Chapter 26B

On Sunday morning, I sat stretched out on my bedroom floor, piles of pictures and my old yearbooks scattered in front of me. Most of the pictures were of my mom and me. Luke was stretched out behind me on the bed, reaching down every once in a while to lift one as he inspected them at his own leisure. I was more focused on the old yearbooks.

Thinking about old friends the night before had left me practically anxious to call one of them. I had no idea what I was going to say, really. I think part of me just wanted to tell them I was coming back. I wanted to make sure that when school started, they'd be there for me in front of the flagpole on the first day, just like every year. I figured that I'd call Jason, first. His phone number was the easiest to remember. I had Nathan's, too. I just didn't feel like walking across the room to the dresser, where it was written in my old address book.

I didn't really expect to reconnect with anyone with one phone call. But I thought that maybe if I called, just to let them know I was still around, and that I was coming back, it would open an opportunity to reconnect later. Maybe when school started, things could go back to the way that they used to be. Kinda. And, I really did need to get this call out of the way because there was only a month left of summer and when I went back home, I wanted to know what to expect.

"Here he is," I announced, and Luke looked over my shoulder as I pointed at a picture of a dark-haired guy with a buzz cut, narrow eyes and a dimpled smile in last year's yearbook.

"Jason Cross," Luke read the name under the picture. "Cute. What's he look like naked?"

I glanced over my shoulder and smirked.

"You really wanna know? He was on the swim team with me."

Luke's brow shot up, but then he laughed and cuffed me on the back of the head.

"Later. Are you gonna call him?"

"I guess so," I replied as Luke passed me the phone. But, when he didn't let go of it right away, I looked at him questioningly.

"Hey," he said, sounding serious. "I was thinking... maybe you shouldn't tell him you're going back yet. I mean, you've still got a month to decide, and it's not like things aren't different from when you first got here--don't you like it here, Rory?"

I let out a breath. I guess part of me had known that Luke would bring it up sooner or later.

"Yeah, but..."

"You're getting along with Eddie," Luke immediately pointed out, and then more quietly added, "He's your dad, Rory."

I was silent for a moment, trying to figure out how to respond to that.

"He's... a friend, Luke. I'm sorry, but... I never even knew about him. I can't just..."

"You know about him now. It'll probably take more time, but it seems stupid for you to just walk away. Rory..."

"I'm not walking away," I responded irritably. "It's not like I won't come back... I'll keep in touch, Luke. But, I've gotta go home. There are things there--you know, I have my own school, and my own life..."

"Some life," he scoffed. "Think about this, Rory. You're just now calling your friends. You never even called them to tell them you'd be back after you and Eddie made that stupid deal. What does that tell you?"

"I was going through some things. I'm better now... look, I don't wanna talk about it, okay?"

Luke frowned, and let go of the phone. I tried to ignore the way that he abruptly got off the bed and headed for the door, looking frustrated as I dialed Jason's phone number. Luke paused in the doorway and looked back at me.

"How are you gonna go back there? I mean, have you even talked to your grandma?"

"I will," I replied sternly, listening to the other line ring.

"And I guess you're gonna go right back into the closet, right? Maybe date a few girls while you're at it?"

"Maybe," I responded, more to irritate him than to tell the actual truth. I didn't like this line of questioning. "You know, I was fine before when I wasn't out, Luke, I'll..." I paused when the other line was answered, but made a face when it wasn't Jason's voice on the other end. It was a machine. Luke regarded me curiously, stepping back into my room.

"What?" he asked as I hung up the phone.

"I think I dialed the wrong number," I replied, and then tried again. A moment later, I was listening to the same message. I hung up and then stood, heading straight for my dresser.

"What's the matter?" Luke asked.

"I think Jason's number changed," I explained, opening my address book to look up Nathan's number. Jason had had the same number since I'd first learned how to dial it. I wasn't sure why it would have changed, but that was the only reason I could think of for why it had been disconnected.

Luke watched me without saying anything as I dialed Nathan's number and waited as the line rang. I didn't get a real person this time, either. But, at least it was, in fact, Nathan's phone number. His family had left one of those corny messages on the answering machine; the kind where they all said their lines as they explained how they were going on vacation and wouldn't be back for another two weeks. This, did not make me happy.

I frowned, and went to sit on the bed with the phone. I considered calling Grandma Alice. Maybe she'd have Jason's new phone number. But I was suddenly feeling very testy, and I wasn't sure now was the right time to call her, especially if I wanted our next conversation to be a rational one.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked, taking a seat next to me.

"I'm fine," I said shortly. I'm not sure why I was so annoyed that my friends weren't around now. It's not like I'd cared before I decided to call.

"Look," Luke said, sighing as he placed a hand on my very tense shoulder. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to push you... tell me what happened?"

Oh yeah. As I looked at Luke, it occurred to me why I was really annoyed. It was the subject of going home or staying there. I didn't like it. I didn't want to talk about it. I just knew that deep down, I felt that I needed to go back. Only, it had been easier to tell people so weeks ago. Now, the subject placed quite a few very uncomfortable knots in my stomach. I tried to shake it off, though. I mean, I should have been flattered that Luke wanted me to stay, right? It was a stupid thing to feel annoyed about, so I let out a breath, and explained to him how Jason's number was disconnected, and Nathan was on vacation.

"You can call him when he gets back," Luke suggested.

I just nodded. I guess that was acceptable. I could call Nathan when he got back. Two more weeks. I'd call him two weeks before I went home.

"Yeah," I nodded, and then Luke studied me for a moment. I suddenly felt like I should apologize just for being aggravated with him.

"It's not like I'll never come back, you know," I said quietly. "And it's not really easy to think about leaving anymore, but... I need to go back, Luke."

"No you don't," he responded, but there wasn't much fight in his words. "But if that's what you're going to do... Look, this is stupid, alright? I shouldn't have brought it up. It's not like you're leaving tomorrow."

"I'm not even leaving next week," I added.

"Yeah," Luke replied, nodding. "You still have time."

"Where are you going?" Eddie asked, sitting at the kitchen table as I headed for the garage. I'd asked him if I could go out for a while. I was hoping to avoid that question.

"Seth gets off at four," I replied, glancing at the clock. It was four fifteen. I'd decided to give him time to get home.

"Weren't you there last night, too?" Eddie asked casually, turning the page in his magazine.

"Yes. I was," I admitted, stopping in the doorway to turn and face him. Obviously, I wasn't just going to walk out the door.

"Oh, okay," Eddie replied simply.

I stared at him suspiciously for a moment, wondering if that was it. When it appeared he had nothing more to say, I turned to go out the door again.

"You're spending a lot of time with him lately, aren't you?" Eddie asked. I stopped again and looked back, feeling a little amused. He wasn't fooling me, flipping through that magazine and feigning boredom. He was dying to ask questions.

"I guess so," I replied.

Eddie glanced in my direction, obviously waiting for more information. I didn't give him any.

"So what are you guys going to do?"

"Probably just hang out at his house for a while," I replied. "If we go somewhere else I can call you, if you want."

"Yeah, why don't you," Eddie said, nodding. There was a pause. "Do you want a ride over there?"

I thought about it.

"Can I take the bike?"

"Sure... so you'll call if..."

"I'll call," I promised, granting him a small smile before I made my escape.

Seth was home by the time I got to his house, but he wasn't the one who answered the door. Mars Fisher was home, in the middle of shampooing the carpets. He didn't have much time to talk. He smiled at me, called me Ronnie again, and told me that Seth was in his room. As I went up, I found myself wondering if Seth even remembered that I was coming over. He'd better remember. I also wondered if it was reasonable to think that we could pick up where we'd left off the night before. I wondered if it would seem awkward if I just grabbed his hand, and I wondered if he'd actually make a move if I did my very best to leave myself completely open for it. Then, as I knocked on Seth's bedroom door, I wished that I hadn't wondered that because I was suddenly feeling nervous, and more than a little awkward. I had sweaty palms and everything. Seth's house was air conditioned. I didn't want to hold his hand in it with a sweaty palm.

I took a moment to relax as I waited for Seth to open his door; but when he didn't, I knocked again, wondering if I was interrupting another shower. It turned out that I wasn't that fortunate when Seth called out for me to open the door instead of actually answering it himself. I think he'd been expecting his dad, because he looked twice in my direction from where he was stretched out on his bed, looking like he was working on some kind of scrapbook. He was back to wearing hats again.

"Hey," I said, without actually stepping into his room. "Bad time?"

"No," he said quickly, sitting up. I took that as an okay to enter, and did so, lightly closing the door behind me before I headed towards Seth. "I didn't know if you were gonna show."

"I did," I pointed out, and he gave me a smile that more or less told me that I was being a smart-ass.

"I'm just putting this together for my sister," he explained, indicating the scrapbook, and as I moved closer, I saw pictures that had been cut up, mostly of Gail in various costumes, dancing or posing, and he was pasting them to the cover of the book. "She was supposed to bring one of these into her dance class for some project they're doing."

"So why isn't she doing this?" I asked. I wasn't necessarily interested in the topic. I was just trying to keep up conversation. I was also hoping that if I talked it would draw attention away from how nervous I was as I carefully took a seat on Seth's bed and slid back, closer to him, trying not to dip the mattress too much.

"She did do it," Seth said sheepishly. "But she left the one she made with all the old magazines and I accidentally threw it out with the trash this morning. I'm making her a new one so she'll continue to speak to me."

"Oh. Fair enough." I watched as Seth turned back over, holding himself up on an elbow as he continued to arrange the pictures. When he glanced in my direction again I stretched out next to him, feeling a little awkward. Awkward, but brave as I extended my leg just enough to let it brush against his. In turn, he leaned closer in my direction, until I could feel his shoulder against mine. He was warm. And, he smelled sort of like pastries. I wondered if they made those in his store. The scent, mixed with his deodorant, and maybe shampoo, too, had me breathing in a little deeper, finding it entirely pleasant. "Want some help?" I asked, and Seth smiled at me from under his blue cap as he passed me a glue stick.

It was quiet. I almost wanted to ask him to turn on some music as he continued to cut out images of his sister and I stuck them all over the cover of the scrap book. Some of them ended up upside down. My fault. I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing. I was paying attention to Seth, and the silence surrounding us that seemed to become more awkward by the moment. That was my fault, too. I was making it awkward, the way I was focusing way too much on how close Seth actually was to me. I think I'd leaned towards him at some point, too, because I felt like his shoulder was what happened to be holding my weight up, and if I turned my head, my nose was mere inches away from touching his cheek. I found myself studying his face, faintly shadowed by his hat. His eyes were downcast on his work and his tongue kept appearing to lick at his lips, which always seemed a bit swollen when facing him head on. Seth also had a nice nose. I don't think there's anything special about noses in particular, but I liked his. He was the kind of guy who would look good with his nostrils flaring.

Seth glanced at me from the corner of his eye and I found myself momentarily holding my breath. We were so close. All he had to do was turn his head and kiss me. For a moment, I thought he was going to, but instead he looked back at the photograph he was cutting his sister out of. I frowned to myself and went back to work, wondering what his problem was. It was the hair on his leg tickling my calf that got my attention when he moved his leg to rub it deliberately over mine; and when I glanced at him, the small smile he was trying to hide told me all I needed to know. All of this flirting foreplay wasn't just one-sided.

"I have to go somewhere," he said quietly, running his hand over the scrapbook, brushing my fingers in the process. "Do you wanna come with?"