Chapter 29B

I sat at the kitchen table across from Luke, as we both stared down at our TV dinners. I'm not sure if either of us knew whether or not to be disgusted or amused by the artificial meat and salty gravy in front of us. And the food itself wasn't the only thing we didn't know how to respond to. It was also the way that Jase had called us up for dinner, presented us with TV dinners, a set table with two candles, and a freshly baked pie for desert--which I was ready to skip right to--before Eddie appeared and they announced that they were going on a date.

"What do you think they're doing?" I asked Luke as I pushed my watery potato spuds around my plate.

"Eating something way better than this," Luke replied, pushing his plate away. "Wanna order a pizza and go watch a movie?"

"Please," I responded, and Luke grinned at me as we sat up, blew out the candles and left the table. But not before Luke placed both plates on the floor for Chey, who didn't seem very picky about her meals.

Luke had the pizza ordered before we were even downstairs, and then we were stretched out on opposite ends of the basement sofa and not paying much attention to the beginning credits of the video Luke had chosen.

"When are you going out?" he asked.

"Seth doesn't get off until nine. We're going bowling again if you wanna come."

"Nah. That's okay. I'm going to some party with Rick and Brian, and then I have to meet Dave later."

"Oh... is he still staying over this weekend?"

"Yeah, he'll be here tonight. But he has to have dinner with his relatives first. It's the only way his mom would let him come over."

"So what's so bad about these relatives of his?"

"Nothing really," Luke replied, shrugging. "I think it's mostly his aunt that bugs him. She still treats him like a little kid. Every time she comes to visit she tries to tell him he has a seven thirty bedtime, and once she even came into his room with towels and bubble bath telling him it was bath time."

I laughed. "Seriously?"

"I think she's got a few screws loose. But, he can deal with having dinner with her before he comes over here."

"Oh. Cool." I turned my attention to the movie for a few minutes, but didn't really pay attention to it as I glanced towards Luke every few moments, curiosity over Luke surfacing for the second time that week. "Do you like Dave's family?" I asked.

"I don't really know them... I mean, his parents are really cool. I like his mom a lot."

"Yeah. She seemed nice... What's his dad like?"

"He's cool, too. He travels a lot for work, so I don't see much of him, but he's a nice guy."

"Oh... I think Seth's family is pretty nice. I mean... normal."

Luke turned his attention from the television and focused on me.

"Normal?"

"Yeah, I mean they have their problems, but..."

"You mean Seth doesn't have two dads?" his tone was somewhat defensive.

"Do you consider Jase and Eddie, like... your parents?" I responded.

Luke smiled, and then shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess so. I mean, we're a family. I don't call either of them dad--but they're the closest thing I've got, you know?... What's with the questions?"

"Nothing," I said quickly. "I mean, well, you guys are a family..."

"You're part of the family too, don't you think?" Luke cut me off, and I had to think about that. I wasn't exactly trying to talk about me now.

"I guess... maybe a little," I admitted. Luke raised an eyebrow at that in a manner that suggested that I'd said the wrong thing. "It's just... my mom has always been my family, you know? And my grandma; and I just met you guys."

"We're not trying to replace your mom, but..."

"I know you're not," I said quickly. That's not what I meant. I guess with you guys... I mean, shit. This is coming out wrong. I know Eddie's my dad, okay? And you and Jase are great; and you've made me feel..."

"Like part of a family?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "But... I mean, did you consider Jase and Eddie family right away after your mom died?"

"Jase was family... but I think I know what you're saying," Luke replied.

I sighed.

"Good. Look... I'm not trying to talk about me. I think... well, I was wondering..."

"Rory?"

"Yeah?"

"What's with you?" he asked, laughing.

"Sorry," I replied, cracking a small smile. "I was wondering about your parents. I mean, I know you don't like to talk about it, so..."

"What did you want to know?"

"Do you miss them?"

Luke looked at me like he thought that was a funny question.

"I miss my mom a lot--when you opened your birthday present, I got totally jealous, you know."

"Luke..."

"I'm glad you shared that with me though," he insisted. "It's just, it got me thinking. You knew it was gonna happen when your mom died, right? I mean, you guys had time. She had time to put those things together for you. With my mom... I didn't even get to say goodbye."

I frowned, studying Luke for a long moment before I sat up on the sofa and found myself moving closer to him.

"Sometimes, I wish I wouldn't have known," I admitted.

"Yeah?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I mean, yeah... there was warning, and I had time to say goodbye to her, but it was always just... there. Sometimes, it was all I ever thought about and now... I think if I wouldn't have known, I could remember all of that time I spent with her and... be a little happier about it. But I guess it hurts the same, doesn't it? No matter how it happened?"

Luke nodded, seeming lost in his own thoughts before he straightened and looked at me again.

"Missing my mom isn't going to go away. I think I'll always miss her," he said.

I nodded, knowing that I understood the feeling. Missing my mom wasn't going to go away. It never would. It didn't matter whether or not I'd known what to expect. Loss was loss, and I doubted that it was any different for Luke when it came to his mom.

"What about your dad?" I asked, and once again, regretted mentioning Luke's father, because his eyes narrowed and he regarded me almost accusingly.

"Sorry; never mind, okay?"

Luke sighed, and his expression softened. "I don't like to think about my dad, Rory."

"Okay."

"He didn't want me," Luke said quietly.

"What?"

"He didn't want me," Luke repeated, a little louder, as if I hadn't heard him. He brought his knees up to his chest and met my eyes.

"My dad left, just before my mom died."

"To jail?" I asked cautiously.

"No, this was before," Luke responded, shaking his head. "My parents fought a lot. I mean... I don't remember what it was about, but I remember the yelling. My dad would get really loud, and he'd walk around the house, and things would get broken. But I remember that before he left, every time he was yelling he'd tell my mom it was her fault. Like, she was the reason why he got angry. So when he did leave--I thought it was her fault, too."

"But Luke..."

"I blamed her," Luke continued. "Me and my dad had never exactly been close, but back then I had a complex; like, I felt like I needed his approval with everything, you know? And, men weren't supposed to leave their families. That's what my mom was always telling me. I blamed it on her; I needed it to be someone's fault. But, then he came back. It was only for a week, and they were fighting all the time again. My dad was going to leave for a second time and I... I told him I wanted to go with him. I made my mom cry." Luke paused to wipe the back of his hand over his eyes, looking fairly upset with himself. "Anyway, my dad was really angry, and he wouldn't even listen to me, he just said I couldn't go. So, when he started leaving, I followed him out to the car. My mom was trying to get me to back in the house, but I wouldn't listen... I tried to get in the car. My dad told me to get out. I didn't, so, he dragged me out."

"He hurt you?" I asked incredulously.

"Nah. Just a scraped knee," Luke responded, but didn't look at all okay about it. "Bruised pride, more than anything else. I started crying right there in the street, and he told me that he didn't want some kid who cried like a girl hanging around, anyway."

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling a little sick to the stomach. I couldn't even imagine having someone like that in my life.

"That's okay. It wasn't as bad as what happened at my mom's funeral. It was the last time I saw my dad. He showed up there. Two days before, I'd found out that I was going to stay with Jase for a while, but I didn't want to. When I saw my dad, I sort of thought..."

"He was there for you?" I asked quietly, when Luke didn't continue. He nodded.

"Yeah, but he hardly even looked at me through the whole thing. I remember I tried to stand by him, but he wouldn't talk to me. And then later, when I asked him if I was going to go back home with him, he told me that he wished I'd been in that car with my mom."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Luke jumped at my little outburst; but then, to my surprise, he was actually flashing a wan smile in my direction.

"I don't think he meant it," Luke said quietly. "Later on, I found out that he'd had a problem with drugs. He spent the first year after I was born in jail for it, and he ended up back there for distributing and assaulting a police officer about a month after my mom died. I wrote him a letter about two years ago, when my aunt said she thought he was doing better, but he never wrote back."

"Did you want him to?"

"At the time, yeah," Luke admitted. "But, now it doesn't really matter, you know? He's supposed to get out next year, but I don't really want to see him. He doesn't want me anymore, anyway, and... I have another family now."

"But if he tried to see you..."

"I'd see him," Luke admitted. "But it would be on my terms. I'm, um... angry with him, for a lot of things. I've had a lot of time to talk to Jase about it, you know? And, it might not make sense, but as much as I wanted him to want me back then... I don't think it's right to say that I really miss him now."

I nodded, but I didn't believe Luke for a second. He looked too hurt to mean what he was saying. Maybe he didn't want to miss his dad, but some part of him still had to. And that annoyed me. As far as I was concerned, Luke's dad didn't deserve to be missed if he could say those things to his own son.

It was decided. I liked Angela. I really liked her when she was in a bad mood. The girl was a trip. And cuddly. It took me about a minute to stop feeling uncomfortable about it when she sat on the crescent-shaped bench with me, leaned into my side, and full on wrapped her arms around me as her head lay comfortably on my shoulder. She'd done this because her previous pillow, Seth, had gotten up to bowl with Meg. It was just the four of us tonight.

"I should just bite her or something," Angela was saying. I wasn't exactly sure what was going on with her, just that she was upset with Mary, the girl who'd been with us last week, for something regarding a dress. I think, the very one that Angela was wearing. I didn't know, or really care what it was about. But it sure was fun listening to her. "She could have bought it last weekend. I asked her if she was going to, but she said no--and she saw me get it! Like, I asked her if it was okay and she said it was. Isn't that just so... really fucked up?"

Angela looked up at me and I forced myself to nod.

"Yeah, that's... bad," I offered.

"She can be such a bitch," Angela said, sighing. "She just had to go back and get it. It doesn't even look good on her. There was another one that did, but she had to get the one I got because... she's stupid."

"She sounds stupid," I replied, and Angela looked satisfied with that.

"She is! God, do you know how embarrassed I was? We were walking around all day matching, and everyone thought we did it on purpose. That kind of thing is not cute."

"It doesn't matter, because you looked better than her, anyway," Seth insisted as he slid in on the other side of Angela and literally pried her arms off of me. "Now will you go bowl? Meg's getting tired of your whining."

"Meg is not getting tired of me," Angela responded.

"I'm getting tired of you!" Meg called.

"Oh shut up," Angela replied. "You're just cranky because Rick didn't want to come with us tonight." Angela stuck her tongue out at Seth as she got up to join Meg, who really didn't look at all happy with her; and I indifferently turned my attention away from them to focus on Seth as he slid closer to me, and I smiled when he slid his arms around me, the same way Angela's had been. Only, his were much more comfortable. I leaned into him, relaxing as his chin came to rest against the side of my face.

"Sorry about her," he said quietly. "She's having a bad day."

"Yeah. I have no idea what's going on with that."

"Angela and Mary both volunteer at the library and today they both showed up in the same clothes; Angela thinks..." Seth paused when I tilted my head back, raising my brow, and he smiled. "You don't care."

"I don't care," I admitted, smiling as I momentarily closed my eyes and enjoyed the way his fingers brushed over my forehead before moving back into my hair. He'd been oddly affectionate tonight. Ever since he'd picked me up, actually. I was used to him waiting for me to make the moves, but I had to admit that I liked this. I even found myself comfortable when he held my hand in public, or hugged me for a good three minutes in the parking lot before we entered the building as Angela and Meg went to talk to another group; and I definitely liked the way that his breath was hitting my ear now. I felt completely relaxed with him, and quite frankly, I would have been just fine with sitting just like that for the rest of the night. But I couldn't help but wonder if all of this clingy affection on his part had something to do with what had happened at the mall, when I saw Aaron talking to him. He'd already apologized for it twice since he'd picked me up, but hadn't mentioned it since I told him that we should just forget about it.