I met Emily during my freshman Chem class. We had just happened to sit down next to each other at a table, and our professor told us that our seatmates would also be our lab partners. We quickly hit it off and begun to hang out outside of class as well. Neither of us were gigantic partiers, preferring to go to the movies rather than frat parties. We did drink, but it was normally wine in one of our rooms or maybe beer with pizza.

Emily quickly became my best friend and we were inseparable. She became known to everyone as my sidekick, and it was a rarity for us to be seen without each other. She even came home with me over the Christmas holiday for a few days so we could hang out. God forbid we be separated for two weeks! She got along with my family famously and my mom quickly considered her to be like another daughter.

When the spring semester began, I met a guy named Chris and began seeing him. It wasn't anything super serious. We'd hang out and hook up. He was a good kisser, but his dick was kind of small and he came rather quickly when we fucked, so things didn't last that long between us. I got tired of never getting off, so I told him to fuck off. Emily had begun seeing someone as well. Ryan was a junior, studying pre-med. He was very handsome, had a great smile and a great body. Needless to say, he met my approval. She immediately fell head over heels in love with him. Emily had been a virgin prior to meeting him, but that didn't last past Easter. Once she had sex, she became the real life version of the energizer bunny. The girl was a nympho and would pretty much try anything with him. As her best friend, I got a very vivid recap of their exploits, and was often shocked at the things that would come out of my not too long ago, innocent friend's mouth.

As the semester wound down, preparations for the following semester had to be made including room and board. Em and I decided that we should share a room. She practically lived in my room anyways, since she hated her heavily pierced and tattooed, very Goth roommate. She had often slept over anyway, both of us crammed in my tiny twin dorm room bed, so it just seemed natural for us to live together. The semester ended and we bid each other a brief goodbye. Brief because we had both made plans to alternate time at each other's house over the summer. If Em and I weren't together, she was with Ryan being well fucked.

In my spare time over the summer, I had stumbled upon a website containing erotic fiction and had taken up a curious interest in the subject matter. I began reading stories of romance, adultery, bondage, rape, and lesbianism. It was this last topic that piqued my interest the most. I had seen lesbian porn before and watched Queer as Folk, and while I guess I was intrigued by the subject matter to a certain extent, it was never something I seriously considered. I had tossed around the idea of maybe exploring my curiosities when I went away to college. I figured if I was going to do it, I might as well do it in a setting that could provide some anonymity, in case I wasn't into it. But then I began hanging out with Em and I never got around to it. I was finding myself turned on by the characters in the stories though. Maybe it was just the style of writing. I wasn't sure but at that point and time, but I knew I was hesitant to jump into that lifestyle.

Right before the beginning of the semester, Emily and Ryan took a trip to Cancun, so I didn't see her for a few weeks until we got on campus. I was in my room when she ran in, screamed and jumped on top of me, sending us both flying onto my bed. She was absolutely radiant-I figured she was basking in the just fucked glow leftover from her and Ryan's trip. She was smiley and giggly, which wasn't atypical, but something about her presence struck a different chord in me. I noticed at the time, that she reminded me a bit of Keri Russell; Season 1 of Felicity Keri Russell, not when she hacked off all her hair and the show began to tank. Although tanner than normal from her trip, she had almost the same complexion, and hair, except Em's was more wavy than curly. Both also had green eyes, except that depending on the lighting, Em's reflected gray or almost a hazily color as well. And her smile was just glowing. I don't think I had ever seen her so happy. We stood up, both laughing, and she gave me a huge hug and kiss on the cheek-our normal greeting, except something was different. When we embraced and our breasts smashed together between our bodies, I got a strange chill throughout my body, almost like a rush of pleasure. Her nipples were hard, as they always were, and it was as if they were poking into me to jumpstart something within me. It excited me a great deal. I had a tingling feeling in the pit of my stomach and I was completely distracted me as Em rattled on about her trip. I was contemplating this excitement and what it meant. I barely heard anything she said, but was able to mask my distraction and smile and laugh along with her.

As the weeks of the semester droned on, I found myself having a hard time living with Emily. Not because we weren't getting along or anything like that. We were actually getting along too well. I was catching myself staring at her, unable to do my homework. When she'd hug me goodbye, I didn't want the embrace to end. I also noticed her scent. It was almost powdery, but with a hint of sweetness to it. I craved that scent. It was in her hair, her clothes, on her pillow. I longed to have that scent around me. It aroused me, but in a strangely calming way. I just enjoyed being around her and basking in it.

It wasn't just a physical attraction though. We held a very close and deep emotional bond that I truly valued. I could turn to her for anything and I knew she'd always be there for me. She knew some of my deepest secrets, things no one else knew, and I knew she'd always keep them. And there were little things about her personality that I just adored like her love for animals, her ability to make me laugh uncontrollably at inane things, and her little quirks. She'd eat popcorn for dinner. She loved horror movies but the sight of real blood or bugs made her a bit squeamish. She was fascinated by true crime stories, especially serial killers. She would ask me "What?", even though she knew what I said, because it took her a moment to process. She could never make it through a movie without falling asleep. She procrastinated everything. When she was pissed off about something and decided to go off on a rant about it, there was no stopping her until it was out of her system. It was as if the whole time she was going off, she wouldn't breathe. And, she was much more intelligent than she ever gave herself credit for. These inconsequential characteristics, which probably seem trivial to many, were just some of the little things that always brought a smile to my face, as I found them endearing. Although I had never been with a woman before, I found myself falling head over heels in love with my best friend.

My straight best friend. My best friend who had an insatiable thirst for cock, an appendage I was obviously lacking, since I was a female. My best friend who was head over heels in love with perfect, pre-med Ryan. I found myself tortured, longing for the one person I could never have. At the same time, as miserable as I was, I was happy for Em. If this was what she wanted, I would never begrudge her happiness.

It was a few days before Thanksgiving when life as we knew it ended. Em had left to surprise Ryan with a visit. He had been stressing about and preparing for a big exam all week, and she had decided he needed a break and some relaxation and was going over to surprise him with a blowjob. I was pretty much caught up on all my work, so I decided to be lazy for the night and just veg out. I was watching some Lifetime movie, almost on the verge of sleep when Emily burst through the door, hysterical. I shot up, mostly because she scared the shit out of me when she came in our room, but also out of concern when I realized that she was sobbing.

She fell into my arms bawling, mumbling incoherently. I held her for what seemed like forever, until she finally calmed enough to speak. It was then that she told me she had walked in on perfect Ryan perfectly fucking someone else. My heart broke for her. As much as I loved her, my love and loyalty was to her as a friend first and foremost, and I never wanted to see her so destroyed. She said that Ryan had tried to explain, but when you see your boyfriend with his dick in someone else, it was pretty self-explanatory. I rubbed her back as she sat on the edge of my bed with her head in her hands, my head resting on her shoulder.

Just then, there was a knock on the door. She looked up at me with a look of horror on her face. "If that's him, please just get rid of him for me. I never want to see him again." I just nodded and rose to answer the door. Sure enough, it was Ryan, and I slipped out into the hallway and closed the door behind me.

"You have got some fucking balls, you son of a bitch."

"Daniella, I need to talk to her," he pleaded.

"No, you don't. You've done enough. She never wants to see you again, so I would suggest you get the fuck out of this dorm before I call campus security on your ass. You are such a piece of shit. I can't believe you would fuck around on her, you asshole." I turned to go back into our room, but then reconsidered. "Oh, and by the way," I paused as I inched up closer to him, getting into his face, even though he had about eight inches on my 5'5" frame, "If you ever come near her again or upset her in any way, you'll have to deal with me." I then swiftly raised my knee into his groin and Ryan fell to the ground, moaning in pain as he held his balls. "Drop dead you prick," I said over my shoulder as I went back into our room.

Emily was still sitting on my bed, her sobbing had picked back up since I left the room, so she didn't see Ryan rolling around on the floor, holding his balls. I sat back on my bed and pulled her into my arms, again trying to calm her. When she finally quieted again, I got her a bottle of water and a xanax. I had a ready supply as I suffer from panic attacks, and use them sometimes. I figured if nothing else, at least it would help her relax and maybe get some sleep. I made her take the pill and told her to get changed while I went and got a cool washcloth for her head. I placed it on her forehead and bent down to give her a kiss on her cheek. I gave her hand a light squeeze and got into my bed.

I had been in my own bed for about five minutes when she rolled over to face me.

"D, are you still awake?"

"Yea babe, what do you need?"

"Will you come sleep with me?" she asked.

I got up from my bed and crawled into hers behind her. I put my right arm under the pillow and my left around her waist. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight, holding it against her stomach. "Thanks D, I love you."

"I love you too, Em," more than you know I thought...

That night was the most content I had ever been. Being able to take care of her, to protect her, and then just hold her all night long gave me a certain sense of satisfaction. But, my feelings were short lived as I could not be happy watching her mope around all day and night so sad. My heart broke for her. I couldn't image having your image of someone and your plans for the future shattered in a moment's time.

I did my best to keep her thoughts away from Ryan and her focus on her schoolwork, and it was a struggle because she really lacked all motivation to do anything. If her procrastination was bad before, there are no words to compare it to this. Trying to force her to do homework when she was so distracted was almost an impossible task. But, she got through it. I told her that if she fucked up so far into the semester, she'd only be letting Ryan win and get over on her. It motivated her a bit and she persevered and survived through it, the same way she had her entire life.

When school broke for Thanksgiving, she came home with me to my family's home and stayed Wednesday and Thursday night. On Friday, I went to home with her to her family and we spent the rest of the weekend there. I tried to keep her busy and away from her mother who was trying to ask her 9,000 questions about her and Ryan's breakup. We went Christmas shopping, to the movies, to get coffee-whatever we could do to stay occupied. By the time we returned to campus late Sunday night, we were both exhausted.

Sunday night was also the first night we'd slept in separate beds since we left campus. As tired as I was, I tossed and turned most of the night, my bed cold and empty. The closeness and intimacy I had enjoyed the past few days was gone. I was left with a hole in my heart. I was falling deeper and deeper into an abyss and I saw no way out.

Emily's pain slowly healed and the days turned into weeks and months. Though she seemed to be over Ryan, she hadn't started dating anyone. I hadn't either, as I secretly pined away for her. It was a morning in early February when she mentioned that Valentine's Day was right around the corner. (I hated and dreaded Valentine's Day. I thought it was a bullshit commercialized holiday that enabled greeting card companies, florists, and chocolatiers to get rich, as anyone without a significant other was made to feel inferior to the rest of society. Besides, if you loved someone, you should show them that you did every day, not just one day of the year.) Em knew my feelings on the holiday and saw the overwhelming joy that was written all over my face at the mention of it.

"Oh c'mon, if anyone should be cynical about it, it should be me."

"This is true," I replied.

"We should do something; go out to dinner or something. Have an Anti-Valentine's Day night out. You can be my date."

Of course the prospect of being Em's anything brought joy to my heart, but I couldn't outwardly show that. So, I did my best to be sarcastic. "As if me being your date is different from any other day how?" I asked.

She laughed. "C'mon, we'll go out to dinner and then come back home and watch a bunch of chick flicks."

"Oooo, something new and different for us," I replied, my sarcasm again more than evident. I clasped my hands together, "Do I have to buy you flowers and candy and put out at the end of the night?"

She giggled, "Fuck yea. I always expect my dates to whore it out after dinner," she said before walking out of our room for her morning class.

I didn't have classes on Wednesdays, so Emily was long gone by the time I woke. I got up and showered and when I returned to our room, I saw a red envelope on my dresser. I sat on the bed and opened it. It was a Valentine's Day card from Em. Daniella, Happy Anti-Valentine's Day!!! Thanks for everything over the past few months-I don't know what I would have done without you. I love you! —Em. I just sat there and smiled. This was a prime example of the little things she did that made me love her.