Chapter 36A: The way home

Thanks to Jim for editing!

I'd never liked hospitals, but they didn't bother me. Not really. Unless I counted the time they told me my mom was going to die, there had been no traumatic experiences. And even then, that hadn't been a real hospital, but a specialist's office with cozy furniture. Hospitals didn't scare me until the day that I hadn't gone back to Nevada with my grandma and I found out that I could lose my father in one.

Luke's message had been difficult to understand with all of the static, but from what I did get out of it, I knew there'd been an accident, and it was Eddie who was in the hospital. My first thought was to call Luke back, but he didn't answer, so my next move was to call Eddie's cell phone, just in case. The call went straight to voice mail. When Seth found me I was on the floor with my bag, pulling the list of numbers Jase had given me out from behind the cover of my mom's journal, where I'd placed it. I couldn't even properly greet Seth. I was too busy panicking when Jase didn't answer either. Seth didn't quite understand what was wrong with me. He was too busy wondering why I wasn't on my feet with my arms around him, and rightfully so. But as soon as I explained what I could, he'd explained that there were two hospitals between the airport and home, and we could check both of them. I was relieved to have help, but no less frightened as I wondered what kind of accident had occurred and how bad Eddie was hurt.

Getting to Seth's truck felt like it took forever, and once we were in it, I couldn't seem to stop worrying, asking a hundred questions about how far away the hospitals were and how long it would take to get there. When I started asking Seth questions that he didn't know the answers to, like what had happened to Eddie, he instructed me to keep calling everyone's phones, just in case. The task kept me distracted, at least until we reached the first emergency room, and I decided that if Eddie was anywhere, it had to be there. It was the same place he'd taken me after the baseball incident.

Seth was with me when I pushed my way past a line of people to the nearest desk. Naturally, I thought my problems were worse than anyone else's, but the nearest nurse, who was busy speaking to another family, disagreed. "If you'd just take a seat..." she said to me, and I acted like I hadn't even heard her.

"I just need to know if someone was brought in here," I explained. "He's my dad."

"Your dad?"

"Yes, Eddie Soarda."

"Okay, take a seat for minute..."

"I don't want to take a seat," I informed her.

"Look," Seth said, placing a hand on my shoulder so I'd know he was there with me. "If you could just check for us, please. If he's not here we have another hospital to check."

I was not pleased when she started telling Seth that we'd still have to wait, and I found myself looking around, frustrated, and wondering how much they'd like it if I started checking rooms myself. I looked down the hall where I'd been taken after getting hit in the head with a baseball, noting things seemed generally quiet. Then, I turned towards two double doors, closed and labeled emergency. I went towards those doors, frowning when I found that they were locked. I looked through the small, rectangular window, not at all sure what I was looking for. Anything, I guess. But what I found was two men, walking towards me; the first an older, baldheaded man in a white coat and hospital scrubs, and the second was one of the two people that I'd said goodbye to at the house that morning.

I lifted my fist, and started pounding on the metal frame, not caring that it hurt my hand. "Jase! Jase! Will someone open this fucking door?" I spun around, not liking the way that an agitated male nurse was coming towards me. He was bigger than me, taller and wider, but I held my ground and a second later, Seth was there with me. "Open the door!" I ordered. "My family's back there!"

"Sir, you're going to have to come over here," the big grumpy nurse informed me, just as Seth took up my position of knocking on the door, yelling for Jase, trying to get his attention.

"My dad's back there," I argued, and the man sighed.

"What's his name?"

"Eddie Soarda," I responded irritably. It felt like I'd already been through this.

"Why don't you come with me and I'll check for you?" he offered. Helpful, maybe, but not good enough.

"Rory," Seth said, tapping my shoulder, and I spun around just in time to see one of the doors swing open, and I was faced with the bald doctor; and Jase, who seemed focused on Seth until he saw me standing there. I watched his eyes widen momentarily in surprise, a sure sign that he hadn't expected me; but rather than ask me what I was doing there, Jase waved me forward, and the next thing I knew I had my arms around him, clinging tightly. I think part of it was because I was relieved to see him, and the other part of it had to do with me wanting to be on the right side of those doors when they closed again.

"Are you alright?" Jase asked me when I didn't let go, and I forced myself to nod. I let go when I realized that the doctor was walking away.

"Hey!" I objected. "What's going on with Eddie?"

"Come this way," Jase said calmly, leading me back down the hall, where he'd come from; and when Seth remained at the doors, looking uncertain, Jase added, "Seth, you can come, too."

Seth nodded, but still didn't move as he looked to me. Obviously, just hearing it from Jase wasn't good enough. "Please stay," I said, not really sure what I was in for and truly not wanting Seth to disappear on me again; and that's all I had to stay before he followed us.

"Jase?" I said, rather impatiently.

"Let's go sit down, okay, Rory?" he replied. "Luke's waiting."

"Can you just tell me if Eddie's okay?" I asked, just as we passed a another smaller, private waiting room. Seth paused there, and I watched him stare in at the tall, dark-haired man who occupied the room on his own, tapping at a cell phone as he paced, obviously frustrated with the lack of service bars he was getting. But what really got my attention, was that there were tears running down his face and his free hand was shaking at his side. Even worse, there were bloody, large stains over his casual button-up shirt and jeans. I studied the funny look on my boyfriend's face as he suddenly turned and headed for the room, only to be cut off by Jase's hand on his shoulder.

"Seth," Jase said firmly, suddenly looking concerned. "Please come this way."

There was a rather serious look exchanged between Seth and Jase, but Seth complied, hurrying away from the waiting room with Jase, just as the crying man looked up, and glared.

"What's going on?" I demanded. If they were trying to scare the hell out of me in a very frustrating way, they were succeeding. Jase only placed a hand on my shoulder, leading both Seth and me away. I looked at Jase, and Seth, both of them seeming to know something I didn't, and that only irritated me more. "Will someone please talk to me?" I demanded, feeling rather frightened by their behavior; but Jase simply continued to push us down the hall, seeming unnerved about something. I found myself looking over my shoulder, back towards the room where that man had been, and I became startled when I saw him standing outside of the room now, watching us. "Who is that?" I asked.

"In a minute, Rory," Jase replied, his voice so stern that it didn't even sound like him. I'm sure I looked terrified to him when he glanced at me, because his expression softened then. "Eddie's alright," he told me, and that was enough to calm some of my nerves.

"Okay," I said slowly. "So what happened? Where is he?"

"Rory?" I spun around to find Luke rushing towards us out of another small waiting room with a bench-shaped sofa, a large wooden coffee table, and two chairs. He reached us, stopped directly in front of me, and just stared, his eyes and nose looking red, and his composure seeming flustered. "You got my message," he said simply. "I thought you'd already be gone."

"Oh," Jase suddenly said, as if he just remembered something. "Rory, your grandma--is she waiting?"

"What?" I asked, confused by the question. "No, she's on the plane."

"She didn't come with you?" Luke asked, sounding annoyed. I cocked my head at him.

"Why would she?"

Seth seemed to understand the situation better than anyone as he looked between all of our confused faces. "Rory got your message after he got off the plane," Seth explained to Luke, and Luke's red eyes drifted back to me, and he stared again. Jase looked at me, but didn't seem all that surprised. I tried to give Luke a small smile.

"You got off the plane?" he asked me.

I nodded, but frowned. This was not the homecoming that I'd been hoping for.

"Can we see Eddie?" I asked, turning back to Jase. There would be time for pleasantries later. Besides, it wasn't feeling pleasant at all, having one of us missing. But Luke didn't seem to want to wait, and I grunted as he unexpectedly lunged forward, hitting my chest hard as he wrapped his arms so tightly around me that I couldn't even hug him back. When he pulled back, he punched my shoulder.

"Ouch!" I objected, startled to find him glaring at me.

"You never should have got on that plane in the first place!" he informed me. "That was seriously fucked up."

"Okay," I said slowly, not in the mood to argue with him.

Jase looked over his shoulder, and I followed his eyes to where the guy with blood on his clothes was still glaring at us.

"Let's go in here," Jase insisted, corralling us all into the small waiting room. I frowned at Seth when he kept looking back at that man, as if he fully expected himself to turn around and go over there.

"Who is that guy?" I asked again, this whole situation becoming very confusing to me. I hadn't even figured out what had happened to Eddie yet. "And where is Eddie?"

Jase sighed as he broke away from Seth and Luke and led me over to the sofa. "We can't see him yet, Rory. He's alive, and..."

"Alive?" I responded dramatically. "Alive is all you've got? All that means is better than dead!" As far as I was aware, alive was a temporary situation for everyone, and the word itself was not a comfortable one. "Have you even seen him?"

"No," Jase replied carefully. "He's okay, though, Rory. So far they've told us he's awake, and he's responsive. The car was totaled. He has some pretty bad breaks. Right now, they think something might be wrong with his back--nothing major. It's probably nothing, but they're checking him out."

"It was a car accident?" I asked quietly, feeling like I was getting this information backwards.

"It was taking him a little long to get home after dropping you off," Jase explained, and then paused for a moment, obviously disturbed by something.

"Jase called Eddie's phone, and a paramedic answered it," Luke explained, taking a seat on the other side of Jase.

"Oh shit," Seth suddenly said, and we regarded him curiously. He looked at me to explain. "Just when I was getting to the airport the radio mentioned an accident; they said there were like four cars involved, but I wasn't paying attention. I'm sorry, Rory."

"You wouldn't have known," I said quietly.

"That was the accident," Luke said, matter-of-factly. "There were cops here, saying that Eddie was hit by someone who ran a red light. There were two more cars behind him that couldn't stop in time."

I was staring at Seth, noting the way that something about this news disturbed him, and I watched my boyfriend exchange another look with Jase.

"That man back there," I said. "Who was he?"

"What man?" Luke asked.

"Guys," Jase said. "Let's not worry about anyone else right now. Someone should be here soon to tell us if we can see Eddie..."

"Seth?" I questioned, cutting Jase off. Seth was frowning, but his eyes didn't leave mine for very long moments as he obviously struggled to tell me something. "Seth?" I said again.

"I know him," Seth finally said, and Jase sighed. He obviously didn't approve, but he didn't object to Seth continuing, either. "That was Aaron's dad, Rory."

"Keslin? Where?" Luke demanded, and before he could stand up, Jase had his hand and was holding him down. I was so busy staring at Seth, putting things together in my head that apparently, he already had, that it took me a few moments to realize that Jase had grabbed my hand, too. But it didn't matter, as I pictured the crying man with the cell phone and the blood on his clothes, because I was too stunned to move, anyway. That's why I was grateful that Luke was suddenly asking the questions that I couldn't, even if he sounded pissed as hell while doing it. "Were they there?" Luke was glaring at Jase, who clearly, had wanted to avoid this conversation.

"From what I know, the Keslins..."

"The whole family?" Luke asked.

"Yes," Jase replied. "They were coming from the airport, too."

"So... what, they were behind Eddie?" Luke asked.

"No. They took another exit."

"They ran the light!" Luke said accusingly. "Jase?"

"Luke, let's let the police sort it out," Jase insisted. "Right now..."

"Who was driving?" Luke demanded. "Just tell me who was driving." Jase fell silent, and that seemed to be answer enough for Luke as he pulled his hand away from Jase and defensively crossed his arms. "That fucking figures," he hissed.

"Is everyone okay?" I asked, and Luke seemed to sober momentarily as he regarded Jase expectantly. Jase turned his head, though, to face me.

"I honestly don't know."

I dropped my head into my hands, closing my eyes. It was bad enough having to worry about Eddie, but as I thought of the entire Keslin family being involved in an accident I felt entirely overwhelmed. I hated a lot of things about Aaron Keslin. I'm sure I'd find more things to hate him for if he'd caused an accident that hurt Eddie; but thinking of the blood on Mr. Keslin's clothes... I couldn't help feeling frightened for Aaron, too.

"Well," I said quietly. "Mr. Keslin looked okay, right? I mean, maybe..." I trailed off, not even sure what to say. I shouldn't even be thinking about the Keslins, I decided. Eddie was in this hospital. And he was hurt. And I hadn't felt so helpless since I'd watched my mom wither away right in front of me.

I felt hands on my shoulders and looked back at Seth, who'd walked around the couch to stand behind me, looking both worried and reassuring at the same time. I wondered what he thought about all of this. I suddenly wanted to hug him, wondering if he was as worried about Aaron as much as I was worried about Eddie.

"I think I'm gonna go look for something to drink," Seth said quietly, but the look on his face told me that he was likely going to be searching for more than beverages. I wasn't about to object to it. "Do you guys want anything?"

"I'm kind of thirsty," I replied, swallowing against a dry throat.

"That would be great, Seth," Jase said. "Thank you."

Seth nodded, and after giving my shoulders a light squeeze he was excusing himself from the room. Jase was standing shortly after his departure.

"I'm going to see if I can find out anything else about Eddie," he announced, and I looked up at him.

"I'll go with you," I was quick to say.

"No," Jase insisted. "Rory... please, just keep Luke company, alright? If I hear anything I'll come right back to tell you."

I was going to object to that, but before I could even think about it Jase was out of the room, and Luke was sliding across the sofa, reaching for my arm to stop me from following him.

"He's freaking out right now, Rory," Luke blurted. "Look... I'm worried, too... just, maybe we could let Jase take care of stuff? It makes him feel better. I know Eddie's your dad, and you're worried, too, but..."

"You guys have known him longer."

"No," Luke said quickly. "It has nothing to do with that. It's just, Jase... like I said, he's freaked out. I think he's just getting some air. I mean, he just talked to the doctor... Besides, I kinda could use some company. He keeps leaving me here. I mean... I think Eddie's gonna be okay. I just..."

"You don't have to be reassuring, Luke," I cut him off. "I think we both have the right to freak out a little."

He sighed. "Good, because I'm fuckin' freaked. This kind of thing isn't supposed to happen. I swear to god if Keslin's not already dead I'll kill him if Eddie's not okay."

I looked over at Luke, feeling a little unsettled by his threat, but then I realized that he probably had no idea what he was saying. He sounded scared, and looked numb. I could understand both of those feelings. "He shouldn't have taken me to the airport," I said, thinking out loud more than anything. "If I wasn't so slow... I wouldn't have left, and he wouldn't have had to..."

"Don't start thinking like that," Luke cut me off. "The two of you still would have gone to drop your grandma off, and I don't even want to think about how I'd feel if both of you were in that car."

I fell silent, realizing that if I hadn't been so stubborn, that very well could have been the case. It was terrifying to think about, but at the same time I felt guilt over not being in that car with Eddie when it happened.

"Rory?" Luke said, interrupting a long silence that had grown in our small waiting room, and I forced my attention towards him again. "You're really staying?"

"Yeah," I said quietly.

"When we see Eddie... he's going to be okay, and really happy about that."

I tried to give Luke a smile that I really wasn't feeling before I leaned back against the sofa, and as another painful silence filled the space between us, we waited.

There was no clock in our small waiting room, I noticed. It was frustrating, not knowing how long it had been, but I think I was grateful, not knowing, too. It kept my mind off of wondering what was taking so long, convincing my mind that not much time had passed. Luke seemed less convinced, though, the way that he'd started pacing. We both looked up when Seth returned, three sodas and a bottle of water occupying his hands as he looked around the room.

"Where's Jase?" Seth asked.

"He went to see if there's anything new with Eddie," Luke replied as Seth handed him a cold soda before he came to sit next to me.

"Did you find anything out?" I asked Seth as he handed me the bottle of water and placed the two remaining sodas on the coffee table before taking one of my hands. My question must have caught Luke's attention, because within moments he was on the other side of Seth, sipping his soda and looking at the back of Seth's ball-cap-covered head expectantly.

"I couldn't just not talk to Mr. Keslin," Seth said almost defensively. "He recognized me, Rory, and the guy's a complete wreck. He's refusing treatment. Won't even let the fucking doctors look at him. I called my dad. He's coming down here to sit with him."

"Okay. But what did you find out?" I asked, and frowned at the way Seth looked at me worriedly.

Maybe... we should talk on it later, Rory. I don't know if you want to hear it right now, with Eddie..."

"Just say it," Luke cut him off. "Why is Mr. Keslin a wreck?"

Seth sighed, and glanced at Luke briefly, looking like he thought the answer should be obvious to him. "Because he doesn't understand how he pretty much walked away from that accident, and the rest of his family didn't. It's sounding pretty bad, and since Eddie was there, he's sort of blaming..."

"Oh that is such bullshit!" Luke snapped. "They're the ones that ran the light! Aaron ran the fucking light!"

I fully agreed with Luke, and felt angry myself that Mr. Keslin would blame Eddie, but I was currently too worried about too many other things to express this.

"How bad is it, Seth?" I asked.

Seth frowned, facing me directly, obviously trying to ignore the way that Luke was glaring at the back of his head. "It's not good. Mr. Keslin is obviously... I mean, he walked away. Mrs. Keslin was right behind him in the back seat with Cody and Alex. But, after they hit Eddie, they got hit on the side of the car that Aaron and his brothers were on."

Luke sat up a little, some of his anger defusing as he listened. "Are they alright?" Luke asked.

"Aaron is. I mean, his dad said he was better off than the rest of them when they brought him in here. Mr. Keslin's waiting for someone to take him to Aaron or his wife, but Alex's car seat wasn't strapped in. They think he's going to be okay, but he's hurt pretty bad, and Cody..." Seth frowned, and swallowed, looking a little pale as he sat back in his seat. I found myself comfortingly squeezing his hand, wanting him to finish what he was saying, but all the while dreading it. "Most of the blood on Mr. Keslin, is Cody's."

"Is he alive?" Luke asked quietly from behind us, and once again, I hated the word. It was a terrifying word, especially in this situation. Cody was a brat, and I couldn't stand him anymore than I could stand his brother. But suddenly, that didn't matter. He was a kid that I'd met, that I'd come face to face with. I knew him. Not personally, but I knew him. I'd known him as the guy who was in the other room when I was alone with Aaron; the guy I wanted to avoid whenever I went to Aaron's house, but I knew him. I was terrified of what Seth was going to say about him being alive.

"His head was..." Seth started, but stopped himself to swallow again. He knew Cody, too. He knew Cody, and didn't want to be telling us this. "He got hit really bad. They have him in surgery, but if he lives through it, he might not even wake up... And if he wakes up, he might not even be Cody anymore."

There was silence between the three of us as Seth finished and dropped his eyes from mine to stare down at our joined hands. My knuckles were turning white I was squeezing him so hard, but I couldn't seem to help it. I felt like someone had just struck me in the stomach, and I could hardly breathe, let alone move. I realized that I'd actually been holding my breath when Luke abruptly stood up and turned his back on both of us.

"Luke?" I said, noticing the way that I sounded like I was choking when I spoke. But, Luke didn't answer. He practically fled the room without a backwards glance. I met Seth's eyes, almost desperately. I wasn't sure what I was desperate for, but I seemed to find some of it there as he looked back at me and gently pried my fingers off his hand, and then closed both of his over them. "I don't know what to do," I whispered, and when I leaned into him he slid an arm around me, pulling me closer.

This time the silence in the room felt like a stunned one as I closed my eyes, and waited again.

I felt like I should be crying or something. Jase wasn't back yet. Luke had disappeared. Eddie was somewhere in this hospital, alone and probably in pain. And Aaron's brother could be dying while we just sat there, doing nothing. Even crying would have felt more productive than just sitting there. I voiced these feelings to Seth. He told me I should cry if I wanted to. I told him I was too numb for it and that he should do the crying. Then, he told me that we were doing exactly what the doctors needed us to do. We were being patient. I wasn't feeling very patient.

When Jase finally returned, he had the bald doctor with him and I was instantly all over both of them with questions. Basically, I wanted to see Eddie. After hearing about what was going on with the Keslin family, I just needed to see him. I wanted him to tell me himself that he was alright. When the doctor told me that I couldn't see him I almost threw the world's biggest temper tantrum right there in the hospital, but Jase was able to explain things to me a little easier. He insisted that Eddie really was alright. They'd finally determined that the only surgery he was going to need was going to be for his left arm. No one gave me the gory details, but I got the impression that he'd practically shattered it, along with his hand. The hospital was taking care of that now, so it would be hours before I could even think about talking to Eddie again.