Chapter 22

Chip Blatz looked at that massive man standing to his left. He had never seen anyone that big in his entire life with just one exception. That exception was standing to his right. Both men had pistols and looked cross enough to want to use them. That morning, the two monsters on each side of him had come to his home and physically carried him away.

The big guy to his left said, "The Admiral will see you now."

"Good," Chip said staring at the door wondering how much trouble he was in. He hadn't believed his manager when the guy had told him the Admiral could get him drafted. He hadn't believed the registered letter that had arrived in the mail a month earlier saying that he was to report at Nellis Air Force Base a week ago. In hindsight, he should have listened to his manager or at least have actually answered the registered letter. With more than a little hope in his voice, he said, "Maybe he'll send me home."

The man to his right held open the door and grunted, "Go in."

Chip walked into the room looking around nervously. There were real aliens from outer space in the room with him. Swallowing, he wondered what kind of situation into which he had been dragged. He said, "Hello."

An officer gestured to him and said, "Sit down. It is about to start."

"What's about to start?" Chip asked hoping that it wasn't his court-martial for failing to report to duty.

"Be quiet. This is serious," the man said turning to face an image being projected in the middle of the conference table.

Nodding his head as he watched the image, James said, "They sent seven hunter fleets."

Captain Alberts said, "Captain Madison has his orders. He will open forty-nine umbrellas before they come to a complete stop."

"Excellent. That should surprise them," James said nodding his head.

Chip wondered what they were talking about. He stared at the image and couldn't make out too many details. He asked, "What's going on?"

Ignoring the question, Captain Alberts said, "The umbrellas are opening."

Watching the action, James said, "Perfect. We couldn't have timed it better. The hunter fleets just came to a stop."

Watching the technical displays, Captain Anders said, "They just finished their scan. We can expect them to launch any time now."

Captain Alberts said, "They've fired the missiles."

James bit down on one of his knuckles while watching the screen. He sat back in his chair with relief once the trajectories of the missiles had been plotted. The enemy had attacked the umbrellas. Shifting in his seat, he said, "Come on, fire."

Chip stared at the display realizing that he was watching an actual battle between the Earth Space Forces and the Chitiniodians. He put a hand over his mouth and watched the action terrified by what might happen. He nearly jumped when half of the ships suddenly disappeared. He hoped that it wasn't the Earth ships that had been destroyed.

"Their fleet is gone," James said. Turning to Captain Alberts, he asked, "Did it look like our umbrellas sent their own missiles back at them?"

"It looked that way to me. I'll have to study the recording," Captain Alberts answered. He would have to study the recording carefully to know for sure.

"We have managed to hide our real capabilities from them again."

Chip looked around the room trying to figure out from where the voice was originating. The furry alien was talking in some weird language, but a slug was speaking English. It took him a second to realize what was going on. He stared at the furry alien thinking that it looked like a character from a television show.

"Excellent," James said.

The image of Captain Monroe filled the screen. He said, "Admiral James. We have been successful in our mission. We even managed to record their transmissions. We will forward them to you once we have finished converting them to our format."

"Good work, Captain Monroe," James said very pleased with the report.

"I will contact you later," Captain Monroe said.

"Okay," James said.

"That was an Andicor," Chip said staring at the now blank transmission screen. It really did look a lot like a crab with a bit of praying mantis added to it.

James turned to the magician and said, "It is such a pleasure to finally be able to meet the Great Ploppertui. I really enjoyed your show when I was in Las Vegas."

"Thank you," Chip said. He said, "The name is Chip Blatz."

"Chip Blatz?" James asked feeling a little disappointed upon learning the man's real name.

"Yes," Chip said. He got that same reaction to his name all of the time.

James turned to everyone else in the room and said, "This is the Great Ploppertui. He makes big things disappear and then reappear."

Knowing that the ability to come to proper logical conclusions required distinguishing fact from fiction, Cousin Itt wanted clarification of what James had said. He asked, "What do you mean?"

"He's a magician," James answered.

Unable to translate the explanation, Starman said, "There is no Quatyl word for that."

"You're kidding?" James said looking over at his pet.

Starman said, "No. There is no Quatyl word for practical joker, although your name is starting to mean that. When a Quatyl does something stupid in a clever manner, we say that he's pulling a James."

"Thanks," James said with a grin.

"That wasn't a compliment," Starman said dryly.

Cousin Itt said, "I still don't know what you mean by making big things disappear and then reappear."

James was silent for a moment and then said, "Tell Cousin Itt that the Great Ploppertui is a professional deceiver of the eyes."

"Okay," Starman said.

"That is interesting, but why is he here?" Cousin Itt said not quite believing the translation.

James turned to Chip and said, "Show them a trick."

Chip reached into his pocket and removed a couple of coins. He always traveled with a trick or two just in case there was a lady around to impress. He enjoyed impressing the ladies since they often rewarded him in extremely pleasurable ways. He laid three coins on the table and asked, "How many coins are there?"

Cousin Itt answered, "Three."

"Are you sure?" Chip asked.

"Very sure," Cousin Itt answered.

Chip picked up the coins very deliberately and put them in the palm of his hand. He asked, "How many coins are there?"

"Three."

Chip closed his hands and then opened them. He asked, "How many coins are there?"

"Three ... No, there are four," Cousin Itt said leaning forward unable to believe what he was seeing.

The other aliens leaned forward and studied the coins in Chip's hand. It was obvious that none of them had expected the number of coins to increase.

"Are you sure?" Chip asked.

"Yes," Cousin Itt said.

Chip closed his hand and then opened it again. He asked, "How many coins are there?"

Cousin Itt stared at the hand unable to believe his eyes. There were only two coins in the palm of Chip's hand. Uncertain, he answered, "Two."

Chip put the two coins on the table and asked, "How many coins are in my hand?"

"None," Cousin Itt answered fairly confident.

Chip closed his hand and opened it again. He asked, "How many coins?"

"Two," Cousin Itt answered. He looked down at the table and saw that the two coins were still there. He said, "This is not logical."

James said, "He is a magician."

"Yes, he lies to the eyes quite convincingly," Cousin Itt said still staring at the coins in Chip's hand.

Chip collected the coins from the table and closed his hand. When he opened it, there were only three coins. Smiling, he returned the coins to his pocket. As he did that, he realized that he was probably the first man in the history of magic to perform in front of an alien from another planet. He reached over and pulled a coin out of James's ear. He said, "I bet you didn't know that was there."

"I didn't see that one coming," James said a little disappointed. Pulling the coin out of the ear trick was something to show little kids.

Cousin Itt was silent as he tried to process the demonstration that he had seen. After a minute, he said, "Admiral Kamp. You said that he makes big things disappear and then reappear."

"That is right," James said looking over at the Great Ploppertui.

"Could he do that with space ships?"

As far as James was concerned, that was the million dollar question. He asked, "Can you do that with space ships?"

"Sure," Chip said, "I make cars disappear all of the time."

"We want to know if you can do that in space," James said pointing upwards. He wanted to make sure that there wasn't any misunderstanding.

"In space?" Chip asked surprised by the request.

"Some time in the future the Chitiniodians are going to come back. We want a bunch of disappeared star ships to suddenly appear," James said with a smile.

Realizing that they had been tricking the enemy so far, Cousin Itt said, "I think that having another professional deceiver on our side will help us win the war."

"What do you mean?" James asked.

Starman answered, "He's calling you a liar."

"You have been lying to the enemy all of this time. We can use another professional liar on our side," Cousin Itt answered.

The Gnord who sat on the Brain Trust had never made a contribution to the discussions concerning the war effort. By the time it came to a conclusion, the problem it had been trying to solve was usually long gone. This was not an unexpected behavior since the Gnord tended to approach problems with the most excruciating attention to each and every detail. Much to the surprise of everyone in the room, the Gnord that James called Chiron said, "It is the best solution I can find."

Unable to believe what he was hearing, Chip asked, "Do you mean to tell me that you want to fight the Chitiniodians with magic tricks?"

"Yes," James answered with a grin.

The aide was performing a complex four legged dance out of nervousness when the admiral entered his office. The broadcast of the battle had arrived during the admiral's sleep period. Assuming that the outcome of the battle was well understood, the admiral had given explicit instructions that his sleep was not to be disturbed. The aide said, "Admiral, the broadcast of the battle arrived last night."

"Good. I'll watch it later," Admiral 2c1b2t said. He had some pretty boring meetings scheduled that morning and he figured that watching the battle later would relieve the tedium of his day.

The aide said, "I think you should watch it now."

Admiral 2c1b2t wasn't sure what to make of the uncharacteristic behavior of his aide. He asked, "Why do you say that?"

"The results were unexpected," the aide said trying to put a spin on what happened. The speed of his four legged dance increased with his nervousness. It wasn't good to bring bad news.

Admiral 2c1b2t studied his aide for a minute noticing his nervousness. Curious, he said, "Okay. Start the recording."

"Yes, sir," the aide said.

After watching the recording three times, Admiral 2c1b2t stared at a blank screen. Absently rubbing his claws against his body, he didn't know what to think. He was trying to figure out how those forty nine ships had appeared from nowhere. There was not enough detail in the sensor readings taken during the approach of the hunter fleets to see them, but as soon as the fleets had stopped the ships were suddenly there.

The aide stood waiting for the admiral to say something. Just about when he was ready to ask a question, Admiral 2c1b2t said, "It is hard to believe that those alien ships took out seven hunter fleets."

"Yes, sir," the aide said.

"Play the recording again. I want to see when those ships arrived," Admiral 2c1b2t said.

"Yes, sir," the aide said.

"This is not good. It looks like they arrived and stopped one thrum before ours," Admiral 2c1b2t said after watching the beginning of the battle for the fourth time. He was still finding it incomprehensible that the alien fleet had beaten seven hunter fleets.