Chapter 1

I started masturbating when I was 10-years-old. Early bloomer, I know, but what can I say? My hormones had to be doing something as I crept forward into puberty. They sure weren't doing much else. Unlike other girls my age I hadn't shot up at all in height. In fact, my body hadn't changed at all. But my mind was working differently, that's for sure. And one day, well, I just found myself taking a lot of time in the shower down there. You know, between my legs? It took a few sessions but eventually I had something of an orgasm. After that I was hooked. I enjoyed myself like that on an almost daily basis for a very long time. But then, during the first semester of my 7th grade year at St. Mary the Immaculate (a Catholic Middle School in suburban Cleveland), I found out that masturbation was a sin.

Talk about a slap in the face. I was 12-years-old now and masturbating had become an entrenched part of my daily routine. Now I was being told that if I continued to do it I'd spend an eternity in Hell. I took that kind of possibility seriously in those days. I resolved not to ever masturbate again. That promise to myself-- and to God, I should probably mention-- was broken about six months later. At least it felt like six months. Every day I wanted to touch myself like that, to tickle my slit as I showered until I was crying out with pleasure. It got so bad that on some days I avoided showering altogether. But I was a girlish girl and I wanted to look pretty, so those days were rare. I tried cold showers too, but they just made me hotter. I tried quick ones, but it was impossible to be quick with the long golden hair I had. The temptation to touch myself was always there and there was no way I'd be able to resist it forever.

The streak of abstinence was finally broken after my dad gave me the spanking of a lifetime for calling one of my older brothers a faggot. If I had insulted Jason in any other way my dad would probably have only smacked me across the face. But to accuse one of his sons of being gay was the gravest of sins in his eyes. I was smart enough to know that, but the big dumb jerk had called me a runt! We were arguing and he'd decided to go there, to make fun of the fact that my body still hadn't developed and that I was still a bony, skinny little shrimp. Combined with the pressures of school, friends, and my inability to pleasure myself, I blew up. And our dad had heard the insult from all the way downstairs. Jason had simply grinned at me when we both heard our father's massive footsteps ascending the stairway. He knew what was coming and so did I.

During the spanking that ensued I endured a myriad of insults. My dad was never a kind man and he had little respect for the opposite sex. He called me a bitch, he called me worthless, he told me he wished I'd never been born. His words hurt, just like they always did, but they paled in comparison to the pain of his brutalizing blows. I whimpered and cried as I lay across his lap while his callused hand beat down on my soft, boyish butt. He'd hiked up the skirt I was wearing, part of my school uniform, so that only a thin pair of white cotton panties protected my fresh little behind. I cried and cried at first until I felt his hard-on beneath my belly-button. I could feel it poking into me through his jeans, and for some reason that shut me up. The pain was still intense, his insults were still ringing in my ears, but somehow knowing that he was getting hard was exciting me. For a few moments only the loud smacking sounds of his hand and the vile words from his mouth filled the air as I remained silent. Unconsciously I began to grind my belly down on my father's hard-on, wondering if he knew that I knew it was there, wondering why it was exciting me so much. Finally he lifted me off his lap and tossed me onto my bed. My heart was beating hard in my flat chest as tears dried upon my face. He left me like that, wondering.

For the first time ever I masturbated outside of the shower. I pleasured myself in my own bed, albeit under the covers. In the back of my head I knew it was strange that I should break a period of abstinence like this, after my own father had spanked me and my butt stung with pain. But masturbate I did, for the first time in a long time. I remember pushing aside my panties and slipping my fingers along my wet slit, cringing from my bruised up butt as I lay back with my legs spreading wide. My brain was legitimately horny for the first time ever and my 12-year-old mind was having a hard time processing it all. I rubbed at my little pink clit with abandon as strange thoughts and feelings filled my head. For the first time I found myself thinking about sex while I pushed my fingers along the folds of my hairless labia. I'd never thought about anything while masturbating before. It'd always just been something pleasurable that I did to myself in the shower. Now, though, I found myself thinking of men kissing women, men touching women. It was so strange. The orgasm I got was almost more than I could take.

After that nothing could stop me from making masturbation a part of my daily routine again. At Sunday confession the Father DeGrazia told me I had to do a dozen Hail Mary's for each time I'd done it, but I didn't even bother. How could something that felt so good possibly send me to Hell? It was the first time I ever seriously questioned my faith. It wouldn't be the last.

School ended for the year a month or so after that. In the large suburban neighborhood we lived in I spent most of my summer days riding bikes with friends and hanging out at their pools. I had started a major growth spurt at the end of the 7th grade, finally, so I was also spending a lot of time at the mall buying new outfits and things. I was having to buy a lot of stuff I'd never needed before, things like bras and deodorant and tampons. My body was really making up for lost time. It was as though it had suddenly realized I was close to being a teenager and that it had better get itself ready. I mean, one morning my pussy had been as bald as a newborn baby just like always, and I swear to God that when I changed into my pajamas that night it had an actual golden patch of peach fuzz instead. And my breasts, well, they were no disappointment either. They were growing on an almost daily basis, or so it seemed to me. At times it was scary, having my body change so rapidly. With no mom to help me through it I had to rely on my friends, but soon their pity and helpfulness turned to jealousy and resentment. I wasn't only catching up with them, I was out-pacing them. By the time summer neared its end I was having to wear b-cup bras and even those were feeling snug. I had gone from the flattest girl in my group of friends to being the best endowed. My so-called friends noticed, and they sure didn't like it.

Guys were beginning to notice me, too, only they did like what they saw. And not just boys either. Men, grown-up men, were starting to check me out at the mall, during my bike rides-- hell, even at home. And why shouldn't they? I was no longer a cute little girl with a boyish body. I was sexy now! I'd grown three inches in height, so that while I was still pretty short at least I stood over five feet for the first time in my life. My breasts were more than a handful, very firm and perky, and when I wore one of my new push-up bras they almost seemed too large for my small frame. I was skinny, too, but instead of being straight and bony it was curvy and soft. Plus I still had my large, innocent blue eyes along with my pretty lips, tiny snub nose, and long golden hair. I was a real knock-out, I told myself, and I wasn't wrong. Sure I had a long way to go before I'd be considered a beautiful woman but being a sexy tween/teenager wasn't bad, either. I was enjoying the new attention I was getting, that's for sure. I even dressed to display my new features, wearing tight tops and short shorts, though I didn't dare dress too provocatively since my dad would have had a fit. As summer wound down I was loathe to go back to wearing the drab school uniforms that were required there. I wanted to show off my new body wherever I went, even if there wasn't anyone to show it off to at the all girls' school.

I was still masturbating on a daily basis, usually at night but sometimes in the morning, too. I had to be careful when I did it since my brothers never bothered to knock before entering my bedroom. I also had to force myself to be quiet while rubbing myself for the same reason. It really sucked. What sucked even worse was the fact that I had no material to masturbate to. I didn't have any access to porn and my dad wouldn't even let me rent R-rated movies. Oh sure, he let my brothers watch the latest R-rated blockbusters, but I was just a girl. Things like blood and foul language might warp my fragile mind.

I suspected that my brothers had porn in their bedrooms, but they were allowed to have locks on their doors so sneaking in to find out was impossible. There was the computer, too, but it was located in the family room so I had no privacy there. It was infuriating as hell. Here I had this freshly pubescent body, these raging hormones, and this addiction to masturbation, but there was no way for me to satisfy my intense curiosity about all things sex! I was still very naive about the subject and all I wanted to do was learn more about it. It wasn't like I was trying to hook up with real-life boys the way some curious girls did. I was much too scared and indoctrinated by the church to do that. I just wanted material to get off on but it didn't seem likely that I'd get access to it anytime soon.

My birthday that year fell on the last Friday of summer vacation. That morning, as I prepared breakfast for everyone, my dad announced that he would be bringing my brothers with him on a fishing trip to Lake Erie for the weekend. I wasn't invited. That was fine with me. It would give me free reign of the house, I thought, and perhaps I'd be able to figure out a way to sneak into one of my brother's bedrooms. I spent that day sunbathing with my friends, feeling like an outsider as I soaked in the sun wearing a brand new bikini that left little to the imagination. My recently sculpted legs, hips, and breasts were on full display as I soaked in the sun, along with my tight, round butt. My friends gave me the cold shoulder all afternoon, and it was no wonder. The girl who was hosting the gathering, Jody, had two extremely handsome older brothers and both of them were flirting with me exclusively. I flirted back in my awkward and girlish way, and that just made my friends even more resentful. Only Melissa, who was way too shy to be mean, spent any time talking to me. It was obvious now that she would probably be my only friend when I entered the 8th grade the following Tuesday.

That evening back at home my dad gave me a list of rules I had to follow while I was alone. I'd never been home alone before for such a long period, and he wasn't taking any chances that I'd forget his stupid rules. I was allowed to go out during the day, but I had to be home no later than seven at night. I could hang out with friends, but I couldn't have anyone over. And, of course, I had to do all my usual chores: clean the bathrooms, the kitchen, and walk the dogs. That last one annoyed me the most. Whereas so many of my friends had pools in their backyards, I had an honest-to-God kennel. A kennel in the middle of the suburbs. It was stupid, but my dad loved his four dumb mastiffs even more than me, it seemed. He would have let them all stay in the house but they were too big and clumsy. He only ever allowed one of them in the house at a time to prevent them from trashing the place. Usually walking them was the one chore he did himself or, failing that, had one of my brothers do since I was, of course, only a girl. But he was only bringing one of them to the lake, so the task of walking the rest fell to me. Cleaning the kennel was something I was used to, and that chore was also on the list.

He made sure I'd read the whole stupid list before giving me the usual threats for what would happen to me if I broke any of the rules. Then he gave me one of his credit cards and his video-rental card, along with the phone number of a neighbor of ours from across the street, Mrs. Sanford.

"If there's some kinda emergency, call her," he explained. "I called to let her know you'll be alone so she'll be checking in on ya. I also called up to Blue Moon and told them you could rent a few DVDs for the weekend. Nothing R-rated, and you'd best have them returned before I get home Monday or it'll be your ass, got it?"

I nodded meekly, not saying a word. With my dad it was always safest to just be quiet and obedient. He didn't say anything about my birthday before he returned to packing up for his trip. He didn't even give me a present. In his mind the video rentals were probably present enough. My brothers, on the other hand, not only wished me a happy birthday but also gave me their traditional gift after cornering me in my bedroom a few minutes before they were supposed to leave.

"Please, no, not this year, no!" I begged as Jason and Ron grabbed me and threw me down onto my bed. They were laughing cruelly as they held me down, Jason pinning my arms and Ron my legs. Then Tyler, my oldest brother, grinned evilly and started to give me the gift my brothers liked to call "The Tickle Torture".

"Happy birthday, Becky!" he hissed in my ear. With that he began tickling me, starting at my rib cage and then pulling up my shirt enough so that he could get to my flat tummy. I kicked as best I could and cried out in protest, but soon I was squealing with laughter. My brothers had been doing this to me on my birthday for as long as I could remember, and I always dreaded it. Yet I always ended up laughing hysterically just the same. It took Tyler only a few seconds to get me so that I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe. After he finished he grabbed my arms and Jason took his place. He didn't think my shirt had been pulled up far enough so he tugged it up even higher until I thought he was going to expose my breasts. Then he tickled me too as I cried for him to stop between fits of laughter and unwanted giggles. Ron, my youngest older brother, went last. I writhed around helplessly as he went to work like the other two had. It was only with him that I noticed his hands occasionally brushing against the bottoms of my covered breasts. At the time I was naive enough to think it was just accidental.

When they finished I was beat red from laughing and completely out of breath. They each said their farewells and I laid in bed catching my breath for awhile until I heard my dad's SUV pulling away from the house.

I was alone now. The thought made me shiver with delight. Suddenly I realized I was feeling extremely horny, something that was a bit of a surprise. I felt down between my legs and was shocked to realize I was soaking wet. The thought never occurred to me that what my brothers had just done might be the cause of it, but the reason didn't matter anyway. I loved feeling like this, especially when I could do something about it. I whetted my lips and smiled to myself as I got out of bed and practically tore my clothing off. I didn't have to do it under the covers for once. I was alone! I jumped back onto my bed with a laugh and quickly began to slide my finger up the wet folds of my labia, shuddering as I made contact with my clitty.

Normally that's about all I did when I masturbated. I never actually penetrated myself with my fingers, at least not deeply. Doing so, I thought, was too close to actual sex, and actually having sex outside of marriage was definitely a sin that could land you in Hell. But in the frame of mind I was in that didn't seem to matter. I wanted to feel my insides, I wanted to experience what it was like to be penetrated. As I stifled my moans of delight I squirmed my naked, just-turned-teenage body over my covers and spread my legs wide apart. And then, without a coherent thought in my head, I slid my middle finger into my virgin pussy-hole. The sensation made me bite my tongue to keep from screaming out loud in delight.

Suddenly I remembered that I didn't have to be silent, though. Who was there to hear? As I squirmed my finger deeper inside my body I let out a long, low moan of wanton pleasure. The sound of my own voice was a real turn on for some reason. It wasn't my normally small, soft, girlish voice. It was more the sultry sound of a groan woman, one that I only barely recognized. The feeling of my finger pressing deep into my vagina was sending shock-waves all across my tiny body, and I found myself squeezing one of my large breasts with my free hand, desperate to give my electrified body every bit of pleasure I could. That was also something new. Back when I used to do it in the shower I had no breasts to squeeze, and since growing them I had always made sure to keep my pajama top on in bed in case I got interrupted. I closed my eyes and moaned even more loudly as I played with my breast with one hand, my finger squirming away inside my hole with the other. I found that playing with the small, pink nipple that capped my breast really got me going. I was crying out and panting in desire, thrusting my hips forward in time with my pummeling finger as I twisted my hardened little nipple. It barely registered when I broke through my maidenhead, though I'm sure I did during that session since I found a small trickle of blood on my sheets afterward. Part of me regretted losing my hymen like that, but the orgasm I experienced more than made up for popping my cherry.

It was an intense orgasm to say the least. I felt both disoriented and giddy, exhausted and charged up, after it was over. But I still felt that I wanted more. As I recovered from fingering myself for the first time I almost started doing so again. But then I saw the time on my alarm clock out of the corner of my eye and realized I'd better get going. After all, my dad and brothers wouldn't be back until Monday afternoon. I'd have plenty of time to finger myself some more later.

I crawled out of bed and quickly got dressed. It was ten after six and I wanted to rent a movie for the night, but I had to hurry. Knowing my dad he'd be calling the house at 7:01 just to make sure I was obeying his stupid rules. My hair was a total mess but I quickly brushed it out and pulled it back in a simple ponytail with a scrunchy, then ran downstairs to the kitchen. After grabbing my purse and pulling on my sneakers I was out the door and on my bike. I rode it furiously in the direction of Blue Moon Video, my mind still charged up from the incredible orgasm I'd just had. As I passed by a neighbor watering his lawn, I noticed him turn his head to watch me ride by. I smiled to myself, certain beyond a doubt that he'd love to put his penis where my finger had just been. But no, no, that wasn't going to happen. I couldn't let myself think like that. Pressing a finger into my little hole was one thing, but having sex with a man was entirely different. Having sex could mean pregnancy or disease in addition to an eternity in Hell. I wouldn't be able to do that until I was married.

As I neared the video store about twenty minutes later, though, an idea was taking shape in my hormone-addled brain. If I couldn't have honest-to-God sex with a man, couldn't I at least simulate it? With something bigger than my own finger, I mean. Something closer to the size of a real penis. I wasn't sure what size penises normally were, but I could still remember feeling the outline of my father's hard one when he'd spanked me a few months before. It had felt massive. The thought of pressing something that large into my tiny body was getting me incredibly worked up. I shook the thought away as I finally reached the store, though. I was just being silly, I told myself. There was no way women used objects to pleasure themselves. It was just too weird to imagine.

I caught more people checking me out as I entered the small video store and that made me feel bubbly and sexy. I practically skipped around the store in my short denim shorts, trying to catch men and boys sneaking peaks at my delectable young butt and chest. I wasn't exactly in a good frame of mind to be selecting movies for a Friday night, but I did my best. At the back of the store I stopped and stared forlornly at the entrance to the "Adults Only" section. So close and yet so far.

By the time I'd finally selected a couple of teeny-bopper comedies to watch, the store had mostly emptied. Only the big, overweight middle-aged guy who owned the place was still there, helping a customer in front of me in line. He recognized me as I stepped to the counter, and smiled.

"Why if it isn't Becky Sullivan," he said with a grin. "Your dad said you'd more than like be up here this weekend. What's the, ahh, big occasion?"

"It's my birthday and I'm all alone," I said with my prettiest smile. The store owner wasn't handsome in the least, what with his greased back hair and receding hairline, his slumped and beefy shoulders, and his constantly leering gray eyes. But he was a man and I'd found that I liked flirting with men of all kinds. I was a total amateur at it and it was fun to practice, especially when they were blatantly checking you out. "My daddy thought a couple of movies would keep me company."

"Just, ahh, so long as they're rated PG-13 or under, though," he said with a wink. "Well happy birthday anyway, little one. Let's, ahh, see what you got."

I giggled and handed him the video cases. He took them and made comments about my selections as he turned around to go through some drawers to get the actual DVDs. After he placed them in their cases I gave him my dad's rental card and credit card. After the transaction cleared I gave him a little wave and a smile and said goodbye. I could feel his eyes locked onto my butt as I walked out of the store.

I had to really bust my butt to get home in time but I managed to make it. And sure enough, it was only ten after seven when my dad called. He barely said a word and then hung up on me. Jerk, I thought to myself. He was probably hoping I wouldn't be there just so he could ground me.

The panicked bike ride home along with sudden hunger sort of killed the hormonal high I'd been on when I left. I made myself a salad and some grilled chicken and ate dinner, feeling sort of lonely at the big kitchen table all by myself. Outside the sun was beginning to set as it neared eight o' clock and I decided to change into my pajamas, pop some popcorn, and watch one of my movies.

When the DVD started I was munching on some popcorn when I nearly choked. The main menu to the movie had popped up, and this definitely wasn't the PG-13 teen comedy I'd rented at the store. In big, bold letters across the screen were the words, "Horny Hungry Angels 4", and the image of a naked woman with her hands between her legs was posing next to the menu options.

I stared at the frozen picture for a long moment, my mouth full of half-chewed popcorn. What the heck was this? I jumped out of my seat, pounded over to the DVD player, and ejected the disc. It was a blank pink disc with nothing on it to indicate what movie it was supposed to be. I placed it back into the machine with trembling fingers and stared up at the large TV screen as it loaded. I was on my knees in front of the set when once again it glared to life, the same image of the woman there along with the same title.

"A porno," I whispered out loud, in awe. Suddenly my horniness from earlier was back in full force. The guy at the video store must have made a mistake! Or had he? It occurred to me that he could have done this intentionally, getting some cheap thrill out of the idea of a 13-year-old girl watching an adult movie. But no, that couldn't be. He could get in major trouble if anyone found out about this, right? It had to be a mistake, I told myself. But wow, what a great mistake! Adrenalene began pumping through my veins as I realized that I would finally get a chance to see an adult movie, something forbidden, something wrong. It gave me a huge, naughty thrill that made me smile. Happy birthday to me!

I went quickly to the window that overlooked our backyard and closed the drapes. My heart was racing with anticipation when I got back to the sofa and grabbed the DVD remote. The movie's menu had several options but the only one I cared about was the top one that said "play". I selected it, hit enter, and giggled out loud when a woman's voice moaned in response. The screen faded to black and suddenly some opening credits were playing against a black background along with some raunchy, heavy music.

The movie wasted no time getting to the action. The opening scene showed a beautiful woman in her mid-20's, dressed only in bra and panties, doing some dishes at a kitchen sink. The camera zoomed in to show off her butt and breasts as she worked, and it occurred to me how unusual it was to be doing dishes wearing only a lacy red bra and matching g-string, but I didn't care. After the camera finished examining the woman's every feature it panned away to reveal a bare chested hunk wearing a pair of grimy looking jeans and work boots. He was admiring the woman, who didn't seem to notice him at first. When she did it what was with obviously feigned surprise.

"Are you the plumber?" the supposedly startled woman asked. "You were supposed to get her at five!"

"I wanted to do my plumbing early," the man said in response. Then, unbelievably, he crossed over the short distance to the woman and grabbed her. The soundtrack blared to life again as he reached out for her and pulled her to him. She didn't resist at all: in fact, she seemed to want him to do it. Was he really supposed to be a stranger? After kissing her long and hard on the mouth she dropped to her knees in front of him and unzipped his jeans. A massively large and impossibly hard penis popped out of it. I gasped at the sight of it. It was the first hard penis I'd ever seen outside of a school text-book.

"I love your cock," the woman said to the man as she gripped it in her hand and roughly stroked it.

"Suck it, bitch," he replied.

I gasped again in genuine shock. Not only at his words (why would he call her a bitch?) but at her actions. She was taking his thing into her mouth! I'd never heard of a blow-job before but I realized that this must be what oral sex was. All we'd been told about it in sex-ed class was that it, too, was a sin. I could care less about sins right now, though. My panties were soaking wet and my light pink flannel PJ's were begging to come off. With my large blue eyes glued to the action onscreen I hastily untied the string that held them up and then kicked off my bottoms without a thought.

What I watched after that was the most electrifying, intense, disgusting, and wonderful thing I'd ever seen before. The woman gave the man a blow-job, deep throating it until she gagged, for nearly five whole minutes. Then he pulled her roughly to her feet and made her lean against the kitchen counter and spread her legs. The camera zoomed in to show his massive cock probing at her pussy from behind as she grunted for him to fuck her and, before too long, he did. In a close up shot I watched in awe as the swollen purple head of his dick popped into her glistening slit. I'd never imagined that a porno movie could be so graphic! It wasn't what I'd hoped for at all. No. It was much more than I could have hoped for. The penis slid slowly into the woman, who moaned loudly in response and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. As the man pounded the grunting woman from behind I found myself sliding my finger into my own cunt. It didn't take much to make me cum, but the orgasm wasn't nearly enough to sate the new found desire burning inside me. I leaned back into the couch and spread my legs wider, not caring that I was dripping my juices onto the family sofa, not caring that I was being loud as I slid two fingers into my hole. The feeling of them squeezing their way inside my tight pussy was making me cry with pleasure. I was just beginning to unbutton my top with my free hand, desperate to be completely naked now, when suddenly the man pulled his cock out of her and the woman got back on her knees in front of him. For a moment I thought she was going to suck on his thing again, but instead she just smiled and told him to cum on her face, to cum now, that she wanted to taste it. Before I could figure out what "it" was, the man's cock spewed forth a gooey white substance all over the woman's pretty face. I gasped in surprise. Semen? Why would he cover her face with his own semen? The scene ended with the woman smiling, her face glazed with the man's goo. She, at least, seemed to enjoy it. And though it made no sense to me, even that disgusting display intensified my burning desire to cum again.

It didn't take long for me to get my wish. I was still panting from my third orgasm of the day when the next scene started. I realized then that there must not be any kind of story: the movie was just one sex scene after another. That was fine by me. This scene began with a different woman, already naked and even more attractive than the last. She had long brown hair streaked with golden highlights, and her body was perfect in every way. Suddenly mine didn't seem quite so developed after all. This was a full grown woman, not some barely pubescent girl. She smiling at the camera from a small white love-seat and her eyes seemed to twinkle as she did. She told the camera her name and said that she loved to fuck herself. That certainly got my attention. My fingers were still gently sawing in and out of my hole as I wondered what she meant by that. I got my answer when she reached off screen for a long, phallic shaped device, as large if not larger than the penis from the first scene. My eyes widened as she spread her legs to reveal her pussy-- which was hairless, I noticed-- and place the strange device against her glistening pink hole.