Chapter 7: Easier To Run

Something has been taken from deep inside of me

The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see

Wounds so deep they never show they never go away

Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

Linkin Park, from the album Meteora

Alex watched as Emily left; still reeling from confrontation, he smiled and really thought he had turned a corner with her. Outside of the problems he had with Sheri and Allison Williams years ago he never had problems with girls, in fact he couldn't ever remember a time when he argued with a girl, excepting family members.

He lay back down on the chaise with a smile on his face, outside of the problem he was having with Henry, things were going well. The smile left his face, though, when he thought of Henry. What to do about Henry? Somehow he needed to fix this, but how? He racked his brain again and again but he wasn't seeing it! What did he do that was so bad that Henry turned away from him, he asked himself.

Well, I'm not going to worry about it now, thought Alex as he let the rays of the sun warm him. Looking up, he saw the clouds making their way across the sky, made up of fluffy tufts of white, looking like little islands separated by the blue sky as though it was water. He laughed to himself remembering the happy times this took him back too, laying on the ground looking at the sky and trying to see what shapes could made out from the clouds. As kids he and his friends would spend what seemed like hours -

"So Alex, you talked to Emily I see. So can you tell me now?" asked Jennifer, breaking into his reverie.

"Well if you must know, come on in and sit down and I'll tell you the whole sordid tale," replied Alex.

As Jennifer bounded up the deck stairs, she said, "Oh boy, sordid details, I love it!" She plopped down just as Alex made room for her on the chaise and continued "Come on, gimmie gimmie gimmie," excitedly.

"Do you want the long or short version?" asked Alex.

"Oh, the long! Oh wait, what time is it?" she said looking at her watch. "Darn, I gotta help with dinner; well, I guess the short version," she said sadly.

"Ok short version is, uhm, I was born a poor black child-"

"Come on Alex, cut the stuff, I've only got a couple of minutes here!" yelled Jennifer as she punched Alex in the arm.

Laughing Alex "Ok, Ok, no more hitting. I felt her boob and she grabbed my, uhm, manhood to make it even. Though I think I'm owed a couple of minutes, she just wouldn't stop!"

Jennifer gave her best deer in the headlights look at Alex before punching him again "Come ON Alex, stop fooling around and tell me what happened," she said, getting a little more agitated at Alex.

"Jennifer I swear that's what happened," Alex said, pleadingly.

Jennifer stood up and threw her hands over her head, "Listen if your not going to tell me, then just tell me that you're not going to tell me! Geez! And I thought we were friends!" she yelled now with her hands on her hips.

"Jennifer, how else can I convince you that that is what happened?"

"Stop it, Alex! There is NO WAY that Emily would do THAT!"

"But she did do-"

"Alex! Stop it! If you are going to tell me that Emily touched your, uhm, penis, well you can stop it right now because I don't believe it!" she said with a definite resounding NO in her voice.

Alex just shook his head "Jennifer, for the last time, that is what happened!"

"Oh your such an, an, a-hole! Fine! I've got to go! And believe me I'm going to get it from Emily, and boy will you get it!" she yelled as she turned and stomped away.

What the fuck just happened! Confession is supposed to help! What ELSE can go wrong, thought Alex as he laid back down on the chaise and looked up to the clouds. They were now starting to dissipate, leaving an almost clear sky. Alex was blissfully unaware of the storm clouds that were gathering just inside the house as his mother and father talked.

"Alex, time for dinner," came his dad's voice from inside the house.

Alex, got up, still contemplating his life that of a roller coaster, from the pinnacle of happiness to the bottomless pit of hell. Walking slowly into the house Alex said hi to his mom and dad and sat with a thud in his chair.

"Something wrong, Alex?" asked his dad.

"Friend problems is all," replied Alex.

His dad nodded as he passed the Chicken casserole after serving himself. Damn, he hated anything that had casserole added to it! Oh well, better than starving, though just barely.

"So Alex who was the girl you were sitting with?" asked his mom.

"Mom," he laughed "You didn't recognize Jennifer?" said an astounded Alex.

"Jennifer? No, that wasn't Jennifer I saw you sitting with," she said as she took a bite of dinner. She scrunched her nose and, after swallowing continued, "The girl I saw was short, with curly light brown hair down to her shoulders."

Alex froze as his pulse quickened; what exactly did his mom see, he thought. "Oh, her, uhm, that was Emily, Jennifer's best friend."

Not looking up from his dinner his dad casually asked, "Oh, what did she want?"

Sweat started to form on Alex's brow as he quickly searched for an answer, but what, he couldn't tell his parents about what happened at the movies he had to come up with something quick. "Well, nothing really, she uhm, ya know, stopped by to see Jennifer, and, well she was busy with helping her mom, so, when she saw me she stopped by to talk. That's all."

Not looking at Alex, his mom relentlessly continued, "That's all? She was sitting kind of, close, to you. While you were on the lounge chair, I mean."

Damn! Maybe she didn't see everything Alex thought. "Well, uh, there wasn't anywhere else to sit, so I let her sit next to me."

"Really?" responded his mom, not believing her son.

"Geez mom. Where was she supposed to sit?" The nervousness that had sat down next to Alex at the beginning of the discussion now had to make room for the fear that just landed in his lap as Alex was almost certain his mom had seen everything. Alex ate as fast as he could to escape the probing questions that were getting much too close for comfort.

Alex's dad watched as he wolfed down his food, a slight smile on his face. "Alex, I want you to calm down, slow down, and explain why Emily hand her hand in a place that only a doctor or your spouse should touch."

Alex stopped eating, and hung his head. SHIT! There is no way I'm going to be able to explain this without telling them what happened at the movies he thought. He took a deep breath and let it out before saying softly, "I will not explain it."

With fire in her eyes his mom started "That will not do young man, you are way too young-"

"Sam... ," interjected his Dad shaking his head.

"-for this and I do not want you to start getting into-" as the fire grew.

"Sam... ," interjected his Dad a little louder and now looking at his wife.

"-adult things when you are barely a teenager just beginning-"

"Samantha!" he said VERY loudly but in a controlled tone.

The kitchen got quiet as all eyes looked to his dad, the fire still in his mom's eyes, though cooled somewhat.

Calmly his dad said "Alex, why will you not explain?"

"Because it is personal," he said looking out the window.

"Ok then. So, is Emily your girlfriend?"

"No, like I said, she's Jennifer's best friend."

"Then why did she touch you?"

"It's personal."

"Alex James Thomason you will answer right now!" screamed his mom.

The full name! The emotions battled within Alex as he thought through what he was going to do. It was a turning point for him, all of theses things coming together, now, his darkest thoughts were building up and he was hard pressed to keep them in check. "There is no way that I will explain to you what happened when I don't understand it all myself," he said looking to his mom whose anger had reached its limit. To his dad he said "And even if I understood it, I don't think I would explain it to you, it's not your business, it's mine and-"

That's when his Mom had enough, "What the hell do you mean it's none of our business? Anything you do is our-"

"Samantha, please let him finish," interjected his Dad. The moment between the exchange was long and drawn out as Alex's Mom and Dad looked at each other, a knowing nod between them was all that was needed as Alex's dad continued," And?"

Alex took a deep breath, "And I think that, well, some things are not meant to be, discussed with your parents. Do you think it's easy for me to talk about this? To tell you that, that it's, forget it! It's private, OK?" the last said loudly.

An hour seemed to have passed as Alex waited, what would they say? What could they say? His dad looked to his mom and said, "No secrets, Sam, will come from our son. So what do we do? It's clear that he's not going to tell us, it seems he doesn't need our help, nor our guidance." Looking to Alex he said, "We can forbid you not to have sex, but what good would that do? Never have I felt so impotent," he said, shaking his head. "Some day in the future, the long DISTANT future, your mother and I would like to be grandparents. Do NOT let that day come too soon. If you don't have condoms, ask and I'll get them for you."

As his Dad stood up to leave his Mother said, "Is that it? Here, have some condoms? Don't get her pregnant? We're too young to be grandparents?" she said, astounded.

Looking at his wife he said, "Well, it's your turn, there's nothing I want to say, or can say. As it is, I have lost my appetite. But, Alex, before I go, I'll leave you with this bit of wisdom, a truth as sound today as it ever was. You must choose your values and actions solely by reason, and that you, as a person, is an end to yourself, not the means to the ends of others. Do not use others, and do not let others use you, either of which diminishes who you are. It took me many years to understand what that meant, nearly killed me before I truly understood it." His Dad looked to his wife, smiled and walked out of the kitchen.

His mother watched him leave before turning back to Alex, the fire gone from her. Softly, she said, "Your father, he can be such an asshole at times. He knows how to take the wind out of my sails, like now. Which is probably a good thing for both of us. I don't know how much of what he said will sink in, I hope all of it, but try and remember what he said."

She cocked her head and looked to Alex, who just sat there waiting. "Well, it seems your father has let you off the hook, but not me. So, Alex, there is no subject that can embarrass me when it comes to my son, so here are the choices, either you tell me or you get the lecture on everything, your choice."

Alex sat back and thought there is no way that I'm giving in, if she can take it, so can I, "Ok mom, whenever your ready you can start," Alex said as he leaned forward.

Some of what was said was fascinating thought Alex, he often wondered about the female anatomy, and cycles, and, who in the hell was he kidding, please dear God if you exist please stop this; nothing big, a small tornado, an earthquake, a swarm of locust, if your not too busy. But she didn't hear him as his mother kept on her discourse on female sexuality and physiology.

It was at the thirty minute mark that Alex almost gave in as his Mother began to talk of reproduction and the man's contribution. But oddly enough it wasn't at all what he thought it would be as he began to hear his father's words from the not so long ago talk. But, the words were said differently, said not as a man or father, but as a woman who knows the guile of women. The words spoken by his mother echoed in his mind; don't fall into the traps that others lay before you, think things through, and do not fall into the trap of immaturity and make decisions on passion alone, words that he would follow for the rest of his life.

As his thoughts were on what she had just said, he didn't hear his mother calling, "Alex? Are you listening to me? Damn it, Alex!" she screamed as she slammed the table with her hand.

Snapped back to reality Alex looked to his mother, the soft features that showed on her face after the reasoning of his fathers words was gone, replaced by the look of anger and shock of being ignored. Alex quickly replied, "Mom, I wasn't ignoring you, I was-"

"I thought you were mature enough for a serious talk, but you sit there, gazing off into lala land." She got up from her chair and began walking out of the kitchen.

This sucks, thought Alex.

His mother turned around quickly, "What did you say?"

The blood drained from his face. Did he say that out loud?

"Alex James Thomason, what did you say?"

Alex thought he was going to throw up. No, I didn't sat that out loud did I? "What? Uh, no. I didn't, uhm, say anything," Ha said meekly.

"You know, Alex, WE do know something about growing up, WE do know what it's like to want to do things, and WE also know what the consequences of those things are. And it's not always about sex. So if your father or I get pissed off that you discount the wisdom that we have gained through our experiences, that's a consequence that you'll have to deal with."

Alex looked away from his mother, no words would come forth from him, he just wanted this conversation over. Out of the corner of his eye he say his mother lower her head, turn, and walk out of the room. Were those tears he saw? Fuck! The last thing he wanted was to piss off his parents, especially his mom. He slammed down his fist and cursed himself silently, he wanted to jump out of his chair and run after his mom and tell her he loved her. But he did not. He sat silently, it's his life to lead, not theirs, and if he wanted their guidance he'd ask for it.

And then sadness came to him in an instant of recognition. He now knew why Henry was so pissed off at him, how he, through good intentions, had ruined their friendship. And it took him by surprise that he could do something like this. Life lessons he thought. Those things that come up and bite you in the ass.

Alex got up, his head hung low, and headed through the house to the front door. His dad was sitting in his easy chair reading today's paper when he noticed Alex. "Going out?" He asked.

"Yeah. I need to work things out in my mind," he said softly.

His dad laid the paper in his lap and said, "First and foremost, we love you Alex. We want nothing but the best for you. I'm not going to talk about your silence on the matter on the porch, each of us something that we want to keep to ourselves. But, don't shut us out. Come to us if you have questions, or a problem. We are here for you. And realize the consequences of what you do, what you did with your mother today. She's pretty steamed, she's not ready for what you are going through, and shutting her out, well, it just made it worse. I'm not telling you to take her into your confidence, just realize that there are land mines all around US that can be tripped easily."

With that said he sat back into his chair and went back to his paper. Alex waited, but nothing else was said by his Dad. Alex walked out the door and headed in no particular direction, his head still hung low as he began to sift through his thoughts. One of them, the main one was that he would have to make it right with his mom.

He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard from behind him, "Hey Alex, where you going?" He stopped and turned to see Jennifer coming out of her house, he wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not, he just wanted to be alone for now.

"Nowhere special, just out for a walk to clear my head."

"Well if you are headed in the direction of Quicky Mart, would you like some company?"

And than a thought came to him, he stopped and said, "Yeah sure. Do you have a bike, maybe we can ride together?"

"Yeah I got a bike but I don't ride much, I like walking. So still interested?"

"Yeah, come on," taking a direction away from where Stevie, Frankie, and Keith lived.

"You know Emily hasn't told me what happened, she said it was between the two of you." Alex looked at Jennifer, who made a face and continued "She never keeps secrets from me. Though I REALLY want to know what happened, I'll never ask. I don't want to lose you as a friend, and I think if I push I could, so you'll never hear anything from me about it. That is unless you want to tell me, Alex?" She said with hope in her voice.

Alex smirked "Nope, not from me. You'll have to get it from Emily"

With a strange look on her face Jennifer asked, "Why are we going this way?"

"Well, if we go the other way we would pass by three of the biggest assholes I have met since I moved here, Stevie, Frankie, and Keith."

"Oh, you met them. Yeah, they are big assholes. They have been pushing kids around for a while. Keith though is new, moved here last year and hooked up with Stevie and Frankie when he was getting beaten up by Gary McKenney and they jumped in to help him."

Interesting thought Alex, "What caused the fight, I mean what did Keith do to Gary? And who is Gary?"

"Gary is, or was, Keith's neighbor, he moved away just after school ended this year. Anyway I'm not sure what caused the fight, nobody really talked about it, but Stevie and Frankie saw Keith getting beat up and jumped in. Now Gary wasn't a bully, he was kinda nice to everyone but a bit of a loner, so I think that Keith started it."

"Hmm."

"Did you know that Keith knows Karate?"

Alex rolled his eyes, everyone called it Karate, "It's Tae Kwon Do, not Karate. There's a difference."

"How do you know?"

"Because I'm in the same class as Keith. Or was. I am going up a level so I'll be in a different class than he is."

"I didn't know that. Are you good?"

"Good enough to be put in a class ahead of Keith. I'll be going up against 18-22 year olds."

"Wow. Aren't you afraid of getting hurt?"

"There is always that possibility. But I'm pretty sure that I'll be ok. Class is safe, not a lot of contact. But sparring is another story, that's where you could get hurt."

"So have you gone against Keith in sparring?"

"Yeah."

"So what happened?"

"We sparred."

"Duh! Did you beat him?"

"Yeah I did."

"So you got nothing to worry about."

"I suppose, but Keith is not the one I worry about, it's Stevie and Frankie, I don't want to hurt them if they start up on me again."

"Again? What do you mean, did they attack you?"

"Yeah twice. The first time was the day we moved in when I went to the Quicky Mart. The second time was when I met Henry, they were chasing him and were about to beat him up when I stopped them."

"So you beat up Stevie AND Frankie?"

"Well, not really, Keith stopped it the first time and Mr. Wagner stopped it the second time."

"Mr. Wagner? The crotchety old man a couple of blocks over?"

"Yeah. What do you mean crotchety? He was nice to Henry and me," Alex said excitedly.

"Well, you don't know him like I do is all."

"I guess. He was pretty nice though, stood up for us against Stevie and Frankie."

"Is that when you met Henry?"

"Yeah, and then we started running in the morning. I was doing it to get into shape for wrestling, Henry just, tagged along."

"WHAT! Did Mr. Miller rope you into that?"

"Well, no. I was looking for something to do, sports related, and he mentioned wrestling. Since it is kind of similar to Tae kwon Do I thought I'd give it a shot."

"Damm Alex, you get around."

"Long enough to have made a few friends, lose a friend, get a few enemies, a new extracurricular activity when school starts. Outside of the enemies thing and Henry, I believe it is good start."

"What happened with Henry?" she said excitedly.

Alex shrugged his shoulders. Did he want to tell Jennifer? Yes he did, but he couldn't, he was too ashamed of himself. "Let's just say that, uhm, I, screwed up on something, and he's pissed at me."

Changing the subject quickly Alex asked, "So why don't you like riding your bike? Lisa and I used to ride all the time."

"I don't know, I guess I like to walk. I never really go anywhere except to my see my friends, and they live close."

"So you never ride your bike?"

"Well sometimes, but not a lot. My friends and I just, well, we like to walk."

"But don't you like going fast, or the freedom that riding your bike gives you?"

"I really never felt that way when I rode my bike, the freedom and all, and as far as going fast, well, I'm not really a speed freak. When I need to go somewhere I leave with enough time to get where I'm going and if I'm late, I get there when I get there, ya know."

Alex shook his head and walked in silence looking down to the ground, didn't she get it? Riding their bike was one of the only freedoms he and Lisa had, well that wasn't really true, their parents weren't jailers. But biking around the old neighborhood was the one thing that gave them the sense of freedom that nothing else provided, and he couldn't understand that Lisa didn't get it!

No, thought Alex, that's not right, I meant Jennifer not Lisa. How did that happen? What the fu-

"Alex? Earth calling Alex, come in please. You there?"

He pulled his head up and looked to Jennifer "Uh yeah. Sorry, zoned out there for a second."

"What? What's going on? You were talking up a storm like Henry and now you clam up. What gives?"

The redness from the blush crept up into his face. Even though he tried to hide it he saw Jennifer catch it. Now what? Got it!

"So what music do you listen to?" asked Alex. She's got to listen to music, she's a teenager!

"Oh I love Bryan Adams 'Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman'. They play it on the radio all the time."

Oh shit! Top 40. It keeps getting worse! "Yeah I know, play it on the radio all the time" said a dejected Alex. "What else?"

"Welll, there's Boyz II Men, and TLC, and Madonna, and Mariah Carey. Those are my favorites, but mostly Mariah though."

"So you got any of her CD's?"

"Nope. No need to buy them when they're free on the radio. What about you?"

A ray of hope? "Recent vintage would be STP, Nirvana, and Pearl Jam, you know. From earlier times Van Halen, Rush, AC/DC. And a little before them Chicago, Led Zepplin, Grand-"

"Hold on there a second. Who is STP?"

"What? Don't you know Stone Temple Pilots?"

"Oh yeah! You were wearing their shirt during the pool party to hide your boner."

Alex stopped and looked Jennifer, "WHAT! WHO? I did no such thing!"

Laughing, Jennifer replied, "Of course you did because Roxanne said so! She never misses stuff like that! It's kind of like a shark being able to sense blood in the water."

Alex started walking slowly at a loss for words. If he wasn't red before he certainly was now! Shit! How do I get out of it now? Thankfully they had reached the Quicky Mart just in time.

Their business concluded, they began their LONG walk home. How was he going to get out of this with any dignity, thought Alex. And just when it couldn't get worse Jennifer started it all over again "You know Alex, it's a perfectly normal thing. To get a boner, that is."

"Oh for the love of all that is pure and good in this life PLEASE stop! Oh God, this is SO embarrassing!"

"What? That you got a boner or that I know you got one?"

"Isn't it a beautiful day? I hear it supposed to be nice all week, maybe a little rain on the weekend." Please, PLEASE, PUHLEASE take the hint, Jennifer screamed Alex in his head.

"So? Are you more embarrassed that you got a boner or that I know you got one?"

"You're not going to let this go are you?"

"No. You're the first guy I know that had one. Well, I know guys get them all the time, but you're the first I can ask about it."

"Do you realize how embarrassing this is to me?"

"Well, yeah, I guess. But still, I am kind of curious and all."

"What if I asked you something that's kind of personal, that embarrasses you? And wouldn't stop asking YOU about it?"

"Like what?"

What could he possibly ask her that would make her understand? Then the clouds parted and the sun showed Alex the question "Oh I don't know, how about are you on the rag? Well? Are you? Come on, you can tell me, huh miss smarty pants!"

Jennifer looked at Alex, she blinked a couple of times and then "No, not yet, next week if my cycle is on time. I felt soo grown up when I got my first period, I felt like a woman. Now, it's just, there, every month. So, are you more embarrassed that you got a boner or that I know you got one?"

Alex was dumb founded at how this went, and finally gave up. "I guess I was more embarrassed that you knew more than I had one. Can we change the subject NOW?"

"One last question Ok?"

"Ok"

"Is it really as big as Roxanne says it is?" she asked innocently.

"You've GOT to be kidding!"

Laughing hysterically, Jennifer responded, "Gotcha. So what do you want to talk about next?"

Walking quietly, and a lot faster than before, Alex finally responded "Let's just enjoy the walk, I don't think I can handle any more questions right now."

"Oh, you poor baby. What If I promise to be good?"

"I'm not sure that's gonna work out for me."

"Ok, if that's what you want."

Half way home Alex had enough of the silence, "Ok. Do you like to read?"

"No, can't say that I do."

As they turned the corner Alex and Jennifer were run over by a jogging Henry and Cindy. Alex easily sidestepped but Jennifer wasn't so lucky as Henry ploughed into her, knocking both to the ground.

Alex and Cindy quickly went over to the two friends sprawled out on the ground to try and help them up. "Henry, would you mind taking your hand off my breast please," asked Jennifer.

Henry looked at his hand as it lay on Jennifer's chest and quickly removed it as his face turned beet red. Cindy who had bent down to help Henry, seeing him pull his hand away from Jennifer's chest punched him in the arm as Henry gave her his best 'it was an accident' look.

Seeing this Alex smiled as he helped Jennifer to her feet. Jennifer, catching the smile, smacked him in the arm and laughingly said, "It ain't funny you dork, I get knocked over and felt up and you're laughing!"

"Uh Nooooo, I wasn't laughing I was smiling. And you hit me!"

"Well you were laughing!"

Looking to Cindy Alex asked, "Cindy, was I laughing?"

"No Alex you were smiling, and I don't think there is anything to smile about!"

"Ouch. Ok Jennifer, I'm sorry for smiling."

And she hit him again!

"What was that for?"

"Just because!"

Alex froze looking at Jennifer, the laughing, the tussled hair, and those words. Hearing them sent him back to Lisa, and in that instant he went from happiness to sadness, from today to months long past. He stepped back and said softly, "Uhm, I gotta run. See you later." And off he ran.

He didn't hear Jennifer call out to him, all he heard was the beating of his heart filling his head. He didn't notice as he ran past his house, nor did he notice the car that almost hit him as he ran across the street into the forest preserve. He didn't notice that the sun was setting nor did he keep track of where he was running. All he felt was the wind across his face as he ran, taking him back to when he and Lisa would race their bikes.

This only spurred him on, faster and faster he went. Keep the wind blowing in his face was his only concern. He kept it up until he felt himself vomiting. He stumbled, and unable to catch himself, he fell. In normal situations his skills would have kicked in and he would have rolled through the fall, but with him throwing up, the exhaustion of his body, he didn't roll though, he let the fall take him wherever it would.

Thankfully he stopped rolling, unfortunately it was a tree that helped. He laid there for a few minutes, spitting out the dirt from his mouth and brushing leaves and other nature from him before righting himself up. He took stock of himself, no broken bones, a couple of scraps, and the noticeable smell of vomit. Oh shit!

As he looked around he found that he was off the trail by only a few feet, thankfully, and now sitting up in some greenery. Looking closely at it he said to no one in particular, "Damm, I wished he had paid closer attention in scouts because I think this is poison ivy! Great! The only thing missing now is the rain!"

Alex looked to the sky, not a cloud. "Well I guess it ain't all that bad." He began looking around, trying to figure out where he was, not a clue, so he started back in the direction he thought he came in.

As he began walking he thought back to why he ran, why he had to get away. Maybe it was because of seeing Henry, Alex not wanting to confront the reason for Henry's anger towards him. He shook his head no, no that wasn't it he said to himself. If anything he would apologize and try and make it right with Henry.