Chapter 35A: Time

A/N: Thanks to Jim for editing!

I pushed my body forward, gliding over the ice at a faster speed than I was used to, weaving in and out of the thin crowd of people who were at the rink. Eddie was in front of me, towering over just about everyone on the ice in his gray t-shirt and casual jeans, grinning back over his shoulder at me because he was winning our race. I just shook my head at him, wondering if he knew how nervous he was making those who were half his size as he skated around them at fast speeds.

It was Wednesday, four days before I was supposed to return home with my grandma, and I'd had a hard time facing Eddie that morning. I suppose it was awkward after everything he'd said the night before. I hadn't been able to respond to it then, and if he'd asked me to, I wouldn't have been able to respond to it now. The whole thing had been too... emotional. What he'd said to me, I think I could have stood to hear from a man who I'd known my entire life. Coming from Eddie, who I hadn't known for very long at all, was difficult, but no less real.

He'd stomped down any awkwardness after breakfast, though, when he suggested getting out of the house. He'd wanted me to show him where I was always going with Seth; and since lately, it had been skating, that's where we went while Jase stayed home again and offered to take my grandma down to a farmers' market about an hour away from the house.

I finally caught up to Eddie, but I'm pretty sure that's only because he'd slowed down. He was looking flustered, his hair a mess on his head and his cheeks red from exertion. I'm sure I looked the same way. We'd been circling the rink nonstop and I was a little out of breath.

"Do you want to take a break?" Eddie asked me, and I nodded. We left the rink at the first available opportunity and moved to a table where we'd left our belongings, including a couple of drinks. The next few minutes were spent sipping them through straws, me downing my fruit punch and Eddie his soda.

"I didn't even know they had this place here," Eddie commented. "It's fun."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Seth said they just finished building it."

Eddie nodded, and took another drink of his soda as he leaned back in his chair, watching me.

"So what do you think about your grandma being married?" he asked. "We haven't really had a whole lot of time to talk about it."

I sighed, and put down my drink, shaking my head to myself. "I think it's crazy," I blurted. "She's completely out of her mind. You don't just meet someone and marry them two weeks later."

"Your grandma seems happy about her decision," Eddie pointed out.

"Yeah, well I give this another two weeks, tops," I stated.

"Rory!" He looked surprised with me and my negative tone, but he was also fighting a smile.

"She's never had a boyfriend who lasted more than a couple months. I know my grandma, and this is insane. They're married but they're not even living together? Come on. Everything's backwards."

"Didn't you just agree to give her away at her wedding?"

"Just because it's not going to last doesn't mean I can't be nice about it," I replied. "I mean... that's sort of what my mom always said about my grandma's other boyfriends. I don't know... I guess it sort of creeps me out that she's married."

"Well... what if it does work out? Do you think you'll be okay living with Jarred and his family like that? I'm not asking to try to talk you into anything--I just want to make sure you're going to be okay."

"I guess so," I replied, after a moment of consideration. "I mean, if he's okay with me, I think I'll be okay with him. Plus, it's not like I don't have time to figure it out before they do move in together. If they move in together."

"Do you think you'll tell Jarred and his family that you're gay?"

I frowned at that question. "I dunno. Maybe. Is it really any of their business? I mean, I don't even know them."

"But you will."

"Maybe," I agreed. "I guess... maybe I'll tell Jarred, you know... and then, we'll see."

"If you're not happy, you can always come back here," Eddie reminded me, and I raised a brow at him.

"Are you hoping that I'm not happy there?" I asked.

He considered the question. "Yeah. Maybe a little bit," he replied unapologetically, and then smiled at me. "Do you want to skate some more, or go to lunch?"

"Can we skate some more and then go to lunch?" I asked.

"Yep," he replied, abruptly standing up. "I'll race ya."

I rolled my eyes, wondering if he'd ever get sick of turning everything into a competition as I slowly stood to go join him. Not that I minded Eddie turning things into a competition. It was actually kinda fun to hang out with him when he was acting like a big kid, and as we spent the day together, roaming from one mindless activity to another I decided that I'd miss it, just hanging out with him like that. It was strange, but I started to look at the things I did with Eddie now, and I could almost see myself doing it with him when I was younger--going skating, or to the park, or playing laser tag. And it made me sad that I'd missed it. I guess I couldn't help wondering if I was about to miss it all over again by returning to Nevada.

I'd seen Seth on Wednesday. Around nine o'clock I went with him, Angela and Dave back to the club Angela liked to dance at. Luke had stayed behind, insisting that he wanted to hang out with Brian and Rick. I'd wondered if he'd felt left out, but when I'd returned home he seemed to be in a good mood, and spent an hour before we went to bed talking about the party he'd gone to. I was glad he was happy, because I'd had a pretty good night myself. I'd talked Seth into dancing, but we'd done more hugging than actual dancing. He didn't mention the fact that I'd be leaving. But now it was there between us, and when Dave did bring it up I noticed that Seth looked like he wanted to escape the conversation. I could understand that, because I felt the same way.

I didn't see Seth on Thursday. I went to the park with everyone else--Eddie, Jase, Luke, and even Grandma Alice, who sat out and watched our attempt at playing baseball. A frightening thought occurred to me there. I couldn't help wondering how I'd feel if I left, and Eddie and this family just started thinking of me as a passing visitor. I wondered what if by next summer, they weren't as interested in what I was doing. The thought alone was upsetting, and I began to really consider just how much these people had grown to mean to me.

When Luke had asked me if I just wanted to stay in that night so we could bullshit and watch movies like we so often did, I couldn't tell him no. One last time, he'd said.

It was Luke's suggestion that I invite Seth over, and I'd done so, but once I told him what we were doing, he'd made an excuse about having to work in the morning and insisted that I spend some time with Luke before I leave. It was a kind thing for him to say, but it had left me feeling cold, especially when I'd called him later that night to see if he was okay and he didn't answer. I hadn't slept much that night, my stomach being in knots about whether or not he was upset with me, but the next morning I got a surprise that seemed to make up for it.

Luke had called in sick to work, and once again, Eddie and Jase put their jobs on hold to be home; and when Seth stopped by to see me before he went to work, Grandma Alice corralled him in the house and wouldn't let him leave until he ate breakfast. My grandma seemed to be in a particularly feisty mood that morning, and it proved to be an interesting breakfast as she flirted with Jase, interrogated my boyfriend about all the things that she'd already questioned me about, and told Luke that his dog could do with some manners when Chey kept begging for bacon strips. Luke had responded by telling Grandma Alice that Chey had plenty of manners, and if my grandma had any, she would have offered his dog some breakfast, too. That had brought silence to the table until Grandma Alice started laughing, and gave Chey a whole plate of bacon.

After we ate, and Seth had left for work, Eddie and Jase announced that they were going to take Alice out to see whatever sights they could find, and that it would be a day trip. I was, to say the least, surprised by this, because Eddie had been pretty adamant about not letting me out of his sight while he was home from work over the last few days; but apparently, Luke had plans for us. He'd said that he wanted to make sure I got a chance to say goodbye to everyone. I was further surprised when he told me that we just had to wait until one o'clock, when Seth got home from work.

Meanwhile... I packed. It wasn't a fun task, but it needed to be done. It was particularly difficult with Luke standing over my shoulder shaking his head the whole time. But, at least he changed his attitude when he realized that I was getting stressed out, and he even helped me. We put two bags together for me, and a box of stuff that I thought I'd want to have, mostly memorabilia from my mother. Luke had surprised me when he held up a picture of me and my mom, taken two years before she passed away, and asked if he could keep it. I'd told him that he could, and I was pleased when I caught him slipping a more recent picture of Eddie, Jase, and him into one of my suitcases. I didn't tell him I saw him do it when I entered my room with two bottles of water and found him standing over my bag, closing it up where it rested on the bed. I just smiled at him when he turned around and I handed him one of the bottles.

"So, I'm sorta thinking that I need to call Nathan," I announced. "He should be back from his vacation about now, I think."

"You're going to tell him you're coming home?" Luke asked.

"Yeah," I said carefully. I knew that this wasn't a good topic for me and Luke, and the last thing I wanted was to end up arguing with him again. "I'm kind of curious about how he's doing. When I left, I was pretty angry, you know. My friends said goodbye to me, but I acted like I didn't care. I feel like I should tell him I'm better now... And, I kinda want to figure out what happened to Jason. His line's still disconnected and that's kind of weird."

"Have you tried asking your grandma about that?" Luke asked.

I nodded. "She hasn't really heard anything from anyone I know. They don't really live in the same neighborhood, and she's been busy, you know..."

Luke smirked. "Getting married."

"Yeah," I said sighing. "What's with that? Anyway... I think I should call Nathan."

"Now?" Luke asked, and I nodded. "So do you want me to leave or something?"

"No," I said quickly. "I mean... I don't know why I'm telling you first. I just, um... I'm nervous, I think."

"So you want me to stay?"

"You don't have to. I mean, I don't mind if you're here, but I don't need you to hold my hand or anything. I'm just saying..."

"Rory?"

"Yeah?"

"How about you call your friend... and, I'll go in the other room. I have a few phone calls I need to make, anyway. Uh, I'll eavesdrop, too."

I smiled. "Okay."

Luke passed me, taking a moment to drop a friendly hand on my shoulder, and then he was gone, and I was left to sit between the two suitcases on my bed and pick up the phone. I'm not sure why it seemed more difficult this time to dial the numbers than it had the last time. I think it was because the last time, I was determined, and I'd been focused, wanting to hear Nathan tell me why I couldn't get hold of Jason. But now, I was nervous. I found myself wondering if Nathan would even want to hear from me. At the beginning of the summer, Nathan, Jason and I had not been as close as we'd been before my mom got sick. I'd been under the impression that when I left, I wasn't coming back, and I'd refused to feel hurt over leaving my friends. I'd decided to let them go, rather than feel like I'd lost them. At the time, I'd been tired of losing people, and I was tired of hurting over it; and despite how much I told myself that I'd write them with my new address, now I could safely, and shamefully say that I'd never intended to do it. Not really. I'd intended to forget about them. Even after I made that deal with Eddie, I'd had no real desire to reconnect. I'd already said goodbye to them once. That was enough. And after that, I didn't want to connect with anyone because when it came time to say goodbye again, it was going to hurt. Just like it was going to hurt to say goodbye to all of the people here who'd slipped right through my emotional barrier.

But, I would say goodbye, and this time, I'd keep in touch; because otherwise, one day I'd end up sitting there with a phone in my hand again, wondering if they even missed me. That's what I wondered about Nathan--if he even thought about me. I wondered if he and Jason ever talked about me, or wondered why they hadn't heard from me. I wondered if they were angry that they hadn't; and I wondered if they even cared. I wasn't sure which scenario I preferred. I guess I just wanted to call Nathan, tell him I was coming back, and see what he had to say. I also figured that it would be a good time to find out where Jason was, and get his new number if it had changed.

I dialed, and listened to the phone ring. I almost expected to hear that answering machine again, and I think that little expectation relaxed me. But, it also left me completely unprepared for when a woman's voice answered instead.

"Hello?" she said, and then more impatiently, when I didn't respond, "Hello?"

"Hi," I said slowly. "Is um... is Nathan there? This is..."

I never got to finish before the woman's voice was calling for Nathan, and I frowned. That had been his mom. I sort of wanted to tell her who I was. She knew my mother. She was at the funeral. She definitely would have remembered me.

"Hell-o?"

"Nathan?"

"Yeah. Who's this?"

I took in the sound of his voice, the way he made it sound deeper than it really was when faced with the unknown, and found myself smiling. "Rory," I replied, sitting back on my bed.

There was a long silence.

"Yeah. Okay," came the response, and I blinked at the tone in Nathan's voice, which was almost defensive.