Chapter 33: Figure it out

A/N Thanks to Jim for editing!

I stared straight ahead, noticing that the couples' skate was over and that Seth was back on this ice, now with Angela and Dave, who'd slowed down to skate with him. That was nice of them. I clasped my hands in my lap, and looked away from my boyfriend to stare at the ice--shiny and smooth, if you didn't count all of the tracks that the skates had been leaving in it. I momentarily entertained the idea of lying on it. It was feeling very hot where I was sitting.

"I should probably explain that, shouldn't I?" Luke asked from the bench, beside me.

"Yeah," I agreed, nodding.

"Okay. Well, I don't have a problem with Seth. I like him with you."

I looked at Luke, my eyes narrowing because things no longer made any sense to me, not even what he was saying.

"You do?" I asked.

"Yeah," Luke insisted. "And compared to Aaron, hell yes. But he's right about thinking that I like you." Luke laughed to himself. "I didn't think he noticed. He must really like you."

"Luke," I responded, suddenly becoming irritated. "You just said that Dave..."

"You don't have to rub it in," he remarked. "Look, I do like you. I mean, I've been wanting to talk about it for a while now--like you said, to figure it out, you know?"

"Okay," I said slowly, not sure where this was going. "Luke..."

"You don't have any feelings for me?" he asked, almost sounding skeptical. "Look, I know you're with Seth, okay. It's just... do you?"

I stared at him, feeling completely on the spot.

"I said I care about you," I responded quietly, a little miffed that suddenly he seemed to be so controlled about this whole thing. "And maybe I'm a little attracted to you..."

"A little?" Luke responded, incredulous.

"Okay. You're being an ass now," I informed him, meeting his eyes, and he laughed.

"I'm sorry, Rory. It's just... I feel close to you. Kinda like with Dave, but in a different way. I mean, you're..."

"Gay."

"Yeah," he replied. "And, before I knew that, I was kinda into you, anyway. Attraction-wise."

"Because you thought I was straight?" I responded. "Maybe you do have a complex."

"No, not because of that... Because you were cute, and..."

"Cute?"

"It's a compliment," he assured me. "And you slept right next door to me. I wished you were gay. I mean... I was having those feelings for Dave, and I thought that if he was interested in Angela, I should be interested in someone... But even then, the more I got to know you, the more I liked you. When I found out you were into guys, too..."

"You told me that nothing could happen because of Jase and Eddie!" I pointed out.

"Would you have been interested if I hadn't said that?" he asked curiously.

I let out a breath, thinking about how I wanted to respond to that. For two days I'd been thinking about the things he was bringing up in this very discussion, and I suppose in truth, I still wasn't sure how I felt about some of them.

"I don't know," I admitted. "There was Aaron, but--maybe. I don't know." I felt my cheeks heating.

"And now there's Seth," Luke pointed out, and I silently studied him for a minute.

"So are you saying that if I wasn't with Seth, you'd..."

Luke scratched his head. "That's kinda what I keep asking myself," he admitted. "Would it make a difference to you?"

I thought about it for a second. "I like that there is a Seth," I responded carefully, and to my surprise, Luke smiled at me.

"I think, what I feel for you... I mean, you know I care about you too, right? You and me--we're good..."

"Kinda just the way we are?" I finished.

"Yeah," he replied. "I mean... friends. Something physical, though... there have been a few times when I've wanted to..."

"Me too," I admitted, before I could stop myself. And then, after a moment, "So why haven't we?"

"Aaron... and then Seth, for starters," Luke replied.

"Seth's a good reason."

"And don't you think if we had it would be..."

"Weird and kinda creepy?"

Luke laughed. "I was gonna go with complicated, but that's good, too. Except creepy. I don't think it would be creepy."

"Okay. Creepy was the wrong word," I agreed. "And you're right about complicated, with Eddie and Jase..."

"We're supposed to be a family," Luke said. "And we're kinda young here. Like, families are supposed to be together for a long time, Rory. If we did do anything, and things did get weird, I don't know. I wouldn't want that to happen."

"Me neither."

"But... it would be equally weird to say that I care about you like a brother because I am, you know, attracted."

I smirked. "How do you think I felt when I thought you were my cousin?"

Luke smiled sheepishly. "I get it."

"So... what does this mean?" I asked. "We're just... two guys who are..."

"Friends," Luke stated.

I thought about that. Friends. We were friends. Things seemed so much easier when I heard him say that. Only, something told me that Luke and I were more than friends. I wasn't even sure that there was a word for what we were. "So do we need to change anything?" I asked hesitantly. "I mean... I think we were comfortable with some stuff, you know? I don't feel close to that many people, Luke, I wouldn't want to lose it with you just because..."

"We don't have to change anything," He cut me off, sounding serious. "I want to be myself around you. And, if Seth has a problem with something, I'll talk to him if you want. I really do like him."

"No," I replied. "I'll do it. I don't think he was really jealous... I'll talk to him."

Luke simply nodded, and for a long moment we sat there, glancing at each other every now and then, as if trying to figure out if anything more needed to be said. "So, are you really okay about Dave? Do you wanna talk about it?" I finally asked.

"No, I'm good," Luke replied. "Just... could you not repeat it to anyone? I'd sort of like to get over it in peace."

"Yeah, sure," I replied, having no objection to agreeing to that as we took a moment to study each other...

"You and me are okay?"

"You and me are always okay," I replied. I was even okay when Luke threw an arm around my shoulders, pulling me towards him as Seth looked in our direction and waved.

That night, I'm not sure that I would have actually brought up the conversation I'd had with Luke, if Seth hadn't asked me about it. It seemed unnecessary to me. I'd been struggling with my feelings when it came to the two of them, but the conclusion I'd always reached was that I didn't want to hurt anyone, and I was happy with Seth. I felt like that was all he needed to know; that, and that Luke didn't have a problem with him. But, when Seth had asked me about it, the conversation turned out more in depth than that.

It had never been my intention to tell my boyfriend that I was attracted to the guy who slept in the room next to me. That just didn't seem like a smart thing to do. But when Seth simply asked me, I told him the truth, and he actually seemed okay with that. He wanted to know more of what Luke and I had discussed, but not to be nosey at all. In fact, Seth only seemed interested in knowing anything that might affect the relationship that he and I had. Which, he soon realized, was nothing. He was glad to hear that Luke didn't have a problem with him, though, and seemed equally happy that I was able to convince him that I was in fact, okay now. I'd explained how uncomfortable I'd been over the whole situation, and Seth had felt somewhat responsible for it. I told him that I was the idiot who blew everything out of proportion, and he agreed, before kissing me.

And then we dropped it, and moved on.

It's strange how a month can seem like a long time, until a week passes, and then a few days, and you realize that it's half over. By Wednesday, Jase was feeling better, and force-feeding the rest of us vitamins because he didn't want to risk anyone coming down with the flu when we were supposed to be going on a family trip over the weekend. As for me, I was beginning to think that I wouldn't mind skipping the trip, mostly because Seth wouldn't be there, and while I wanted to spend time with Eddie, Luke, and Jase, I could do that at home, where Seth was less than a mile away.

It wasn't going to happen, though. They were all excited about this mini-vacation, and I wasn't going to ruin it for them. What I was going to do, though, was spend every spare moment I had with Seth until we did go. Or, every spare moment he had, depending on the case. On Wednesday, he got off work early. We spent most of the day hiking behind his house with his dogs, and I'd brought Chey along. We had a late lunch together, watched a movie in his room, and later that night, after dinner, Seth came over and played a few card games with Eddie, Jase, Luke and I before Luke came with me and Seth to the park to meet the usual group of people. This time we all rode together. Luke drove, and I was relieved to see that everyone seemed mostly comfortable with each other. Even when we got to the park I noticed Luke and Seth socializing with each other more than normal, and even though I'd told him that he didn't have to, I was pretty sure that Luke talked to Seth about me. There was about a ten-minute time period when the two of them took a seat at one of the tables, looking serious. I thought it was cute, even if a little nerve-racking.

On Thursday, I woke up late. Everyone was already at work, and Seth wasn't supposed to get off until two. But instead if just sitting there, being bored, I'd made myself eggs for breakfast and then put them in a sandwich when I realized it was closer to lunchtime before I went for a quick swim, and played with Chey for a while. I was just getting dressed after my shower when I heard the doorbell ring, followed by Chey barking.

I didn't bother looking to see who it was before I opened the door, but as soon as I opened it I was following Chey out to greet our guest. Seth removed one of his hands from his pockets to scratch her ear, and then smiled at me from beneath a black cap.

"It's not two o'clock yet," was all I could think to say, and his left brow arched.

"Should I come back?"

"You should come in," I replied, opening the door wider and stepping aside so Seth could enter, followed by Chey.

"Hungry, thirsty?" I asked him as I closed us in the house, deciding that maybe it was time to pick up on some of those manners that the Fishers had.

Seth declined all refreshments when he pulled me towards him for a simple hug that ended with him licking my neck, sending a shiver down my spine as I held onto him tighter and took in the scent of pastries. "You took a shower," he observed.

"Yeah," I replied, trying not to roll my eyes at him. "I'm one of those pesky people that bathe regularly. I brush my teeth, too." I flashed him a ridiculously huge smile, which was wiped off my face the moment he started kissing me. I smiled at him again when he pulled back. "Wanna go downstairs? Luke had the air conditioner running all night and it feels like an ice box."

"Actually, no. I'm just stopping by." he explained.

"Stopping by?" I said, pouting.

"To see if you wanna come home with me," he replied. "I wanna jump in the shower really quick, and then go to the arcade." I made a face. "I heard someone broke one of my records," he complained. "Come with me? And then maybe... bowling later?"

"When did you run off and plan the whole day without me?" I remarked.

"About fifteen minutes ago when I called my dad and told him I'd work double shifts all weekend if I could have the rest of the day off. So are you coming?"

As if he even had to ask. I grabbed my shoes, left a note for Eddie and Jase on the kitchen table telling him that I was with Seth, rather than making a phone call, and then we headed over to Seth's house. It seemed as vacant as mine, except I noticed that his dogs were inside for once. I watched Seth feed them before we headed up to his room so he could shower. He didn't seem to understand why I thought it was so funny when he told me that he wouldn't be long and I could watch TV, if I wanted, while I waited. And as he took off his hat and pulled off his shirt, he looked seriously confused when I pulled off my shirt and kicked off my shoes before he finally managed to smile.

"You coming in with me?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I already took a shower. I figure we can give you a better reason to need one, though--unless you're in a hurry to get to that arcade."

I was horny. Sue me. I'd woken up that morning ready to plow into the mattress, but had to choose between relieving myself and food. I'd questioned my decision. I'd thought about it again in the shower, but now I was glad I'd been too lazy. It was a lot more fun when Seth was there with me. He didn't seem to mind putting off his plans, either. I seemed to have his full attention the moment I started pulling down my pants, and by the time I reached my boxers, he was behind me, his arm wrapping around my waist as he guided my underwear down, his hand not being the least bit shy as his fingers moved over the curve of my ass. As I turned around, reaching to unzip Seth, I went from being happy about waiting to regretful when Seth pointedly wrapped his hand around my cock, already fully erect and squeezed in a way that had me hissing, knees shaking as I counted backwards from ten and hoped that I didn't come before I even got his zipper down.

Seth seemed to sense my dilemma because he released me, looking amused as he stepped out of his pants and allowed me to push him back towards his bed where he took a seat and crawling backwards, towards his pillows. I chose to walk around the edge of the bed to get to him, my hands moving to his raised knees, parting them to make room for my body as I sank over him. Seth wrapped an arm around me and pulled me in, and the hair on his chest tickled my skin as mine met his, causing goose bumps to rise over my body as my mouth found it's way to his lips. I kissed him, enjoying the way that his tongue moved with mine, and the way that he tilted his head, his lips parting further when he coaxed me to deepen the kiss.

Seth slid a hand all the way down my bare back, not stopping until he'd firmly cupped my ass and pulled my hips forward while he arched towards me, effectively pressing our cocks together in a way that made it possible for me to feel him harden against me. I paused there, taking a moment to feel that light pressure while I forced myself to grow somewhat calmer, kissing him more lightly as he followed my lead.

When he pulled back momentarily and looked past me, I turned my head, wondering what he could possibly find more interesting than the way that I was about to come all over him. That, would be his bedroom door, wide open.

"Oh, shit, should we close it?" I asked.

"It'll be hours before anyone's home," he replied, lifting his hand to touch my chin, guiding it back towards him and he leaned forward, kissing me lightly. His hands settled on my back again, his knuckles moving from my shoulders to my ass in a repeated action that had me shifting closer to him, pressing my erection against his more freely.

"Can I ask you something?" Seth asked, slowly pulling back, just enough to meet my eyes.

I raised an eyebrow, wondering if he really wanted to talk now, but when he just smiled, I smiled back. "What?"

"It's kinda personal," Seth warned. "I don't want you to get upset."

I glanced between our naked bodies, my cock resting alongside his, and did my best not to laugh. "I don't think we can get any more personal," I commented, and Seth took a moment to pull me forward, playfully nipping at my ear.

"Maybe," he said, seeming to think for a moment before he continued. "The other night when we picked up... you know, when he was drunk..."

Seth definitely got bonus points for not mentioning Aaron's name while we were in our current positions, but bringing him up at all was questionable.

"Yeah?" I said carefully.

"He said some things."

"I remember," I replied, frowning.

"You said you wouldn't get upset."

"And, I'm trying not to," I insisted. "Can you please just ask your question?" I was getting a little impatient, and, a little self-conscious, which wasn't necessarily a good thing since I was naked and poking my boyfriend's stomach with a very sensitive hard-on.

Seth sighed, but then did exactly as I asked him to do. "Are you a virgin?"

I'm not sure why that question surprised me, but I didn't find myself offended, like I'd always been when Aaron mentioned it. Maybe that was because Seth sounded entirely nonjudgmental and fully interested in the answer. But still, it put me off enough to be unable to give him a straight response.

"What do you think?"

Seth narrowed his eyes on me momentarily, but seemed to have an answer, and chose not to repeat the question. "I've kinda been thinking about it," he explained. "I guess I was wondering because of... well, the look on your face the last time you saw this stuff," he explained, reaching for his nightstand and pulling out the lube he kept there.

"Oh." I couldn't quite keep myself from blushing. "Um... look, about that..."

"I'm not asking you to do anything you don't want to," Seth said quickly. "I just kinda... I was curious."

"Okay," I replied, refusing to meet his eyes for a moment before I faced him and had a moment of complete bluntness. "When I saw that," I said, suddenly wrapping my fingers around his cock in a way that made him jump, hissing in a breath, "I thought you wanted to stick this in me--it kinda freaked me out."

Seth smiled. "So you never think about it?"

"Sex? I think about sex all the time," I insisted, shifting my hips forward. "Usually... not while I'm trying to have it."

Seth laughed, moving an arm back around me, sliding his palm down to cup my ass and keep me still. "I meant, real sex."

I regarded him in mock suspicion. "You're not a virgin, are you?"

Seth simply shook his head, his mouth still curled into a smile. "I'm thinking that if it freaks you out, then you're not ready," he said, obviously still trying to have a serious conversation. Unfortunately, this conversation was beginning to worry me, and I was forced to turn serious.

"Is that a problem?" I asked.

"No!" he replied, looking almost like the question itself offended him. "I guess I'm just trying to figure out what kind of things you think about... with sex. Like, what you like. I mean, if that scares you, and you don't really think about it... do you ever think about doing it to me?"

I stared at Seth for a long moment, opening my mouth and then closing it again as I tried to figure out how to answer him. I guess it didn't matter, either way, my response would equal a big, fat yes.

"You'd let me?" I finally asked, sounding incredulous.

Seth looked amused with me, but at least had the decency not to laugh. "I like it."

Okay. Hearing him say that was just really... hot. And I probably should have left it at that. He liked it, and the look on his face was clearly telling me that he'd let me. I didn't see a single problem with this conversation at this point. But now I was curious. And maybe just a little bit nervous.

"Doesn't it..." I started, but then stopped myself as all of the illustrations in those books I'd looked at with Jase came back to me.

"Does it what?" Seth asked, running both of his hands down my back, effectively giving me the chills before he grasped my ass and pulled me towards him until my cock was resting against his again.

"Hurt, or something? I mean... I kinda don't get it. Yeah, there's that whole prostate thing and all, but the whole idea of someone wanting to have something rammed..." that was as far as I got before Seth cracked up.

"Okay, stop talking," he said teasingly. "You don't ram... I mean, look, it can hurt, okay? But, it's not like that. And the whole pain thing--totally worth it. But, I'm not trying to talk you into anything. I just thought maybe you'd want to try something... different."

I studied him for a moment, wanting to make sure that his something different was still what I thought it was.

I nodded, deciding that by different he meant good. Or, better than good because things were always good with him. "Okay. Yeah."

Seth studied me for a long moment, and I found myself staring back at him, waiting for him to say something. It seemed necessary, to complete the conversation we were having. But instead, he leaned towards me and I took the hint, moving to meet his mouth with mine. I watched him close his eyes when he felt my tongue against his lips, but just as he began to part them I placed my hands on his shoulders, gently pushing him back...

"So are we starting now?" I asked stupidly.

Seth opened his eyes, seeming a little baffled before he flashed me a small smile. "I'm nervous, too," he said quietly.

"But you've done this before."

"Not with you."

He watched me for another moment, as if waiting to see if I needed to say anything else. I felt like I should, but had no idea what those words would be. I leaned forward instead, meaning to kiss him again. Before I even got the chance, Seth had a firm arm around me and I gasped as he flipped me over, cradling my head against the pillows.

I stared up at him as he straddled my hips, and I fidgeted beneath him as he settled his weight gently over me until my balls were resting just behind his, at the cleft of his ass. I reached for him, moving an arm around his back as I pulled him towards me. Seth met my mouth only briefly before he nuzzled at my face with his, coaxing me to turn my head just slightly before he dipped his head down and I felt his tongue on my neck and his teeth gently grazing my skin in a way that had me holding him tighter. He kissed his way around my collarbone and I tilted my head back as I felt my own breathing grow ragged with his body pressed so close to mine.

I slid my hands down Seth's smooth back until my fingers drifted over his ass and I lightly squeezed at his cheeks, shivering lightly when the small groan he released against my neck sent a chill down my spine. The soft sound was encouraging, and I dipped my fingers into his cleft, causing Seth to squirm above me during my gentle exploration.

I paused when Seth shifted up my body as his mouth moved to the side of my face and my finger fell over a small patch of puckered skin. I touched it curiously, circling its shape as Seth's mouth met my forehead and his breath hit my face unevenly. I pressed against his entrance gently, taking in a breath when Seth abruptly pressed back against my digit while his teeth nipped at my cheekbone.

I abruptly turned my head, taking his lips with mine as I withdrew my fingers from his cleft and placed my hands firmly on his cheeks, holding his ass while I guided him upwards and I sat up, following his mouth with mine when his hands cradled my head, holding me there until I broke away, sitting up beneath him as he sat on his knees, straddling my thighs. I moved my mouth to his body, running my tongue up his chest as it rose up directly in front of me and Seth took in a breath, releasing it shakily. His hands went to my head and as his fingers dug into my scalp while he held me firmly to him I moved one hand around his body, cupping his balls and rolling them lazily against my fingers while my other hand remained stretched over his ass, guiding his hips to tilt towards me as I drew one of his nipples between my teeth.

When I released his balls it was to slide two fingers back, reaching between his thighs as I dipped my digits into his cleft from behind his balls, and this time as my index finger met puckered skin I pressed in gently, pausing when Seth gasped. I continued to carefully press through the short smooth tunnel as his body tightened around me when I felt his fingers massaging my scalp and heard his soft moans, urging me on until I was inside of him, my single finger curiously exploring. I released Seth's nipple from my mouth and kept my free hand firmly on his ass when he unexpectedly bucked against me, and I realized that I could feel his prostate. I pressed against it again, and this time he pushed his hips back, pressing down against my invading digit and the sight of him, and his cock, fully erect and twitching with my contact excited me enough to suddenly withdraw my finger. I regretted my impatience over it when Seth whimpered a small protest and jumped, but he didn't let me think about it for long as he cupped my face in his hands and tilted it up, giving himself room to bring his mouth down bruisingly over mine.