, but weather's supposed to be fine. I was just waiting to see if Tyler could make it before breaking the news."

Ron immediately said, "Sweet!" At 15 he was my youngest older brother and probably the one most in awe of my dad. I knew he enjoyed those fishing trips a great deal.

"I bet the wall eye'll be biting for us this time," Tyler grinned. Like Ron, he emulated our father's passions for camping and fishing. Now that he was nearly ready to move out and start his own life, though, he wasn't always at our dad's beck and call anymore.

"Damn," Jason muttered under his breath.

He was sitting right next to me so I'm sure I was the only one who heard the curse word. Otherwise my dad would have gotten mad. Instead he just looked confused. "What's wrong, boy? Thought we had fun last time."

"Nothing," Jason moped. "Just ... I had some plans for the weekend."

Jason was my second oldest brother. At 17 he was the one who most often rebelled at our dad's idea of "fun". His personality was very similar to our dad's but his hobby preferences were almost the complete opposite. I knew he usually dreaded trips to the lake.

Our father shrugged his thick shoulders. "Cancel 'em, then. You'll have plenty of more weekends before fishin' season returns. Becky," he said, turning his eyes to me, "fetch me a beer. Please."

He was annoyed with Jason, I could tell, but I didn't let that stop me from being the obedient little daughter and going to the fridge for him. I took my time there when I heard my dad hissing across the table at Jason. His voice was too low for me to hear but I was sure Jason was getting a mouthful. My dad hated being crossed. I waited until the hissing stopped before returning with my dad's beer.

The rest of our dinner my dad spoke only of the weekend. Ron and Tyler were as excited as he was but Jason looked really annoyed. He kept glaring at me, too, as though it was somehow my fault. I guess he was mad because I got to stay home and he didn't. Since Jason was the brother I liked the least I would have usually glared back at him, even at the supper table, but not on that night. My mind was filled with too many emotions, anxiety chief among them. Plus, I couldn't stop thinking that Tyler, especially, was spending way too much time glaring at me in a different way. At my chest. Maybe he was the one who'd masturbated with my panties. The thought made me blush and shudder.

It's all in your head! I repeated over and over inside. Just don't think about it!

After clearing the table and cleaning up the pizza boxes I ran the dishwasher and then finished folding my laundry. My dad found me while I was doing this in my bedroom and gave me the same speech he'd given a couple months earlier. About how I'd be expected to behave over the weekend while he and my brothers were gone. About how I had to do my chores. He reminded me that I was to call Mrs. Sanford across the street if anything happened. But then he did give me some good news: I was allowed to hang out with friends and stay out until 10pm!

"No friends at the house, mind you, but I let Mrs. Sanford know about your curfew. You can expect she'll be keeping an eye out," he said. After that he gave me his credit card so that I could buy food and spend "no more than $20 on movies and cokes".

I nodded to him and smiled my thanks. It was what a good and grateful daughter should do, I thought. I had to hide the hammering in my chest: I'd still be able to see Lee the next day! And maybe I could even sneak him into the house, too. Maybe we could hang out here. How would my dad ever find out?

I think he misread the look on my face because he said, "Look, Becky, these trips to the lake ... they're for the boys. You're too young to understand but trust me, you wouldn't have fun. You'll have more fun here, alone with your studies."

"I know, Daddy," I whispered. I dared not speak too loud. "I'll be good. I'll be safe. You guys just have fun."

He kissed me on the forehead after that. It was awkward: my dad's affections were always awkward. He was too hard and stern of a man for affection to come through naturally. Yet he forced it that time and it made me feel weird.

I lied in bed knowing for a fact that night that the person who had stolen my panties from my drawer, the one who had jerked off with them, could not be my dad. He thought that I was too pure to do that with my underwear. It was why he was so stern with me. He saw it as his job to keep me pure and chaste. He might not love me, exactly, but he felt a duty to keep me the little girl he saw me as. It's why he kept me in a Catholic school. It's why he was so hard on me whenever I screwed up. It's why he hid profanity from me and tried his best to always use his manners around me.

So it was one of my brothers. I couldn't sleep until nearly midnight, and it wasn't because I was thinking of Lee. I was thinking of sweet Ron, asshole Jason, and overconfident Tyler.

Which of them had done it? Whoever it was, he saw me as a sex-object. How else could he do that with my panties? Could it be all of them? The thought made me shudder.

Three horny brothers, I thought. I felt humiliated and trapped and horny.

I masturbated late that night and felt dirty afterward. Even so, I fell asleep with a smile when I finally did think of Lee.

He'll keep me safe, I thought as I drifted off. He'll keep my horny urges sated. He'll protect me from myself.

The next morning I awoke early. Without dressing out of my pajamas I ran downstairs and checked the driveway. My dad's SUV was gone. He had said they'd be leaving at 5am and so, as it turns out, they had. I felt myself smiling from ear to ear as I fixed myself a bowl of cereal.

Alone. It was so much fun to be alone, so relaxing. I drank a glass of orange juice and decided to get to work on my chores right away. I was filled with energy, eager to make the time pass as quickly as possible so that noon would arrive and Lee would come pick me up. Or come to stay the weekend with me, maybe. I would definitely ask him when he called at 11am. Once I finished my breakfast I ran upstairs, changed into a long-sleeved red turtleneck shirt and my overalls. I was still so used to not wearing underwear that I didn't think to put any on.

The first thing I did was walk the dogs. I was surprised to find that only Marshall and Ike were in the kennel. My dad usually only took one with him to the lake. Oh, well, I thought. It'll be that much easier to walk them!

They were eager to go for a walk, and eager to see me. I only ever saw them during my Saturday chores ever since my dad had started loaning them out for breeding purposes. I knew it was stupid, but the fact that they were getting regular sex from a real bitch sort of made me jealous. I forced myself not to think about that as I attached their leashes, though. I didn't want to start down that path again, the path to fucking them. My plan was to have Lee satisfy my sexual urges. I knew he would. I just had to put off my dirty, depraved thoughts long enough to see him. Only a few hours. I could do it.

The walk was brisk and the dogs set a quick pace. I took them all around the neighborhood but avoided Jody's street. The last time I had taken them down that way I'd run across her and she and the rest of my former friends had been so mean to me. I didn't want to relive the experience anymore than was necessary.

When we got back to the house I put the dogs in the fenced-in area attached to the kennel and decided to get myself a bottle of water before I went about cleaning out the kennel. I hated that weekly chore more than anything but getting it out of the way now would be a good idea. As I stood in the kitchen greedily drinking down the bottle of water, though, I suddenly had an idea.

It was like time had slowed down as the idea entered my head. I was alone with the dogs. I still had smooth peanut butter hidden upstairs in my bedroom. And all the thoughts I'd had about Lee during the walk had made me horny. Well, hornier, actually. I'd awoken horny.

No, I thought to myself. But already the idea was making my pussy tingle. I stared out the window with the plastic bottle against my lips while memories of those massive mastiff tongues on my cunt filled my brain. It'd been so long. Since before I became Daniel's slave. What if, just one more time...

I inhaled deeply and made up my mind. I was alone so there was no risk. And I could use Marshall, he was always so gentle. What was the harm?

Leviticus 18:23, my Catholic brain quoted to me, "A woman must not offer herself to a male animal to have intercourse with it; this is a perverse act." There was also the fact that I had promised myself to wait for Lee, that I didn't need to do anything sick or depraved in the meantime. I debated the decision a little bit more then said out loud, "Fuck it!". It felt good to curse, something I never did, especially not in the house. I giggled as I finished the bottle of water and headed toward my bedroom.

I trembled during the walk back downstairs, out into the slightly overcast and chill Autumn day. Yes, a woman shouldn't offer herself to animals for intercourse. But I didn't want intercourse. I just wanted a little doggy-tongue on my clit. There was no harm in that, I rationalized. Besides, a good orgasm would leave me primed for better ones later, with Lee.

I wasn't thinking logically. I never did when I was horny. The thought of getting off right now with Marshall made me very horny and I just couldn't help myself.

One last time, I thought. One last little licking from Marshall. What's the harm? Later I'll be with Lee, and maybe become his girlfriend even, and I won't have to resort to any kind of wickedness again...

When I entered the fenced-in area I had no problem leading my favorite dog back into the kennel. Maybe he knew what was coming. I felt sort of bad about that since I definitely wasn't going to let him fuck me. That would be too much. I couldn't fuck a dog the same day I first fucked Lee! That would be totally against my plan.

I slid the huge door of the kennel shut and he panted with his tongue out at me. It was like he knew exactly what was about to happen.

He followed me to my dad's work area and started to whine, a happy sound, as I undid my overalls after taking off my dirty old work-boots. I sat down on my dad's chair, relishing the memories of what that meant, and unscrewed the lid off the peanut butter jar. I was naked from the waist down. I'd left my red turtleneck shirt on because it was a bit chilly today. I made a mental note to turn on the kennel's heater once I finished with Marshall.

After smearing a handful of the peanut butter over my shaved cunt I urged Marshall over. He didn't take much convincing. Even though it had been awhile the 175-pound animal seemed to remember what to do. He began to lick up the butter and I screeched with delight the first time his rough-tongue rasped across my young twat.

I was in heaven. It'd been so long since I'd had any of the dogs do this that I'd forgotten how good it could be. My mind began to fill with memories of being fucked by them, too, but I shook those off. I would not offer myself for intercourse with them. I couldn't do that, and I wouldn't. But animals were made to service man, God had given us dominion over them. If I wanted him to eat me out then I could make him eat me out and not return the favor. And boy was he eating me out.

I spread my smooth white thighs farther apart and clutched Marshall behind his big, floppy doggy-ears. He didn't need any encouragement. The peanut butter was gone already but still there was that constant lick-lick-licking of his rough tongue, now drinking up my juices. I groaned and moaned and flipped my head back in ecstasy. Somewhere in the background I heard an electronic click-click-clicking sound, but it didn't register at first over the sounds of my own intense breathing and Marshall's sloppy tongue. I was too lost in the feelings the large canine was giving me, his tongue lapping against my slit, slowly pressing my lips apart, squirming at my hole...

It felt so good, so deplorable, so wrong, that I cried out with pleasure before I heard my brother's words.

"Wow!"

It was Jason. He was standing just a few feet inside the kennel, the huge door slid open only just wide enough to let him enter. His left hand was gripping his chin, a look of pure joy and surprise on his face. In his right hand, which was extended out in my direction, he held his cell-phone.

He was taking pictures with it.

"NOOOOO!" I cried, even as Marshall's tongue continued to lap against my womanhood.

Jason laughed, turned, and shot like a bullet out of the kennel. I watched him go with nothing but dread and panic in my heart. Even in the midst of that feeling of terror, though, there was still the tongue licking me, and I was nearing an orgasm, and for just a moment I almost gave myself over to it.

Then reality hit. Jason, my second oldest brother, had just seen me being eaten out by one of our father's beloved mastiffs. Why was he home? Were they all home? Would Tyler and Ron soon enter the kennel? Would my dad be next? The kennel door was still open. I was still naked from the waist down. There was still a giant dog's head between my thighs. I felt mortified and panicked like I never had before in my life. All the ecstasy I had been feeling seconds before flooded out of me in an instant.

"Marshall, back!" I cried.

My voice was filled with fear but the dog obeyed after I pushed at his head and repeated the order. He rested on his haunches, his mighty tail wagging behind him in the dirt. He was looking up at me expectantly, probably thinking I'd get on all fours for him now, that I would become his bitch since I was obviously in heat.

"No!" I cried again, my voice desperate. I jumped to my feet and nearly fell over. My legs were weak. Somehow, in a blur, I pulled on my overalls. I didn't bother with the boots. I stumbled out of the kennel and both Marshall and Ike followed me, whining all the way, until I reached the gate that led out of the fenced-in area.

"Shoo, shoo!" I stammered at the mastiffs. That kept them back even though both of their tails were wagging like crazy.

They can smell my pussy, I thought. It was one of a million random thoughts I had as I entered the house. My heart hammered in my chest with blind fear until I got to the front window and looked out at the driveway.

My dad's SUV wasn't there. That was a huge relief, but it only calmed me down a little. It just suggested that my dad, Tyler, and Ron really had left for the lake. But what about Jason? He was still here. He was definitely here.

"No, no, no," I whispered to myself. I was still shaking all over.