Chapter 28

Elizabeth and Julie followed me into the other room. Elizabeth looked confused, whereas Julie had that 'trying to look innocent' but, oh so guilty look that only young girls can manage. It's usually associated with a hand in the cookie jar. I tried hard not to laugh, she looked so cute.

I shut and locked the door, then motioned for them to remain silent.

"Melinda, are you listening?"

"I am now, sir. What can I help you with?" It was remarkable to me how Melinda always knew when the White Energy, the Leader of Our People (gag me with a spoon!) was addressing her. No jokes, no humor, all business. The perfect secretary. I wondered where the snotty teenage computer went during those times?

"Can you shield this room from any eavesdropping? Electronic, audio, colors, mind reading, everything? Is that possible?"

"It is, sir, and you have come to the only person in the universe that can do it," Melinda assured me. She didn't sound like she was bragging at all, just stating a fact.

"Really? What method do you use?" Julie asked.

"Hundreds of years ago, in pre-Cornazan times, as a young teenager, I assisted a lone scientist trying to develop a particle-beam weapon. That was before I became a computer. The weapon was a total failure, and the project was abandoned. We never informed anyone else of the project. That scientist has long since died. The data on that research is still in my memory. It is the only place in the universe where it exists. The protection and encryption codes I have on that data ensures that remains so."

"What has that to do with sealing this room?"

"The project was a total failure as a weapon. However, I discovered after the scientist's death that it had applications for making an area impervious to all forms of snooping. It can be configured in many ways, from simply securing an area, to killing anyone trying to snoop. I don't suggest that particular use, as it is just as unstable as its use was as a weapon."

"Let's not go that far, Melinda. I don't wish to kill Amy if she gets nosey. Just seal the room," I ordered her.

"What particle beam wave is it?" Julie asked, intensely curious now.

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" Melinda deadpanned. 'Top Gun' was her favorite movie.

"Have I ever told you about my ability to irrevocably destroy at will all computer related hardware and software within a 300 mile radius?" Julie asked idly.

"It's based on a Leto-Paradeasal wave," Melinda quickly answered. Did I detect nervousness in her voice?

"Ouch. No wonder she abandoned the research. There are easier ways to commit suicide than to play with that stuff, although probably none as fast," Elizabeth remarked. "I remember that scientist. I can't recall her name, though. She's been dead a long time. Are you sure it's safe to use that technology?"

"At the levels I need to seal this room, yes. The levels needed to use it as a weapon is another story," Melinda assured us.

"Do it," I ordered.

There was a faint hissing noise, a rapid shimmering of intertwined silver and gold, and then everything returned to normal.

"The room is secure, sir. One peculiarity of this system it that we can still hear everything as normal, both inside and outside the room, but no one can 'hear' us at all, including sensing our colors or energy. I have taken the liberty, sir, of informing the other members of the family that we will be out of contact for a period of time, so they won't worry about you three 'dropping off the grid'. I have arranged for a small, slightly unpleasant electrical shock should any of them try to defeat the shield," Melinda reported.

"Why?"

"I didn't wish them to hurt themselves trying to defeat the shield. There is only a 0.0015% chance of that happening, but I decided your concern about Amy's welfare justified the risk."

"What are the chances of anyone defeating the shield?" I inquired.

"Those chances don't exist, sir. Division by zero is a null concept," Melinda answered.

There was a brief pause.

"You can't really destroy computer hardware and software that way, at that distance. My analysis, repeated 245 times since this conversation began, shows that there is no statistical chance that power exists," Melinda said softly. I have heard her state things more confidently before.

"Wanna bet? Would you like to give it a try? I can probably put you back together again afterwards ... probably," Julie grinned. "My statistical analysis, performed once in the last five minutes, shows there is a 63% chance I could repair you, almost to where you are now. Almost," Julie smiled sweetly as she teased the computer. At least I thought she was teasing.

"Daaaadddy!" Melinda squawked. "Make her behave!"

"Julie, I forbid you to try anything with Melinda that doesn't have at least a 75% chance of returning her to her present state ... unless of course, it would improve her personality." I heard Melinda's gasp. "Now, as amusing as this is, can we continue it another time? I have to finish this conversation with Elizabeth, then check on how Amy is doing."

I heard Melinda's indignant gasp and heard her mutter something that sounded a lot like 'bitch!'. Julie smiled sweetly again, raised her middle finger at the ceiling, and silence reigned in the room once more.

"Elizabeth, I repeat my question one more time. Are you sure you don't know what is different about you this time? I know you keep some things secret and I have no wish to compromise you if you are hiding something."

"Patrick, I swear, I have no idea what is going on. I am keeping nothing secret other than the things you know about generally that I don't wish known."

"I was afraid of that. Elizabeth, you might want to sit down for this one. You're going to like this even less than Amy liked the news of her 'coming of age' ceremony," I said.

"Just tell me," Elizabeth retorted impatiently.

"Ok, you asked for it. Elizabeth, the difference you feel this time is because you are alive again," I told her softly.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

"Of course I am. That happens every time I come back. I become 'alive' in my body until it is time to go, then I die again."

"No honey, you misunderstand me. You are truly, completely alive this time. There is no going back to being dead when you are done. Unless you die again, you are permanently alive again, just as if you had never died," I said as gently as I could. I suspected Amy's reaction a few moments ago would be considered polite compared to what was coming.

Elizabeth surprised me. With a stunned and totally shocked look on her face, she sat heavily in the closest chair. Her eyes looked dazed.

"What? But ... but that's impossible! I made the same agreement this time as always. It was a little rushed, but..." she looked devastated. "Peter would never do that to me. He promised," she whispered to herself.

"I don't think this has anything to do with my Dad. He didn't do this. He would never have done this without consulting with you first."

"But ... how? I don't understand. How could this happen without me knowing it, and how do you know this?"

"I could tell by your kiss. It has always been different when you are just 'visiting' as opposed to when you were alive. I recognized the difference. As to how, I might know the answer. First, we need to determine who you want to know this," I said gently. I knew she would think of it in a few seconds. Her suddenly pale face told me she had.

"Patrick! No one can know this! No one. We have to keep this quiet. They will kill my ... friend ... if they know I'm alive. Oh God, Julie knows! What if she tells?" Elizabeth was panic-stricken.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Julie asked, thoroughly irritated.

I jumped in to avoid yet another conflict.

"Elizabeth, Julie has her own secret, one that would result in her death and our probable return to the cycles if it were revealed. I think she can be trusted to keep yours." Elizabeth looked unsure.

"Julie, Elizabeth agreed to die in order to save us, and to stay dead to save a very dear friend of hers. If those who are blackmailing her knew she was alive, her friend would die. We can't reveal this to anyone."

"Oh. I understand. I can see three solutions. Trust me. Wipe my mind. Or, I tell Elizabeth my secret so she has the same goods on me as I have on her." The sadness in Julie's eyes broke my heart. I tried to lighten the mood.

"I vote for number three. I want to hear your secret!" I insisted.

"I said Elizabeth could know, not you. You can never know, at least until this war is over," Julie whispered.

"You don't trust me?" I whined, trying to make her laugh. Bad move.

"It has nothing to do with trust. It has to do with love. I love you and would never want to see you hurt." She looked at me with big, sad eyes filled with tears. "Do you really think I don't trust you?" she asked, her voice breaking.

"Of course not. I was trying to make you laugh. I'm sorry."

"Wouldn't it be easier if you all knew each other's secrets? It's no big deal ... I figured them out long ago. They're not that earth shattering," Melinda suggested. "Interesting, fascinating even, but not mind-boggling. You see, Julie..."

"Melinda, you say another word, and you're going to find out if I was serious about destroying computers at a distance!" Julie threatened.

"Before you respond, little girl, keep in mind that I'll help her do it," Elizabeth said quietly. I know I believed her.

There was a long pause, almost an eternity in computer time.

"Oh. I messed up again, didn't I? Nothing is ever simple with you guys. This is one of those times when humans and Cornazans keep secrets from each other, isn't it? I will never understand the concept of keeping something secret from those that love you the most and could help the most. If I divulge your secrets, then I would betray you, and you would never entrust me with information again. I could still get it, but that would betray trust even more. Eventually, you would have to unplug me because I would be a danger to you.

"I'm sorry!" Melinda sobbed, her human personality suffering a complete meltdown. "I ... didn't know! I'm just a kid and I haven't been a real person for a long time ... I don't understand these things! Please don't lose confidence in me. I'll try really hard to understand the human side. I just want to help. Don't unplug me ... Please!" The sobbing came from everywhere and nowhere.

"Calm down, Melinda. None of us mentioned unplugging you. That was your idea. We still trust you," I said soothingly. The other two nodded agreement.

"I wish you could hug me and make it all better, Daddy," Melinda sniffled.

"I wish I could too, Mel. It's ok. Just ask us when you're unsure what to do. We'll help you."

"What do you think happened, Patrick? Melinda, do you know?" Elizabeth asked. Even as upset as she was, Elizabeth was still trying to pull the computer into the conversation, trying to make her a part of us.

"I do," Melinda said in a scared little girl voice. "My statistical analysis performed 197 times since I knew you were alive again shows a 97.39% certainty of what happened. However, I've talked way too much today and gotten myself in trouble too many times. I want to hear what Patrick has to say."

"Did anything strange happen to you on your way here?" I asked Elizabeth.

She snorted.

"Did anything normal happen on my way here? It was all strange."

"Tell me."

"I had decided on the spur of the moment to see Cindi. I had a feeling something was terribly wrong. I had just entered the interdimensional space when there was a brilliant flash of light. As far as I could tell, it lit up the whole galaxy, maybe even beyond. It scrambled the destination configuration of the portal, and I had to start all over. I had just entered again when there were two diffuse but intense flashes of light within moments of each other. I felt really strange after the third flash, which was the second diffuse flash. Then, a fourth, final flash occurred, very similar to the first one, and I was kicked out of the interdimensional space altogether. I gave up trying to make it here then, as I felt the problem with Cindi was over."

"How did you feel funny with the third flash?" I asked.

"I don't know ... I guess I felt ... alive again? That's it! That's when it happened, isn't it? What the hell happened?"

"That's a long story. Better sit down, Elizabeth," I said, then grinned to myself. I knew what was coming.

"She is sitting, Becky!" Julie and Melinda giggled together.

Never give my girls a reason to make fun of you. They never forget. And they like Becky.

Elizabeth learned her lesson. She stayed sitting this time.

"The danger you felt about Cindi was her self-terminating," I said. I wasn't going to sugarcoat it for Elizabeth.

Her face paled.

"Once again, I wasn't there for her," she whispered, heartbroken. "I promised I would never fail her again..."

"This had nothing to do with you, honey. You couldn't have helped. No one saw it coming. It was because of me," I reassured her.

"But ... she's still alive; I saw her. What happened?"

"She's alive again," I corrected her. I saw the confusion on her face. "Her self-termination was successful."

"But ... wait, let's start over at the beginning. Why did Cindi want to self-terminate?" Elizabeth asked.

"She was devastated when she realized she was in love with me and could never marry me, nor be my Life-mate. Amy says Cindi had first choice as my Life-mate and turned it down, but she always considered herself as one also. When she discovered she couldn't be, she took it as a rejection by her Life-mate and acted accordingly."

"So Amy was right," she murmured. "What happened? Self-termination can't be stopped, nor can it be reversed. No one comes back from that. Don't get me wrong; I'm thrilled Cindi is still here, but ... how?"

"I brought her back," I whispered.

"I don't think you have that power, and no offense, dear, but I know you don't have the kind of energy that would require, if it could even be done."

"Victoria does," I answered.

"Victoria does ... Patrick, please tell me you didn't activate Victoria!"

"Ok. I didn't activate Victoria."

"Good, so how did you do it?" she asked.

"I activated Victoria," I told her. She glared at me.

"You just told me you didn't!"

"You asked me to tell you that."

"Do you think this is funny? Patrick, do you have any idea what you've done?"

"Nothing has ever been less funny, Elizabeth. Did you want me to let our daughter die? I know exactly what I've done. I've been sick about it ever since, but I had no choice."

Her face softened.

"Yeah, I bet you have. How is Victoria taking it?"

"About how you would expect ... not well. Spending last night with her helped a lot."

"I was hoping you had that much sense at least," she smiled slightly to rob her words of offense. "Does she know who she is?"

"She does now, probably better than you do."

"I've know for a long time that she is the Keeper of the Colors, Patrick," Elizabeth chided me.

"And how long have you known that she was also one of the Shal'li'ya?" I asked

"What?" she whispered. "One of?"

"She's not happy about it. Apparently there are two of them. Maybe you're the second one."

"Maybe you're crazy. No, no maybe about that. I think I'd know if I was a Shal'li'ya, don't you?"

"I'd think Victoria would have known she was one too. Of course, keeping secrets would be something entirely new for you, wouldn't it?" I retorted.

She glared at me, then changed subjects.

"I still don't understand how all this makes me alive again."

I shrugged, embarrassed. She was really going to think I was stupid now. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

"Victoria wasn't sure what she was doing. It had been a long time for her. I didn't know what I was doing either, but I figured it would be better if I took the lead. You see, Elizabeth, I'm not quite as stupid as you think I am. I was planning on wiping her mind afterwards, to put her back in the dark as to who she was."

"Apparently, that went well!" she said sarcastically. "About like everything else," she murmured. "And I never said you were stupid."

"Later. Anyway, I figured I had one shot, so I ... put everything she had into it... ," I said, my voice tapering off.

Elizabeth stared at me in disbelief.

"You put everything into it? All the power of the Keeper of the Colors? You opened the portal all the way? You used the Shal'li'ya too?" She made a visible effort to calm down. "Patrick, we don't know anything about the Shal'li'ya. We have no idea what she can do, how much power she has. I hope you just used Victoria, and not the other one."

"I guess we have an idea now," I shrugged. "I don't know who I used. Can you say 'I didn't know what I was doing?' Sure you can." Elizabeth nodded in agreement.

"I'm still waiting to hear why I'm alive again," Elizabeth said with exaggerated patience.

"The third flash you saw, which was the second diffuse flash ... that correlates with when the light was curing Cindi, bringing her back to life. I think the light did the same for you."

"But ... I was on another plane, or at least in the interdimensional space. The light can reach me even there?" Elizabeth asked.

"Apparently. It makes me wonder who else it has reached, and where. Maybe even when."

"I just don't understand," Elizabeth insisted.

"May I speak?" Melinda asked in a tiny voice.

"Mel, you can always speak. You're upset with yourself; we're not upset with you," I explained.

"Didn't sound that way a few minutes ago with those two," Melinda retorted.

"We were trying to get your attention, to stop you before you went too far. We're not mad," Julie said.

"I've been studying those flashes since they happened, and digging up all the data I can find on the Shal'li'ya. There's not much, but there is some fascinating information if you read between the lines," Melinda said.

"Like what?"

"It's not certain, but the power of the Shal'li'ya likely comes directly from the Ancients, from their home planet. If that's true, then tracing back the energy beam that arrived, and tracing back where it returned to, makes that planet near the center of the galaxy, in quadrant 4, 9, 2 ... give or take a few light years. If it's true that power comes directly from the Ancients, there may not be any limit as to what that power can do."

"The beam returned to the same place?" Julie asked.

"Yes. You were all unconscious, so you didn't see it. It arrived back at its starting point 11.2 seconds after it left here," Melinda informed us.

"That's fast!"

"Yep."

"Are you sure you didn't make a mistake in calculating that?" Julie asked, grinning at me.

Melinda snorted and ignored her.

"There was another minor anomaly that occurred just before the beam returned to its home," Melinda commented.

"Mel, honey, you don't have to keep pausing for permission to speak. Just give it to us," I said.

"Sorry, sir. I was raised that way. It doesn't help that I am in the presence of the White Energy, The Queen of the Tarqa, and ... Julie," she stammered, catching herself quickly with Julie's name.

"Nice save, Mel. Did you catch that, Liz? Julie ... the real Julie ... is at least as important as us, as Melinda is in awe of her. Any ideas?" I teased.

"Several, but none are possible, so I guess it doesn't help any. She is a female, right? That throws out another one. I didn't know there was anyone Melinda was in awe of," Liz teased back. Julie gave us the raspberries.

"I don't know. Julie, honey, are you a female?" I asked.

"Tell your nosey computer friend to shut off her sensors, you come with me to my bedroom, and I'll let you see for yourself. Of course, looks can be deceiving, so..."

Melinda coughed.

"What was the anomaly, Melinda?" Julie asked. "Ignore these idiots."

"I don't think you should call your Father an idiot," Melinda counseled Julie seriously. She paused at the laughs we each tried to hold in. "Is this another of those things I don't understand?" she asked, baffled.

"Afraid so, dear. I'll explain it later. What was the anomaly?" I asked.

"There was a faint, automated ship distress signal that broadcast briefly in the direction of the three planets. It didn't last long. I have not detected any signs of breakup debris in the area."

"Was it from the planets?"

"No, sir."

"Did you calculate the statistical chance that the distress was Qerda in origin?" Julie asked. I doubt the computer knew it was being mocked.

"No."

"Why not, Melinda?" I asked.

"There is no statistical analysis needed when something is a certainty."

"Why is it certain?"

"The automatic signature was that of Empress Castanata of the Qerda Empire. The ship ID was the Khora, her flagship."

"You determined that ... how?" Julie asked.

"I have been completely conversant in the Qerda language since before you were born," Melinda answered primly.

"I doubt that, honey," Julie answered sweetly.

"Want to bet? I know your secret, remember?" Melinda countered. Julie didn't answer.

"Oops. Sorry," Melinda apologized.

"That bitch is still alive?" Elizabeth asked angrily. "Patrick, I'm going with you when you visit her. I want to ... talk ... to that weasel!"

"Why was the signal so faint and short in duration?" I asked, ignoring Elizabeth. I was also going to have to do something about Julie and Melinda. I had never seen Julie not get along with someone before.

"It was cancelled. It was an automated signal that requires no power. Think of it as a dye that is released when something hits water. It is a mechanical triggering mechanism that is totally automatic in certain conditions. There are many possible reasons as to what happened. The one that is most often indicated in the scenarios I have run is total power failure on a ship with no other serious damage. That could certainly occur with the power that was demonstrated here if that beam impacted the ship."

"But Qerda ships have almost unlimited emergency power. It would be impossible to have a total power outage," Elizabeth protested.

"How would you know that, dear?' I asked quietly.

"I told her. You made it no secret that you are planning on visiting the flagship and talking to the Empress. We have been working on scenarios to cover contingencies," Melinda said quickly.

I saw Elizabeth relax. Did the computer just lie to me?

"She's right. It is almost impossible, but there is a 2.9% chance it could happen if the ship was directly struck by that beam," Melinda announced.

"Then why didn't it happen on the first pass by the beam?" Julie asked.

"Unknown," Melinda answered.

"Now, that's fascinating," Julie said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

A hologram of a raised middle finger appeared in the center of the room. Even Julie laughed.

"So, do we wipe my mind, do I tell you my secret, or do you trust me?" Julie asked Elizabeth. Her voice sounded vaguely sad, as if a dear friend had questioned her integrity.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Julie. It just took me by surprise. Of course I trust you," Elizabeth apologized.

"Darn! I wanted to wipe her mind," Melinda whispered, sotto voce.

"Fat chance, Cameron!" Julie responded. We all laughed, not only at Julie's reference, but at Melinda's confusion.

"Do you two girls think you can get along together for awhile? I need to check on Amy. Coming, dear?" I asked Elizabeth.

"Yes, honey, thank you for asking," Melinda said, giggling. Julie rolled her eyes, trying to keep from smiling.

"Oh, come on, you old grouch. It was funny!" Melinda insisted.

"Ok, it was, I admit it," Julie conceded.

I took Elizabeth's hand and we walked out of the room. I grinned at the last thing I heard as I closed the door.

"What does a raised middle finger mean?" Melinda asked. I stopped grinning as I realized the likely topic the two girls would be discussing.

We walked into Amy's room to find her lying on her back on the bed. Cindi had Amy's head in her lap, stroking her hair and talking to her, trying to get her twin to stop crying. Cindi was about to lose it herself.

Cindi looked at us desperately, her panicky eyes begging us to help. I squeezed Elizabeth's hand and gave her my 'this one's mine, yours is over there' look as I sat on the bed. As soon as I slipped Amy's head onto my lap, Cindi was off like a shot, trying in vain to muffle her sobs as she glued herself to her mother.

"Daddy?" Amy sobbed as she opened her eyes at the changing of the guard. "I'm so sorry, Daddy!" she cried.

"Heavens, child, whatever do you have to be sorry for?" I asked in bewilderment.

She was really upset. The 'child' remark didn't even get to her.

"Oh ... Da ... Patrick, I've spent my entire existence being faithful to you, exclusive to you, and now I have to make the decision whether I want to never have your baby or whether I want to let other men fuck me. I'll probably enjoy it and then I won't be exclusively yours anymore and you'll hate me and leave me because I'm a slut and I'll just die!" Amy buried her head in my lap and sobbed brokenly.

"Amy, this isn't your fault and is not something you would willingly do if you had a choice," I said helplessly.

"But that's just it ... I will willingly make this decision. I'll have to. Eric and Christopher are not going to rape me. I'll have to give myself to them. How can you live with that? Don't you ... don't you love me anymore?"

I was wondering when we would come to that. I knew we would go there, but I didn't expect it this soon. Amy was nothing if not unpredictable. Except, of course, that we always returned to this subject.

I knew a way to explain it to her, but it would hurt her terribly. Well, she was already hurting terribly so what did I have to lose?

"Amy, do you remember in the last cycle when you decided you wanted to know what it was like to have sex with a boy your age, so you did it with Billy? Did you feel guilty about that?" Cindi and Elizabeth looked at me with horror in their eyes. 'This is helping?' Elizabeth mouthed to me as she clamped her hand over Cindi's open mouth.

Amy looked at me, guilt and self-disgust in her eyes.

"Oh, this is making me feel so much better," she whispered.

"Did you?" I asked again.

"You know I did! Besides, Katie wouldn't let me forget it." She looked at me with sadness in her eyes. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"We eventually found out you were being manipulated against your will, that you had no control over what you did. Did you feel guilty then?"

"Well ... maybe for a while, but no, not really..." Amy stammered. I saw Elizabeth smile faintly.

"Why? Because it wasn't your fault, you had nothing to do with it. How is this any different, honey? You are faced with a choice brought about by your genes. No matter how you choose, you lose something precious to you. It's not your fault, not your doing. We have to figure a way to make one choice a winner, not drown ourselves in self-pity over something we can't control," I said.

I saw Elizabeth and Cindi hide their eyes in order to avoid seeing the bloodshed. Talking like that to Amy could be fatal.

Amy looked at me with love and fear in her eyes.

"Do you want me to have your baby?" she whispered. She was terrified at what my answer would be. I realized that either answer was going to scare her.

"Babies," I said. I watched her eyes soften and a smile started to develop. A scared smile, but a smile. "I want to have babies with you. Lots and lots of babies. If I have my way, you'll spend the rest of your life in bed pumping out babies!" I teased. She giggled nervously.

"Really?"

"Nah. You have to get out of bed sometimes to cook for me and wash my clothes, clean the house, all those other wifely duties. You don't think Megan is going to do those things, do you? Have you ever seen her room, eaten her cooking? I'm depending on you, honey."

She giggled and smacked me, hard.

"You're such a pig! Maybe screwing Eric and Christopher might not be such a bad idea after all. Maybe one of them really loves me, not just trying to use me," she retorted, giggling. Then she turned serious.

"Seriously, Patrick? Do you really want to have babies with me? I know it's my decision, but if you don't ... you've got a lot of other girls that would like to..." I could see the pleading in her eyes.

I had to be careful here. What I said would shape her entire life from now on. She was offering to give up her most treasured 'possession' just to have my baby. If I didn't want that, I had to tell her now.